Dead Beat Dad? What do you think?

United States
February 16, 2009 1:15pm CST
My Husbands brother needs to be fixed... He has 3 little girls 1yr(by a different mom than the other two) old-4yr and old-5yr old and never sees any of them! The youngest lives with her mom and he pays support through the court. The older two were dropped off at his parents house at the ages of 1yr 3 months and 3weeks old. My hubbys parents take care of EVERYTHING, never getting a break. The girl's mom does pay child support and sees them like once every month. Maybe taking them for a night.. maybe.. I'd say at least she is responsible for the money part. The dad though, the last time he saw them was x-mas and didn't even bring a gift where as my hubby and I spent about $100 each on them. He hasn't paid support in about a year and 5months. Which is only $75 every two weeks for TWO kids! Thats barely enough for food for one of them!. My hubby and I try to take them every couple of weeks so his parents can have a night off. Not only does he not come see the two girls, he has his ex gf bring his youngest daugther over to his parents house for his night of "watching" his kid. This is every Monday night for 5-8 hrs and he hasn't been there since before x-mas on a monday to spend time with his daughters. Normally when he would come over to have his night with the girls he would just pat the girls on the head and go to another room, shut the door and watch TV. The youngest girl is a terror and my mom in law has a hard enough time with the other two girls (although she wouldn't trade it for the world after 4yrs of doing it).. What do you guys think.. is he a dead beat dad or what? This pisses me off so much! And my parents in law don't want to go to the court system to have this taken care of because they know if they do they could either lose the girls or he could start taking the girls whenever he wanted, if he ever wanted. He lives above a bar and we don't trust his friends in the least bit. He parents have looked into getting supervised visitation, but the court won't grant it without proof that he needs it. Honestly, I know if he took the girls and had them spend the night in his house, that one day one would come home raped or molested by one of his friends because i do know the people he hangs out with.. and he doesn't care who stays at his house. We are all worried he'll have more kids and just drop them off at his parents house. We were surprised that when him and his ex broke up that she took the youngest girl.. We all thought she'd up there and theres no way that they can support the three girls. Thanks for listening to my rant!
3 people like this
5 responses
@spalladino (17927)
• United States
16 Feb 09
He is the worst kind of deadbeat dad because he's cheating those girls out of the emotional support from their father, which is something every child needs. I'm glad your husband's parents stepped in even though it is a strain on them. I do know from experience that he will pay a steep price for his neglect down the road. My ex was the same kind of deadbeat father. He worked for his brother...cash under the table...so I received no child support for the majority of the 20+ years that we were apart. He eventually did 90 days in jail for that but the most hurtful behavior on his part was that he had no time for his kids. They were raised by their stepfather and now, as adults, they have little love and absolutely no respect for their biological father. My oldest daughter has stopped sending him pictures of her three kids because he really has no interest in anyone other than himself. She never calls him and he only notices on his birthday when he calls all of his kids to complain that none of them called him. One day your brother-in-law may want to have a relationship with his kids and they won't be receptive to him at all. This hasn't happened with my ex yet. He's in his 50's and still too busy hanging out in bars to notice but, when he's older and wants the attention of his children and grandchildren, he won't get it. They've already written him off.
3 people like this
• United States
16 Feb 09
Whats sad is the oldest of the girls cries buckets for him when he's there and she'll grab his leg and won't let go until he shakes her off and then locks her out. Then she'll go and sit in my or my husbands arms and just cry for him. The 4yr old doesn't pay any attention to him.. Would rather be with me and my hubby then him. We know one day they'll hate them both, but at the time being we dont want them to know what kind of deadbeat he is.
• United States
17 Feb 09
well my father did just the same knocked my mom up and left and then after 13 years he thought that i would call him dad but no i didnt know him as dad i didnt even know him then but now that i am 18 he thinks he can win me over with money but no i am not bought and just a few years or somthing like that he lost two little girls that i thought to be my 2 little sisters and the mom got all mad and then ordered a dna test and he fought tooth and nail for them and then we all found out that they are not my sisters and not his daughters and he still fought for custody he has spent alot of his hard earned cash on them but he would not spend a dollar on me he just throws me away every time it does not help him my aunt has been with me and the rest of my family has been there and i thank them. the past year i gave him a chance to get to know me but all he did was threatin me with my life if i didnt do this or that and then i left as fast as i could and i was lucky cuz the day i ran he was going to take a shovel to my skull he words all because i didnt clean my room and i didnt pull straight A's in school. just for all your info i am not all that smart as you can tell by my spelling. well thank you for hearing me out bye bye
1 person likes this
@max1950 (2313)
• United States
17 Feb 09
hey look if you have children and you don't take care of them your a scumbag, case closed,period.
• United States
17 Feb 09
hey max1950 i agree that is the simplest way to put it
• United States
18 Feb 09
I agree... just wish I could say it to him and it actually make him feel something.
• Canada
17 Feb 09
I would have to say that he IS a definite DEADBEAT dad. I doubt very much that the courts would take the kids from your in-laws. They have had them for so long that the courts should see that as being what's best for them. The judge is supposed to look at who they live with and how long they have lived with them. If the kids are old enough the judge will even talk to them and ask questions about where they live and how long it has been since they saw their father. I would tell your in-laws to fight for custody before he decides they can be used to get money from the government.
• United States
18 Feb 09
They have full custody with the courts. But are scared that if they take their son to court over the child support that he will fight for visitation, which I highly doubt, but they still worry. They don't care if he sees them, they just want him to come to the house not taking them above a bar with a bunch of losers living there. I'm sure he if he did want visitation that he'd only come once and never again but its still scary for them.
@mariposaman (2968)
• Canada
17 Feb 09
Being able to procreate does not necessarily make you a good parent, either father or mother. Sometimes you have to do the best you can and hope the children succeed in spite of lack of parents. Unfortunately you cannot make them good parents. There is a tradgedy though in the family court systems that routinely deny willing fathers the visitations and custody that they should rightly have.