friend lost a parent. what do I do?

United States
March 27, 2009 11:45am CST
Almost a year a go, I met someone who I now consider one of my closest friends. I'm not really sure how we became so close but we are, and that's all that matters. My friend is going through a tough time right now and I have no idea how to help her. Over 3 years ago, her dad died. I have met some of her family on her dad's side, but I never actually had the chance to meet her dad. As she approaches crucial times in her life (graduation, prom, going off to college, etc.), she is becoming seemingly upset that her father won't be around. I'm trying to figure out how to comfort her but whatever I say doesn't seem to work very well. My other friend's mother died many years ago and I am able to comfort her by reminiscing about all of the fun times we had with her mother when we were young. With this friend, though, I never knew her dad so I can't really do that. Do you have any suggestions about what to say when she tells me it's not fair that her dad won't be at her graduation or to see her get married? I've never lost a parent, so I don't exactly know how she feels. I want to be of help to her because I know it's important for me to be there for her, but I just don't know what to say. Any suggestions?
2 people like this
5 responses
@Pose123 (21667)
• Canada
27 Mar 09
Hi b17105, Welcome to myLot, I hope that you will enjoy the time that you spend here. The only thing that I can suggest is that you must be there for your friend. If she wishes to talk about her father let her do so and listen respectfully. Since it is over three years you would not be able to treat this as you would for someone who has just lost a loved one. This may seem like the wrong thing to say, but I wonder if she is actually angry with her dad for not being there for her at these special times? I'm not suggesting that your friend is being cruel, because she may not know that she is actually doing this. I hope that she gets over this otherwise it could cause many problems later in life. Right now just be her friend and stand by her. Blessings.
• China
28 Mar 09
Anybody have hard time in a whole life .So the only thing we can do is keep calm and peaceful mind to pass it .Since your friends can't go across it ,you should try your best to relax her and give her more supports .Time is the good drag which can cure all of pains ....
@hustye (2)
• China
28 Mar 09
courage him/her, and stay with him/her for a time. In addition, persuade hie/her do something active so that convert his/her grieve into other things.
@xplp211 (257)
• China
28 Mar 09
I don't have the experience. But if it happens to my friend, I will say nothing and do nothing. The best thing to do for me is listening. And the only thing to do for me is asking her is there any thing I can do for her. I don't think she need any words form me, she just need talking and telling. I am not a good at consolation, that is my way to my friend. All things done by me no matter what it is is telling her I love her and I will be there for her.
@zhuhuifen46 (3486)
• China
28 Mar 09
I am sorry for your friend. As a good friend, giving some concrete assistance is the immediate things you can offer, but in such cases it is the constant availability of your emotional assistance that she needs most. Just speak out to her that you are always to her access, and will stay with her to pass the difficult time.