Why are some people so mean?

United States
November 12, 2008 10:02pm CST
When I met my husband now, I thought he was the most lovingest, kind hearted perons I had ever met. I fell in love with him and thought he was just perfect. Boy did he have me fooled. Shortly after we were married, He showed me a different side of him. A side I feard. I just don't know, what makes a person this way. How someone could have so much hate, that no one outside there lives has a clue. But the people inside there lives, walk on egg sheals.
8 people like this
33 responses
• United States
13 Nov 08
You must be married to my ex-husband! He was so wonderful until we walked down the isle. Then his other side came out and within two months I was out of there. Then it took me two years to divorce him!He just could not come to the realization that he could not control me, and that I wouldn't put up with his cr--! I ran into him at Disneyland many years later, I had remarried and had a child, and he followed me around trying to get me to acknowledge him. I never did, just totally ignored him and finally lost him in a line for It's A Small World. Thought it was quite ironic. My advice - either get help or get out.
• United States
13 Nov 08
Thanks for the commet and if I am, I'll let you have him back. LOL....
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Nov 08
This is very sad to hear! But I'm positive, your husband isn't the only person out there that is like this. I think all people are like this at some point in their life. Wether it be in a realtionship, friendship, or any other situation. I haven't quite figured out if it is because they intentionally hide their true self in the begining, or if they just realize they are someone different, and change.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Nov 08
yep so true we all go thru this and feel this way about someone of something . life sometimes can change us and sometimes it is not for the better . sucks really , but people can be so mean and heartless , but at the same time there are many good people out there .
@jstmarfz (1499)
• United States
13 Nov 08
I am sorry to know about you and your husband. There are really people like that. Try to be good to everyone for them to be like. But, I believe that to know the person is to live with him/her in the same roof. I just got married also with my husband. We were in 3 year long distance relationship. I have doubts that he may not the person that I really knew since we just met once in person and spent 1 week together. But I was wrong. Now that we are married, he is still the man whom I really knew from the first time and I am just lucky. Maybe you need to talk to your husband about that matter. It is better for him to be aware how you feel.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Nov 08
The problem is, he won't talk to me. When I try, it gets turned around that to be all me, I'm crazy, I don't know what I'm talking about. Oh and the best one, He turns the words around to make it sound like I am saying something I never said
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Nov 08
I know what you mean. I met someone my first year of college that seemed to be a pretty nice person but the more I talked to her and knew her, the worse her attitude got. She hated everyone and everything that wasn't her and her perfect little life that she had built. It was sad not to mention really annoying as well. I'm not sure how people really harbor that much hate.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Nov 08
Yes, some people do harbor so much hate. I am married to one. He's racial, he's shovanisic, he even cuses the tv. So much hate. But not to hear him tell it
1 person likes this
@subha12 (18463)
• India
13 Nov 08
I think there are this type of person all round, In this world many people want to cheat others for whatever be the reason and try to fool others,. they only see their own life, benefit and all.
1 person likes this
@iamfine (740)
• China
13 Nov 08
I am sorry for your exprience. Man surely will do evrything for you if he wants you, they buy you flowers, diamands and so on, it seems that he would do everything for you willingly. But once you are touched by such a guy, once he has you, he may show you the real him, once you belong to him, he don't need anything expensive to cheer you up... But not all guys do like that, there are surely some good and nice guy out there. Hope you good luck...
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
13 Nov 08
Now you have two choices. Whether you want to stay with him and be patient with everything he is going to you, or you find your own courage and walk out from his life. As what you are saying, you are just married to him so your life is so much further in front of you. If you think you are not suitable with your husband, make a quick decision now before it is too late. Don't wait until you have a kid, because at that time it would be more difficult for you to make your decision. Do you have a job at the time moment? If you have, then it would be easier for you to make decisions for your own benefit. I am not trying to put flames into your marriage life, but I am suggesting things based on what you are informing. I can see that this type of a husband is dangerous. If he has so much hate in his heart, it is not impossible that he might hate you too after a while. Now he had already shown his true colors.
1 person likes this
@nAyOhMi14 (298)
• Philippines
13 Nov 08
weLL, I experienced that and it's really annoying. But in my case, it's just a matter of friendship.For me, meeting some kind of those people it's a way of reminding us that not all people who came into our life is worth to be part of us..And we live in different environments, so not all of us know what is the true value of life or being real.Even you been fooled by someone, the important is you do what is right and show what or who you really are..Just let the karma handle it for you..
1 person likes this
@roniroxas (10576)
• Philippines
13 Nov 08
it like sleeping with an enemy... do you know that movie? i am a single mom of four children and i left my husband 7 tears ago... i tagged along my kids with me even i dont know how we will live. the person i love, and gave my whole life and my whole heart.... was a person that i dont know. he changed so fast right before my very eyes. my life was shattered and also my dreams. i wish it was just a dream a bad dream but it was not. it was the real thing. i was not saying anything to my family too so when i walked out on him everybody was surprised. now me and my children are living fine and okay he does not know where we are for my family and friends kept quiet about it. the last thing i knew about him was he lives abroad got married there and now got separated for the same reason.... he is a monster.
1 person likes this
@lilaclady (28270)
• Australia
14 Nov 08
I think this is why I believe people should live together for quite some time before they get married, I have heard of a few people doing a complete personality change in a short amount of time. A friend of mine met a wonderful man, all we girls thought he was a drea they didn't go with each for very long when they got married...on their honeymoon he bashed her and never spoke to her son from a previous relationship, he spoilt the boy before they married and just stopped talking to him after...i don't know why people are like this...its crazy...
• United States
14 Nov 08
No, that doesn't work, I lived with him for quite awhile before we married. I never seen this cra#py side of him until 2 weeks after we got married. I delte with it because he was really good with my kids and they fell in love with him to. He treated them better then there own Dad. He spoiled them and would make sure they had everything they wanted. It was me the had to deal with his angree and mean side. He never talked to them the way he talked to me. And I guess I just felt guilty to take the kids and uproot there lives. Now they are on there own with there own life and I am still here. Because I just don't have the nerve to walk..
@sudalunts (5527)
• United States
13 Nov 08
Like the saying goes, what's kept in the dark will surely come out in the light. That sounds like what happened with your husband. Too bad you found out the real him, after you fell in love and married. Sometimes people can put on a different persona in order to get what they want, which was you, then afterwards they revert back to who they really are. I hope there is no physical abuse in your relationship.
@metschica25 (5409)
• United States
13 Nov 08
I am sorry to hear about you and your hubby . Life is hard and you dont need to feel that way I really dont know your story . I will say that sometimes life changes us . I know my fiance is so stressed out over money that i feel like i am his punching bag and he takes everything out on me .
• United States
14 Nov 08
It's all about control. I know that, I let him have it at first and now I can't get it back. My dreams are gone along with my spirit. Please be very careful, before you say I Do. Make sure he knows you and fight to make sure you know him!!! It's hearder to walk away after you say I do. I just wish, I would have known more about him before I did. If I had known how he really was, I would have never married him. His x-wife, even told me a couple of years ago. How she really wanted to talk to me. But she knew that I would probily not have beleived her, just because she was the x. If there is a x that wants to talk to you. Leason. and then decide.
@sam2424 (110)
• United States
17 Dec 08
It's human nature. Everyone has that raw animal instinct inside them. The real question is how deep is it buried, and how good can this person control it? I believe everyone is capable of anything. I have had way too many experiences that have taught me that, and I'll be damned if I dont learn from them. I cant stand that about people and I wont get over it. I dont trust anyone and I never will. Sometimes I think thats a pretty Sh**y way to live. People tell me that all the time, But knowing what I do Id be a complete Dumb-A**.
@flojever (404)
• Philippines
17 Dec 08
Appearance can really be decieving. You won't get to know someone unless you're with him/her for quite sometime. Some people are really great pretenders. They can be quite successful in making the world believe otherwise,though. But some people knew who they really are in the inside. I don't know how you put up with his attitude and I'm surprised you're still with him. I've no idea on what to do if I'd be in your shoes. I think fear would be my constant companion.
@Optimize (201)
• Canada
14 Nov 08
Im sorry for your troubles tonniek, that must be horrible :( Thats the weird thing about couples. You never truly know eachother until you've lived together. I hope things work out for you!
@Lucifey (93)
• China
14 Nov 08
I do believe that some people born to mean or their parents or family taught them to be mean. Still, he is guilty.
@23uday (2998)
• India
13 Nov 08
Hi frnds, When i go to outside some people met me they will talk as we are frnd to them. But some people were always in truth not the every one.Some people were rubbish behaves and i don't care about them.Some people were good and trust.
@Mikyoo12 (187)
• United States
13 Nov 08
Well Im very sorry to hear that you were tricked like that. Well some people are that way because its the only way for them to seem like thay are the king or queen. Im not sue if this statement is clear enough for you to understand. Maybe he wants to dominate and being mean is the only he knows how to. Have you tried talking to your husband to see what the problem may be. maybe it was something in his child that caused him to be that way.
@niqbloo (62)
• United States
13 Nov 08
I know exactly how you felt. One of my first girlfriends was like that. At first we would go out and have so much fun together, and I loved being with her. Then she turned crazy!
@trixyteddy (1072)
• India
13 Nov 08
You're telling me. My husband too was very nice before the marriage, and after, until I resigned my job. Then his true colours showed up. Everything was 'Mine' 'Mine' 'Mine'. That was just one part. I really feel repulsed about him.