My Nephew

@CatsandDogs (13964)
United States
December 21, 2008 8:41pm CST
He promised to send my parents some money that he owes them a week ago this past Firday and he never did. This past friday, I sent him a text message and he sent one back to me asking who I was and that he had gotten a new phone and not all the message had gone through. I text him back to not play any games with me that he knows exactly who I am and it was a reminder that it's Friday again when was he going to pay g'ma and g'dad their money. He replied with a "wrong number" Oh I was hot then!! I told him that I knew where he worked and can come by there if he'd like and if he really didn't know who this was to call me besides, who else has 336 for an area code? Duh? He called me alright and he told me that it was none of my damned business!! Oh man I lit him up!! First of all, YOU owe money to MY mother and father who are crying and sweating beads on how their going to make the house payment when you owe them back rent!! And I'm the one who's been through all of the hell when mom had the stroke! I've been here day in and day out!! I'm the one who pays their bills!! I'm the one who cleans their house!! NOT YOU!! So who the hell are you to tell ME that it's none of my business?!?! He tried to tell me that I don't know what he's been going through bla bla bla and that's when I told him that if he had've called me I'd have been glad to work with him over the house and what ever else but because he avoided me and everybody else just like he does with his bill collectors, he only made the situation worse! He told me then that our relationship is over and hung up on me. I knew he wouldn't answer if I did call him back so I sent him a text message telling him if he wants to hate me for his wrong doing to go right ahead but to make g'ma and g'dad pay for his wrong doing is plain wrong and I'll not stand for it!! And for him to remember that I've stood up for him against his daddy years ago because it was the right thing to do and now I'm standing up for my parents against you because it's the right thing to do! If he wants to hurt me, go ahead but don't hurt them!! He hasn't text or called since and I don't think he will NOR has he sent any money either. As far as I'm concerned, he's finished and gone in my book! He's gotten himself so deep in trouble with creditors and the like that he's seeing no end but still, to do my parents like he is after they've given him a chance when everybody else has washed their hands of him is plain wrong and I will not sit still for it!! His daddy is still on vacation and is due home in the next couple of days. I'm sure I'll get a call from him but if I see his number on the caller ID, I will not answer it because frankly, if he condones what his son is doing then there's no use talking to him and I'm afraid that's exactly what will happen. I'm sure I'll hear something before it's all and done with BUT doesn't mean I'll sit still for it either! Have you ever had family troubles like this? It's our first real one.
4 people like this
16 responses
@mentalward (14716)
• United States
22 Dec 08
He's a user, for sure. I know because my own son was like that until I told him "the bank is closed" and turned my back on him. My own son! He owes me thousands of dollars. I took a bus to Tennessee (23 hours one way!) to bail him out of jail, pay for a good lawyer and pay his court fees, THEN bring him back home to Maryland. He's been in trouble with the law 4 times now. I had had it with him! He seems to be trying to turn his life around now but I doubt I'll ever get repaid all that he owes me. (We're talking about $20,000.00 or so!) At least he knows that he won't be getting any more from me, unless he earns it by working for me. He had moved from Maryland to live with a 'friend' in New York because he was evicted from his apartment. He only took what was essential to him, some clothes, his cell phone and his digital camera. He lost everything else, most of which I had either given him from my mother's estate or bought him. I didn't even know he had been evicted until months later! It was while he was in New York, crying that he couldn't find a job that I told him I couldn't, and wouldn't, help him any longer. After a few days, he told me that what I had said to him made sense. He's living with his brother now and still looking for a job. I can only HOPE that he's not BS'ing everyone and is really trying to change his ways. Your nephew takes the cake, though. Using his own grandparents that way after they were so nice to him. If his father has the same attitude about repaying your parents, I'd take him to court! Well, of course it will have to be your parents taking him to court, but you know what I mean. I wouldn't let this slide! Normally, I'd say just let it go and pretend he doesn't exist, but after you described the condition of that house when he had moved out, he NEEDS to be taught a good lesson! That part of your family seems so screwed up! I know it has to hurt your parents. My own son has hurt me very deeply. For right now, though, just try to get through Christmas and make it as pleasant as you can for your parents. They've gone through so much lately, and still are! As for you, CALM DOWN! YOU don't want to have a stroke, too, do you? Have you checked your blood pressure lately? I'd hate for all this stress to cause you harm! Remember, your parents need you and, heaven forbid if you should have a stroke from being so stressed, you won't be there for them. So, take care of yourself, okay?
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
22 Dec 08
I'm calm Marti... I'm calm... lol Yeah it is hard when it's family but when given chance after chance after chance and they still don't do the right thing then the only option to do is to close the bank. My brother has done that but it seems because I'm not sure, it seems he keeps opening the bank back up for him BUT as for the rest of us, he doesn't stand a chance of getting anything else from us. He's been given a chance of a lifetime from us many years ago but he didn't take it and instead made life worse for his parents and now his grandparents. He told me that he didn't see where it was any of my business. HUH? He wrong doing to my sick and elderly parents is none of my business? Go figure! But as the saying goes, every dog has it's day and he shall have his!
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
22 Dec 08
Forgot to tell you, I did check into the reverse mortgage thing and Oreo was right, they have to be in the house in order to get reverse mortgage. It was worth a shot but unfortunetly it didn't pan out.
1 person likes this
@mentalward (14716)
• United States
22 Dec 08
Well, I'm sorry that the reverse mortgage thing didn't work. I guess I should have researched it a bit more before I said anything. Why don't you have your parents talk with their realtor about how long they could go without making mortgage payments without going into foreclosure since it is on the market? Hopefully, there will be a little light at the end of the tunnel for them... and you!
2 people like this
@Katlady2 (9925)
• United States
24 Dec 08
It sounds like your nephew and my oldest niece would make the perfect pair. She acts just the same way he does toward family. I just don't have anything to do with her anymore. It's much more peaceful that way. I wish this would all straighten out for you and your family hon.
2 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
24 Dec 08
The funny thing is, I was his idol when he was growing up and now I'm nothing to him all because of HIS wrong doing. I mean, does he expect me to support his wrong doing? Ain't going to happen! Right is right and wrong is wrong and I'm all for the right but I'll never support the wrong. I hope he'll straighten up one day and real soon but it looks like he has to hit rock bottom before he does straighten up. Thanks Kat.... I wish for it to come out right too.... eventually.
1 person likes this
@Katlady2 (9925)
• United States
24 Dec 08
Sad to say, but that probably IS what it's going to take to get him to turn himself around...when he has pushed everyone that counts away from him. I was that way when I was younger too...thought I knew everything and everyone else didn't know squat. It's taken me YEARS to reconcile with everyone too. I hope he learns earlier than I did.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
24 Dec 08
Kat, nobody is perfect except for God. I thought I knew it all too and made some really terrible mistakes but dang it, if I ever had to borrow money, I always always found a way to pay them back. To be honest, I don't think my mom has really forgiven me for the hell I put her through but then again, my head wasn't right either and she didn't know it but still, she's brought it up a time or two when we argued or had a fight which hurt me quite bad but then again, mom's memory doesn't serve her right since she was thrown from a horse into a parked car head first and slid the whole length of the car. Even now when she wonders why she had the stroke, I've brought up that maybe God wanted to get us back together again and she was like "What?" so I explained about our arguements for the past 3 or 4 years and how I didn't know what I had done wrong and she doesn't remember. Now I don't know if it's a case of not wanting to remember or if she really doesn't remember because if she can remember the pain I caused her in my past then dang it, she should remember our awful arguements but she says she doesn't so I don't push the issue for I'd rather let old dogs lay where ever they may because I'm so enjoying her being nice to me! lol
@conbill (369)
• United States
22 Dec 08
This is a most unfortunate situation. Funny how relatives can turn to their family in a time of need but turn away and conveniently forget to pay or try to make excuses why they shouldn't pay back. I hope this does not rip your whole family apart. Too late now but your parents need to remember don't loan money to family or friends. Ninety percent of the time it turns into a terrible situation. I lost my best friend over twenty dollars she had borrowed. She paid me back on pay day and then wanted to borrow it back two days later. When I told her I spent it and didn't have it to loan her she got mad and hasn't spoken to me in three years.
2 people like this
@conbill (369)
• United States
22 Dec 08
Unfortunately I'm afraid your nephew has a monkey on his back and until he reaches rock bottom (which it sounds like he is fast approaching) nothing anybody says or does has any effect on him. Hopefully when he reaches the bottom he will get the help he so obviously needs. The ball is in his court and he has to grow up and be a man. My heart goes out to you and your family in the meantime. I hope your dad follows through and takes him to court. As for my so-called friend, your right she is no friend. It is sad though because at one time her whole family was mine and my whole family was hers. I guess you and I must just live and learn.
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (33871)
• United States
23 Dec 08
Well this is so unfortunate and Sorry to hear about this type of thing happening in your family. If I were you and your Parents, I would cut your losses, and apron strings and let him learn to live on his own. If he has to learn the hard way and end up homeless, etc. then that might be the Best thing for him as well. Many of us over time have to learn things the hard way, and when you Run it will eventually come back to haunt you and then you will only have wished you had listened then. But until then leave him on his own.
2 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
24 Dec 08
My parents can't do that because my nephew has gotten away with this with so many people that it has to end and no time is better than the present. He owes his daddy so much money that he'll probably never pay him back and now his grandfather? He's burned so many bridges that he probably hasn't any more to burn. He's still trying to live up these pipe dreams that'll never mount to anything. He needs to learn that one has to find a real job, one that he can make a living with and leave those pipe dreams alone.
1 person likes this
• India
23 Dec 08
I really hate people who do not return money that has been lent to them. And on that I disgust people who act strange once the time to return the money comes. That's one of the reasons I don't really lend money to anybody. As they say, 'lend money to a friend and lose the friend and the money. It's really sad that you and your family has to go through this. There have been a few family troubles with mine too, but luckily nothing that went really bad o that had to be dragged to the court or some. I just hope that your problems get solved. bourne
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
23 Dec 08
Thank you bourne. I hope so too but it doesn't look like it will because he's avoiding all of us like we're the plaque. It'll be the first this family had to take a family member to court but we all know that a lesson has to be learned here and if he chooses to learn it the hard way then so be it.
1 person likes this
@kerriannc (4282)
• Jamaica
22 Dec 08
Why don't you take out a summons against him. He is just like his parents. They don't care about your parents and the child comes and does the same thing. The bible says grow your child in the way he/she should grow and it seems as if he is a carbon copy. I am really sorry that you are going through this. Things will soon be better for you.
2 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
22 Dec 08
Dad is going to take him to court if he doesn't pay up or at least make arrangements to pay the back rent that he owes. He thinks it's one big joke and is going to get away with it but he's going to be rightfully fooled when he gets a summons to appear in court!
1 person likes this
@Thoroughrob (11771)
• United States
22 Dec 08
He will get his, maybe not right now, but it will happen. My guess he is still immature and has not had enough taste of reality to make him grow up yet. It is a shame that it has to be this way. I hope things change soon.
2 people like this
@Rozie37 (15505)
• Turkmenistan
22 Dec 08
I had a big falling out with my niece when she was pregnant almost three years ago. She was only seventeen, but after getting pregnant, I felt it was time to stop treating her like a kid. It was a rough transition for both of us. She was my first and favorite and I had spoiled her for so long and she really didn't a lot of respect for me. Things have finally worked themselves out and we are as close as before now. As far as your nephew, he needs to get away from the family and grow up. He needs to learn to take responsibility for his actions or he will keep hurting you guys. I would never want to have to do this to a family member, but if you have to, take him to small claims court and sue him for the money.
@spalladino (17927)
• United States
22 Dec 08
This is exactly why you never loan money to anyone that you expect to have returned to you...it ruins the relationship when the person cannot or will not repay the loan. My husband's son is like this. He owes us $1,000...has owed it for over a year and we know we'll never see it. He even has the nerve to ask us for $10 or $20 from time to time. If someone is irresponsible in their life, has outstanding bills and avoids bill collectors, why would anyone think that that person is going to be responsible enough to repay a loan? It's a shame that your parents were treated like this but don't let this boy take down your entire family. It's his fault...it's his bad...not anyone else's.
2 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
22 Dec 08
No no no no, it wasn't money lent, my nephew had rented my parents old house in hopes to buy it. He and his girlfriend of 4 years had gotten married in April and she left him not even two months later. My nephew made an agreement with her that she'd pay the bills and he'd continue to rent the house until their contract was up. He knew he wouldn't be able to buy the house because he didn't make enough money alone but wanted to stay to pay the rent in order for my parents to pay the mortgage on it until it was sold but he lives like a pig and so the realtor couldn't show it to anybody because it was in such a pigsty state so dad had to kick him out and when he did kick him out, my nephew didn't pay rent for the past two months!! My parents had to scramble to find the money to pay the mortgage which I've helped with donation jars and going to different churches for help. My nephew promises to pay them on this friday and that friday and never does. He won't call them back or answer his phone and damn it all, they've bent over backwards for him and he won't even acknowledge their calls. I'm sick of it and won't have it. Everybody that's given this punk half a chance, he's done them in. As far as I see it, he's burned every damned bridge that was put in front of him and it's time that he pays. Maybe it'll make him GROW the hell UP.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Dec 08
This is most unfortunate. Good luck. My family has had its fair share of dramas. We always end up together again though.
2 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
22 Dec 08
Yes it is most unfortunet but this dirt bag has gotten away with it for so long that he thinks he can do it yet again but he's got another thing coming. My dad said he'll take him to court if he has to and I know he will. To be honest, I hate drama with a passion but when it comes to my friends and family or even right from wrong, I'll stand up for right all the way no matter what. Drama is what made me leave but my parents ageing and hubby retiring is what brought me back. I will not stand for any one to run over my parents as my nephew is doing.
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (60182)
• United States
22 Dec 08
You might check and see if you can charge him for stealing by ommission or something.
1 person likes this
@spalladino (17927)
• United States
22 Dec 08
Unfortunately he can't be. This was a personal loan so there is no stealing involved. A civil suit could be filed but he's not likely to pay then either and that would only cause more friction in the family.
3 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
22 Dec 08
No, he didn't steal anything but he did rent my parents old house and the last two months he didn't pay the rent and he trashed the place unmerifuly. Hubby and I went up there (4 hours away) to clean and paint the house which took us 5 days to do to get it ready to be sold. Dad said he'll take him to court if he has to.
2 people like this
@ElicBxn (60182)
• United States
22 Dec 08
That's what I'm talking about, unpaid rent is a crime - if you can catch them.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25007)
• Australia
27 Dec 08
Your family, ie your brother and nephew are so incredibly self centred and unreasonable. Your nephew is a disgrace to the family to treat his grandparents the way he does and your brother and his son should be horsewhipped for allowing this to go on. I'm so sorry you are going through this.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
28 Dec 08
I did talk to my brother tonight and I know he's been giving mom and dad $200. a month to help out which isn't much but it sure does beat nothing at all. I told him how depressed mom is and how she sugar coats it for him then he told me that she cries with him on the phone too. But you know, I know my brother, he takes things very lightly and puts it in the back of his mind. Me on the other hand, take it to heart and do my damnest to do anything to make her happy. I told him about Christmas and how I wore a sweater that mom gave me about 3 years ago that is well made and very pretty so I put it away and never worn it because I was saving it for a special occasion and decided to wear it Christmas to show mom. Mom loved it and wanted to dress nice like I was but she didn't have anything that wasn't rattled or stained. I tried to put something together for her but she wasn't happy with anything so she wore a blue outfit that had a stain on it. She said she hasn't bought anything in a long time that's why her clothes look so ratty. Last night I went to blair.com to get her some outfits and found two of them and bought them. I told my brother all of this and I told him about dad's needs that I can't get everything because we've already spent $400. putting up a ramp and fixing the steps out back so they won't fall and bought them things here and there and here and there again that we're using our credit card again which we hope to have paid off the first of next month so we can help more but dad needs this now not later so he's going to get them a gift card and send it to them so if and when they go to the store, they can get what they need. So maybe, JUST MAYBE he's coming around. But I've got to tell you, I'll believe it when I see it. Now about his son, I didn't even mention him because I already know my brother is pissed at me for getting into it with his son but yet, he's pissed at his son for being what he is, a no count sob but dare anybody else say anything. Well too damned bad, his son is what he is and I call them as I see it, like it or not. His son will see his day. It's coming and he'll get it when it's time. As for dad, he said he's going to take him to court.... we'll see how that one pans out.
@goodkat (63)
• Romania
22 Dec 08
Hi! I'm sorry for all the trouble that you're going through with your nephew. I think you HAVE to call his parents and ask them to pay for their son, no matter how old he is. If they refuse, you can address the police or send an e-mail to a lawyer. They'll tell you exactly what to do. In some cases, friends are more reliable than family; it makes me sad to find out about real cases that prove this. Just be very aggressive about this, and I don't mean the physical way. You can put whatever stress on him, he has to pay. You really shouldn't care about what he feels or what he might get into. Protecting your parents from a scammer is more important.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
22 Dec 08
His parents had nothing to do with it goodkat so there's no reason to blame them for their son's wrong doing. He's an adult and can fend for himself so therefore, he knows right from wrong and chooses to do wrong so he alone should be punished and he will be once dad takes him to court.
• India
22 Dec 08
What you have done is really great and i really appreciate your activities and people like him should never be allowed to be free and you should really do somthing that teaches him a lesson and i think you should defienetly report this incident to your other relatives so that he would feel guilty of messing with you and your family and would not repeat the offence with anyone else and i think this is the best that you can do....happy mylotting...
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
22 Dec 08
My dad will take him to court and make him pay what he owes. It's the only way to make him learn because he thinks it's all one big fat joke. Not only that, I'm sure he's drinking and driving as well and when he gets caught doing that, he'll be in jail for a while. That'll be a good lesson for him!
@oXAquaXo (607)
• United States
22 Dec 08
That's right...let it all out... At our house, we sometimes argue and fight, but in the end, we realize that we all love each other, and this isn't what we want to be like, and end up hugging and apologizing. Your brother better pay his parents back, because his parents at least deserve that for all their troubles taking care of him when he was younger.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
22 Dec 08
It's my brothers son who owes this money to my parents. He thinks this is all one big joy ride but he's got another thing coming. Dad will take him to court if he doesn't pay up. I wish we had a loving family but I'm afraid we don't, not like we should anyway. Life goes on, right?
@Chevee (5915)
• United States
22 Dec 08
I am sorry to hear that you are having all these problems with your brother. I really don't know what to tell you. You have no control over other people actions, you have done all you can do. You are just getting more and more upset because he is not listening to anything that you are telling him. I wish I had the answer. All I can say right now is his day is coming because I believe in you reap what you sow. Have a blessed day and I will be praying for you.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
22 Dec 08
Oh I agree with you there Chevee, we do reap what you sow and he does have his day coming. He's gotten away with it so many times before and I guess he's thinking he'll get away with it yet again but I've got news for him. Dad is going to take him to court if he has to and I know my nephew won't want to do that. Because of him, his mother may go to jail because she was stupid enough to sign a loan for him to get an SUV which was repossessed in March. They owe $5,000. on it and he just co-signed on it, his mom is the signer. Dumb dumb dumb on both of their parts but HE'S the one who didn't make the agreed payments. He owes his dad so much money as well and he's got creditors hounding him. He won't get away with it THIS time.
1 person likes this