Is it easy for you to forgive someone?Do they need to show you ....

United States
January 26, 2009 11:20am CST
Do they need to show you they are worthy of your forgiveness? or can you just forgive them even if they are not sorry or do not regret what they have done?... Me myself, I am an easy forgiver, even if they are not sorry for what they do it still is not hard for me to forgive. I cannot hold a grudge. Also i feel that if you cannot forigve someone,your always ganna hold that anger,or hate for that person and always be angry.. I personally dont wanna be angry my whole life... But i have a friend who her husband has done many things to her but never shows any remorse. so for her to forgive him she feels he needs to show some sort of remorse ATLEAST for her to forgive him... she was just talking to me and out of the blue popped up a moment intime he did somthing to infuriate her.and because she was never able to forgive him for it. it still to this day totrtures her.. the incident happend 3 years ago......
4 people like this
11 responses
• Australia
26 Jan 09
I can't just forgive someone after they've done something offensive to me. I'll need the person to show some remorse or apologise. This is if i care about that person then i need that, because it matters to me how they treat me and how they see our relationship. If i'm indifferent to someone i can just let go and not care about what they do. Overtime, i'll forgive the person because i can't hold a grudge forever either, it's too tiring and i don't want that kind of strain in my life. In order to be forgiven one has to repent in some way otherwise they're not asking for forgiveness.
3 people like this
• United States
26 Jan 09
See, i agree with what you say and why you are infact like that.. but in my case this just cant be with me.. i just am night a fighter. i cant try to be mad at someone for awhile and keep it on but its impossible..
2 people like this
@Ravenladyj (22937)
• United States
26 Jan 09
Do they need to show you they are worthy of your forgiveness? Its not that they need to show they are "worthy" of my forgiveness..they need to show me that they regret doign what they did and show me that they know better than to do it again...and that they truly wouldnt dream of doing it again ya know..
3 people like this
• Canada
26 Jan 09
I had to think about your question for a little while before I could answer... it seemed easy until I really thought about how I handle situations where someone has done something to me or around me that would bring my ability to forgive into question. I honestly and truly do not think I'm a forgiving person. This surprises me. I believe that I'm a very caring type, I will bend over backwards to help people, I try to be generous and giving, supportive and understanding. I think this is much of the reason that I find it hard to forgive. I don't think I'm overly sensitive and, while I don't get hurt easily, I do hurt deeply if someone I really care about is careless in how they treat me or my feelings. I've also been in a relationship with a person who used "I'm sorry" as the ultimate whitewash. He believed that simply saying "I'm sorry" erased anything he might have said or done and I was supposed to "forget about it." Not having your hurt or anger acknowledged makes it really difficult to forgive. Unfortunately, his behavior has also made it hard for me to find sincerity in someone's apology. But, to come full circle with the original topic, I also know I'm not always angry. If I can't forgive someone, I simply accept it and move on. Thanks for the interesting conversation :)
2 people like this
• United States
26 Jan 09
Well you are veary welcome for the intresting conversation...and thank you for your responce.. I have been in a situation simillar to yours, i invited this man into my house with his two children because he had no place else at the moment to go. and still in my own house he treated me like crap.. he moved out after a big fight we had and i forgave him after not seeing him forawhile... then he calls me one day and wants to meet.. so he goes grochery shopping with me and admitts to being a jerka nd says he wanted to controll my life because he didnt have controll of his own? lmao...well anyways so I gave him naother chance... just as friends thoes.. then about 1 week down the road he tried to again be like that and start problems in my life... i cut him off i have forgiven him once again but i know i will never have anything else to do with this man...
2 people like this
• Canada
26 Jan 09
You know, sometimes that really is the only way. I have come to understand the meaning of "you teach people how to treat you." I realize that, if I forgive and the person continues to hurt me or take advantage of me, then it's ME that's allowing that to happen. At some point, you take control of the situation and do what's right for yourself. I'm glad you were able to do that :D
2 people like this
@lingli_78 (12845)
• Australia
27 Jan 09
i think i can say that i am quite a forgiving person as long as the person doesn't repeat the same mistake over and over again... i myself also not a perfect person and need people to forgive me... so i think it is just the right thing to do to forgive other people who make mistake to me as well... take care and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Jan 09
Veary veary true!, your the first person who mentioned this "I myself am not a perfect person,and need people to forgive me." Thank you for bringing this point up. Not even myself thought about that this entire conversation...
@lingli_78 (12845)
• Australia
1 Feb 09
thanks a lot for your compliment and your best response... i always think like that when it is hard for me to forgive other people... i just thought that i might need that person forgiveness as well in the future as i am not immune in making mistakes as well... so that's the reason i also try my best to be a forgiving person... take care and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (24962)
• Australia
1 Feb 09
I think I've forgiven someone and I act as though everything is fine and I promise myself I will have better control and not let anyone hurt me again then something happens and the wounds are open again...some are still festering even though there are decades passed since the wound was first inflicted. The poison flows through me and I am sick ...sick with pain, feelings of worthlessness, feelings of being unloveable and all the time pretending all is fine.
• United States
2 Feb 09
Sorry to hear about that MsTickle, I think that even though thoes feelings come back to you like that.That doesnt neccesairly(sp)mean you have not forgiven that person who caused thoes feelings, I think that you just have not forgotten about them. And of course you shouldnt forget that this person once hurt you. so next time keep your gaurd up WITH THAT PERSON. As for thoes feelings of worthlessness, and feeling unloved. Thoes will go away,once you learn for yourself and love yourself enough to know thoes are not true,no matter what people may say or do..
@anonymili (3138)
27 Jan 09
I am basically a very trusting person. It takes a lot for me to actually get to a stage where I would even need to have to forgive a person BUT generally it doesn't get to this stage. The few times it has happened, there's been no going back - I've cut off contact from a few people deliberately because I had just given them too many chances (maybe I had forgiven them too many times already) - when I make the break from someone I do it permanently. Thankfully this has only happened maybe 2 or 3 times in over 40 years of being on this earth. But to answer your question, I'm generally quite a forgiving person so those who have wronged or offended me get 2nd, 3rd, 4th or even 10th chances most of the time to get back in my good books. Maybe I'm just a sucker for a sob story!...
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Jan 09
I have only had to do it with 2 people.1 of them i would only let back in my life as friends, the second one i gave a second chance to and he screwd it up so i have cut him off completley.. yes im a forgiving person but once you cross me so many times i will cut you off...When somthing happends and say i get into a fight with someone,we take our brake and its in that brake timer i forgive them and i get over it, I dont wonder well is he sorry?, or will he do it again. i dont live for the future, I live for right now. and i dont harbor my past,If you cant get over somthing someone did 2 years ago. its ganna effect your friendship or relationship with whomever. forgive dont forget move on... If you live with anger for people all your life, your ganna be one un happy person. and that i do not wish to be...
• Philippines
27 Jan 09
well for me...it's very easy..i don't care if he/she is worthy to be or not..i'm a very understanding person,,and i don't need if they're sorry or not,for me,everyone deserved to be forgiven.anyways,my forgiveness is 100% sincere and real.
• United States
31 Jan 09
Your just like me:)
• United States
26 Jan 09
Greetings xXxMikesWifeyxXx! I just really felt the need to reply better yet express my thought on whether or not it is always easy to forgive someone that has hurt you. It always depends of the situation ofcourse. Like it isn't always easy to forgive and forget, basically what I am saying it is easier to forgive your younger siblings for getting into your personal belongings than it is to forgive a your boyfriend who has cheated on you. It is easier to forgive an a friend for dating someone you like than it is to forgive your mother for saying that she should of flushed you down the toliet when you were born or that she should of had an abortion with you. I mean like you xXxMikesWifeyxXX I can forgive people for the small and pettie stuff that they do to hurt or cross me but for something like a lover cheating or someone lying on me it hurts a lot more so it takes more time to adjust to them again. I mean I eventually will and have ended up forgiving people who have truly hurt me but at the same time it did and does hurt and takes a minute. And it is always better to forgive a person because it isn't even worth missing your chance to go to heaven for not forgiving someone who hurt you. So with that said hoefully you liked my thoughts and views and NakitaLikely3617 is out!
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Jan 09
Hey nakita, Thank you for responding:) im glad you did. I did like your responce and your views. I am a forgiver,yes but not a forgetter. when I say i am a forgiver and its so easy for me.reading everyones responce is making me think. like your's here yes its really easy to forgive for the small things. Mabey i just havnt experienced somthing that tramatic for me to actually have to REALLY forgive someone. Ive never been cheated on (that i know of). one guy i was dating never told me he was engaged to be married back in his home town... so here we are together,and i find out from online he is engaged. and then ive broken up with someone and hes left and once came back and started problems for me. but I dont feel thoes are tramatic things and i was able to forgive both of them the second one i did forgive but hes one that I just wouldnt put myself in that situation again...and the first one, i know it sounds rediculous. he basically used me and i am okay with it, its not that im okay with it. i just dont have any anger in my bones for him. I did when i first found out i was hurt i liked him alot. but lol i talked to him the same day of his wedding to wish him luck.?? i cant help it...
• United States
26 Jan 09
For me to actually consider forgiving someone they really need to prove to me that they're worthy of being forgiven. I've seen it too many times where people say they're sorry but they don't actually get what they've done wrong is wrong and why it hurts so much. So, for me to say, you know what, maybe you are sorry, I have to have some sort of proof before I can forgive someone. If you forgive people too easily I think they'll think what they've done really is not such a big deal and will continue to do it over and over again.
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Jan 09
Yes,I do understand what you are saying. Mabey its not so much as i frogive everyone,but when im angry at someone it doesnt last long.. Mabey I need to work on that,and mabey not let them know im not mad anymore. because what you say it is true. people will continously walk all over you unless you lay down the law you know.. Well thanks so much for responding!:)
• Lubbock, Texas
26 Jan 09
Ahh yes, forgive and forget. OK I'll forgive. But that doesn't mean I'll give you another chance. Forgiveness is letting the past go and getting on with your life. If you have a spouse that has done something you can't forgive, you really don't need to be living with that person. They'll just keep doing things to hurt you. I was in a situation where "I'm sorry" just became a way to manipulate a situation. Then he would do the same thing over again. Finally I'm sorry didn't cut it. I did forgive him, but that doesn't mean that I'll let him back into my life.
• United States
26 Jan 09
Yes that is defiantly a way to be. that way you are giving people a chance. just not a chance to walk all over you and hurt you again and again.. I was once in a situation like this... thanks for repsonding.
@gracie04 (4555)
• Philippines
27 Jan 09
It isn't easy for me to forgive someone most especially if they have done a very horrible thing.. they need to show me how sorry they are..
1 person likes this