would you like to buy the things that you can't afford?
By cassandradab
@cassandradab (400)
South Korea
April 24, 2009 2:44am CST
i have a friend of mine, she has 3 kids,i accept i am not rich but my husband family are. for me i dont choose any friends its because i came from a poor family,but what i had noticed is she is aftering the things that she cannot get. her husband is just only a factory worker who had a salary for about 800 dollar a month.and she is a part time english teacher. and have 3 kids, she knew that their budget for a month is not really enough even she can't able to buy some new stuf for her kids.but she keep asking her husband to transfer to a better house.and her husband did it.and she keep wanting the thing that she know she will feel hard to catch up for that.she both all appliances in her house.from sofa to a big television a big refrigerator,and everything,.and it cost her too much it takes 5 months of her husband salary.she used to credit using the credit card.thats the reason i keep a distance to her.even my husband and inlaws dont allowed me to be closer with her.i know everytime she was running out of some money she come to me and i let her borrow even i dont ask her to return it. but what i wanted to her is to change the attitude that i really hate.i am her friend and she is older than me.and i hate that kind of peson.
how about you guys would you like to get the things that you know you will in trouble?or you can't afford to buy those stuff? now she still in trouble with her credit to the bank.she can't able to pay for it.her kid was sick and she don't even a single amount.if you have a friend like her what will you do?
3 people like this
24 responses
@cobra1368 (702)
• United States
25 Apr 09
I definitely would NOT give her money! You are an enabler. That means that you are feeding her habit by giving her money to bail her out of her financial situations. She is going to be very sorry when all of that catches up with her and everything is repo'd and they go bankrupt. It will happen if she continues to buy things with plastic money and no real funds to back it up.
Rule #1 of finances: if you don't have the money to pay that credit card bill at the end of the month, then you shouldn't be using the credit card!
As for me, I would love to buy things I cannot afford. Fortunately, I don't if I know I cannot afford them. Any large purchases are discussed at length with my husband, who handles all of our finances, before we make them.
@cassandradab (400)
• South Korea
25 Apr 09
yes you are absolutely right, she don't really care about that.i always give her an advices but she cares nothing.or she just listen her other ear and thraw to other ear.first i treat her as one mof my sister.but lately she doing wrong not only this time even before.her husbands salary is just all go for the bills she even cut off their insurance and cut off the landline phone.she dont ever think what might happend for her kids future.
@cobra1368 (702)
• United States
25 Apr 09
Sounds like she has not yet figured out that material goods do not guarantee happiness. She is digging herself a hole she will never get out of. It is sad to see people downward spiral like that. You want to help them, but it is like an addiction: the first step is that they have to admit they have a problem. If she doesn't think her actions are a problem, then she will never improve her situation.
Unfortunately, there isn't much you can do about that, and you are wise to try to distance yourself from her. You don't want to associate yourself with people that will drag you down. And I don't know about you, but I find it hard to respect people that are that selfish. Her priorities are definitely not in the right place. She should be worried about food and clothing for her children, first and foremost. When I finally have children, I am fully aware that it won't be about me anymore. I would cut off limbs to provide for them! I would want to make sure that, even if I went without something I really needed, they had everything they needed. And she is really taking advantage of her husband as well. Very sad situation indeed.
@stanlee81 (381)
• China
24 Apr 09
Well,i will,if the item is attractive and useful for me.Frankly speaking,I just wanna purchase a HP-CP laptop,but i could not affore it with my current balance.
However,i decide to borrow money from my friend for now,and purchse the pc tommorow.Of course,I have work hard and make some extra money next month and make up the debit.Anyway,I think I should do the and I will purchase the goods what I really wanna get.
@cassandradab (400)
• South Korea
24 Apr 09
i can advise you.in other country borrow some money to other person they think is bad luck,why don't you wait the day you save for it?will its your own mind.
@stanlee81 (381)
• China
25 Apr 09
Well,thank you for your reply.Actually,Different people in different culture have different points of view.However,If they think that is a bad luck action,They can borrow the needed balance from their credit card,which i seldom make use.So,the essential question is wether you wanna get the goods eagerly for now.Do you think so?
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
25 Apr 09
I have friends like that...I don't help them out financially....I can't. I work hard and have worked hard to raise my children on my own. I did get into debt just to feed them and provide necessities. I have one child at home now and am still paying off my debt. I don't owe anyone a thing and miraculously my credit is still good. I don't borrow from friends...I budget. It is really hard sometimes. I do understand how people can get into debt. I think you are right in not helping your friend. What helped me the most is i guess mostly my pride...I refused to ask for help when I really thought I needed it...so I figured it out. If you refuse to give your friend money...she will figure it out. I am not saying to abandon your friend...I had some wonderful friends that helped me. They just did not enable me. My rock bottom was a tent in the middle of the woods with 3 kids ages 1-2 & 11 and an abusive husband and no job. I will tell you that I needed that rock bottom. It humbles you and toughens you and I'm still here and well. You fine-tune your survival skills. While I was there...no one came thru to help. It sucked but ya know what ...I wouldn't trade that time for anything. I learned to make spagetti on the grill.
@cassandradab (400)
• South Korea
25 Apr 09
i admire you for being a strong mom, such a good example for every body,i like people who has a strong dtermination in life.trough sweat and hardship but still standing.i understand how hard to live without enough financial.i been in a poor family but i dont experience that kind of situation. and i dont ever think i can stand with her style.hope someday she can realize that i was not wrong telling her about her wrong doings.hope someday she still remember me as her friend.
@cet1987 (209)
• Malaysia
24 Apr 09
hi there..first of all i'm sorry if my english is not good..:P .Ok, back on the issue, pity her.but at current situation, i think she would be regret for what she have done. i think as a friend, i would help her a little,especially for the sick kid (of course not to settle her debt). This will teach her how important the money is...if you put yourself in her shoe, i think you also want someone to help you. People will remember you for your kindness. credit card and banks are so troublesome. I'll never use credit card for my entire life. I won't buy things that i can't afford. I rather save my money in the bank than in my wallet because i know will need it in the future.
@cassandradab (400)
• South Korea
24 Apr 09
even i hate her.if in times that her kid was sick i still gave my help for her.we are in other country and i know nobody can help her.what i wanted her is to change the attitude she use to be.i don't used any credit cards its because i dont like to think about the bills for the next month.
@cet1987 (209)
• Malaysia
24 Apr 09
in my country, there are an agency set-up by the government to help people organise their credit. my mom had join this agency and now she had nothing to worry about her credit. no more call from the banks.. This agency also could help anyone who need some advice to organise their money.
@cassandradab (400)
• South Korea
25 Apr 09
yes if you know how to save your money you can have what you wanted.
@cassandradab (400)
• South Korea
25 Apr 09
yes if you know that you cant afford for dont force your self.you only make trouble for you daily life.
@gracie04 (4549)
• Philippines
24 Apr 09
I feel sorry for the husband because he got a wife like that.. i mean, with the global recession and global financial crisis, buying things that you couldn't afford isn't practical at all.. don't push yourself or push other people just to satisfy your cravings or obsessions.. instead of buying new home appliances and furniture just start a small business or invest it for childrens future.. her husband should tell her to save not to spend on not so important things.. she's like a social climber trying to be rich/wealthy.. yay!
@cassandradab (400)
• South Korea
24 Apr 09
yes i think so,i think her husband is also have a mental problem to follow her obsession.i really hates that kind of person. sometimes i hate seing her kids with using the dirty clothes and i hungry.once in a while i bring her kids out to eat some delecious foods with my kids too.i felt sorry for her kids.but i can't do anything thats not my own,she deal with her own style.and i have mine too.just the only thing i can give is advises.
@iamcapricorn (338)
• Philippines
24 Apr 09
[b][/b]If I have a friend like her, I will try to talk to her about her attitude, but you can just talk to her, give her advice but don't expect to much, she may or may not listen it's her own decision, that's the only thing you can do. It's up to her to change, about asking money, put your foot down, tell her you cannot always give her, you also have your own expenses to take care of.
@cassandradab (400)
• South Korea
24 Apr 09
yes you got it right.all i can do is advice her but i dont really think she will follow just i wish she will, she barrowed so many time to me,but she didn't returned it ethier. so everytime she in help.i just offer my help and don't expect to get the return.so she will ashame to borrow for the next time.
@froggieslover (3069)
• United States
24 Apr 09
Of course there are a ton of things I would love to have for myself and my children but as a responsible parent I know that I can't. Making sure that my bills are paid and the my credit that is good, I don't care if I don't have the most expensive items or the best looking things, because at least I know that I am not in debt or worrying about possibly losing the items that I do have.
I think that this friend of yours is being selfish for choose material items or making sure that her family has a safe roof over their heads and food on the table. I know that you don't want ruin your friendship with her but you need to let her know that you are not going to let her borrow anymore money because she is never going to learn from her selfishness if you are anyone else is there constantly bailing her out. Her husband also needs to put a stop to her spending even if he needs to take away her credit and bank cards because they are going to get themselves into a huge mess especially in today's economy. If she doesn't fall she will never learn.
@cassandradab (400)
• South Korea
24 Apr 09
yes i agreed with you.your totally get it right,i have my own sayings that if you can't get leave it.i dont go for expensive items,i just have my own expensive things if my husband bought it for me of my mother inlaw give any present for me so i have and i keep it. but i don't think i can do that kind of situation to buy everything i want. yes i understand that. as a woman we love girly stuff.we love expensive product but what the point is.use your head.save your kids stomach first.everytime i went to shopping maybe once a week.i preffer to buy delecious food for my kids or the thing my kids needed.i felt so good if anybody will appreciate my kids. thats the feeling of the mother isn't it? my inlaws and husband know her better, she is open to come over our home before.but lately i keep a distance,its because i want to let her know, if she don't want to change her way of living i also change my friendship with her.
@ceejay2009 (107)
• Philippines
24 Apr 09
I don't agree to that idea, if you can't afford to buy something maybe you just have to set your mind that you have other obligations instead of buying what you like. Because wanting is different from needing, when you need something it's really something to have and cannot wait for a long time to buy it. But when you say that you like or you want something it maybe just a vices or anything that is that urgently needed or not that necessary.
If I were you, I'll talk to her and give her some advice. You have to remind her that you're a friend but you're not gonna tolerate her wrong doings.
@cassandradab (400)
• South Korea
24 Apr 09
yes i did it already,i gave her so many advices, at first she will say she regret what she did.she dont think first before doing it and later she can realized she is wrong.but still she did it over and over again.i dont know why her husband can't make her chage.
@cassandradab (400)
• South Korea
25 Apr 09
wow thats great if have any agency like that. but i dont have any idea if ever there is any agency like that her in my current country.but wish there is to help people like her.
@james_gordon (42)
• Philippines
24 Apr 09
I'd like to buy expensive things for surely its quality is the best compared to the cheaper ones. if i really can't afford to buy such things, i will not buy it anymore. maybe i just buy other things, that is if i've already done my part saving money for the payment of the thing i oath to buy.
@cassandradab (400)
• South Korea
25 Apr 09
i like expensive thing though,i think first before i go for it.,if my budget will fit why not but buying such expensive item is really not my style.its because weather and season is quiet change in a few months so i preffer to buy un expensive item if i dont really dont need it,.i packed and send to my country to give the other who needed.
@cassandradab (400)
• South Korea
24 Apr 09
i will barrow money from my husband family or in the bank for what?to give help to my friend? she need to pay her credit card is not only a hundred of dollar but 6000 dollar. what the hell?
@angelbabyliz (68)
• United States
25 Apr 09
I fantasize about it sometimes, but it doesn't bother me and I'm content with what I have. At the end of life people don't really think about the things or stuff they wish they once had, it's family that matters.
@cassandradab (400)
• South Korea
25 Apr 09
every person have our own desire but it doesnt me to totally tolerate it.we need to think more before we decide which is more important or desire or our needs.sometimes if i went for shopping write it in a sheet of paper the thing that i need from the foods to the rest of my kitchen need.if i left some money for my budget in that week.that time i save some and i buy for my desire.but it really ot important.
@megh4u (372)
• Alpharetta, Georgia
24 Apr 09
I know its not good to go for the stuff which are not affordable you us, and there are many persons who don't care about and buy that stuff, but according to me my parents and I don't care about anything the only thing we care about is to make our life secure financially and if you think that you have enough to secure your life then go for the other stuff, in my home we don't have any TV, Refregirator etc..we have PC since it is used in studies so the basic thing that I want to say is that buy only those things that you require or with that thing you cannot able to do work then its ok to go for that stuff other wise its a wastage and un affordable stuff is simply a wrong move in life...
@cassandradab (400)
• South Korea
25 Apr 09
wow,your parent msut be very nice and good parents. yes you are right,all those thing are not really useful,well,sometimes refrigirator might be needed but i mean you dont need to purchase a new one if you know you can use the old one. in our home we ahve all appliances and have tv every rooms.but ofcourse i dont bought all of them.and if i only choose i dont need it all,
@ktosea (2025)
• China
24 Apr 09
yeah,of course I like to have many stuffs,but that doesn't means I have to buy them,if I can not afford I will just leave it in the store and try harder to make money when someday you could buy it,for your friends if she couldn't afford the things,she should wait until one day she has enough money to afford it,or life will be in trouble
@cassandradab (400)
• South Korea
25 Apr 09
yes that was i am thinking for.if you really need that stuff.you can save for it,or you can buy tv in this month and pay for all the bills and if have the extra for the next you can purchase the other one but dont get all in one purchase that you know you cn't able to pay.
@blungel0830 (841)
• Philippines
24 Apr 09
Hi. I would not buy things that I know I can't afford because that would be "living beyond our means" and financial woes are often a cause of marital relationship breakdowns. It is always best to keep to the budget and to spend only according to available resources. If I were you I would listen and obey your husband's advise to you stay away from your friend because if you don't you might run into financial problems too by continuing to bail your friend out of her money problems. This in turn might negatively affect your own relationship with your husband.
@cassandradab (400)
• South Korea
25 Apr 09
yes that what i did but i dont totally give a distance she is still open for me if she needed me but i dont really what she needed.i want to her to learn a lesson which is she can understand why she is now in hardship and even in a very low level of living.
@cassandradab (400)
• South Korea
26 Apr 09
yes you got a right point.dont think about the things that only ruin your budget for the whole month.
@cassandradab (400)
• South Korea
25 Apr 09
yes you got.is it a sick?i dont know,hope she will learn from her lesson.
@cassandradab (400)
• South Korea
27 Apr 09
sorry,but im not talikng about my husband this is about my friends.yes we dont need to hate our spouse.
