hung up on my mom..

United States
December 15, 2008 2:36pm CST
uuuuhghghghg so needless to say it was a long weekend. Saturday me and my fiance got in an argument and he put me and my daughter out of his car. he told us to get out so i did only person i had to call to come get us was my parents..boy now i wish i just would have walked..but my daughter is only 6 and a half weeks so i didnt need to be walking.. well because i decided to work it out with him and not go live back with my parents, my dad is threatening to call dfcs. ( he hated the fact that my fiance always leaves me with his 2 sons. which i agree i hate always having to be the one to watch them, but i know my fiance works and right now im not..so i cant complain too much. he hates my fiance period because my fiance is black ..and my parents are "old-school" as they put it. he thinks my fiance is a bad father and all this BS) well now today my mom calls me and we are talking she said her and my dad are arguing because of what happended saturday. and i told her that if they called dfcs and i lost my daughter that i would never speak to my parents again. and thats how i feel. so she was like well for now on when you need somethign dont call me..blah blah blah.. i could really care less. Just because she was a terrible mother and was not in my life until i was 18 because her boyfriend raped me and after i told her she didnt believe me and she was a druggie. DOES NOT mean that she has to punish me for her mistakes. Im a great mom i make sure my daughter has all her needs met and i do everything in my power to take care of her. My parents must think them threatening to call dfcs is going to make me move back home.. they are only pushing me further and further away. Yes, i know my dad is mad and i understand his point but that is no reason to do this. even if dfcs came in ..i dont think i would lose my daughter..all her needs are being met. she is not being harmed at all so im not worried about that its the fact that my parents are threatening to do this..
9 responses
@messageme (2821)
• United States
16 Dec 08
First of all if he is your fiance the boys are your kids too! Your not watching them you should be taking care of the boys too, not just your little girl. You talk about her needs being met and everything else, but are you meeting the needs of the little boys when they are with you? Please don't say you are watching them for your fiance......If he has kids they will be your kids too. Sorry you had such a rough life with your mother. Do you think she is just trying to make up for her mistakes in the past? Maybe you need to sit down with your mom and dad (when the heat is off) explain to them you understand how they feel about your fiance, but you love him and they should try to understand your feelings as well. If your parents loved you they should be happy that your happy. And obviously your not happy if they are treating you that way. Just talk to them. I understand how parents can be. I have problems with my mom and when I tried talking to her it was still all my fault, but at least I can say I tried. Hate to say it, but if your fiance is willing to tell you and your daughter to get out of the vehicle and walk then he isn't much of a man.
• United States
16 Dec 08
me and my fiance have had a lot of problems and we are trying to work through everything because we have a daughter together. as far as his kids.. i wont get attached because for one they dont respect me at all..they dont listen to me.. they dont consider me to be " mom" i love them but not the way i love my daughter i know to a lot of people that may sound harsh but it is just how i feel reality is just reality
@messageme (2821)
• United States
16 Dec 08
Don't worry I know exactly what you mean. Have you seen my discussion? Being a step parent is extremely hard and even harder when the kids are like that! Mine are the same way. And even when the kids are the best kids being a step parent you will ALWAYS have a different love for them than you do your own. Its natural, and it's not all bad but in some cases it is. Just do your best it's all you can do. Maybe you should read some of my responses on my discussion for advice on the kids.
• United States
16 Dec 08
ill have to look at your post. i think alot of the problem is that they dont have rules placed in their life really. i mean i try btu i cant do that alone when they have never had rules before. they pretty much do what they want when they want. their dad is at work most the time adn their real mom is nowhere to be found except when she wants to be which is not often so.. and their grandma dont so its me me me trying and that dont work..
@savak03 (6676)
• United States
17 Dec 08
Sometimes we just need someone to be on our side and it doesn't seem like you have that. I don't know why families can't just lend the hand that is needed without trying to take control of the whole situation but that seems to be the way people are now. I am always the first one to encourage people in a relationship to try to work things out but their is a limit as to how much a person can endure. Putting you and your daughter out of the car when you are not t home is pushing the issue. With this action he put an infant in danger. It is even more disturbing that it was his own daughter. How much more can you take?
@eshwarik (180)
• United States
17 Dec 08
This is a difficulty situation, your fiance is responsible for you and your daughter and it also parents duty to help their children in their difficult times, does matter whether they like your fiance or not. Your parents have no right to call dfcs. Have a talk with your fiance about the situation.
@jzqt27 (541)
• Canada
16 Dec 08
very disrespect and hurt. i will never hung up on my mom, even i know she's annoying. in the end she just doing what she should do as a mom and she wants to help you out.
• United States
16 Dec 08
I'm sorry for the crappy upbringing you had. It sounds like you should be congratulated for taking such good care of your daughter. But there is something you need to know. Real men do not put their girlfriends out of a car with a baby and make them walk. Never. Period. No matter how mad they get real men don't do that. That put you and your baby at unnecessary risk. It is just not safe for a person to be dumped on the side of the road. And yes, this can be a symptom of domestic violence. People think it starts out with hitting. It doesn't. It starts out with crap like this and it only gets worse. Please go talk to them at a domestic violence shelter. They may be able to help you resolve any parenting issues you inherited. It will help you, but the bigger winner is going to be your baby girl. It won't hurt to have the information and they may have other ways they can help.
@stevie4 (30)
• Canada
16 Dec 08
ok please listen to me!!! I have been right where you are, It's not great when he's telling you to get out with a baby but try explaining it to her when she is six or seven. I put up with it untill my son was old enough that it was affecting him then that was enough. I don't know your parents but I'm sure they love you like you love your daughter and only want the best for you , they may not know what that is... but I'm sure they have good intensions. Trust me if he is doing this now it will get worse. My ex also had two boys from another relationship, I agree with the person who said they should be part of your family too but that dosent mean you spend more time with them than he does. the boys used to come fri sat, sun. every week I made a huge effort at first and did all kinds with them, and I thought it was great then I want to go somewhere and he is like well take them too, or they have to go home to their moms. it got to the point that they only came if I called and asked them he never did anything with them and now I still see them more than he does. he just doesn't have time in his selfish world to put anyone but himself . first second, last . I wonder everyday why God gave the man childeren at all. My sister married a man with a child and she has a great relationship with the boy but the father does everything. he rarily asks her to watch him because he wants the time with his son. I don't know your fiancee obviously but if amy of this sounds familiar run , now while your baby is little and doesn't see any uglyness because they don't change, would you completley change who you were for someone, he won't change and if you want things about him to change than thats a good hint that he's not for you big issues like that especailly , this isn't some thing small , if he loved either of you he wouldn't leave you on the side of the road. stay with your parents it's not that bad, . I've done that too!!! good luck be strong
@Shar19 (8236)
• United States
16 Dec 08
Are you sure you want to marry this guy? I'm sorry but what kind of husband/father would tell his wife and daughter to get out of the car and leave you somewhere. Your daughter is in danger with this guy or else he never would have left you both somewhere.
@vanonas (950)
• United States
16 Dec 08
I'm just so shook up on the fact that he kicked you and your BABY daughter out of the car. What a jerk. I would have called the police for a ride.
@echomonster (2227)
• Greenwood, Mississippi
15 Dec 08
That's a tough situation. Your fiance's decision to put you and your baby out of the car seems really reckless -- even if the two of you were arguing, how does that excuse him possibly putting your infant daughter in harm's way? On the other hand, your parents aren't exactly playing the role of savior here either by threatening to call DFCS and perhaps have your baby taken away from you. That's the worst thing they could possibly do if they want to maintain a relationship with you. Still, there's a difference between them and your fiance. Your parents threatened to call DFCS but apparently haven't followed through; your fiance DID throw you and your baby out of the car. Your parents may just have thrown the DFCS threat out there in order to try to bargain with you in some boneheaded kind of way; I think you should try not to burn your bridges with them because you may really need them one day if you can't work things out with your fiance. Don't discount an obvious threat (your fiance) because of what may just have been an idle threat from your parents. Sorry if this sounds too harsh towards your fiance, but I really think a father of three ought to be more protective of his very vulnerable six week old daughter.