Depression or Depression Anxiety? long but plz help me..
@PerfctlyFlawed (98)
United States
May 24, 2009 4:31pm CST
Im 21 and I work at wendys... no health insurance, living off paycheck to paycheck..
and im about 6,000 in debt (got that working out by debtsolutions. com) and anyways,,
ive been told by several people that im suffering from depression... and it might be worse.. depression anxiety..
lemme retype wut my blog on myspace says
I was told by a coworker that i have several symptoms of depression.. i dont understand why tho.. things are good.. i got the man of my dreams, sure i hate my job and money is tight for now but things are good..
I just i dunno i dont really know how to describe it. I guess it all started the day mom mom asked me to do the dishes so i did my dishes the dishes i got dirty (my brothers dont do crap to help around the house )and mom told me to do the rest of them and i said get cory or colby (my brothers) to do them ...
then i got a text from mom saying "family meeting at 7" it wasnt a family meeting.. it was a gang up on cassandra meeting.. I freaked.. was crying, violently shaking scratching my wrists (i used to be a cutter)rocking back and forth hyperventilating.. they also said one thing that hurt me the most.. that if we didnt find sean (my boyfriend who lives with us) a job soon they are gonna have to send him back home *he moved here from washington state* [which i later found out they would never kick him out] and i told them after they said theyd send him home that if they did they;d never see me again..
the day after that i was confronted by a boss at work who said "i know u dont like to do anything.. but wut do u want to do" talking about taking orders or bagging in drive thru.. i started bagging and it was just the mixture of my boss (who is not fired)saying i dont do anything which is BS and rude customers! and i said i cant do this right now and started crying hysterically.. i was shaking hyperventilating.. on way home we stopped and got some St Johns Wort pills which help with depression and those are amazing! lol i love them..
ur supposed to take no more than 6 a day.. on days i work i usually take 6 within 3 or 4 hours of being there.. its like as soon as i clock in i get a tight feeling in my chest .. its hard to describe.. like anxiety..
thats how i describe my work attitude.. i feel anxious.. tightness in chest, and arms tingle a bit and i feel nervous kinda paniky..my pills help with that..
things were good for a while
5-13... forgot my pills... felt anxious... but things were funny
5-14... forgot pills again.. was on sandwich station where i was making them for the 2 front registers.. customers were lookin at me.. i felt nervous.. i felt like all of them were looking at me wondering what was taking me so long.. and id look up at the screen and since both register operaters names were ashley one was ashley b the other ashley r id get confused and hand out the wrong sandwiches and customers would bring them back and id just get overwhelmed and told tim to make sandwiches for a min and i walked away and cried... and id come back for a few.. hand violently shaking and make a few burgers then cry some more... i felt like i was holding everyone back and letting everyone down.. my coworker br told me i was addicted to my pills and i dunno if thats true.. im fine at home without them but work.. they help me...
also today i called out cuz i was sick and i cried before i called out.. i was scared they were gonna yell at me... thats another panic thing i have.. i dont like to call places or talk to people except friends cuz im afraid they are gonna yell at me....
8 responses
@jay1767 (6)
• Australia
25 May 09
Sounds like you have already got alot of help from the others that have left comments here!Thank God for that as I know what depression is like also! I have always suffered anxiety and a certain amount of depression and didnt know what it was;or why I felt the way I did!When my Father passed away it tiped me over the edge! The main thing was I found help by going to my Doctor and was put on some medication which improved me Greatly and enabled me to think clearer and had less anxiety!There is a Book I bought as well Called ( The Black Dog)!It will help you better understand what is troubling you ! The name of the book came about from Sir Winston Churchill(I have not spelt that right but I think you know who I mean) Anyhow he also suffered depression and that was his name for it!Anyhow I am sure if you look it up on the net you will find a copy no worries!Anyhow the best help that you can get is from a Good Doctor who should be able to send you to the correct specilists that you require!And remember you are not alone!!!! Take Care
1 person likes this
@olydove (1209)
• United States
24 May 09
Hi there,
What you have is not depression, it's Severe anxiety-Panic attack disorder.
I have the same exact thing and thank god over time it's gotten better. Mine was triggered by birth control I was on called norplant.
I had some previous issues in my life, and the hormones that were in the norplant triggered my anxiety and I was having sometimes 7 panic attacks a day.
Here's what would happen during my attacks.
First- My chest would start to feel tight, like someone was sitting on me
then I could feel my heart pounding, I'd start getting sweaty and shaky, then I would feel like I couldn't breath. Then I would just cry uncontrollably for about an hour, fall asleep and when I woke up I was better but my body felt drained of energy. Sometimes I truly thought I was dying!
The St Johns wort works but to take a many as you mentioned there in such a short time can be dangerous. Contact your local health department and see if they can refer you to a sliding scale doctor where you can pay like $20 or maybe if there is a free clinic in town. I also recommend if you can talk with your boss about giving you some time off while you get this in order. If you have to go apply for medical assistance you've got to get this under control because it can have a very bad affect on your life at work and at home especially with your previous history.
1 person likes this
@jessogusto (32)
• India
25 May 09
I can relate to you on the depression problem. Can I point you towards a song?
Anna Nalick-Breathe.
Take care.
PS: By the way, if you have a stable internet connection and do try out internet money making sites, increase your online time by 15 mins and expand your horizons.
I've got a few online time and Mbs (downlaod) saving tips as well if you wanna know.
@spalladino (17891)
• United States
24 May 09
My husband has post traumatic stress disorder from being in Vietnam along with depression so I know something about anxiety and depression. It sounds like you're suffering from both right now. You are extremely stressed and I'm glad the St. John's Wort is working for you so keep taking them.
I know that you don't have any insurance but you should see if you can get some help somewhere. See if your health dept. has a mental health program or can direct you to one in your area that is either free or has a sliding scale based on income. You need to be able to work out some of the stressful situations in your life which are keeping you so on edge. Is your family willing to help you with this problem? Can you talk to your boss about the stress that you are under and ask him to be patient with you for awhile? Talking to a counselor could be very helpful so really try to get some professional help. Good luck. 
1 person likes this
@Bradpete (822)
• Philippines
25 May 09
Keep on rolling yes sometimes we have a concern like this things no benefits. Very feel depress on our part. Me I'm trying to be happy in my job even though is little salary but as long I use my salary in my needs is my priority and wants just rare for only as myself reward I buy the things I want but not the expensive one. When I got my salary first I follow the Lord. The Law of Tithing 10% to Him. 10% for my savings. 80% for my bills and needs. I go to deft for emergency purpose only when my savings are are run out in emergency. And I'm friendly with my coworker and I do feel good.
@highflyingxangel (9225)
• United States
25 May 09
As someone already suggested it definitely sounds like panic disorder. However, don't let anyone fool you, panic disorder can be paired with depression and anxiety as all of those disorders are commonly found together and if you have one, it's likely you'll have two or three or more. It's not that uncommon.
My suggestion is, don't take medical advice from people online and toss the St. John's wort pills. Those are just supplements and really don't do much of anything and can be deadly if you take too many. As far as you know, taking those pills isn't really doing anything at all, it's just the placebo effect.
See a real doctor. Find a mental health professional and get evaluated. There are plenty of resources out there for those that are mentally ill and do not have health insurance or enough money to cover their bills. It's best to not let this go untreated because it can and will get worse.
@mama_bear (1118)
• Canada
25 May 09
sounds like you are having a bit of a hard time, and you appear to be in a toxic environment at the moment. what you need right now is a good support network, do you have any friends either than your boyfriend that you can rely on? there are certain mental health service in canada that i free i shall look some up for you. you need to talk to someone professional who is objective, they can help you. i am speaking as someone who is recovering from depression, you can never be completely cured from it but it does get better. i am a work in progress but i am lucky i have a sister and mother who care for and love me and are very supportive. my ma was not always like that but she learnt about the disease and did her part not to be toxic.
please get help as soon as you can, you sound like you are suffering from anxiety too. you do not have to feel alone i know that it can be pretty hard sometimes, but just hang in there, this is not just lip service i honestly feel bad for you. if there is a way, you need to get out of the housing situation that you are in right now, look into low income housing, there should be something out there. i shall do some research on this.
