do u think a person should get married to someone she loves

By Liz
United States
June 1, 2009 11:20am CST
even though she admits she'll never love this person The way she loved the guy she dated for 6 years before him. Who by the way she still calls and talks for hours to. I should say the old boyfriend was in drugs and alchol for 4 years Of there relationship but since has quit drugs but still drinks. Which She hates. Her family is really close to the new guy, but the old boyfriend Treated her bad while on drugs they would disown her if she got back with him. She openly admits she wishes it was the old boyfriend she was marring, but has started wedding Prep. And could never do that to her family.
3 people like this
7 responses
@pickoy (734)
• Philippines
1 Jun 09
No. A person should never enter marriage if there's no element of love, it's something that can't be learned no matter what you do. Its a lifetime commitment and it would be a journey to endless anguish and regret to marry someone you don't love. Its unfair to the new guy, he must have been a nice one and he also deserves to find true love. But it doesn't mean you should marry the old guy coz that would be crazy! What kind of life can he give you if he can't even fix his? The girl should defer the marriage until she finds someone she really loves. Its no joke being married, waking up beside the man you'll despise for the coming years. How can you give yourself to marriage if you're not whole in itself, your heart belongs to someone else. In this kind of situation, you need to use your mind and not your heart... don't marry the new guy coz that will compromise fairness to both of you; don't marry the old guy, coz he's all messed up, you don't marry someone to change him but to love him for who he his, in the current situation, he is no ready to commit, he has nothing to give. The girl should wait until the coast is clear before she commits to sail again in life.
• United States
1 Jun 09
I need make it clear that she says she does love the new guy, But she said she'd never love him in the same way and is worried she'll Always love the old guy and never forget him. He's( the old guy isn't a bad Person, he works and is trying to live a good life)
@rosdimy (3936)
• Malaysia
2 Jun 09
It is possible for the heart to love a new person but in many cases it is easier said than done. Somehow the heart refuses to forget, and yearns for the previous love. Based on personal experience I say it may be better for her to marry the one she loves. She is taking a risk of building a marriage on shaky ground. The marriage may face many ups and downs due to the memory of the past love on her behaviour and the soon to be husband. On the flip side there is also a chance that the new person may be able to make her change her allegiance. It all boils down to honesty between the two, all the best, rosdimy
@glesil_00 (1147)
• Philippines
2 Jun 09
For me, it should be that you will marry the person you love. Loving someone makes you feel good and nice and because of this, you will not look iun any negative or bad side of the person. Marrying someone you don't love take sometime before you can teach yourself to fall in love, and it is not easy to be in a realationship that at first you feel no love in the person.
• Philippines
2 Jun 09
Good day... Why start something that is wrong in the first place. You'd only be hurting yourself and those people around you in the long run. Marriage for me is a decision, a decision that only couple involved will have to make and on their own free will. Marriage that is forced would not last and would just end up badly.
@angelajoy (1839)
• Philippines
2 Jun 09
It's not really fair to the guy that she's marrying because she's still in love with someone else. A person should only marry someone when he or she is truly ready to commit and not just marry someone for the sake of getting married.
• United States
1 Jun 09
No! Don't marry someone if you are not in love with them. It is not fair to the other person. My mother married my father and she was in love with another man and let him and everyone else know about it. They have had a horrible marriage in my opinion. They constantly fight. I think if you do not want to let this person go (the one you are about to marry) you should take more time to get to know each other so that hopefully you may fall in love. She should try to let the other guy go if possible. Try to cut all ties with him. If she keeps talking to him she won't be able to heal so that she can allow someone else into her heart. I think it is a big mistake to get married to someone if you have not healed yet. As for your family they are not the ones who have to marry this man you are. You have to live with him and have babies with him not them. Take your time and give yourself time to heal inside first. If the man you are about to marry really loves you he will understand and be patient with you. You will both be happy if you give it time.
@HGeenius (39)
1 Jun 09
well thats a tough one there isn't it, my philosph.. just follow your heart and not your brain ;) if your inlove with someone else and not the person your supposed to be marrying its not fair on the guy that your marrying... but your have to love him if you've said yes to marrying him right? :S