Respect turned to fear? Can it be undone?
June 4, 2009 3:11pm CST
This issue bugs me for many years already. Yet until now, I still can't figure it out and solve it. What is the meaning of respect towards a person? How does it differ from fearing a person? I have a very complete family. And I am thankful of that. Unlike others, they either have a broken family, a one parent only or one member is not with them anymore... However, I have this issue towards my father. He always wants respect. But he imposes fear in us. My father, by the way, is a seaman. He is rarely at home that I am strangely thankful. Not only me, but my mother, my aunt, my siblings, and our helper as well in my household other than my grandparents and the other relatives. As I though about it, there was once a time I have respected him as a father and as a person. I could still remember that I am so proud of him. However, ever since I started to be an adolescent, my feelings started to change. It got worse from an incident that almost broke our family apart but it left a scar on us. Ever since then, we fear our father and never talk to him anymore. As in REALLY talk like sitting down and have a chat. Well, I never remembered having chatted with him before so we really have this huge gap with each other. Can our fears still be undone? Can it return back to respect? Does it still have hope after I have seen how he treated my baby brother in a way not fitted to a 3 year old boy? All of your opinions and advices are welcome. In fact, I think I need a psychologist already.
1 person likes this
4 Jun 09
Hi SinfulRose, There is a great different between respect and fear but your father doesn't seem to understand that. Respect is not something you demand, it is something you earn. I had great respect for my father as did all my family. He worked very hard to feed and clothe us but he was also kind and compassionate. He taught us how to live by example more than by words. Please do not hate your father no matter what he has done because hate never helps. I feel sorry for him because he is turning his family against him and someday he may need them. I'm not saying that you should welcome him into your home as he is now but someday he may be in need of someone. If that time ever comes and you see him in need and sad for what he has done, try to find it in your heart to forgive him and then welcome him into your heart and home. Right now he does not understand how to be a good father, perhaps it's because of the way he was raised himself. He needs your help but it doesn't look like he is ready to accept it yet. Blessings.
• Davao, Philippines
4 Jun 09
Thank you very much for commenting and for your good opinion. Yes, I have thought about what you've said and did so before; since I am like him in more ways than one. I am glad that you have a father that knows how to show his soft spot. My father however, like me, has some difficulties in showing his love. I think it should be, he doesn't know how to show his feelings aside from anger. Yes, it has something to do on how he was raised too. My grandmother has what we call favoritism among her sons. I am sad to say, my father is not the one given the special treatment. The thing that I am curious the most is how he could never express himself in a soft way. My uncles are okay but my pops is as hard as rock. If he gets angry, he focuses it on my mother or me, the one who he sees who has many faults and mistakes. As for hating my father, yes. But I don't hate him so much as to go and leave home. In fact, it seems like I feel nothing for him anymore at all unless of he angers me. I couldn't care less if he brings home a mistress with kids as long as he could provide for all of us. I just remembered my mother asking me what should I do if my father is to bring home a child that is not hers. My answer was "Welcome the child. Kick the father out." We laughed out loud since my mom was expecting the other way around.
5 Jun 09
There are fathers who are insensitive to the feelings of their kids. Your father felt that he is right in his ways. There is a need for him to mirror himself and his attitude. How about sending him an anonymous letter, telling him your life story and projecting what will happen in his old age if such attitude will continue. This can be send in another place to make it suspense. If a third party will tell it to him, he might listen. If his children will open the issue to him, he will surely get angry.