my husband's bestfriend's problem

Philippines
May 3, 2009 10:52am CST
My husband's bestfriend faced a problem which he can't handle it calmly. He had just broke up with his girlfriend last month. It's a month already but still he cannot accept the fact that his girlfriend doesn't love him anymore. He kept too much hatred in his heart. He really wants to take a revenge to this girl. Because his girlfriend has a new boyfriend now. He opened this problem to my husband and he said, he wanted to teach his ex girlfriend a lesson that she could not forget. What would be the nice advice could we give to him?
2 people like this
14 responses
@chookie1971 (2277)
• Australia
4 May 09
This friend must have really cared for the girl to respond like this. Revenge is not the best solution. It would show a horrible side to him. It is not going to be an easy road to travel for him. He needs to try and move on. It is so easy to say this but doing it, is the hardest thing to do. What will help him along, is all of his friends to get together and just be there for him and support him. I have faced with a problem myself when it comes to people. It is my heart that has been broken. I had a very good friend who was married. He was divorced and single for a while. We had a very good friendship through his marriage and all the events that happened after. All that changed when he met his new woman. She was cautious of me. It took 7 months before her and I started talking online. Then in all of 2 to 3 weeks, I had lost my friend after I started talking to her. She had convinced him off all the things I am not. He even accused me of things I didn't even do. He wasn't the person that I had met 5 years ago. He didn't even tell me what was going on. He tried to just disappear and then lied to me. I then discovered the truth about his attempt to disappear. Here I had been trying to defend my side of the story. I am desperate to prove to him the truth about what really had happened between her and I. If he does discover the real truth, I think he would be really hurt and that is why really I should let it go. I do care for him, and I would love for him to see what type of person she is. The type of person she showed me online was a fantastic person. I am trying hard myself to move on. I don't want revenge. All I want is to have answers to the question of why did she do this to me. I have my theory that she was jealous of me because of the good friendship I had with the guy and she wanted to get rid of this possible threat. So really, thinking of my own situation, the advice to give him, is don't take revenge. If he took revenge, it will make his behaviour look really ugly. I feel that he is alot better than that. Just let him know that he has friends out there that do care for him. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. With the help of his friends just being there for him, he will get through. It is now time to focus on himself and make sure that he stays healthy.
2 people like this
• India
4 May 09
hi really nice message and so nice of you. i agree with you that taking revenge on a person definitely makes his behavior ugly. BE brave and dont negelect your career thinking of all these matters. be happy
1 person likes this
• Philippines
5 May 09
Hi thanks for your response. I feel sorry to your experience. It was really sad. Anyways, Congrats, because yo have overcome that. My husband's friend is decided to pursue his plans. We're afraid about him because we don't know what revenge he will make. We already gave our opinions, ideas and advices to him but he seems to be more eager to take a revenge. He wanted to let his ex feel the pain he's experiencing now. He will stop if he could do it.
@smileonstar (4014)
• United States
3 May 09
Revenge? What a bad idea he had. I think it is hard for him forget her and it is hard for him to accept it. One thing, try to have him talk about his problem between him and her. I mean let him open all, what in mind. Ask him, what kind of problem that he feels so bad and want to revenge her? I think cuz of his girlfriend is too quickly having a boyfriend. Or may be her boyfriend is one of his friend or something. Explain him what revenge means to him and what will cause him in the future. Introduce him to someone else that is nicer than her. Love is totally blind and it is hard to accept for some people. I really hate it when it comes out like this. You should step forward and be there for him, explain and show how much life mean and how important to forget one bad and reach for a good. There are many good girls out there and they dont really have the same mind like his ex-girlfriend, so tell him to move on and forget what she had done to him. Good luck
2 people like this
• Philippines
5 May 09
hi! thanks for the response. I introduced already one of my friends to him. What he's telling to us was he's not yet ready for another relationship. It's really hard for him to let go and move on. What he said to us was, he could forget the feelings if he could see his ex in a horrible life with her present boyfriend. What an ugly point of view, right? But i can't blame him to feel this way because he felt so much pain in his heart. We're praying that he would learn how to forgive and forget his
@Jae2619 (1485)
• United States
3 May 09
Moving on and letting go of someone you truely loved deeply is one of the hardest things to do. He feels wronged by her. He gave her his heart and she took advantage of his as he's feeling. The best advice to offer him would be to tell him, you know he's hurting and he needs to go threw that grieving period of breaking up. You just don't break up and walk away, take some time for himself. Being mean and taking revenge on someone is never the thing to do. Not only could things go terribly bad, where this girl could get majorly hurt, but by doing something hurtful and mean will only hurt him in the long run as well. If he's holding on to the hate now, he'll never be able to forgive himself for hurting her. They always say that getting revenge heals the heart but that's never the truth. It's hard to see someone you loved with another person.
2 people like this
• China
4 May 09
nice to meet you asia girl.i am a asia boy.my girl friend meet me when she has a boy friend.then she say goodbye to him and hug me.so i am afraid of the same thing happen to me.so i suggest you give him some positive suggestions.some bad suggestions may be harm to him and his girl and maybe you!so be careful.let him calm down.there are so many beautiful girl in philippine.he has so many chance to meet more good girl.so dont waste time on his ex girl.focus his eyes on some one other.you can help him.just do it.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
5 May 09
Hello!thanks for the response. Do you believe in KARMA? What I believed happened to our friend is a KARMA. Because he had this past relationship for 11 years and then they broke up and after a month too, he had this girl already. Uuooh! I may say, enjoy your present relationship now as long you share same love to each other. Good luck!
@AnnaB7 (757)
• United States
4 May 09
I think it would be a bad idea for him to take revenge on her because he will destroy his life. And he will hurt his friends and family too, taking revenge is not wise in my personal opinion. I think that your husband should just try to encourage him to move on, better to find out now before he is married than to find out later on that things are not going to work out. The best thing that he can do is to also find someone else so that he will not be thinking so much about his x in my opinion. If he moves on he may find someone he likes a lot better even who also likes him a lot better, and who knows maybe he will get married to someone who is more compatible than his current ex girlfriend
1 person likes this
• Philippines
5 May 09
Thanks for the response.We had same advices given to him but still he didn't care to listen to our ideas. What is in his mind now is to hurt also his ex.
@betsyhu (207)
• China
4 May 09
how to search the reason why they break up ? Is it useful to him or her ? Love is no reason, can you tell why you love him or her ? so breaking up is no reason too. Maybe for his characteristic, for girl's new lover, for money, if these can be reason, I think, it's not love before. Gone with wind, a new start isn't bad, Maybe, the girl not belonging to you is doomed. another better girl is waiting for him.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
5 May 09
Hi! thanks for the response. The reasons of their break-up was religion and family. The girl's family doesn't like him because they had different religion. But our friend committed already to the family of his ex that he's willing to go with their religion when they get married.
@fwangaa (3058)
• China
4 May 09
there are many girls in the world. you can choose better one if you lost the bad one. and all the girl are better than the old that you lost. if you lost a tree you will gain the whole forest.
1 person likes this
• India
4 May 09
God is there he will give the punshiment to everybody who done the wrong just wait for a time which he gets them tell her what she have done, dont unnecesssarly fall in problem ok and belive that your turn will come
1 person likes this
@samdeb (82)
• Muzaffarpur, India
4 May 09
hey tell your husband freind that life is flowing river and several obstacles may \come so .forget about that the love resides in heart and heart never asks for revenge .if he had true love with his girl freind than he will never revenge .and if her girl freind has doublecrossed him than it is ok u can take revenge becuse it is being said ""AS U SOW SO YOU REAP"" so think and make dissision
1 person likes this
• India
4 May 09
Hi, i understand the situation and i know how a person feels when he loses her girl friend but revenge is not the right solution and all his sincereity and love all this time towards her goes in vain. Try to make him understand that love is universal. tell him that if he plans to revenge on her there wont be any difference between the gal who cheated him and himself. Tell him clearly that he was so lucky that he came to know her original face even before marriage. let her go by her fate. tell him clearly that love is only a part of life. ask him to be happy my best wishes for his future.
@zandi458 (27954)
• Malaysia
3 May 09
Should tell this guy that she is not fated to be with him and to stop creating problem with her ex. Let bygone be bygone and by creating problems it only shows that he is not an openminded person and will only scare future friendships.
@aileen18 (170)
• Philippines
4 May 09
why waste his time on teaching her a lesson? why can't he just move on with his life? it's not right that just because he was dumped by a girl, he would revenge on her. it seems that he doesn't love the girl at all because instead of being happy for her, he wanted to hate her. no matter what's the reason of their break-up, still it's not right.love is forgiveness, and if he truly loved her, then he will set her free. what i think is, it's just his pride that making him angry. well i hope he could move on and find someone that will truly love him and vise versa. :)
• Philippines
5 May 09
hi aileen! thanks for the response. I think you're right. It's the pride that made him angry so much. He cannot deny the fact that love really fades away from him. We already told him about forgiveness but still he really wanted to pursue his plans.
• China
4 May 09
It seems that your husband's friend is really care for his ex girl friend. But if he really loves her, why does he still want to hurt her? A revenge won't do any good to her or himself. Loved her, then wish her happiness. Not every love story has the 'live happily afters' ending. Life will go on without her, but it is still a wonderful one as long as he learns how to love. Good luck.
• Philippines
5 May 09
Is it really hard for a guy to loss someone they love?It's really hard for our friend to forget and forgive his ex. He is decided to pursue his plans. To make revenge. We do not know what revenge he is planning because he didn't share this to us. What actually we're doing now is invite him always in our house just to let him feel that he's not alone. He still have friends who love and care for him.
@bing28 (3800)
• Philippines
4 May 09
If he really love his girlfriend he would not think of revenge, he would rather show goodness in order to win her back. Should he make revenge, there would be no more hope for him to reconcile with her someday. Though her ex have a boyfriend now, if he would just be himself showing same love for her, who knows, considering his relationship with the girl last maybe for years compared to her new boyfriend who's just one month, a more positive thing could happen.
• Philippines
5 May 09
Thanks for the response. Suggestions taken. Good day!