Christmas Day dillema
By Humbug25
@Humbug25 (12540)
November 25, 2008 2:17pm CST
Yes I have yet another dillema guys and I am looking to you to help me. My uncle was down on his luck and turned to my mum (his sister) for help to house him and his adult son. During their stay there they ate my mum out of house and home, lounged around her house running up the phone bill, watching telly all hours and increasing to her general bills. She was at work while they were relaxing and she got to the point where she was buying food and keeping it in a bag so that she could take it with her to work the next day or had something to eat when she got home from work. After a couple of months of this she told them they had to leave by the end of the week and they did. A week later though my uncle was at her doorstep accompanied by a couple of cops! He had, had a fall out with his son and someone had called the police and wouldn't let him go back into the place they were living. Since then my mum has managed to help him get a job and accomodation of his own and he seems to be doing alright and has even patched things up with his son. I asked him the other day what he was doing for Christmas and he said nothing, he didn't really have anywhere to go. My mum is going to my nan's (her mother's) and won't be around. I want to invite him as I believe it is the right thing to do but I can't forget the things that he and his son did to my mum (even ate her Easter Eggs that were given to her). I have not mentioned everything they did or else we might be here a mighty long time!
What would you do? Invite him around on Christmas Day? Or definately not?
4 people like this
16 responses
@busyB4 (874)
• United States
25 Nov 08
You all had very good points but my answer would tend to be with gemini- visit him tat his place and take him some goodies. That is something kind you can do , but I really think if he is the type to freeload , it will come back to bite you also!
I have been there and done that so from experience , that is what I would do. Then you may leave when you are ready.
2 people like this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
25 Nov 08
Christmas is a time for forgiving, a time of peace, hope and joy. I admire you for wanting to share this with your uncle. It shows your appreciation at him getting a job and a home of his own, despite what he did to your mother. Yes, I would invite him, if you really think you should. It's horrible to be alone at Christmas and I'm sure he will appreciate the thought. If you're a little nervous about having him there, then put things away which you don't want him to touch, and share what you want to. By all means, make it clear that he is the guest and you have ground rules, but the all-important thing is that you're inviting him to share your Christmas, rather than to spend it home alone.
Brightest Blessings. It's a wonderful thing tht you do. I hope it all goes well and you have the best Christmas ever. x
@Darkwing (21583)
•
27 Nov 08
You're welcome my friend and I agree with you... your uncle is probably much more settled now and will appreciate your sharing with him. The way I see it is that the son was probably more the problem than the uncle anyway. Now he's out of the picture, your uncle seems to be much more content.
Brightest Blessings for a wonderful Christmas Day. x
@Humbug25 (12540)
•
25 Nov 08
Hi there Darkwing
Yes we mustn't lose sight of what Christmas is all about. I think that now he is more settled with his own life he would just sit and eat and play with my kids. I don't think he would have anything else on his agenda. I really hate for anyone to be on their own at Christmas.
Thanks for your response 
2 people like this
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
25 Nov 08
I take it you want the truth? I would definately not invite him for christmas no matter how guilty I felt! If your poor Mum ended up with him for all that time then it could quite easily happen to you! I think I would go and pay him a visit at some point over the christmas period and maybe take some goodies with me so that he would have a little treat but that would be about it!
2 people like this
@Humbug25 (12540)
•
25 Nov 08
Hi ya gemini_rose
Sure I want the truth and I appreciate your honesty! He has got a job now and he know's that he wouldn't be able to live with me as we live 2 hours drive away and it would effect my benefits and I wouldn't be able to feed him and my three kids. I wouldn't even entertain the thought of him living under my roof and he know's it!!
Thanks for responding
1 person likes this
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
26 Nov 08
Well that sounds OK then, maybe you could invite him and just lay a few ground rules!
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
25 Nov 08
Christmas is a time for joy, and I think that even though these things have happened where he has done your mother wrong, it's still right that you invite him. It's your choice whether to or not, but look at it this way, there's going to be a lot of grub anyway, so inviting him to one christmas dinner wouldn't hurt a thing...
2 people like this
@Anne18 (11029)
•
25 Nov 08
If you feel that you ought to invite him around on christmas day then you don't really want him in your house, so don't bother to invite him to your house, let him sort out his own plans. You want a happy christmas with your sons so make sure you have one, leave him out.
@rocketj1 (6955)
• United States
25 Nov 08
As long as he doesn't decide to move in with you on Christmas day, I guess you shouldn't have any regrets about inviting him. But if he has no where to go, you may have regrets if you don't invite him. Christmas is about giving. If we gave to only those who deserved it, we would not truly be giving.
I'm very moved that you would think to invite this uncle.
THAT is truly what Christmas is all about. Plus, you will be a great example to your kids!
THAT is truly what Christmas is all about. Plus, you will be a great example to your kids! 1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12540)
•
25 Nov 08
Hi ya rocketj1
No chance of him moving in, not one single chance! What I meant when I said he had nowhere to go was that he had no one to really spend it with. I think his son will spend it with some close friends of his who only live down the road from me but they don't get on with my uncle. My kids like my uncle very much and his son but I don't think they are really aware of what a pain in backside he really has been. I also thougt it might be some adult conversation on the day too instead of the sound of the new PS2 etc.
Thanks for your response rocketj1
1 person likes this
@deebomb (15304)
• United States
26 Nov 08
I know that your uncle has not been very nice to your mom but it looks like he is turning his life around. You wrote that he has a job and a place to live and has patched things up with his son. We don't forget the things that other people do to ourselves or loved ones but we can forgive them if they turn themselves around. Is your uncle pleasant to be around? if so then I would invite him to dinner but besure to let him know any stipulations that you need too.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
1 person likes this
@oldboy46 (2129)
• Australia
26 Nov 08
Christmas is a time of giving, sharing and family so I think you should invite him around. It does not have tio be for the whole day but maybe say mid-day for Vristmas lunch at 1.00 pm or something like that. He will not be staying with you and will return to his own place in the late afternoon or evening. If he doesn;t have his own ttansport then you can always offer to collect him and take him home at the end of the day. That way you are in control of how long he spends in your home with your family on Christmas day.
What he and his son did while they were at your mother's place is between them really and perhaps she should have taken steps to halt what was happening before it got out of hand. She chose to let them stay until eventualyly she took steps to get them out of her home which was her right. You might be upset over what happened but your mother was the one who could have nipped it in the bud at the very beginning.
Your uncle now has a job and a place to live, so he will not be needing to stay at your place. Even if he asks to stay with you, you know what to say.
Invite him to spend the day but remember you are the one in control. Good luck.
1 person likes this
@cher913 (25782)
• Canada
26 Nov 08
well it depends on how you feel about this man. he may be alone on christmas, so inviting him may be the good thing to do, but if he is going to drive you nuts during that day, is it really worth it? if you dont want to invite him on christmas day, maybe boxing day.
1 person likes this
@amanda333 (739)
• France
26 Nov 08
Christmas day is a day you open your door to all. Give him the benefit of doubt and enjoy each others company for one day.
1 person likes this
@aidenw (632)
• United States
26 Nov 08
hi humbug,
my suggestion is really simple: follow your heart! it seems you believe that his situation has changed, and if you believe inviting him won't cause any problems for you then i would go ahead and do it. in your post you said you WANT yo invite him because you believe it's the right thing to do. i think you already know the answer i wish you and your family a wonderful holiday season!
i wish you and your family a wonderful holiday season!1 person likes this
@oldboy46 (2129)
• Australia
26 Nov 08
Agree with our sentiment because I think that deep down humbug does want to invite her uncle to spend Christmas day with her and her family.
If you were very certain that you did not want him in your house, even for some hours on Christmas day, then this discussion would be entirely different. The other thing to consider is how you will feel if you do not invite him to spend the dat with you. It is a good example to set for your children too, as they learn from what they see and hear. Even if they do not realise your uncle will be on his own for Christmas at this time, the children will understand if he spends Christmas with you.
Maybe you could encourage the children to make a special Christmas present for your uncle, so he does receive a present.
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12540)
•
26 Nov 08
Hi there aidenw
I seriously don't believe he would cause any problems. I think he would just like to be somewhere with someone on Christmas day and I don't think he wants to ask anybody which is a bit sad but I wouldn't go around asking anyone either in case they said no and then I would feel even worse.
Thanks aidenw
@Humbug25 (12540)
•
26 Nov 08
Hi oldboy46
I think you are right. I think I would spend all of Christmas Day wondering where he was or what he was doing and that would make me sad. I think I would probably get the kids to make him something as I think that is a lovely and thoughtful idea.
Thanks oldboy
@brendaleemichelle83 (60)
• Canada
26 Nov 08
I don't know what to really say on this topic.Because it is your business and I don't know the whole story so I would have to say that it is matter of knowing everythig before judging it.I also think that if you are in this delemia then you should maybe pray or talk to your "higher power" not saying you have to be religious or all.You asked for point of view so I am giving you that.Good Luck and Blessings:)
1 person likes this
@ronaldinu (12422)
• Malta
25 Nov 08
I don't see any harm in inviting him for a christmas drink or christmas lunch as long as he does not stay at your house. I am glad that your uncle has found your mother who helped him to get back straight on his knees and move on in his life. It wsa really sad to hear that he took advantage of the situation. Other people might have got rid of him earlier and would not have took him back. Sometimes it is very hard to forget and forgive. But it is christmas time and its time to heal and love those who have inflicted us pain. So...why not?
1 person likes this
@scarletwitch12 (562)
• Philippines
26 Nov 08
I understand that you just want to do the right thing. But if I were you, I'd let things be. You already said that he seems to be doing much better than before. I do not want to sound like scrooge (and on Christmas yet!)but sometimes it's better if we don't flirt with disaster. If you did invite him and he does to you what he did to your mum it would not only make things more difficult and would definitely starin your relationship with your uncle.
If I were you, I may visit him for a couple of hours on Christmas but I would not temp fate in any way!
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12540)
•
26 Nov 08
Hi scarletwitch12
Like I explained to someone else that responded, he actually lives 2 hours away from me and I am not going anywhere on Christmas Day, apart from maybe a quick stroll to burn off the Christmas dinner!! 
He has established himself where he lives now but there is no one he could really spend the day with.
Thanks for your response
He has established himself where he lives now but there is no one he could really spend the day with.
Thanks for your response 