Stop teenage whining.
• United States
31 Jan 09
It's everytime you ask him to do something, the constant "Do I have to?", "Why do I always have to do this?", "How come we have to eat now?", "Are you sure you want to do that with me?". It doesn't matter if I'm asking him to play video games with me (his favorite past time) or if I'm asking him to pick up his clothes, its the same whiny voice and sigh that communicates "why me?"
• United States
2 Feb 09
Well it could depend on things such as age, if you raised him right, this might actually be a good sign, that he wants independents, but it comes with a bad sign this time around, disrespect. I'm no psychologist or anything, (I'm actually a teen myself, and I could easily be blamed of these same problems in some occasions...) My thoughts would likely to be for the next two weeks or so, right down the time and date and offense every time he offends you by whining about such things. This is so when he asks you for proof or the last time, or trys to defend himself by saying he doesn't do it that often, you have the proof you need. It can come in handy for other things as well. Second, in the future, plan ahead three days or so, to spend about an hour talking with him, make sure he knows your intents(By this I mean letting him know you want to talk for a bit with him about something you are concerned about), and try to approach him in a good mood, (both of you in good moods) and talk to him about it. (why the time lapse? So he can't have the excuse that he is busy or premature bad mood because you tore him from his "Schedule" You might want to let him pick the time and day) It helps to have an understanding of why. Try to keep calm during the entire discussion, even if he gets upset and storms off, he needs to know that you didn't once do the same. Its... a guilt factor, and a prime ingrediant in raising a good child, I'm more capable of arguing and fighting my mom if she yelled at me and stormed around too. Third, If you are a christain, and he isn't already in a decent church or youth group, I recommend you get him in one :) this can be one of the biggest strengths in raising a moral and good child in this day and age, primarily a teenager will get a majority of his moral learning from those around him and in this day and age that is other teens at school. if he is involved in a church group then he will at least be hearing Gods word and things such as "honor thy Mother and thy Father." (Personally I would recommend a good pentacostel church, its easier to have a close relationship with God when you have seen him move.) But You might not be Christain, so I'll give a diff third step too :P Third, If he is ANYWHERE between 13-22, you have to understand, there is a HIGH possibility that he just doesn't want to be around you. But rather be around his friends, I'm sorry but thats normal, painful, but normal. But you are still responsible for him, He will more easily listen to other adults than you. And he needs them. Please find a way that there will be adults you trust in his life, that doesn't mean sign your neighbor up for a fishing trip with him, that means, have some of the same friends with him, a church can also help here. Fourth, When It comes to chores he needs to listen to you and he will probably whine. It's something about being inconvenienced, (but in some RARE cases its that they were on top of it and hate to be reminded of it when they are on top of it, In that case there isn't really anything you can do without starting a fight... pick your battles wisely) but the video game time, you are still cutting into "His" time. My recommendation, teach him a new skill. How to do his own laundry. You would be amazed how much boys can open up as they are doing laundry with you, It might take a few shots, And it will work better if you don't make him while he is fully distracted with something that he needs to get back to ASAP but yeah, together chores are good for opening a bit of communication, but if you want to play games with your kids (By all rights you are pretty much entitled to this) Make a loose game night, but really, In my personal experience, boys just don't want to play games with sisters or moms really, I mean my brother nathan (17) will if both me and mom are playing because then there are multiple players, but even then he isn't too psyched about it, and If I can get him to play an FPS (first person shooter game, in case you didn't know :P) with me, he usually won't play more than a couple rounds... Maybe its just not normal? That one I'm not sure about. In the end, I guess It comes down to being able to read your kid, Picking your battles wisely, and making sure he has good examples in his life. (You can and should confront him, but pick your battle wisely.)
• United States
2 Mar 09
I know with our kids, it is best to just not argue with them That certainly does not mean that we give them whatever they want whenever they ask. But by not offering an argument they have the choice to either 1. do what they are asked or 2. not do what they are asked. We have instituted fair punishments and we stick by them. If the child does not do what they are asked, they receive punishment. That's it, end of story. No whining. No bargaining. No pestering. If they have a question, they receive an answer from us and that is also final (unless circumstances change) Again, end of story, no whining. no pestering. no tantrums. no teenage indignation. Any of that and the answer to their request is automatically an emphatic NO. It is hard to be consistent when I'm such a bargainer by nature, but it has surely paid off BIG TIME. The kids listen, they do what they are told and in the process they have learned to respect authority (Mom & Dad, Gma & Gpa, etc)
• United States
10 Mar 09
I am mom of a 14 and two 16 year olds. One of the things that I have noticed is that they dont want to do anything with or for me right now. All they want to do is be with their friends or their games. We still have chore charts. I dont nag them about their chores. They get reminded in the middle of the week. If I have to do there chore then I get there rewards. They get mom money. How much depends on the chore, then they get to turn it in at end of week for either money or other things I have ( food cupons to restaraunts, game cards,bowling tickets,ect.)When they do something wrong I deal out the punishment emediately. I dont ever say wait till we get home. No I dont yell or imbaress them in public (unless they imbaress me), I just quietly tell them what I am going to do. Usually grounded from phone or computer or from everything involving outside comunication with their friends. Depends on severity of wrong. Yes they whine or barge around angry. They are told to take it to their room and when we all calm down we will talk more about it. One of the things I have learned about my teens is that when you drag out the speech about what they have done wrong they quit listening. Make it quick and to the point. Don't cave in. They will hang it over your head. And don't let them hang your past over your head either. Especially make sure to imediatly notice what they have done GOOD. Praise them for good as fast if not faster than you would punish them for bad. They will be more likely to do good. And I deffinately agree with the youth group and church. Unfortunately there will be an argument about going but it is for their good. God is good for everyone. They are not going to see or appriciate what you are doing for them until they grow up. I will keep you in my prayers. Teens are hard but it pays off in the end.
3 Mar 09
Your question reminds me of an ex-in law's child. She started to whine as soon as she could speak in full sentences. I don't mean complaining... I mean literally whining, as in that "sing song" tone that kids adopt to add to the thrill of their complaints ;) She couldn't ask a question, ask for something she wanted, anything... without whining out her sentences. It drove me insane to be in her company. She came to stay with me for a weekend when her parents were out of town. Out of natural habit, she started the whining with me. I told her straight - "I'm sorry honey... I can't understand a word you say when you speak to me in that tone. Speak to me properly and I'll be more than happy to listen to you." I was really firm about it but not mean. Well, I'll be darned if she didn't speak to me without a single lilt in her voice. I couldn't believe it and honestly didn't expect it to work... but I know her parents never really set specific boundaries with her or her sister as to what they would accept or not. I'm not saying this is the case with your son - just relating something that worked for me :))) I wish you luck!