are you like Santa when it comes to giving second chances?
@totallyundecided (3190)
Philippines
March 8, 2009 4:54pm CST
strange, i know.
the thing is, one thing i have noticed about me is that, i a hardly give second chances to the people around me.
i've been confronted by my mom lately regarding about my father. who is really trying his very best to talk to me. but it seems that i am pushing myself away from him (or i am putting up a the great wall of china in between us). LOL. (he left us to be with another woman. 10 years after we were okay. then he had another affair wit this woman with whom he had a child and he really hurt my stepmom. it was there where i started being really distant to him.)
but seriously, really. whenever i did something wrong, major or minor, the person or the people i did wrong with has always been kind enough in giving me a second chance to redeem myself to them and gain back whatever is lost - from friendship to trust issues but whenever they are the ones who's at fault, i am so hard and very selfish in giving me the second chances they have always deserved.
until now, i've closed my doors on them. though there are times they are trying to reach me, and of course, i am very civil to them, but i don't allow them to step beyond the civility that we have.
Pride. i know. i apologized for venting this in here but i know in a way, you can aid me some food for my soul because i think, my heart has been poisoned with so much pride and hatred. i know i am being unfair but i just could not find it in my heart to forgive them whole heartedly.
3 people like this
9 responses
@kissieme (777)
• Philippines
9 Mar 09
hi...
I can understand how much your experiences affected you. Children who had been cheated out of a great undivided family have difficulties in forgiving and trusting easily. I've seen it from my friends from broken families because of a third party. It's hard to deal with them, but I'm one of those people who give second chances to people who hurt me, so I can understand what made them hurt the people close to them. I had seen them try to struggle out of the same problems as yours and some of them were successful...
Maybe, when you get to realize that sometimes it is better to set aside pride in order to lead a much easier life... consequently, you won't lose the people who had been there all through out your life. It's hard to lose true friends or a family member just because of pride.
If God had given all of us a second chance, why not do the same to our fellowmen?
hey, you can do it... the path of life is not easy... like a long winding road, you get hurt, trip over and fall or lose your way or even veer to the edge but you can still get to where you want to be. Along with it is change. You can have all the time in the world to know that you can't live in pride and hatred alone...
cheer up... hugs ^_^
@totallyundecided (3190)
• Philippines
9 Mar 09
and you sound very happy. i guess you have found the secret, too.
it's my pride all along that has been hindering me from being at peace with myself. i just tried to deny it and went on living. but it has always followed me around and reminded me that no good can come for me if i am still chain to it. =)
i hope really, that like your friends, i will also come around.
life is really short. thanks, kissieme. for the sweet and wise advice you have given.
cheers to all of us! =)
@kissieme (777)
• Philippines
9 Mar 09
oh PS..
yes I'm mama santa when it comes to doling out forgiveness... lol.
I was cheated by my 1st bf and a very close friend. It hurt a lot back then but after a while it made me realize I'm carrying a lot of heartaches toward them that I don't feel good myself lol. So, I just forgave them... ^_^
that's one of my secrets lol...
@modstar (9605)
• Philippines
9 Mar 09
I'm more than Santa. Kids would love me if i only have a costume. Lol! I forgive all the time. It's just a matter of time for me to cool down then forgive. Of course it's a case to case basis because i thinks yours is of higher degree in terms of acceptance. My story is about my girlfriend whom i waited for more than a year only to find out from her friend that she's three months pregnant that time from another guy in a country where she is working. I was so mad i called her degrading names Gabriela would sue me for! Months have passed then i cooled down. Of course we broke but her second chance came in a form of "i'll let you go this time without revenge". It's a sad story alright but at least i was man enough to tell her that i'd accept her anytime.
@totallyundecided (3190)
• Philippines
9 Mar 09
hi, mod. i agree with you. case to case basis and based from your story, i think it's great love that you have shown to your then girlfriend. most men don't have your quality you know. inspite of the great hurt you've had with your girlfriend but still you accepted her. if only there's a guy version of "secret garden" by bruce springteen - i will dedicate that song to you.
but you know what, i like what you did. and i guess we have the same trait in a way. about coolness. lol. takes a little while before i am completely with myself again.
gabriela thing was funny. are an activist by chance? lol
thanks for the response. it's helpful. =)
@modstar (9605)
• Philippines
9 Mar 09
I almost forgot that song. It's one of the best "calm" songs ever made. Thanks for dedicating that song to me. I'm dedicating "Take A Picture" from Filter to you. I don't know if it fits you but it goes something like "heeeey dad, what do you think about your son(daugther) now?" or Pearl Jam's "Daugther" goes like "Don't call me "daughter". Not fit you. The picture kept, will remind me. Don't call me "daughter"". Wait, am i making things worst? Lol!
@vicki2876 (5636)
• Canada
9 Mar 09
Yes I am a Santa for second chances. I have do it for my parents and friends and partners. My mother I tried so many times till I saw that she was hurting my children and I finally stopped. My father I gave him many many chances and I am glad that I did cause we have finally figured out how to get along and we have a good relationship and my children have a loving grandfather. I have given my friends chances too as well as my partners. I think that it is important to do because I am far from perfect and have made many mistakes myself, to them and my children. If I want to be given a second chance it is only fair that I also do it too.
@totallyundecided (3190)
• Philippines
9 Mar 09
though i sometimes convince myself that i am not afraid of change but here i am, building a wall against to those who have hurt me. never even occur to me of the "what might have beens" and the "if only" if i have given them a second chance.
thank you, vicky. for this. maybe i am stopping the chances of how my father and i can figure out to work on our relatinship. =) cheers! 
@salonga (27775)
• Philippines
8 Mar 09
It seems you have all the reason to feel that way to your Dad, I understand you fully well. However, an unforgiving spirit will not really make you happy. You have to forgive no matter what. Open your door again and let forgiveness comes in. Anyway, your Dad will give an account to God for all his misdeeds.
@totallyundecided (3190)
• Philippines
9 Mar 09
yes. i would like to echo that again. LOL. unforgiving spirit. one of the reasons why i can never sleep peacefully at night.
thanks for the understanding. i heart you already. =)
@sandymay48 (2030)
• Canada
8 Mar 09
Hello there...I most certainly am..I try very hard to understand why people do the things they do sometimes and to realize that we all have different personalities and beliefs. I forgive very easily but seldom forget..I do believe in second chances, hoping and giving the benefit of the doubt that someone has learned the first time around.
But when it comes to an issue of trust, its very hard.Like they say, once bitten, twice shy.. I do trust very easily but break that trust and I will not forget. It does not mean however that I will not forgive. TO me it means two different things.
To err is human, we are all guilty of it..to forgive is understanding..To never forgive brings dislike. To forgive, shows love, but does not mean we have to like what they did!
@totallyundecided (3190)
• Philippines
9 Mar 09
lol. i have this saying too that i got from my friend when i was telling her about my problems. she told me, which is somehow synonymous to yours but streaked with a little humor, "to forgive is divine but to forget is ridiculous." ahahahaha!!!
but i get what she means because she too has a hurtful past. and somehow, it honed her to be a better person.
and yes, whenever my trust is broken, i can never see you the way i see you the first time i gave my trust to you. it will be so hard for me to do that.
i just hope i'll find it sometime soon.
@lindenmayer (25)
• United States
9 Mar 09
Without forgiveness you can't recover from the damage they've bestoyed upon you. I like to say 'Always forgive, never forget.' This wall that you're building up is a defense mechanism. You build this wall to protect yourself. You should never have to suffer repeatedly due to someone else's mistakes. At the same time, you shouldn't shun them completely, because people do make mistakes. What I like to do is limit my expectations, or have none at all. By not expecting something out of someone you can never be dissappointed.
I'm really quick to giving people second chances, as I let them back into my life fairly easily. On the other hand I am very slow, because I don't let people back into my heart as easily. I'm far too sensitive, and I know how betrayl affects me. I believe that if you can hurt me once you'll have no problem doing it again. Give the person time to find a way back into your heart, don't do the job for them.
@dorisday1971 (5657)
• Philippines
8 Mar 09
It is just a natural reaction for somebody who've been deply hurt to avoid giving second chances to the person/s who have hurt them. Healing takes time. You are still young and time will heal all wounds. Who knows, time will come that , out of the blues, you will forgive your father. But for now, you have that right to remain civil to them.
@totallyundecided (3190)
• Philippines
9 Mar 09
lo. i have to agree. it must have taken a lot of hurt for me to be like this. maybe that's one of the reasons why i am having a hard time sleeping at night because i think too much of the past.
i do also hope that i will be able to get to that time very soon coz life is so short and so many unexpected things can occur. thanks for the response. =)
@imaginelove (181)
• United States
9 Mar 09
The best thing is to read the 1611 King James Bible and read Proverbs from it. It's the book about "wisdom". And this is the "TRUE" food for the Soul. Let me know if this helps you. I know it will :) God Bless!
