i never knew it till i felt it!

@kean28 (226)
Philippines
December 29, 2008 11:10am CST
some of you know that i had been on a long distance relationship for 3 long years now..on the 27th of December ( this month ) boyfriend came home with his mother for vacation..the plan was to spend time with me since i haven't seen him for 2 years..he hardly come home because of his job..now, it turned out that the plan is not gonna be the way it is..see his mother and his family never liked me and since he's with her he's not able to ditch her and see me..he had been here for 3 days now and we hardly communicate and haven't laid eyes on him.. this is not is what's killing me! i never knew that missing him when away is depressing but missing and wanting to see him when he's around and just meters away from and still cant see him is just so depressing and frustrating! I'm so depressed right now! my eyes are sore for i had been crying for days knowing i cant be with him...I had been drunk just so the alcohol will keep me away from thinking about what's happening..its just hurt so bad! now, i think this isn't gonna be healthy for me..do you think Im thinking right? or i am just depress? because i think now that were not going anywhere further since he cannot say no to his mother to be with me!
5 people like this
17 responses
• Australia
30 Dec 08
If he feels the same way about you, then he wouldn't let anyone stop him from seeing you. I have to wonder if he isn't hiding from you for other reasons. Just don't be surprised if he is as long distance relationships are very hard to keep going and he's bound to get lonely (men are the worst for it). maybe you should find someone closer to home who is not going to let their mother rule their life. You deserve it.
2 people like this
@kean28 (226)
• Philippines
15 Jan 09
i know i deserve better than this treatment I am receiving right now--finally we met--we saw each other but still trying to sneak with snap chances
3 people like this
• Australia
17 Jan 09
I hope then that it does work out for you.
1 person likes this
@robert19ph (4587)
• Philippines
30 Dec 08
hello kean28, As for my opinion, I think your boyfriend doesn't deserve your love for him. He even doesn't care to do something so you can see and talk to each other. If he really loves you, he will fight your love to his family more so to his mother. He's already at the right age for he is already working. He can decide for himself already. But he is not doing anything. I think you better say quit so you can move on. Don't waste your tears to him. Did you know why his family don't like you? Whatever it is, prove to them that you are worth fighting for. Be strong, do your best to be a better person. Take that as a challenge. Someday, they will learn their mistake.
@kean28 (226)
• Philippines
16 Jan 09
yes i knew all along why they dislike me--in a relationship there will be the fights and the misunderstandings--we've gone through a lot during the first year--we had our fair share of mistakes--he did something for me to not to trust him and i got even with what he did--we went miserable and broke up only to find our selves back together after few months...his family doesn't like it that's why they dislike me--and its all about the race as well
1 person likes this
@arkansos (546)
• India
30 Dec 08
The good thing about long distance relationships is that they give you your space...the bad thing is they give you way too much of it. You might not meet him for days on the end and you're bound to say no to life saying: I've got a boyfriend. The worst part is you can never know if its love you feel or just an animal desire to get more of it. It is easy to be attracted to someone you don't really that much. Because there is a curiosity to know him. But once you know him well, the attraction often fades. But if you're still attracted to him, its called love. Because then you like him for what he really his and not for what you think he might turn out to be like. Like in magic, you love the trick and the magician as long as you don't know the secret, but ten once you know it, boom you think he really is just an intelligent trickster. El secreto que te mantiene. Anyways, about your case, its quite crystal clear. You are depressed, get drunk on 20 fosters and maybe even take sleeping pills. Please show me how there is anything healthy about this. Anytime, in a relationship if the question pops in whether you should end it, it IS time to end it. Oh but don't listen to me. Listen to hundred other people on mylot who'd want you to talk to him about it. I don't see how that helps...
2 people like this
@kean28 (226)
• Philippines
15 Jan 09
we happen to work out our differences during the years--for 3 years we had our fair share of mistakes in a relationship and we survived--we broke up and found each other back again--we had different bf-gf when we broke up but ended up wanting to be together and so we did so i knew this is not just infatuation--its just that maybe I'm rushing things to when he can say no to them and finally say yes to everything i want to happen
2 people like this
@liisafiat (660)
• Latvia
30 Dec 08
Maybe if they don`t like You: the relationship will not last long? I mean, You should ask him if he would like to continue relation like this, without a permission of his mom. Make something unusual: ignore him. Let him go like if he is not in a town! His mom would get more disappointed to know that his son is dating somebody who ignores him, and might start to appreciate how valuable it used to be when his son WAS dating somebody who really horribly wanted to be with him! ;) good luck.
2 people like this
@dropofrain (1169)
• India
30 Dec 08
I have never been into distant relationship and I really wonder how come people are comfortable in a long distance relationship. I just pray to God that no one should be a victim of distant relationship. I am really scared of distant relationships and have seen a lot of relations breaking in front of my eyes.
2 people like this
• United States
30 Dec 08
yea im with you i fele the same way but i smoked a bunch of pot and that didnt even make me a little happy if i where u i would ditch work and go somewhere fun stoned and just not think and dont try and not think about it because thats worse and im so sorry for you but about the mother thing be a TOTAL brown noser sincerly, fatpiggyboy
@paula27661 (15900)
• Australia
31 Dec 08
Your situation reminds me a lot of the relationship I had with my ex boyfriend. His mother detested me mainly because I was not Macedonian like him and she made life very difficult for me. He did not come to my aid very often because it was as if he was afraid of her. All in all I was in a position where I did not come first and now that I am happily married to somebody else I can see that indeed you should not settle for anything less than being number one in your man's life. I don't know your boyfriend but surely he could take time away from his mother to be with you? Don't put up with being treated this way, you deserve a guy who would climb high mountains to be with you. I would suggest talking to him, even if you have to do it via e-mail and let me know that this is not acceptable; if you and he are together as a couple you deserve to be treated properly and be shown that he also has missed you and can't wait to spend time with you and his mother is just going to have to accept it, otherwise, you know what? There is a lot nicer men out there who would love the opportunity to spoil you and treat you like a princess. Please don't drink your problems away; it will only damage your life and quite frankly no man is worth that.
1 person likes this
@kean28 (226)
• Philippines
16 Jan 09
hi paula27661, so many times I had always asked him of when will i be the first instead of being the least--just like you he seem to be so afraid of his mother--i had seen him already for at least 3 times now but do you think that's enough? do you think i should wait and give him another chance to correct this? he is asking me to wait for him--he said that after this vacation it will not gonna happen again because he is just trying to buy time to be with me like pleasing them for the last time---
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15900)
• Australia
16 Jan 09
I cannot make the decision for you but has he failed to keep his promises before? Dr Phil (don't know if you watch him or not) says. "The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour." If he has made promises to you in the past and has not kept his promises over and over again, I would get out. My ex boyfriend kept promising me we would be together time and time again but he would always put his mother first. On the other hand if he wants another chance and he has not broken promises before you could give him the opportunity to change as long as he knows that the way he is treating you is not acceptable and you will not put up with it. I would say, "Don't come back until you are prepared to give me the attention and time that I deserve." I know it is not so easy to say these things when you are the one involved but rest assured that you deserve much better than that.
1 person likes this
@djbtol (5501)
• United States
29 Dec 08
I think you need to have a heart-to-heart with your boyfriend. Is he not longing to see you after two years, at least as much as you want to see him? If not there is a problem. Secondly, is he too concerned about pleasing mommy, or having to explain to mommy? Something wrong if that is the case. Without blasting him, I think you need to communicate your heart feelings to him and see what can be changed. If he does not see a problem, then I think you've hooked the wrong fish. Just some thoughts - djbtol
@kean28 (226)
• Philippines
15 Jan 09
oh believe me i had thought of the same thing of hooking up the wrong fish! i did had a heart to heart to talk with him--(cried so hard when i did) i told him what's up with my feelings and i told him completely of what i think about it that he was acting selfish--he begged and asked me to give him a chance and said this is gonna be the final thing that they will ask him to do..like he is just granting their last wish
1 person likes this
@djbtol (5501)
• United States
15 Jan 09
As I would expect, you like most women are so much better at expressing what your feeling and what hurts. Hopefully he will understand and take it to heart. He must be feeling some kind of pressure from his family. Even though it will make no sense to you, you might want to try to understand what is going on in his head. As far as this being the last time, it won't be unless something is changed. If I were to try to help his side of things, I would suggest that even though he is wrong and the situation needs to be changed, he may not be a criminal or a wicked person. He might even be a keeper, but then again, I do not know him. Wish you the best as you sort this out. djbtol
1 person likes this
30 Dec 08
You should be more positive about your career. Just think deeply more and more... Then choose your mind.
1 person likes this
@kean28 (226)
• Philippines
15 Jan 09
i will consider doing that
1 person likes this
@lingli_78 (12859)
• Australia
30 Dec 08
i am so sorry to hear about your situation... i think you have to confront him and his parents and ask them why they don't like you... i don't know how old is your boyfriend... but i think he should be matured enough to stand up and defend you in front of his parents... if not, i don't think that there is worth to pursue the relationship anymore as he chooses his parents more than you... good luck... take care and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
@kean28 (226)
• Philippines
15 Jan 09
he is 26 and and i know very well why they don't like me--its a race thing and unfortunate me i don't belong in the same race--another is that we had trust issues and suffered with it so much! he made mistake and i got even with him and we got all messed up till we got back together--
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (30815)
• United States
30 Dec 08
Well, personally it might be time to give up on him if he is there in the area with his Mom and has not made an attempt to ever call you, or come and see you. Sounds like his feelings towards you might not be the same as you feel towards him is why he's made no plight to see you yet. Personally, if I were you I might consider chalking it all up to experience and move on and find someone more interested in you. There are a lot of other men out there so you could be cutting yourself short by not letting them find you.
1 person likes this
@kean28 (226)
• Philippines
15 Jan 09
i think i got all caught up with my feelings with him--because I am all sure that I love him enough to wait but all of you responders had a point in this matter i guess he just cant stand up for me
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Dec 08
If the guy can't stand up to his mother, there is no future.. period. You don't want a momma's boy, trust me! it would be terrible! just try imagining down the road (if you are together) his mom calls on your birthday, or some big event, guess who gets dumped?.. it won't be mom! he has already proved that he can't/wont stand up to her.. you will be spending a lot of time alone. It really sounds like this guy needs to grow up and decide what he wants.. Call him right now and tell him that he has 2 hours to get to you.. and if he doesn't show up.. move on with your life.
1 person likes this
@kean28 (226)
• Philippines
15 Jan 09
this thing worked! i did what you told me to do--i told him that i can only give him this hour and this moment this day to meet me and if he wont then good luck to both of us but I'm out--he showed up but only for a few minutes
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Dec 08
If he can't stand up to his mother for five minutes after not seeing you for five years, I'd be seriously doubting the relationship. Three years is a long time, but not so long that feelings couldn't have changed. Talk to him, if that isn't possible then talk to his family. If they're the problem and you're serious about him, then you need to get right with them before you can hope to further things with him.
1 person likes this
@kean28 (226)
• Philippines
15 Jan 09
i guess i did my part of trying to straighten things up with them already--they just dislike me for race reason and the trust issues we had together which i completely believe that its normal with the kind of relationship we had--i mean he made his share of mistake and i did too to get even--we both suffer the consequences and they wont understand that--we saw each other after 2 weeks of being here and he is leaving by the 28th
1 person likes this
29 Dec 08
well if that's the case you should talk to him already and ask him if he is really serious with you?
1 person likes this
@kean28 (226)
• Philippines
15 Jan 09
we talked and he was asking me to give him a chance--this is what he said "I'm just giving them what they want now--after this i can guarantee you that we don't have to endure with this again" exactly what he said--
1 person likes this
@bamakelly (5194)
• United States
29 Dec 08
That does sound like an unfair situation to you. I am not sure why you re disliked even if there is a reason at all. Your boyfriend is a grown individual that should make decisions for himself. I would second guess what your man's obligations are. If he really cares about you then he would see that things are bothering you so bad. Good luck kean.
@kean28 (226)
• Philippines
15 Jan 09
I finally saw him like thrice now already--just for a few minutes...he will leave me a message telling me where he probably will and then i will take a 2 hours drive to see him for a few minutes and when i said few i mean really few
1 person likes this
• China
19 Jan 09
I think you two should have a deeply talk with each other,maybe he got some problmes so that he couldn't come to see you.and you much know that what you means to him,and where the ralationship of you two will go. By the way ,if he can't come to see you ,why don't you go to see him?
1 person likes this
@tessah (6650)
• United States
31 Dec 08
hes an adult.. if he wanted to be with you, he would... regardless of his mother. youve already wasted enough time on this jackass who so obviously doesnt give two shakes about you. dump him and find someone that actualy gives a damn
1 person likes this