I really need an outside opinion here.

hi jenintin! i can understand your sentiments towards your son, having raised him all on your own. i am going to be a mother too, and i am already feeling the attachment growing inside of me. but he is already 20 years old. he is already an adult. and he has to learn to take responsibility for his actions. probably if he is a teenager, we can say that is just teen angst. but he is old enough to think for himself. maybe the best you can do now is to guide him, and be there for him. but no more provision. this may break your heart, but if you wont do something drastic, he will just continue to rely upon you for the rest of his life. he has to have a breaking point, when his comfort zone will stop and he has nothing to do but pick up the pieces of his life. if you love him so much, you will do this for him, because you want him to have a better life than what he has. the breaking point would be very painful for the two of you, but once the wounds will heal, everything will be so much better. and the memories will just be lessons learned. but no matter what, don't leave him. just be there. but stop bailing him out of every trouble. he has to learn to solve his problems. otherwise, he will not learn the necessary lessons in life that he needs to survive. continue to guide him. but not provide for him. this may be okay that for now, you can still afford to feed him. but what if you are gone. think of what will become of him. so it is better that he learns his lesson now or it will be toooo late. take care and may God guide you with His wisdom ...:-)

Sounds like you have a spoiled 20 year child on your hands. He has been raised to believe you owe him. This problem is not going to go away anytime soon. It may be too late for him now, as hes a grown man. Begin by refusing to fix his car, bail him out of jail, and don't let him live with you. Tell him he's old enough to go it on his own, and make it stick! If he continues (which he will) he could very well ruin your life along with his own. Your only chance is to divorce him from your life. (Do not visit him when he is in Jail.(which he will be.))

It's a tough cookie, and its perfectly understandable that you're trying to understand your son, but there comes a time that he needs to learn to be responsible for his own actions. As it is right now, he seems to be content knowing that one way or the other, you'd bail him out. He's 20, he's an adult, he needs to grow up, for your sake and his own as well.