What would you do?
By jennysue79
@jennysue79 (33)
United States
June 23, 2009 11:31am CST
I want to make a long story short I got married in 2003 and the first few years of our marriage was great but in January 2006 my husband's dad passed away and he took it extremely bad. The stress actually caused us to seperate by his choice and with it being so sudden and unexpected I had a real hard time letting go. We were seperated for almost two years and never filed for divorce and I never saw anyone while we were seperated and then one day out of the blue he called me. I was a little weary but he came over and apologized we talked for a few days and decided that we had been through to much and were different people and would probably not be able to reconsile our marriage. The problem is that he wants to be the best of best friends and calls me and comes over non-stop. I don't want to sound harsh but I have finally decided to try and move on with my life now that I have some closure. We have no children together or any kind of personal property and do not feel the need to be close friends. I have not answered his calls or texts in over a week but he is still continously blowing up my phone. So the question is should I continue to ignore his calls or should I feel guilty and answer?
12 responses
@jayrene (2708)
• Philippines
23 Jun 09
if i am in your situation and have really gotten over him, and have move on with my life. i will honestly tell him to stop communicating with me.
i think he still wants you back that's why he wants you to remain friends, and keeps on calling and texting you. that wanting to be the best of best friends is just an excuse so he can call you and visit you all the time he likes.
@jennysue79 (33)
• United States
23 Jun 09
That is what I thought also I am over him and have taken the time to be around him to make sure that there is no longer anything there. I do not have remorse but it is very annoying he wakes me up every morning and wants to know constantly where I am and what I am doing if I am not with him. I have honestly tried to talk to him about the way I feel and it has not worked he says I am just shutting him out because I subconsciously think he is going to hurt me. I do beleive I will try the previous idea of writing him a letter and if that does not work I guess I will have to change my number in which I hate to do because I have had it for years.
@jennysue79 (33)
• United States
24 Jun 09
Yes, I am thinking that getting the divorce papers in the works is long over due.
@smacksman (6053)
•
24 Jun 09
Just dump him and tell him to go back to the husband-stealer he shacked up with.
Sorry, there is no excuse and no justification for him to leave you and then expect to come back when he wants.
You will never be settled with him - you will always be waiting for the next time he wants to go after another bit of skirt.
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
24 Jun 09
You should ignore his calls…no doubt about that. I do not like the way he treated you way back in 2006…we all love our parents and losing them is a big shock but that does not mean we start taking it out on our spouse…a marriage is a commitment…one cant just walk away like that on losing a parent…and one cant just walk in back again! He now feels he needs you…so its always about himself…he is looking for another support system. Has he ever asked you whether you need him? I think not! Its best for you to move ahead in life.
@jennysue79 (33)
• United States
24 Jun 09
Thankyou for your response. I find it a lot easier to make my decision when I see other people with the same thoughts as I do. I do not feel so guilty now.
@kaguvkov (1305)
• Davao, Philippines
24 Jun 09
It is a very complicated situation in your part. I think, in my opinion, if you really love him then you should go for what you feel. But, if you do not love him then why would you go for your feelings if you know that it will only harm you in the end. You should think critically in this situation. This is a hard situation in your part and it could be a big turn around in your life. One mistake would be the last and you will end up a looser in life.
@angelajoy (1825)
• Philippines
24 Jun 09
If it was me I'd just ignore him. After all, he ignored you for almost two years, right? I know that he went through a lot of emotional pain, but if he really considered you an important part of his life, he would have preferred to go through all his problems with you. Well, it seems like all he cared about was himself.
@bsantora (18)
• United States
24 Jun 09
I'm very sorry for your troubles, but you're very lucky to not have children or personal property! I've been through 2 (ugly) divorces involving children AND property, and I know that things would not have gotten so bad had those factors not been in play. I know for me, it took me almost 30 years to be "friends" with my first ex, and now we really enjoy one another's company, although we don't spend THAT much time together. My second ex and I do not even speak after over 10 years, and I really want nothing to do with him. Unfortunately, my son feels the same way, although I encourage him daily to call his father. If I were in a position like yours, I think I would file for divorce as soon as possible so that he KNOWS you're not interested in rekindling the relationship. I would also tell him to stop calling/texting me, if you really don't want him to, and perhaps even change my phone numbers. Whatever you do, do NOT feel guilty! You haven't done anything wrong and you said yourself that you both agreed to not havinga relationship. Counseling could probably help the both of you, together or apart. Good Luck!
@cher913 (25782)
• Canada
23 Jun 09
obviously he still has some anger issues and maybe its best if you put some distance between you for the time being until he calms down. dont let guilt play a part in your decision. think with your head, not your heart, unless you are entertaining the thought of getting back together.
@Wizzywig (7847)
•
23 Jun 09
I dont think its good to do things out of guilt or because we feel obliged to do it (I have been there are deeply regret the time and effort). You deserve a life and to be allowed to consider your own feelings.. he deserves (needs?) to come to terms with reality. Yes, you can be friends but you dont want to be monopolised and smothered. I hope you can explain it to him without too much stress on either side. Sometimes its easier to write down how you feel and let the other person read it. That way, it can be written and read without interruption and argument. Good luck with your life.
@jennysue79 (33)
• United States
23 Jun 09
Thank you I have never thought about writing him a letter but that just might work.
@reckon21 (3479)
• Philippines
23 Jun 09
Upon reading your post I came to the realization that
your husband's feelings for you is still alive. The reason
he continuously contacted you because he want you back in his
life. Maybe he realized that no one could take your place in
his heart. Why don't you give him a second chance? Maybe you
can rekindle back all the feelings that have been lost.
@mariposaman (2959)
• Canada
24 Jun 09
This is so unfortunate. I am not really in a position to tell you how to act one way or the other, but sometimes a relationship is over. Maybe this rekindling of your husbands interest has focused your attention so you have now to deal with it. Think carefully if you want this or not. I am sure you will make the right decision.
Thank goodness you have no children together or property. That always makes decisions difficult as when you have children, you are tied one way or another with the other person, even if the relationship breaks up. You say "We have no children together or any kind of personal property and do not feel the need to be close friends." so it sounds like it is over, unless you have a compelling feeling to rekindle the relationship.
@AndrewBoi (369)
• Philippines
24 Jun 09
I think you know better about yourself than anyone else.Do what you think can make you the happiest. Can you live without him or are you still longing for him? make your decision wisely. Pray.
