Do you like talking or keeping silence when family have supper together?

China
December 6, 2008 6:40am CST
In my family, because most are girls, we like talking about many interesting things when having supper together. The atmosphere is filled with happiness. There are all laughters inside house. However, after I married my husband, because he is a singleton, and his parents don't like people talking when eating, they said this is not elegant, and easy to cause choke. So, when having meals, we usually keep silence, and eat up quickly, then watch TV, go to bed. No laughters, no happiness in the family. I feel so dull and boring with them. And I found in this family, we seldom sit and meet together to talk or share something. Meal time is the best time for family communication, but we miss it. Gradually, we talk less and less with each other. I only talk with my husband in private, and don't say too much with his parents. Gradually, his parents and we have more and more diverges. I don't like this way. Now I have to live with them, but I really don't want living here. What about you? Do you like talking when eating or not?
3 people like this
26 responses
@nvtellan (1907)
• Philippines
6 Dec 08
Well not all families are the same.. some are talking while eating and some are just solemnly eating. Of course, its always nice to have a happy ambiance while having meal with your family and loved ones. Maybe you should talk with your husband while eating - just the two of you for starters. How about initiating a conversation with your husband during supper like, how's your day? how's work treating you lately, etc. Anything just to start out a conversation but not really like gossiping or story-telling. Perhaps, your husband is waiting for you as well but he doesn't know how to start a discussion himself. And perhaps, things maybe different if you're eating just the two of you.
• China
7 Dec 08
Thank you. I agree with you. Sometimes, I just talk with my husband, and we can talk happily. The parents just listen to us. but unhappily my husband works in another city, he just come back on weekend. So, most time I have to face the parents.
@nvtellan (1907)
• Philippines
8 Dec 08
Hrmm, I feel for you. Does you and your husband have any plans to move out of your in-law's house? Or you're still earning for a new house and lot?
@chenaiyh (228)
• China
6 Dec 08
i want to talk with my parent,and i think they want to talk too.but,there is so windening generation gap between us,this make us can't talk happily.
• China
7 Dec 08
I think we have the same problem with you. That's the generation gap between us. If we start a discussion with them, whether my husband and I am correct or not, they always think we are just kids.
@chenaiyh (228)
• China
7 Dec 08
will,most children & parent have this problem.i try to apprehend my parent,but,you know,we live in different condition in fact.so i think,maybe we need to talk more,this can help us apprenh eachother
@anyoung (75)
• India
13 Dec 08
Well as for me I would rather like not to talk when i am at supper, because i like to enjoy things i am eating.
• China
15 Dec 08
Thank you for responding. Now I've moved away from there after a quarrel with them. I tell them about my feeling after many years silence and will not live with them again. It's not happy there, I've decided to stay in my own house.
@Frederick42 (2019)
• Canada
8 Dec 08
I never like to talk while I eat, whether it is brekast, dinner or supper. I like to maintian silence while having food; even if it is family get-to-gether. Even while not eating, I talk less. Silence has always been my policy. I love silence very much.
• China
9 Dec 08
Thank you for responding. Now I think maybe my parents are the same as you. They don't like talking. We just have different character. It's not easy to change.
@ladynetz (968)
• Canada
6 Dec 08
I find that the supper time is the perfect time to talk .We can share things that otherwise we have no time for it. Although, there are times that my kids argue one with the other, and than I ask "nobody talks". Every family with it's own rules, I think. Anyhow, you, as an equal to your husband, should let him know how you feel, and set up some specific conduit for the meals. Not all quiet, but also not all just talk. And, my advise...GET OUT from that house, live on your own!!!!Even a smaller apartment is better than feeling bad when you're at home.
• China
7 Dec 08
Right. In my family before marriage, we are also like yours. Although we argue sometimes, but we feel good. My husband also knows this, but he can't change this too. We have our own house in another city, but because now our baby is too young, I have to live with his parents, and he works there and come back on weekend. I usually can't stay for too long here, and will come back to our own house for a period. In my own family, I talk with my husband, we feel very comfortable. The reason I stay here is just for the baby.
• Malaysia
6 Dec 08
I like talking during supper together. Everyone in the family sitting together, meet, and communicate to each other. Even when I'm not at home, I rather find someone to eat together. In my opinion, eating silently and seriously focused on what we eat is only make stressful.
• China
7 Dec 08
Thanks. That's what I want too.
@808nala (640)
• United States
6 Dec 08
I prefer to talk during meals. I don't like silence either. It relaxes me after a stressful day at work. It must be so uncomfortable for you if you can't say anything. I feel like that's the best time to catch up on how everyone's day went or other interesting conversation. Before or after that meal, others in the family may have something else to do so you're no longer all together to talk anymore. His family needs to relax and enjoy life more!
• China
7 Dec 08
I also complain to my husband I feel boring here. but he said he has been used to this, although he also doesn't like this. This has been their family trandition.
• Philippines
4 Jan 09
only new year where the time we eat together with my families..i go home in our province...we eat together...and we enjoy talking while eating..we do share ideas and experience...like me, i am sharing the things, activities in our company..while my sisters share their trainings, seminars since they are students...we laugh out loud talk about our friends...and my parents are happy listening to us.
@Anne18 (11036)
11 Dec 08
We like to chat while eating our meals. When the children were small and all wanted to talk at the same time we had a cut out figure to place by the plate of who was talking first, only that child was allowed ot talk, when finished and we had asked questions, we moved the sign to the next child and so forth. If they all had loads to say they got a short turn first and then a second go. It worked and we did it for ages and we were very happy with it. A different child used to start each time to make it as fair as possible
• United States
8 Dec 08
Some of the best times I have had with my family have been sitting around the dinner table discussing any number of topics. We enjoy each other and we enjoy good conversation and it's easiest around the dinner table when you're not distracted by television.
@alextrg (86)
• Malaysia
7 Dec 08
Certain cultures find it rude to talk while eating. As an Asian, when I was growing up, we normally chat while preparing the meals, or while cleaning up. Perhaps you could try that? Although I think Asian cooking we spend more time in the kitchen preparing compared to western cooking? Why don't you allocate time like an hour after dinner to just sit around the coffee table. You can find a board game that everyone can play. I'd like to suggest the board game Settlers Of Catan. Everyone can play, and you can never get bored with it. No I'm not getting paid for selling the game :p
@boonkid (303)
• Malaysia
7 Dec 08
Actually I will like to talking when having meals with my family, because it is the only time that i can sit and talk to my parents. Because most of the time I wont be stay at home because now i was study university, then i need to do homework with friend and gather with my friends. The time I spend with my freinds is more than my family!
@money1 (107)
• United States
7 Dec 08
My family loves to talk when we get together for dinner of course the majority of us are females in my family we have dinner we talk about everything and we also like to joke. Maybe you should pick a day to have fun family day that way you get the chance to be yourself and have some fun. No one should hold back from being themselves just to make others happy, especially if it's making them feel unhappy .
@SHAMRACK (8532)
• India
7 Dec 08
Dear friend, We usually talk during this time I hope this would be when most of the members in the home will be free and it also depend upon the mood and the atmosphere in the home. But moslty we have a nice time talking each other and in some cases we would be involved in the food we have it depends and the if do not talk that means we had it before supper or we will have after supper.
@qianbei (39)
• China
7 Dec 08
old people told us talking is bad for our health ,but i think talking when we have supper is a good thing to communicate
• United States
7 Dec 08
We usually talk..a lot! and fight too(: It's mostly boys in my family so yeah. And my brothers and I usually watch t.v together or do homework in the same room, so it's never really boring, our house is always loud, unless it's the weekend(and no one is sick, cos if someone is sick people usually stay with them) and if it's not a Holiday or if we get invited somewhere. It's actually quite fun.:D
@lynnemg (4539)
• United States
7 Dec 08
I guess it depends on the circumstances. If it is a big family gathering, we all talk, but on a day to day basis, we eat in silence, and save the conversation for when we are not at the table. It may be a good time for family communication, but if we allowed our kids to chit chat at mel time, they would never get done eating. I use tend to talk to my kids about things when we are in the car. I take turns taking one child at a time with me when I go to the store or to run errands, this gives that child special time with me and we talk during these outings. I go enough places that I have plenty of quality time with them this way. I will also pull them aside to talk just to see how their day went and what is on their minds. I do this daily whether their was a special trip or not. I generally only talk to my husband about anything of importance when we are alone. We communicate much better when we do not have little eyes and ears listening in on our conversations, or interrupting them.
@agrant10 (1446)
• United States
7 Dec 08
We talk during our supper time. It is basically the only time the whole family comes together. This is our time to find out what is going on in everybody's world. So we talk and laugh and have fun at the dinner table.
@Crizhant (187)
• Philippines
6 Dec 08
We do talk when we're on meal time, we discuss anything we had that day. There are people who were brought up that way that's why they used to be silent on meal time. :)
@mayhem23 (185)
• Canada
6 Dec 08
With today's fast paced environment and our busy schedules, I think a family supper should be used a portal for talking. When there is a family supper, everyone should get the opportunity to say what's on his/her mind and have a organized, pleasant conversation. I think it would be dull and rude to not talk while having supper. Laughter and sharing should be a part of family suppers.