how to be more patient with grandmothers

Philippines
March 16, 2009 2:18am CST
hi all, i adore my grandmother, she raised us like her own children when our mom left us so we owe her a lot. it is just that, i do not agree with her most of the time. she puts a lot of importance at money, properties, etc. and she will always say we were able to study because of her, we got to where we are right now because of her, blah blah blah and i know it is true but do you really have to throw that in the faces of your grandchildren? when i come home, she will always share what the neighbor shared to her, but she will not call it gossip. she will talk nonstop even when i want to sleep, i usually come visit at the end of the month and arrive home early in the morning like 3am and i am so sleepy at that time and she will still talk nonstop even if i tell her we will talk in the morning when i woke up. she is also getting deaf and it is hard talking to her without shouting and when you shout, she will feel bad, i don't know what to do. please share tips on how to be more patient with my grandmother, thanks!
5 people like this
14 responses
@Anne19 (300)
• Philippines
16 Mar 09
Well.. I guess the best thing we can do to be patient to our grandmother is to think how lucky we are to have them. A lot of people lose their grandmothers at a very early age that they doesn't have the opportunity to be with them. You've also got to realize that aging is a natural process, so eventually you'll grow old too. Would you like your future grandchildren to treat you bad?
1 person likes this
• Indonesia
16 Mar 09
i think so i agree with your opinion
• Philippines
17 Mar 09
=( i feel guilty too sometimes when i answer her in the wrong way. =( i will keep in mind all your suggestions =) next time i visit her i will read again all your responses to help me be more patient =)
@mansha (6301)
• India
16 Mar 09
Are you talking about your grandmother or mine,gee they must be twins born miles apart from each other. How I cope with mine is I just say hmm and hmm and hmm okay. If she starts getting annoyed I throw in a sentence is that so? sor what are you telling? I always try and remember that we also become like our parents in our old age so may be when I grow old I will behave exactly like her and my grand kids if they will not listen to me I am sure I will feel very hurt too. So just lt it be and be nice to her even if she gets in to your nerves and may be yawning a little bit and telling her how tired you are after the juourney will raise her motherly instincts. Sometimes it works sometimes it does not. But cope up with a smile and imagine yourself in her frail and lonely position, it will help.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
17 Mar 09
haha a lot of us here have the same grandmothers LOL and it makes me feel relieved to get all your tips, thanks! i will try to imagine myself as a grandmother too next time i visit her =) thanks a lot people! =)
@theangel (61)
• Philippines
16 Mar 09
LOL.. My granny is like that too. lately, she's going nuts. Like, I caught her inside my room reading some letters, counting money on my wallet. And messin up with my private life. Older people are more sensitive so we have to be careful in confronting them. So what I do, I ask her nicely what she is up to eventhou im so pissed. And she tends to ask questions over and over again which really irritates me.. ANd also, blabber about a topic she discuss everyday and she will get mad if u dont listen. Well, just give them the initial reaction they expect. and make her feel u like what she's doing. So she'll stop blabbering.LOL
1 person likes this
• Philippines
17 Mar 09
that is so true! grandma will keep on telling stories over and over again and she will get hurt if you say "granma, you already told me that story hundreds of times" sigh i will try better next time to be more patient with her =) the odd thing is i am very good with other old people, but with granma when she's being materialistic and nags a lot, i cannot be good to her like i am with grannies of my friends =(
16 Mar 09
It sounds like she absolutely adores you. You are very lucky to have such a caring grandmother. It sounds like she might be a little bit lonely. Perhaps you could encourage her to get out and about a bit more, join a club perhaps. I think her moaning is just her way of saying how proud she is of you. Perhaps when you visit you can come with discussions in mind that interest you so that you can talk about them intead?
1 person likes this
• Philippines
16 Mar 09
yes, we are very lucky to have her. and i really feel bad because i cannot be more patient with her than i should. yes i do encourage her to go out, talk with other people but she is getting old, very slow in walking and so she doesn't go out a lot anymore, and she also wants me to share stories to her like my sister who is also very talkative like her but i am not really very talkative, i am the most silent person at home haha sigh =(
• China
16 Mar 09
Hi, eabaterina, you are lucky, you see, you can have enought time to talk with your grandmother, I never talk with my grandmother, even did not know what she looks like. Most of the olders are just like children, we should be patient with them, when we talk with them, trying to make them be happy, if you are really tired of the tipic, you can do some things which make them happily. And then tell them, you will share much more happy time with them. So hoping it is helpful to you!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
16 Mar 09
yes i know and i also do not have much patience with children =( i am not a very patient person so it is hard for me to do these things =( thanks for the help! =)
• India
16 Mar 09
Since you have been raised by your grandmom, you must be aware of her principles and likings and dislikings. While the generation gap would always be there, you must be aware of the fact too that you are all she has so naturally she loves chatting with you. Most of the time you can ignore what she says, just nod your head and pretend to hear so that she stays calm but after a certain time you can always yawn and say sweetly that you will hear the rest of the story in the morning. Above all, let your love for her show…be with her, pamper her, try to be responsible towards her. You can also say in a serious tone that the fact that your mom left you is not your fault so you don’t really like to hear about it all the time.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
16 Mar 09
yes, i try to nod my head but sometimes she also cannot see that i did nod my head so if i just nod and not say anything she will complain that i do not respond at all =(
• Philippines
17 Mar 09
When dealing with my grandparents I always think of the good things they have done for us and forget what they do now that distracts or annoys me. I always think that what they do now are just consequences of their aging process and its natural. I remember I came across this email message that discusses how our parents including our grandparents have been so patient with us when we were babies and young. Do you remember the time when we always ask them this baby questions when we were just learning. I would believe that we dont only ask them one time, we do it several times which would annoy them of course. But, what they do is they always answer us. They would always tell us what is the best answer for our questions for they believe we need them and it is the nature of toddlers to ask questions for things they dont know. Come to think of it, if our grandparents have been so patient with us why cant we for them? I think this is the best time for us to give back love to them. Be patient and show them how you love them for they will not stay that long. I hope this would help you.
1 person likes this
@deanna2 (159)
• United States
16 Mar 09
hi well i think that you should have a lot of respect for her she gave up her life to raise you and get you where you are today .maybe shes lonely and craves some conversation you should reall set aside some time for her and do something with her like you would one of your friends.let her know show her how much you appreate what shes done.
1 person likes this
@mcdohl (47)
• Indonesia
16 Mar 09
i also raised by my grandmother, i know very well that your problem happen to me as well. One advice from me: Be patients! The 2 generation gap that makes we sometimes doesn't agree with our grandmother, also old people usually like that: loves to complain and to talk a lot. Just be patient ok?? ^^
1 person likes this
@Runprun (48)
• China
16 Mar 09
Yeah, I understand your frustrating feelings. I have the same problem in dealing with my grandpa. He is not a likable person, but I treat him with respect because he is an old man. It's really hard to communicate effectively with older relatives because they have fixed ideologies and outlook. Unfortunately, they always tend to be eager to share their philosophy with you and suppose you will totally accept that. If you ask about how to deal with grandmothers, being patient is already a perfect answer. But if you want to konw how to be more patient, maybe you need to make yourself a more tolerant person, a saint!
@srganesh (6349)
• India
16 Mar 09
It is very hard to go with older people.Just consider her as an unwanted tv program running and try to ignore her sayings.But don't show that.She will be depressed.If you have real respect for her,then give her soothing words and love and show her,you care.what they all need is a good listener and care taker.Cheers!
@Ted3_uk (114)
16 Mar 09
I know a smilar story, raised my grand perents mother and father not around... Now it is just my grand mother left, and she is old. She is the same as yours really, but no is also very extreamly forgetful, ( i can come in the door, go up stairs and come back down and shes forgoten im there) It can be very frustrating i know! But my idea of a solution is you need to reconsider your relationship?? I mean where as before you i guess had a relatioship like mother and son, but now she like my nan is getting old, and is changing in behavour and personality, so i have had to reconsider our relationship.. It may sound mean, but i see myself now more as a carer.. Getting frustrated only causes both of you stress, so you need to become flexable to deal with difficult situstions with out causing stress. Dont know how your grans memory is, but try explaining to her that somethings she says you can find distressing, or if its going to cause stress let it be, and move on.. I mean i often have the same conversation about the neigbours 5 or 6 times in 1 hour. FUN!! lol, but thats how it will be for all one day haha
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
22 Dec 09
Oh please please be patient with your grandmother. She took over the role of your mother when she could have done other things in her life. Obviously she loved you very much to do that. She gave up being a grandmother and picked up where your mom and dad left off. That woman deserves your utmost respect. I'm sure she is old now and not easy to deal with. Just grin and bear it ...it is the least you can do. On the flip side...you lost out on this deal too. you didn't get to experience her as just a gram who could love and dote on you. I know it's not easy. Just hug her and tell her you have to run when she gets to rambling on. The hug is key.
• China
20 Dec 09
i was also raised up by my grandmother in some period of my childhood. and i disagree with most of her opinions which i call it generation gap. however, i m living far away from her now, and even when we meet there is a little topic we can share with. she does not like talk that maybe owe to the hobby of playing cards or some other things.