Should you go
February 6, 2009 12:57pm CST
My dads birthday is today. And he wants to have a cookout. The problem is we have invited him to all the partys we have done and he never shows up. Everytime its something. When my mom was here she use to make him come and now he wont. I know two wrongs dont make a right, but why should we always do for him if he wont do for us?
• United States
7 Feb 09
Don't jump to the conclusion that your father does not love you. He may just have a problem with getting away from home. Maybe he feels more comfortable at home. A sort of shyness, if you will. After all, he is planning a cookout so he does want you around. Some people are more at ease in their own environment. Your mom probably understood this, but also knew how to draw him out. Now that she is not there, he has no one to coax him into getting out to see his kids. Don't withdraw from him. I am sure he needs you - probably more than ever with your mom not around. Take that extra step and see if you can find out why he doesn't come to your parties. It may take more than one or two visits, so be patient.
• United States
9 Feb 09
Thank you for the advise. I did go to my fathers cookout and it was really great. My father does come to my house every other day he just will not come to any family get togethers. I know he misses mom and we do to. He is still here and is still our father/grandfather and we still like to spend family time with him. I hope he will join in at his own pace.
6 Feb 09
Maybe the bottom line is to not attend functions out of obligation. Perhaps your dad didnt ever really want to come to your parties... you do say your mum used to 'make' him. It could be that he now feels more comfortable entertaining from his own home. If you dont want to go, have the honesty to tell him, but, if you'd like to go, then do & enjoy it. You could just say that it would be lovely to see him at one of your parties soon. I hope it all resolves itself agreeably.