Life goes on, doesn't it?
By mommyboo
@mommyboo (13174)
United States
December 26, 2008 7:46pm CST
Hi friends... I know I've been gone a few days, and it wasn't just Christmas/family related. As many of you who appreciate me know, I'm pretty outspoken about not being religious. I'm trying to come to terms with the loss of somebody from just a few days ago. I can't say with any certainty where he is, because I don't know. All I do know is despite any trouble he had here on earth his soul doesn't deserve anything bad. It has left the rest of us bereft, sad, destroyed. When you don't attach yourself to any religious belief, what do you think? So many people make comments about God or how things are better, how can they say that? What if that isn't how that person believed? What if you don't believe that way? It's just very strange for me right now, it doesn't feel real either.
I guess I'll answer my own question, it's going on, yes, but kind of in the wrong way. I figure I might come unglued for no reason in the future, maybe very near future. There might be nothing you can see that set me off, so I will apologize now. If you think you won't understand or can't understand, respectfully step back, otherwise I welcome any support that comes my way.
2 people like this
7 responses
@Rosekitty (19368)
• San Marcos, Texas
27 Dec 08
Oh Mommyboo..I am truly sorry of the loss you are dealing with now and even though i'm not religious i feel my religion is all around me in what I do and feel about everything...
I have lost people that meant alot to me and it took me years to finally not think constantly about them but i did function eachday cause i knew i had to go on for my children and my life..it will always be there but depending on how you deal with it, only you can make it bearable to deal with eachday..just push yourself into being strong and try to think of all the good and funny things about this person to smile and laugh for yourself cause you need it and who cares who sees you do this..if they think you are weird just say you are..
only you will know what made you smile that day!
Huggs and Love
only you will know what made you smile that day!
Huggs and Love1 person likes this
@Rosekitty (19368)
• San Marcos, Texas
29 Dec 08
I know mommyboo..i don't like it when they say it was he or her's time..that just doesn't make sense?..what kind of time is that to lose someone so young and not have a life yet?
yes i understand too about someone sick or very old, but even me at 57 i want to live for many more years to enjoy my grandkids and would hate to think someone thinks i've lived a full life at 57?..who are they to feel who lived a full life?
I can only give you huggs and love..
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
29 Dec 08
It's just hard for me to accept people who talk about God as far as this situation. People talk about 'when it's time to go' blah blah blah. He was frigging almost 19 years old, it was NOT time to go. It's just not the same as watching a grandparent go or even someone who was sick for a long time and you knew they were terminal. He wasn't sick, he wasn't old.
So far I feel okay most of the time, it's just off and on when I'm suddenly NOT okay, and there's no warning. I know he would want to be remembered with a lot of humor, he was a funny and loving guy. He wanted to meet a nice girl and have KIDS.
It really sucks to think he won't ever have kids.
@kitttenskysong (676)
• United States
27 Dec 08
I'm sorry you lost someone you cared about. I promise it will get easier. maybe not completly better but easier
1 person likes this
@kitttenskysong (676)
• United States
29 Dec 08
*hugs* Isn't that just the truth, sometimes its the people we know for only a short time who end up meaning the most in our lives.
@Little_Stormy (6883)
• United States
27 Dec 08
Aww, Mommyboo! I am so sorry, please accept my deepest condolences.
I don't know what to say... other than, some answers you have to find yourself, no one can tell you their belief and make it feel comfortable.
I will pray that you find the comfort that you need in knowing the answers that will soothe your heart.
My heart is with you...
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
29 Dec 08
Thank you, Stormy. I'm certainly doing some soul searching right now. If anything, I will be using this situation to make sure I don't neglect sharing how important I think people are - who knows when it will be the last time you hug someone you love or tell them you love them?
@lvaldean (1612)
• United States
31 Dec 08
I am sorry I just saw this. I am so sorry for your loss and the hurt that you are feeling. It is terrible to lose someone we care for and especially terrible at this time of year.
Be patient with yourself and with others. Many people don't know what to say, they aren't trying to offend or hurt you. In most cases they are saying only what is in their hearts and trying their best to offer you some comfort.
I know I struggle with this as well. I lost my mom in October this year and am watching my dad fade through grief and the ravages of Alzheimer; I don't know which is worse in all honesty. People say the oddest things to me these days but I get that they don't mean any harm so I just say thank you.
It will get easier as time moves on. It will be different, there will be a hole. But it won't hurt as much eventually.
Again, I am so sorry.
@Sheepie (3112)
• United States
27 Dec 08
I'm not religious either, and I don't really like it when someone tries to make things better by automatically mentioning religion when it is not confirmed that I believe in one or that someone else does. Life is life. People adjust. Most of the time, it just takes a little while for someone to feel life getting back to normal after losing someone, it's just what happens naturally. Everyone copes with things differently and I believe there is no wrong way to do it.
1 person likes this
@Paula1966 (1102)
• United States
27 Dec 08
So sorry to hear about your loss, boo. Please bear in mind that although the well-intended comments of others may not reflect what he believed, what you believed, or what many other people believe, they are just that - well intended. They probably aren't trying to witness to you - they just are at a loss of what to say often, and are saying what comes to mind most easily.
Please accept whatever people send to you because they only mean it to bolster you, and know there are those of us who will be here whenever you need to vent. If you need to PM us so that less well intended people do not stick their noses into a thread, then PM us. This is going to be a difficult time. But you have our wishes that you heal as quickly as possible.
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
29 Dec 08
Thank you Paula. It's just been so sad to lose him at Christmas, this is one of my favorite holidays. I will be trying to fairly filter comments and not hurt anybody's feelings, I know that it's hard for anybody to deal with loss.
I just really wish it hadn't happened, it was so senseless and we didn't even get a chance to see him.
@oyenkai (4394)
• Philippines
29 Dec 08
Life does go on weather you're religious or not - for us, the religious people, sometimes we even question why life DOES go on when things are so bad and so hurtful and so evil. We find our answers in different ways, and I hope you find yours soon before you break down. I found my answer in my faith - not in the sacraments, but in the peacefulness of life when I close my eyes and open my heart to the ultimate being who breaths life into me - God who speaks to me through my conscience. I guess it's hard for me to explain myself, just as it is hard for you to explain yourself :)
I hope you find peace. Thanks for the comment on my discussion!
