will you adopt you husband's child?

@ckyera (17235)
Philippines
June 4, 2009 9:32pm CST
this just comes to my mind... given a situation...let say your husband have sinned to you, got an affair with another woman and make her pregnant...and when the other woman gave birth she gave the child to your husband and she is gone forever...what do you think? will you accept that child or not? i know forgiveness should come first but how about the child, who is innocent of its parent's mistake? how will you deal with it? me if this happens to me, honestly i don't know what to feel and what to do... how about you? this is just a hypothetical question just wanting to hear other women's opinion... thanks! :-)
2 people like this
16 responses
• Philippines
5 Jun 09
first and foremost, i don't like cheaters and i definitely wouldn't like to live with one. cheating as an emotional abuse is probably the one thing that is going to be the most difficult part in my married life. but since i am not married yet, i don't know how i would react given this scenario at hand. but issues aside, i'd make sure the child is comfortable. and deal with my cheating husband later. if in the event that we decided to stay together, i have no other course of action but to adopt the child and learn to love the child as my own. it may sound like a typical martyr that i am often accused of... but what the heck, the child is the innocent party here, it's not the child's fault. it may take some getting used to but i know i have a forgiving heart. forgiving but i don't think i'd ever forget. the pain would diminish somehow, but i doubt if i ever will forget the pain of being cheated. if my husband and i decided to part ways because of this, i cannot think of adopting his child from someone else because legally i can't do that unless we stayed together.
@ckyera (17235)
• Philippines
23 Jun 09
hello myles... forgive & forget! things that i think didn't come easily... yes our heart can really forgive especially to those that we really love and to forget does not exist with forgiveness...it really takes time. you are right that when you choose to forgive and accept your husband, you should also accept the child...even how much it hurts ( i think it will really hurts to always see the fruit of your husband's betrayal) but all those are just temporary and time will come that the hurt will be gone and love will takes place... thanks for your nice participation...
• Philippines
23 Jun 09
i had a boyfriend before who had a couple of kids from a previous relationship. actually, i fell in love with the kids first i guess. hehe even then, i knew in my heart that whatever his faults were before we became a couple, i could accept. but it's different if that happened during the relationship. but since i love kids, i don't have a problem if my husband to be has kids already. technically, it's not cheating if we weren't a couple then.
• Philippines
5 Jun 09
That is a hard question.. The first thing that comes to mind, is yes i would adopt the child.. But then I realized.. WOuld I still be with my husband after he cheated on me?! I think I can accept if he had the child before our marriage.. cause my boyfriend actually have one from a previous relationship.. if the mother would disappear, I would adopt the kid without even thinking twice.. but having a child during our marriage with another woman is a different story. I don't think I can be with him anymore, cause my trust is not there. It is hard to have a relationship that does not have trust.. So I guess I will be leaving my husband and his kid...
@ckyera (17235)
• Philippines
23 Jun 09
hello there... yes its a different story when the child comes first before our marriage. of course its easier that way because before we marry him we must accept everything about him... but having a child during our marriage...geeeez! and i think you are right that it will be very difficult to trust him again and relationship without trust will not prosper... its true that the child should not be affected by this but even we don't want...things will just happen and sometimes its hard to control our feelings when we are at pain... thanks for sharing...
@caskins (689)
• United States
5 Jun 09
Hi ckyera, in this situation I would probably pary on it. If I chose to be with my husband I would forgive him first and foremost but would never forget what he had done. As far as the child I would definitely adopt. It wasn't the child's fault. I would love this child like my own. Happy myLotting!
@ckyera (17235)
• Philippines
23 Jun 09
hello caskins...that's right...we should pray for this because this is really a difficult situation... and i think we should really forgive first our husband before we adopt his child...because it will be hard if we don't forgive them yet we adopt the child... but what i am thinking about is if i already have a child of my own when this thing happen...maybe we can accept the child but how about our kids? how will we explain all this to them? and will they accept? thanks caskins!
@AXLAERO (426)
• Philippines
5 Jun 09
woahhh i really dont know what to say and what to answer to this topic.i cant imagine myself in this situation but just in case that this thing will happen to me,well uhhmmm what can i say whoaaa i can not think of anything ha ha ha.uhmmm maybe i will not forive my husband for that but when it comes to child,im weak.i can not let the child just sleep in the street.maybe i will kick my husband out and adopt the child because i love kids and they are innocent and its not their fault.or maybe i will just seperate with my husband and he just live with his child and i will just move on with my life.it really depends what kind of husband i have so i really cant decide.im just wondering what if this situation will happen to me in real life.well i have husband whos really unfaithful thats why its possible that this will happen.well i think i have to prepare myself now so i can think early what will i do if this thing will happen hehe.
@ckyera (17235)
• Philippines
23 Jun 09
hehehe...i know how difficult this question is especially if this happen in real life...i understand you because i myself don't know how to answer it! i can't really say what will i do when this happens to me...because decisions we made cannot be planned...some decisions just come out and sometimes we even made decisions without thinking and just depends on how we feel during the situation... i hope that this will not happen to any couple even how unfaithful our partner is...coz this really sucks! and will cause so much pains and will ruin so much life... thanks for sharing axlaero...
@rb200406 (1825)
• India
5 Jun 09
It is difficult for me. I would rather leave my husband because he has cheted.But otherise if he had a child already or relationship earlier & tell me & not cheat i may accept the child.
@ckyera (17235)
• Philippines
23 Jun 09
oh yes..its a different story when the child comes first before your marriage...
@Hedwig (285)
• China
5 Jun 09
I think that would only happen if I am still in deep love with my husband and he does regret his mistake and still want to make our marriage work. However, I am not married yet and it is just a conjecture.
@zearah (5289)
• Philippines
23 Jun 09
child is innocent but since she/he is a symbol of betrayal, i could let her live with my family if, there is still harmony and love in our marriage. yes! it's the love for the husband will be my basis, i could accept the child if my husband doesn't fail to perform his tasks and obligation, if my husband would still be in love with me. it's a case to case basis should be.
• United States
5 Jun 09
I think that this happens a lot. And I think that it unfair to place the sins of the father on the child. If you want a child take it. Love it. Be its Mommy. Of course, you only have to deal with it if you stay with your husband. An affair on his part ruined my first marriage. We tried to stay together for another year after it happened, but I just couldn't do it.
@ckyera (17235)
• Philippines
23 Jun 09
hello there...sorry to hear that your first marriage did not works well... this is what i am thinking, see its hard to deal with our husband when they cheat us even if it did not leave a trace..(child)! just knowing that they cheated us really hurts much and really ruined the relationship...so what more if it leaves trace? i think its much difficult to make relationship works...but maybe it will not be that difficult if you two don't have a child of your own...
@Rainegurl (2158)
• Philippines
5 Jun 09
Hi, ckyera. I think I would adopt my husband's child. I think I would look at it as my obligation, my responsibility. I do not think I have the courage to turn my back on the child. I also think that I would learn to love the child, especially if he or she grows up with a good heart. As to my husband, well, I think I would not be as forgiving to him. I would definitely have a hard time recovering. I remember when we were still dating, I found out that he started to get attracted to his officemate and they were sending each other text messages. To cut the story short, I made such a big fuss about it, declared war with that officemate and ranted about the "betrayal" for a couple of years. It is actually a wonder that we never broke up and ended up married to each other Maybe I would never be able to recover, unless he is willing to suffer another couple years and have his deed thrown at his face every now and then, just to make our marriage work again. That is a difficult question Take care!
@ckyera (17235)
• Philippines
23 Jun 09
hello rainegurl! i am just wondering how we can actually love the fruit of our partner's betrayal when we find it difficult to forgive them... but anyway i think most of us have really a soft spot for a an innocent child...
@elghrasya (503)
• Philippines
5 Jun 09
If this thing happens to me for sure I will get mad to my husband for cheating me and for making or leaving a mark of his mess and that is the child. I will make him choose between me and the child. Why would I care and why would I waste my time taking care an illegitimate child. Sorry for being harsh, I know myself and this is my reaction.
@ckyera (17235)
• Philippines
23 Jun 09
ooops! i understand you...well this is the reaction! hehehe
@achinthya (1219)
• India
5 Jun 09
this is the most difficult question to answer, when we see in movies we feel pity for those kind of situation but if it comes to us own than we know, I think for me to accept will be very difficult though the child is very innocent as it will remind me of my husbands sins but of course I will try to help it may be I will keep the child in some charity home but will allow my husband to meet the child but I won't get it home...
@ckyera (17235)
• Philippines
23 Jun 09
i agree, its a difficult question and really difficult situation when happens to us...its something that even i myself can't decide... things are different when its not us being involved..everything seems to be okay, and we can easily say that this is what i do...but when it happens to us...huh! things go crazy and sometimes, decision we made are very different from the things that we said when it is not yet happening to us... thanks!
• United States
5 Jun 09
It would be hard to forgive my husband for what he did but I think I would forgive and love his child. After all it isn't the child's fault. He or she is the innocent one that was born in this world. So, I think I could come to love this child and adopt it also.
@ckyera (17235)
• Philippines
23 Jun 09
yes right, the child is also a victim in a situation like this... but do you think it would be easy taking care and loving the child of our husbands to other woman? will it not be remind us the betrayal he did? thanks!
@lelin1123 (15645)
• Puerto Rico
5 Jun 09
I would forgive him first, but never forget and definitely adopt the child. The child did not ask to be brought into this world and he/she is innocent. I could never turn a child away because of the stupidity caused by adults.
@ckyera (17235)
• Philippines
23 Jun 09
you have a good heart...for my self i think that would not be easy...for the child will just remind of its parents' betrayal...but anyway you are right that the child should not be turned away just because of its parents stupidity... thanks!
@mhethess (380)
• Philippines
6 Jun 09
Hi ckyera, If you really love your husband and he honestly confess to you and promise not to do that thing again maybe you will forgive him and aout the child we must accept the fact that it was not the child's fault its your husband and for me not the other woman. Why because it is the disloyalty of the husband. My opinion about this is to let the child descide where he wants to live if the mother doesn't want the child let the father or your husband have it and you as the wife must accept and learn to love the child. Don't make the childs life become miserable if the wife cannot accept the child, bring him to the nearest relative or orphange. Sometimes a hurting wife may say that she can accept the child of his husband from other woman but at the end she might sufer and the child might suffer for the wife cannot easily forget how her husband cheated her. I think both of the couple must consult an especialist before getting the child. For one mistake cannot be solve by another mistake.
@katsmeow1213 (28715)
• United States
5 Jun 09
That's a good question. Had the child been born before I was with my husband, then I could very easily accept it into my life and treat it as if it were my own. But having my husband cheat on me and create a child outside of our marriage, unfortunatly no. I would end up leaving my husband if he cheated on me, and he knows that.
• Cebu, Philippines
5 Jun 09
Well of course, I will accept that child...It's so nice to have a baby.. Even right now I'm fond of other babies which it's not mine,,,how much more it's from my husband genes even if it's not from mine...
@underdogtoo (9601)
• Philippines
5 Jun 09
It could be a very real situation and I am sure there are many women who would do this. There would also be those who would not. It's a choice really and it is not reason but bias which will win out in the end. cheers!!