Do women never forget their first (true) love?

@rosdimy (3936)
Malaysia
February 15, 2009 9:23pm CST
It was said that women never forget their first love. Well, maybe most women, since I have met cases where this is true. The closest case to me is my own spouse. She has not forgotten the first man to kiss her and almost did everything with her. When I knew her she already knew how to do things whereas I was the one who was inexperienced. It would have been easy to put her past aside but for the fact that she made comparisons between that irresponsible guy and I. Not only that she refused to do the same things she had done with and for him. She always said he was better than I am in all respects. Do you think there is some validity in the statement? Have you seen or heard about it? Or do you think the person saying it is dumb? Thank you. rosdimy
6 people like this
25 responses
• United States
16 Feb 09
I don't think you could ever forget your first love. Even if they're not your current love. First love is a powerful thing. It doesn't mean that your current love is any less important. I think no matter who you love that person will always be a part of you. Love is a wonderful and significant thing. It stays with you for a long time. That doesn't mean that you still love your first love, it just means that they are a part of you.
3 people like this
@rosdimy (3936)
• Malaysia
16 Feb 09
Every person we come in contact with does affect us and become part of us. Naturally we tend to remember those who left a great impression in whatever way it may be. The effects can make or break our future relationships. Not having any previous g/f before I met her makes me unable to really feel it, though I may be able to make conjectures or assumptions. Thank you for your response. all the best in your relationship, rosdimy
@mysdianait (55816)
• Italy
17 Feb 09
I can still remember my first 'love'. If a first love ends then if it was love it is bound to hurt and leave memories both good and bad maybe depending on how and why it ended. It should also leave us something to think about and work on like why did it end in order not to repeat the same mistakes. Love is different each time and there can be no comparison and no person has the right to make another suffer because their own first love went wrong. While reading here I sense pain on your part. Pain and suffering which you should not be made to go through. If your spouse really loves you then she would not make you suffer like this. You are paying the price for her past and this is so unfair. She may well have not forgotten her first love but it is over. She should concentrate on the love she has for you and with you she should contruct her future and not dwell on her past thus doing nothing except make her pain worse and creating more pain and suffering for you which you do not deserve as it was not your fault her first love ended in the first place. I hope this situation will resolve itself soon for the best, whatever that may be for those concerned, but I also hope that youwillnot be made to catty on suffering for much longer through her very selfish ways. Take care rosdimy!
1 person likes this
@rosdimy (3936)
• Malaysia
18 Feb 09
Thank you for your kind response. I did say it to her more than once that it was not fair that I have to pay for the things they did together. It was he who had all the fun and enjoyment. She did not say anything back. I told her in addition to that her refusal to do the same things with me adds insult to injury. I did inform her the hurt has never healed, but she seems to relish seeing me in this situation. Several times she made jokes in front of the children about my 'desperate' situation. Unless something drastic happens to her I do not think this matter will be resolved amicably. The fact that I am going public indicates the seriousness of the situation. Well, I have kept quiet over all these years. all the best, rosdimy
1 person likes this
@mysdianait (55816)
• Italy
18 Feb 09
I agree that the fact that you are sharing it says it all. You are almost at boiling point and it is quite understandable. You are letting her pull the strings on your emotions. That is unfair and the longer you let it continue the more you will suffer in my opinion. Only you can decide which steps to take and I wish you luck in making the right decision which, unless she alters, is only one.
@celticeagle (85292)
• Boise, Idaho
16 Feb 09
Everyone is different and everyone looks for different things in the person they ultimately fall inlove with. For me my first true love will always be remembered. She is still very hung up on this other guy. In all reality she shouldn't be in another relationship until she is over 'him'. I hope you are able to withstand the emotional side of this and that it works out okay for you.
1 person likes this
@rosdimy (3936)
• Malaysia
17 Feb 09
I think it has been way too long. From the things that she said to me and at other times to the children, she seems to be prepared to leave me. As it is there is still something that she can get from her. The time may come when I have nothing else to offer to her, and she may make her move then. If she really wants to go I may not stop her. Thank you for your response. all the best, rosdimy
1 person likes this
@mysdianait (55816)
• Italy
17 Feb 09
While reading the previous responses I felt that this is where it is all leading rosdimy. I hope for you that this day is not far off. It is unfair on you that your are having to put up with this torment.
1 person likes this
@cherriemae (3375)
• Philippines
16 Feb 09
For me, my first love is really i can't forget. But i already forgot the feeling. Though, i never forget the times of our moments, happy moments and sad moments, where we are dating before. For you, if your wife really loves you, i think theres no reason for you to be jealous or think bad with your wife, past is past and you won because you're the one who marry her.
1 person likes this
16 Feb 09
I agreed with you that first love is unforgetable .Everyone has his past ;it exsists in our mind .Compared with presence ,it doesn't make any sense .Anyone wants to go further ;he should look forsight.
@rosdimy (3936)
• Malaysia
16 Feb 09
Thank you for your kind response. Maybe she did not really love me. I was a convenient scapegoat after the guy shirked away from being responsible, saying that he wanted to concentrate on his studies. He still failed his first year at Liverpool Polytechnic and had to return home. She was keeping track of his progress. I have won only part of the battle. all the best, rosdimy
• United Arab Emirates
17 Feb 09
I can never forget my first love. Maybe because he was the first guy to hate. I'm now with a great man who really takes good care of me. So I think it's your way with her. You should try your best to become better. Let her feel that she is special and that she is the queen of the house. Otherwise she has to accept you the way you are specially that you are married. It's really strange that she make a comparison between you two, and she actually announce that infront of you. Anyways you need to discuss this with her fairly so both of you understand what exactly the other wants.
1 person likes this
@rosdimy (3936)
• Malaysia
18 Feb 09
When she wanted to convince me to accept her, she said I was better than her ex. My instinct told me something was not right. But I had been following the head instead of the heart, and tried to see things in a logical way. Furthrmore I prefer giving the benefit of the doubt, trusting that things can and will be better. Unfortunately trust alone was not enough. I already had several talks and arguments with her over this matter. It did not make any difference. Instead about five years back she posted on the Internet that I was a green eyed monster. In reality she becomes upset whenever a single girl or woman talks in a nice way to me. I do not think it is because she loves me. Possessiveness and treating me like an object seem to be the reasons. Thank you for your response. all the best, rosdimy
@srikandi19 (3393)
• Kuta, Indonesia
17 Feb 09
indeed most women can not forget his first love. Moreover, the first love is not to be his mate. in that case as the memories are not forgotten and so have only beautiful memories. but it does not mean that she would return to his first love. (This is just as unforgettable experience that only) You must understand the feelings of Women, especially your wife.
1 person likes this
@rosdimy (3936)
• Malaysia
17 Feb 09
I do understand most of the feelings of women. What makes it difficult to comprehend is why there are women who ket their memories to affect their current relationship. This is like living in past memories, unappreciative of what they have now, especially if what are in front of them are better in many aspects. I can base my opinion on the sayings of certain people. Having an input from other people may help me in making a better judgement. Thank you for your response. all the best, rosdimy
• Philippines
17 Feb 09
here in the country there's a song that goes like this "I remember the boy, but I dont remember the feelings anymore" that's basically the answer to your question...and of course if its a first love, the fact that it is the "first" makes it harder to forget...but if someone keeps on comparing you to her past, maybe she has a problem and maybe you got hooked with her at the point where she is not yet totally over him...it's called love on the rebound....
@rosdimy (3936)
• Malaysia
17 Feb 09
She was the one who made the first move. When I wanted to break up the relationship for fear of something like this happening, she made a promise of treating me better than her ex. I do not think that it was love on the rebound. Most probably it was to cover up something. She blamed me for all the things she did with him (!). Maybe she wanted her friends to see I was at fault, and then go back to him. all the best, rosdimy
• Canada
16 Feb 09
its been 5 years and hes still on my mind daily. He will always be part of me even if hes not in my life anymore. I still miss him and I think I always will. I always have to fight back comparing anyone I am interested in, to him.
1 person likes this
@rosdimy (3936)
• Malaysia
17 Feb 09
It must have been tough having to fight the urge to make a comparison with your current interest. How do you do it? Biting your tongue? Counting up to ten? Have you ever made a slip and if so, what did you do to cover it up? The yearning for him could become a big issue. Thank you for your response. all the best in your future relationship, rosdimy
@kjtquay (31)
16 Feb 09
This is definately not dumb. Women remember everything, and their first love is very important!! I remember mine. As have most of the women that have replied to you. However, I would never make comparisons between my first love and my present love. They are two very different people, who love me in two very different ways. You cannot compare love. That is wrong.
1 person likes this
@rosdimy (3936)
• Malaysia
17 Feb 09
Thank you for your response. A few people tried to make her see some sense but were not successful in doing it. She even refused to listen to what one of her aunts had to say. She remained adamant in her ways. Is it any wonder why there are men who seek solace and comfort somewhere else? all the best, rosdimy
• United States
16 Feb 09
It is true that women never forget their first love. I experienced mine at 13 years old, and I wished he was never my first love. I am now in a relationship with my true love and I wish he was my first and only. It is because I will never forget my first love that I wish he was never my first love in the first place. Im sorry that your spouse says her first love was better than you at certain things. For me, I have to marry a man who exceeds my first love in everything so I will never regret marrying him.
1 person likes this
@rosdimy (3936)
• Malaysia
17 Feb 09
Thank you for responding. I guess you had your first love at a tender age, possibly with no one to guide you. It seems that I have to live with the fact that in her eyes I will never be as good as her ex. Several years back there were strong circumstantial evidence she had at least an affair. One of our offsprings asked directly to her whether she had any s*xual relationship with someone else. She did not answer and looked downwards, a sign that it was true. all the best in your relationship, rosdimy
16 Feb 09
I don't think one can ever forget their first true love. Love is an emotion that one experiences, and the first time you feel, it is like no other feeling. I dont believe that one's first true love is the person that you love the most, but I definitely think it is the one you will remember for the rest of your life.
1 person likes this
@rosdimy (3936)
• Malaysia
17 Feb 09
A good insight. Nevertheless I think the memories should not be the stumbling blocks to a happy and enjoyable current relationship. Our exeriences in life should make us more matured in thinking, and a generally better person when facing life's challenges. She did toy with the idea of going back to him. His mother opposed it because at that time she already had four children. His mother was willing to accept her if she had no kids. Thank you for your response. all the best, rosdimy
• India
16 Feb 09
Yes you are so very true that 90% of women do not forget their love easily .I have own example when i was just 18 i started loving a guy who was elder to me and since it was my first love i was deeply involved in him and just couldn't image my life without him at that point i reallly didn't think about my future i had set my mind that he will be m,y first and the last love but as the years past by he started ignoring me and that was quite hurting and later he broke with me i was reallly broken and tried patching up with him many a times but it really didn't help even though i have forgotten him now but still sometime i do remember about my crazy love for him .So i could just say that first true love takes time to overcome but memories still remain within you because you always learn from your first experience
1 person likes this
@rosdimy (3936)
• Malaysia
17 Feb 09
Apparently yours is a bad memory. I think memories like that can only be forgotten through hypnosis or a constant denial that you ever knew him. Hopefully the experience and memory has made you better prepared when it comes to building and strengthening other relationships. Thank you for your response. all the best, rosdimy
• China
16 Feb 09
Well,you are right,i couldn;t agree with you more about this.But i think not only women can not forget her first love ,so do men .It's not so easy to forget someone who once share happiness amd sorrow with you .However, never forgetting doesn't mean the one is still the same important as before. She refused to do the same things she had done with her ex ,perhaps it will recall her old memory ,you have metioned her ex is an irreponsible guy,perhaps it was not a happy memory .I have to say sometimes it's tough to let it go ,but you should understand her ,trust her ,if you realy love her and she loves you ,too,i believe one day you will be her the one,just leave her some room for memory !!
1 person likes this
@rosdimy (3936)
• Malaysia
17 Feb 09
Thank you for your response and support. I do not mind her keeping her memories. I did ask her about it but she lied to me. It took me two years to find out what actually transpired. But thinking of how another man did it to her when we were doing it? Always praising the other guys, not a typo for 's' here, while finding fault with whatever I do? all the best, rosdimy
• Philippines
16 Feb 09
I don't think so. They fade away whatever you do. Besides, i don't get stuck on past relationships. The moment i closed the book, it's over , i don't reminisce the past. No one can see the future if you look and dwell most of your time thinking the past. You will never get an advantage too, it is not beneficial. So for me, first love is God, it will never be gone. But to man, it is just second, and as i have said, the past is past, the present is important if you see your future to it.
1 person likes this
@rosdimy (3936)
• Malaysia
17 Feb 09
Thank you for your response which is not surprising. I do not want to argue or elaborate on our first love should be to God since this board is more on human relationship. I agree with the assertion. The past to a certain extent is relevant to the present and the future. Denying the past may make us repeat the same mistakes. Dwelling on the past is counter-productive. all the best, rosdimy
• Philippines
16 Feb 09
we don't forget our first love but it doesn't mean we still love them, it does not mean that we love them more than we love the other guy/s. I, for example, I still think of my first love when there's something that reminds me of him but I don't love him anymore. sometimes I regret meeting him and loving him because he was not worth my love and care. it depends on the woman if they still harbor some feelings for their first love. not all women are the same.
1 person likes this
@rosdimy (3936)
• Malaysia
17 Feb 09
Yes, most of us remember our firsts. But the way we keep our memories and the effects they have on our present lives differ from one person to another.
@4mymak (1758)
• Malaysia
16 Feb 09
sorry to say this.. but i dont understand why does your wife have to tell you that her first love is 'better than you in all respects'.. she could just kept it to herself.. i have heard also that one can never forget one's first love.. but i guess if you have come to accept that you are not with the person anymore.. and you have moved on and married another - you should / must accept that you have married a totally different person.. who may or may not be as good or as bad as the person you knew before.. i am sure that your wife also would not like if she was ever compared to someone else.. (she's just lucky that you didnt have anyone to compare her with).. so.. i do not think it is fair or very smart of her to do that to you... maybe you should do the same start comparing her with someone.. see if she enjoys it.. ??
1 person likes this
@rosdimy (3936)
• Malaysia
17 Feb 09
Thank you for responding with your thoughts. Actually she does not like being compared with the other girls. She blew her top. When we first met she said she could not bear the thought of seeing me with somebody else. What an irony, because it seemed all right for her to experiment with other men. She did challenge me to find other girls because she said I was lucky to have her. When there were girls willing to be part of my life she did not believe it. I was not even trying to look for one. Luckily for her I am not the type who look for SYTs to satisfy my desires. all the best with your family, rosdimy
• India
16 Feb 09
I have heard that women never forget their first love but i dont think this statement should be true at the present generation , i think that statement would be good only in past not in present because now i found a women being with many guys so how can we say that women never forget their first love. i think in 100% women you will find 1% who never forget
1 person likes this
@rosdimy (3936)
• Malaysia
17 Feb 09
Hmm...good thinking though it is not quite convincing enough. Based on my experience it is more than 1%. Whatever, thank you for responding. all the best, rosdimy
@jbrooks0127 (2330)
• United States
16 Feb 09
I think that may be true not only for women but for men too. However we all handle it differently. Regardless of what we remember from our past relationships it should then only enhance our current one not make it worse. For your wife to compare you to her first is very unfair and you really need to get to the bottom of it. You may not like what she tells you but she is being very unfair to you by making any kind of comparison. She is with you, not him and there has to be a very good reason for it.
1 person likes this
@rosdimy (3936)
• Malaysia
16 Feb 09
Men and women do treat the same memory in different ways and I think no one can deny it. Thank you for your concern. Maybe one of the reasons is she prefers tall and big men. The excuse she gave 28 years ago was she wanted to see me do all of the housework. I did not mind then because as a student living in a foreign country I was used to it. But she never asked or espected the other guy to do it. In fact she did the cooking and washing up while the other guy watched television. all the best, rosdimy
@cream97 (29183)
• United States
16 Feb 09
No, a woman never forgets her first true love. I would love to forget the first guy that I ever slept with. He was a big jerk! I guess with all the experience that she has, she is comapring you to her past. She may miss what she had. I would have a talk with her, and if I was you and let her know that when she talks about her past, it makes you feel uncomfortable. And tell her that you love her and in order for this relationship to work, she has to stop comparing you with her past. Doing this will make the relationship lose its touch. She needs to appreciate you more than she does.
1 person likes this
@rosdimy (3936)
• Malaysia
16 Feb 09
I did have a talk with her several times in the past. She was and still is hurting me and the excuse she gave was I deserved it. She even said I was an irresponsible womaniser. It is alright if her words were true. I did say to her I did not mind her past life as long as she treats me as well as, if not better, her ex b/f. Thank you for your response. all the best in yout love life, rosdimy
@mermaidivy (15421)
• United States
16 Feb 09
Mu hubby is my first love and the only one. I don't think I would ever forget all the memories with him and things he has said to me.
1 person likes this