How do you recreate trust ?

United States
May 21, 2009 10:54am CST
Recently my husband and I have been fighting a lot. We fight about bills, the children, our friends, even our 9-Ball Pool team. I think we fight because there is no trust in each other. We trusted each other in the beginnign of our relationship, but some where along the way it got lost. I am doing everything that I can think of to rebuild that trust. We even started counseling together. It is how we are trying to regain that trust. How do you rebuild trust in your relationships?
4 responses
@phyrre (2324)
• United States
21 May 09
I agree with Cathy. Trust is a very delicate thing and once it's broken it's extremely hard to mend. It takes time and effort and a lot of couples aren't willing to dedicate that much energy to it. I hope you can make it, though! When my fiance and I start arguing, sometimes it's because we just haven't had enough time to each other. Try to make more time to do things as a couple without the children. Set aside one night a week for you to go see a movie or go to a restaurant or do whatever where you can spend quality time together, talk about things rationally, and catch up with each other's week. You could also try what my mother and her fiance did when they started really fighting constantly, though it requires effort from both parties (which her fiance did not contribute). Try to say 5 nice things about the person every day and then tell them 1 thing that you wish they would do differently. It's positive reinforcement for things that might otherwise get overlooked and it has to be a safe zone so that they can say whatever negative thing is on their mind without the other getting mad, of course. Also try to say 'I Love You' at least 5 times a day because it helps get in that mind set. Other than that, all you can do is try. Counseling is definitely a good option. Listening to each other and communicating is very important. Next time you feel a fight coming on, take 5 minutes time out and go to separate corners and then come back when you're a little less angry and try to discuss it without the screaming and tempers. If you feel yourself getting angry again, take another break. Going into a fight angry only makes things worse. It's a lot more effective when both parties are a little more relaxed. :) I wish you the best of luck and I really do hope you can get this worked out with your husband!
• United States
6 Jun 09
Mehadawn, I'm sure you are not alone. I would bet that there are more couples fighting because of all the problems in the world today then couples that don't fight . It says alot that you two are going for help . That means you both still love each other and want to make it better. One thing that I have learned in my life is to pick my battles. I've learned to let alot of little things that might annoy me go, and only fight over the real big important things. . Anyway it's wonderful that you are both trying to make it work , it show's that you both still care , and you will make it :)
@kryzell (921)
• Philippines
12 Jun 09
This is probably one of hte hardest questions I've encountered in here in Mylot. Besides, I don't know how I'll be in any position to give an honest repsonse considering I've had trust issues with an ex=partner too. However, from my experience, I think it's not only about him... It's also about me, not giving him a chance worth trsting again. I am not familiar about the particulars in your relationship... but how about starting from yourself, if you really want it to work out... just an advise. I think that's where I failed, just thought it might work with you.
• Philippines
12 Jun 09
A friend once wrote an article, and she started it with a quote that goes "It takes years to build trust but takes only seconds to destroy it." I say work on it. It won't be easy re-building trust. I used to think it was impossible, but what would happen to the world if we just never gave second chances? You be the first to trust. It would probably let your husband feel that he can trust you too.
• United States
21 May 09
I will not say it is impossible to regain trust, but it is a hard thing to accomplish. I tell my stepdaughter all the time, once you lose trust is is very hard to get back, if at all. It takes alot of time, patience, and alot of baby steps to gain the trust back. Why do you not trust each other? Was someone unfaithful, caught in a bunch of lies? You have to really talk about why there is no trust before you can begin to gain it back. A liar or cheater has to prove to the other partner that he or she can be trusted gain, one day at a time.