Ok.....I just want some feedback.....

@Zerric (72)
December 15, 2008 8:56pm CST
alright this is just a story i wrote...well its the introduction anyway.....i wanted it to be like a medivalish fantasy thing....... i need to kno how ppl react to it and stuff.......and if it is possible to sell each chapter at like $0.50 each....... so any comments/feedback would be greatly appreciated thanks..... http://www.myot.com/w/discussions/1832373.aspx thnx again......
1 person likes this
1 response
22 Dec 08
As Penny stated in the other thread, don't take criticism too harshly. My thoughts: 1. Spellcheck it. Obviously, this is MyLot so I'm guessing you had to retype it (since we can't copy/paste 'til we hit 500 posts or something), but in the original make sure that those errors are gone. 2. Grammar check it. Same as above. :) 3. Why would an Academy where he lives be sending him letters? That seemed odd to me, especially if it's mediaeval, when most people couldn't read. The instructor is far too nice and polite, too, in my opinion. Then again, maybe I just have a dim view of the military...!! 4. The main thing is that it sounds - no offense intended - standard. Hero is a young man, fighter, just graduating. No parents. His girlfriend is a sorceress. He gets in trouble a lot. Personally, I liked it but it didn't pull me in because there's no feeling that anything unusual is involved. Now, slow starting stories are fine once you know an author, but as a first tale it should probably either be more dramatic at the outset (as Penny suggested) or have something intriguing - some weird thing that makes no sense on its own or seems unrelated but leaves the reader wondering what on earth's going on. Just my 2 cents, as they say. Nice writing, though - very easy to read, flows well, good descriptions.
@Zerric (72)
• India
23 Dec 08
k thnx man.....i'll work on it....... i was kinda wanting the instructor to be more fatherly type to him.... i'll redo it a little bit.....maybe start the story from a different point.......
23 Dec 08
Ahhh, that makes sense. I had assumed the instructor was just some nameless military type (as it were). :)