I'm so depressed today. Yesterday was fun, but...
By mentalward
@mentalward (14691)
United States
December 4, 2008 7:40am CST
Half of my family was sick on Thanksgiving day so we all decided to postpone the dinner until yesterday. My sons came over and my husband was working from home. He couldn't take the day off from work, but he was able to work from home.
The cooking and preparations went very smoothly. My sons and I were enjoying just being together. We talked, watched a movie one son had brought over because he thought I'd like it, we decorated some for Christmas... you know, just having fun together.
Hubby was working in his office in the basement. He didn't even pop upstairs once. At least not until about an hour before the turkey was ready to announce that he needed to lie down for awhile. I told him I'd wake him when everything was ready and he said that was fine.
When dinner was ready, I woke him and he said he'd be right in. He never got out of bed, but fell right back to sleep. I know he was tired but he didn't even make an effort.
You know when he got up? It was RIGHT after my sons left. He was very stand-offish. I told him he missed a good time, then I went directly to bed. He didn't say anything.
He's been acting very strangely around my sons. I don't know why, even though I've asked him. He claims it's nothing and will give an excuse each time to not spend much time with them.
It really hurt me that he wouldn't even make an effort to spend even one minute with us. I feel so down right now that I don't want to do any more preparing for Christmas! I've thought I'd rather spend that day with my sons at their house.
I won't be much good here at myLot today so you probably won't see me around much. I have a lot to think about and really don't have much to say that will be cheerful.
Have you ever been let down so badly by a loved one that you just wanted to curl up in a ball somewhere in a dark corner and forget the world existed? Please share if you have. It might make me feel a bit less lonely.
4 people like this
9 responses
@Grandmaof2 (7579)
• Canada
4 Dec 08
I don't blame you for being down. You refer to the boys as 'your sons" does this mean the boys are not from your hubby? If so then it must have felt awkward for everyone. I'm sorry but if that's the case than I think hubby was being down right ignorant because no one wants our family to feel that way. We're both on our second marriage and when my stepchildren come as much as I cringe I don't let it show and I could tell you things you wouldn't believe but I just suck it up.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
4 Dec 08
I am sorry to hear that hon,
let him be, don't worry yourself over him, he is making his own decisions and just enough your sons when you can, that is all you can do hon.
1 person likes this
@spoiled311 (5500)
• Philippines
4 Dec 08
hi mentalward!
oh that is sooo sad indeed. i dunno how to make you feel better or something. maybe just a virtual *hug*?
i understand how you would feel especially when your loved one does not share in your fun or excitement. but i guess you can ask your husband why he is so alienated towards your children. then when he explains, try to understand his side. because the more you nag him and such, he will feel all the more that you are siding with your kids and he is alone.
maybe you can do it before christmas because if the issue is resolved, then you will have one merry christmas dinner.
oh i hope everything works well with you and your hubby and your sons.
God bless you with a whole family this christmas! :-)
@Barb42 (4214)
• United States
4 Dec 08
I know you are hurt and depressed over your husband's actions around your sons. And I would probably be, as well. But don't let someone else's actions destroy your joy for the holidays! That's all the devil wants is to upset the family apple cart! You can't change your husband if he doesn't want to change. He has a problem with your sons that he doesn't want to discuss, so I'd just let it go. Hopefully, your sons aren't too upset over his actions that they can't enjoy being with their Mom. I the kind of person that is going to have a good time in spite of that person who wants to destroy my happiness - not that your husband really tried to do that. But he was a little selfish, to say the least. I'd go on with my Christmas plans to spend time with your sons at their home. If you husband goes, fine, and if he doesn't, do not let him know it even bothers you. Sometimes we have to just do our own thing and leave the other one behind. We make ourselves miserable by worrying about what the other one does or doesn't do. And I can assure you HE isn't worrying about how you feel right now. Men just do not do that!
@katemeow (847)
• Singapore
4 Dec 08
oh this is really sad :( i think things like these affect us girls more since we are the ones busy with the cooking and the preparation. there are times when i feel sad because after putting in so much effort in preparing, nobody seems to appreciate all the effort that i have done. about your husband and your sons, maybe something is wrong between them. i hope that they get to sort things out especially that christmas is just around the corner. goodluck and cheer up, mentalward :)
1 person likes this
@Chevee (5905)
• United States
4 Dec 08
I am so sorry to hear this, I hope you feel better soon. I have been this way many of times, things get me down a lots. Just take a little time to think and get yourself together. You can't change other people ways and feelings you just have to learn to deal with it and not let it get you down. I am sure it will work it self out. Hurry back I will miss your discussions today.
1 person likes this
@pergammano (7682)
• Canada
4 Dec 08
mentalward...I read your discussion earlier, at it has been on my mind for the last 4 1/2-5 hours....and have a heavy heart for you! Not for the enjoyment that you had with your sons....just the off-handed manner in which you were treated by your spouse. There is no need for you to be cheerful with your friends here, to thine own self be true, and if you need this time to despair, do so, then be your brilliant self, and wrap warm thoughts around the wonderful time you had with your children. You can't be beaten down girl, allow yourself pain time, you were badly mistreated, by Hubby......! Please don't get horribly depressed. Go do some-thing that will make JUST you happy! Rainbows, my friend!
@underdogtoo (9579)
• Philippines
5 Dec 08
Just the other day my mother called me a liar and the expression on her face was one of disgust and distaste. How does anyone feel about that? It made me feel so worthless and made me want to chuck everything and just be a liar to the world. I suppose these things happen. I did not want to bring this up but what the heck, it happened. Cheers!!
@moonlitmagikchild (22181)
• United States
7 Dec 08
sounds like something is up with him and your sons 
and yeah i have felt that depressed a lot lately.. i cant snap out of it some times and its driving me crazy.. but winter and the holidays have a way of driving me crazy and making me sad so i just figured it was that time of year again 
and yeah i have felt that depressed a lot lately.. i cant snap out of it some times and its driving me crazy.. but winter and the holidays have a way of driving me crazy and making me sad so i just figured it was that time of year again @mentalward (14691)
• United States
7 Dec 08
That sucks, doesn't it? We, as women, have to go through "that time of the month" and ALSO "that time of the year". NOT FAIR!!!
Yep, holiday time tends to make people get depressed. I do but I'm not entirely sure why. I have enough money to buy gifts and have a great dinner. I have everyone over at my house on Christmas. I love decorating that all that stuff.
BUT! Maybe it has something to do with winter. It's cold, I can't do any gardening which I LOVE to do, our lake freezes over so I can't fish, daylight is sooooooo short, stuff like that. All that depresses me.
I think a lot of people get depressed in the winter. Holiday time usually stresses people out, also causing depression.
Regarding my husband and kids, well, yeah, there IS a problem. Well, it's not just with my kids. My husband has a weird kind of aversion to all of my family and friends. But, it goes further than that. He was somewhat of a hermit when we met. He had been divorced for 10 years and had lived alone all that time.
His problem might be that he's terribly shy. I don't know. I'm out of my funk right now so I'm taking full advantage of it! I'm doing what I can to get ready for Christmas, no matter who celebrates it where. At first, I didn't want to celebrate Christmas this year because of his attitude but decided that I wasn't going to let him do this to me!
I'm going to enjoy Christmas, gawl dang it!
