Have your kids ever disappointed you

@venshida (4837)
United States
June 30, 2009 2:51pm CST
My daughter the last two months have being asking me for gas money to look for a job. I just found out she has not being looking for a job. Last week for example, I gave her $40.00. I am so hurt. I can understand strangers doing hurtful things, but you kind of expect more from your child. I know now in the future I can't trust her, and I am sitting here thinking what else can I do. She is 22, and lives in my house so I guess I could kick her out. Have you had to deal with deception and lies from your grown children, and how did you handle it?
1 person likes this
10 responses
@Ammudoll (549)
• India
30 Jun 09
How is the rapport between you and your daughter. I am not yet married but I never cheated my mom especially in temrs of money, I am working and I share all my secrets with her. She is one of my best friends I ever can make in my life. I feel it depends up on the parents aswell when their kids lie. I think it is better to talk to her in a friendly way and ask what are her future plans and what is she doing to get a good carrer.
@venshida (4837)
• United States
30 Jun 09
Well, the relationship was great awhile back. She started changing about a year ago, and the communication has deteriorated.
@axleskat (35)
• United States
1 Jul 09
Ahhh...children! They grow up, get married, give you grandchildren, and unconditional love! But, when they dissapoint...We have a 25 year old daughter (she is my husbands daughter)who has gotten a DUI, and in a 4 month span, 4 public intox violations. She is living with us now. She came back home because we had custody of her children while she was in jail. She still faces 1 year in jail, and we still can't connvince her that drinking is a problem for her. She is currently just going through the motions of doing what the court requires. She has weekly meetings with a social worker, going to AA meetings,(with a hang-over). I can't stop her downward spiral. I can only be there for the grandkids at this point. She need to learn the hard way now where her choices have gotten her so far. I just hope she learns soon...for her and her children!
@venshida (4837)
• United States
2 Jul 09
That must be really tough, hopefully she gets it together soon.
• United States
1 Jul 09
My children are still very young. There are a few different things to say about this. First, all children disappoint at some point or another. Actually all people disappoint at one time or another. After all, we are really good at it. Two, your daughter's deception is really a bad thing. You really need to talk and talk a lot. You have to decide if you still want her to live with you and what you think should be done.
@venshida (4837)
• United States
2 Jul 09
I am doing a lot of soul searching as to whether she should remain. I will make a decision soon.
@GemmaR (8526)
1 Jul 09
If your daughter hasn't been looking for a job, then maybe you could look for one for her? I know it might be a bit of a task for you, but at the end of the day, it could save you a lot of money! You should tell her that you want her to start paying you rent when she gets a job. Even something small like $10 a week would help you to pay the bills and buy her food and things like that. She has a responsibility as a daughter to make sure you're okay. Just because you're the mother doesn't mean you're the one who has to look after her. It should work both ways to be honest with you.
@venshida (4837)
• United States
2 Jul 09
$10.00 a week sounds like a good idea, it's a small amount but every little bit helps. I am going to take your suggestion.
@hairypits (294)
1 Jul 09
It is so difficult when someone you love deceives you, especially when she lives with you AND is your daughter. Try your hardest to express your love to her. Sit her down and keeping the conversation positive and non critical tell her: - I understand it must be really difficult to find work at the moment but I can help you, tell me what you don't want to do and I will help you explore other options. It will be easier on our family when you work because you will have your own money, your own independence, and options in life such as finding a home of your own. I am not going to give up on you, you are a brilliant girl and you would be an asset for any business. And don't give up on her. Help her find work, her confidence and self esteem could be shot. Don't give her any more money and be proactive in your role as her mum - this is evidence that parenting doesn't end once they're 18! x
@venshida (4837)
• United States
2 Jul 09
Yep, once mom always a mom no matter what the age.
@lelin1123 (15643)
• Puerto Rico
1 Jul 09
Yes I have and just by getting caught she was embarrassed and sorry. It also had to do with money. She could lie real good but then getting caught to many times she realized she couldn't lie to me anymore because I never believed anything she would tell me. When she would ask for money I would just say NO you lied to me that is it. She learned the hard way but she is now married with a three year old daughter and doing pretty good. Thank god! You need to tell her I know you lied to me and if you lie to me once more you will need to find another place to live. Its called "Tough Love". Good luck to you.
@venshida (4837)
• United States
2 Jul 09
I am going to keep the communication going, and if she does not shape up. She will be out the house.
• United States
30 Jun 09
well my son is only five months but i think it has to be hard for a parent to be hurt or disappointed by there child. My mother and i live together and she is not happy with how i am allowing my guy to use my car to get back and forth to work. she feels like he should be helping me. I understand her point of view but I have my reasons for my actions. Now as for your child. Be up frount and honest. Tell your daughter that you are hurt and disappointed. tell her that you feel you need to make some changes so she will grow up. Let her know you have thought about putting her out because she can't seem to be honest with you. Once she know how you feel it may give some insite and if not move forward and do what you need to do.
@venshida (4837)
• United States
30 Jun 09
I have talked to her about other stuff in the past. She is not here now, but I will talk to her when she gets back.
• United States
30 Jun 09
Has your daughter gotten a job before? You sound like my mom, only nicer, I'm 17 and I have a hard time getting a job. To top it off, my mom doesn't give me money to start me off.
@venshida (4837)
• United States
30 Jun 09
She had a job in the past, but the business close down.
@carolbee (16241)
• United States
8 Jul 09
Yes I have dealt with deception from kids. Hopefully you confronted her and told her how you felt and that you know she hasn't been looking for a job. That's how I handled things. Eventually they grow up and realize this isn't right. Hang in there, it will get better.
• United States
1 Jul 09
maybe its an issue that you should talk to her about. i know that when i dissapoint my parents its because i lie and keep things from them because i'm too afraid to tell them some things. that they won't understand the choices i make even though its my life. maybe there's something else goin on that you guys should talk about.