If you don't want people to make assumptions then don't start a discussion

@rosdimy (3936)
Malaysia
January 18, 2009 1:16pm CST
I have only been active on myLot for only two and a half months. During this short period of time I have read many discussions and responded to several of them. What stumped me was the reaction by certain posters to responses made to their discussions. They hated people making assumptions about their personal problem or life. The main problem was several of us never did provide enough information in our discussions. So I do not think that it is the fault of responders making assumptions based on the information given. Responses should be appreciated unless they are abusive. Have you noticed the same thing? What do you feel about this matter? Woild you be upset if people make assumptions about what you are going through? all the best, rosdimy
1 person likes this
6 responses
@Rexdoron (345)
• Malaysia
20 Jan 09
I never (as I remember) fell annoyed or upset when someone made an assumption on what I say. Each individual is different from other individual and each one has their own thought, experiences and knowledge. All these lead to one's assumption on the picture being potrayed. It's not their fault to make such assumption from what they understood. As I said just now, it depends a bit if not a lot on those three factors. Have a great life.
1 person likes this
@rosdimy (3936)
• Malaysia
21 Jan 09
Sometimes people make assumptions based on bias. True, everyone has the right to form an opinion. There are people who react in a way which shows a lack of maturity in certain parts of their thinking. There are people who expect us to understand them without giving us certain details needed to do so. They become angry ot upset when we are unable to do so. You are still young. Be prepared for all sorts of eventualities in life. all the best, rosdimy
@Rexdoron (345)
• Malaysia
21 Jan 09
Well, maybe they don't see (yet) the need to form a consice and compact information of matter being discuss. When people don't understand, they might think "why would you dont understand" and that inclination exhibit anger. Thank you for the advice. I'll put in safe in my mind. Have a great life.
@sacmom (14315)
• United States
22 Jan 09
Good point, but where's the fun if they can't assume? I've had it happen to me a couple of times that I can remember. Each time I gave out as much information as I thought was needed. And had the respondents read the entire posts that I had started they may not have jumped to the conclusions that they did. But since they obviously didn't they made assumptions instead. So even if you put enough information some people may not bother reading it in it's entirety. The last time it happened I told the person this. I didn't appreciate them jumping to conclusions. If they had any questions or concerns all they had to do was ask me, or like I said before read the entire discussion I had started. And when I say the entire discussion, I don't mean all the responses from others or my comments back to them, but rather the discussion itself that I had started. Because if they would have done that they wouldn't have made assumptions in the first place.
1 person likes this
@rosdimy (3936)
• Malaysia
22 Jan 09
I feel that responders should be allowed to make assumptions especially to open questions like "what should I do" and discussions inviting comments. I raised this point because a person became angry whwn at least one responder made an assumption based on this person's discussion. Maybe (an assumption) the other person was only trying to help. I think if we cannot divulge all required information then we should expect receiving all sorts of responses. Responders who do not bother to read the whole discussion and start making assumptions which may not have much relevance may need some help. My comment would depend on the actual situation. Thank you for your response. all the best, rosdimy
@mysdianait (64058)
• Italy
18 Jan 09
Yes I have noticed this happen to with sad consequences on several occasions. I feel that if you're going to discuss something personal you must be prepared to hear what users will say from every angle or they is no point in discussing it in the first place. I might well be upset if people make assumptions and therefore I do not start my own discussions about very personal things. I am also amazed at how much detailed information some users place in their discussions regarding family affairs. Anyone could be reading including the neighbours! I would want some of my neighbours to know less about some of the things I have done in my life than I would my myLot friends but surely I could inform them by other means. Some users assume that they are discussing with a male or user just because the avatar has a male or female photoin the avatar too not to mention the age of the user. So then they all get their lines crossed and the heat turns on and it all ets out of hand. Yes I might be upset so I avoid it - best to be safe than sorry
1 person likes this
@rosdimy (3936)
• Malaysia
19 Jan 09
I guess some people do not understand the true meaning of having a discussion. When I was a student nurse at St. Bernard's Wing, Ealing Hospital, my colleagues were from various countries with different religious beliefs and political affiliations. Sometimes we had discussions on our differences but the sessions never reached low levels as can be seen in several online forums. I am learning to avoid discussions started by certain people. This I think defeats the purpose of myLot community but sometimes we have to sacrifice to avoid general disorder. Thank you for your response. all the best, rosdimy
• Philippines
18 Jan 09
Well, as far as assumptions go, we can't control how some people think as there are those who do like to assume the worst about anyone. I know what you mean especially when there are discussions that started out as controversial in the first place. When the responses come in and the argument is not to the original poster's liking, he/she blows steam :p I actually had an experience on one of my posts yesterday. I responded to a discussion with good intentions and worded it appropriately. The last thing I wanted was to offend. The person who started the discussion didn't respond but another person did and questioned my reply! I can't understand why he took offense when I wasn't responding to him at all. Duh?
1 person likes this
@rosdimy (3936)
• Malaysia
19 Jan 09
It is difficult to have a meaningful discussion when there are people like the one who commented to your response. I have had comment totally unrelated to the topic. Something like what you experienced happened to me too. The person who posted the discussion did not comment, but someone else commented, inferring I had no right to respond. I know what he meant. Currently there is a group of people who have been going around telling other people that they are being marginalised by the government. This guy made assumptions based on what these people said without finding out the truth. Come to my country and you can see anothee side of the story. Several of their leaders, all lawyers (would they become lawyers if there is oppression from all sides on them?), were detained because they were inciting violence. To think that ose of the merchant ships from his country was saved by my country's naval ship from pirates less than a month ago. Some people simply close their eyes and ears to facts. Thank you for your response. all the best, rosdimy
@ninaluv (338)
• Nigeria
18 Jan 09
i think u are right! one should explain properly, in other to get a befitting response, and not assumptions. i've not experienced it though, but with out proper briefing, one can never get u right. so let's try and be more specific, to avoid assumptions.
1 person likes this
@rosdimy (3936)
• Malaysia
18 Jan 09
Thank you, but I am not always right. Sometimes assumptions need to be made before making a suggestion or a decision. The more relevant info we have the more accurate our assumptions would be. In my case I do not mind people making assumptions about me. There have been inaccuracies but the others have a right to form their opinions. Thank you for your response. all the best, rosdimy
• Canada
18 Jan 09
Yes, I've noticed that people often do make assumptions based on a discussion, but I think this is human nature...we like to categorize things and organize things which helps us make sense of the world (that's why stereotyping is so hard not to do). However, even if assumptions are made, the response should be curteous and respectiful, not just dissing the original poster.
1 person likes this
@rosdimy (3936)
• Malaysia
18 Jan 09
The point here is the reaction of posters on assumptions made because either they did not provide sufficient information or were not very clear on the points raised in their discussions. Most of us here try to be nice when responding or making comments. From another angle an assumtions can be regarded as a hypothesis to solving a problem. If we are not allowed to make assumptions how can we help in giving suggestions? Thank you for your response. all the best, rosdimy