Would you pay for your mom and your in laws for babysit your baby

@vingyan06 (2489)
Malaysia
July 7, 2009 11:34pm CST
I have 2 kids, Yan is 3 years old and Heng is 17 months old. My mom come over to my place everyday to help me look after my kids. Hence I have some free time to go out for some part time job. I pay my mom a few hundred dollars as I appreciate her help. Actually me and my hubs bring out this issue a while ago. We both have different suggestions and ideas. Let's see what my hubs has come out with. My hubs told me that it is not necessary for me to pay my mom. According to my hubs, a grandmother has her duty to take care of her own grandson and grand daughter. What do you think? i need your suggestions and please leave your comments here, thanks.
4 people like this
16 responses
• United States
8 Jul 09
It depends. I would offer to pay if it was something that happened on a regular basis. My mom is the type that would not accept money for it. I know. But I would still offer if she were babysitting for me full time. Yes she is the grandparent but it is still her time she is using to help out. Once in a blue moon is one thing. But when you are aking her everyday to take time out to look after your kids I think it is completely different and she should have some compensation.
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
9 Jul 09
you said it all. Full time is so different than being obligated to do it. I'm a gram and I take my grandkids when I want and for favors. I used to take my grandson full time as a favor to my daughter and would never dream of charging but it isn't the best plan....I was his babysitter fulltime and I worked full time. It wasn't about the money at all...not even in the equation. It was more that I felt robbed of being a real grandmother to him. I just wanted to have that feeling of wanting to go and get him and take him out and spoil him....I didn't have that. Instead..time without him was a break...not natural. The last thing on my mind on my time off which was rare was...oh...I think I'll call my grandson and spend time with him. It was a reverse effect where I looked forward to time off from babysitting. I'm his gram...I didn't like being his babysitter. Now...he is older & has a regular sitter. I love having him come over and spend the nite. We do crafts together and hang out...love it.
@doryvien (2293)
• United States
8 Jul 09
Grandparents are doting parents to their grandchildren, but it is not their duty to take care of them. It just happens that most of the time they are the ones available as they have already retired from their jobs. As for me, I will not impose upon them to babysit for my kids but if they volunteer, then I would gladly accept it. But I'll give them money not as payment for services but as a way of showing my appreciation of their help.
@vingyan06 (2489)
• Malaysia
8 Jul 09
Thanks for sharing your opinions. As for my mom, she has reach her retire age so she is suppose to take rest and enjoy her life to the fullest. Somehow she need to come over to my place everyday except weekends to help me take care of my kids while I need to go out for work. So I am giving her money ( maybe I am not suppose to use the word PAY) so that she can do what she wants with the money.
@toonvk (267)
• Belgium
8 Jul 09
I'm haven't got kids and I'm not married, duh, I'm 16 years old. But I do know my father never pays me to babysit my baby sisters he has with another woman. (My parents are divorced) Do you think he should?
@vingyan06 (2489)
• Malaysia
8 Jul 09
Oh, you have another situation there.. :) Do you babysit her everyday? If only once in a while take over your father's job, I think he might just need to give you a gift to say thank you to you. As long as you willing to babysit voluntarily, then you might not need the money.
@toonvk (267)
• Belgium
8 Jul 09
I only see him once a month, yet I babysit his children every time. I don't get anything for it.
@tjades (3592)
• Jamaica
8 Jul 09
Their duty.......It most certainly is not their duty. Grandparents are there to assist with the upbringing but not in a dominant role and that is if they chose to do so. Grandparents should be able to go into retirement even from childrearing and enjoy themselves and the fruits of their labour. I would love to pay my mom if she assisted with my kids. I always like to know she has extra cash to go and do what she wants. That would be a good way for both of us to benefit.
@vingyan06 (2489)
• Malaysia
8 Jul 09
Yes, I totally agree with you. Now my mom need to tag with us everyday. She has no more freedom, she hardly get her time to go out with friends during week days. she might not has free time to carry on her hobbies as she has contribute most of her time for us.
@tjades (3592)
• Jamaica
9 Jul 09
Thanks for the BR
@JOIEMARVIC (2342)
• Philippines
9 Jul 09
I do not see anything wrong about paying your parents or a realtive for looking after your child. But make sure you do this properly or they may get offended by the gesture. Buy them food or keepsakes or give them money. Not all will ask for repayment. They just want to feel appreciation, and nothing is wrong if this appreciation is shown by giving money, favors or gifts.
@vingyan06 (2489)
• Malaysia
9 Jul 09
thank you, I am happy you support to give money for our mother for looking after the kids. Yes, beside money, I will try buy them the favorite food and gift too.
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
9 Jul 09
I don't think a grandparent should be obligated to watch the grandchildren. However in your case where your mom comes over on her own free will to help out...I have to question why in the world you are paying her a few hundred dollars...that is a lot of money!!! I watched my first grandchild full time for free simply to help my daughter out in a tough time while her and her husband worked. I also worked full time 2nd shift and had kids at home myself. It was non-stop constant work and I would never do it again and at the same time am glad that I helped out. Before my granddaughter was even concieved, I made it very clear that if she were to have more children...I did not want to be full time daycare. I want to enjoy my grandchildren. Now I have my grandchildren when I can...I spoil them, love them...call them cute and send them back home. They are NOT my job. I enjoy them more this way. It is summer. I have them once or twice a week. I don't charge for them. Would not dream of charging for them. I am glad to have time with them. You should NOT expect gram to be the babysitter. She should have the kids when she wants and should not charge. a few hundred dollars is a lot for a professional daycare...don't pay the gram that extravagant price!!! That is insane!
@vingyan06 (2489)
• Malaysia
9 Jul 09
Thank you for your comments. About the few hundred dollar, maybe I never stated clearly, is actually in the currency of my country. It is about usd200, will that be too much? I treat it as a pocket money for my mom. Even when I have not got any baby yet, I still gave her money. But the thing is now she helps me while I need to work, I earn some extra money for the household, at the same time I want my mom to share with me what I have earn, That's it. In this way we both benefits.
@chelsit (105)
• United States
9 Jul 09
Grandparents are not obligated to take care of there grand kids, if it's a case where it's a few times a week and that person aleady has a job it's your decision whether to pay or not,but if that peron doe snot work and is takng cae of the kids full time you have to pay them.
@vingyan06 (2489)
• Malaysia
9 Jul 09
thank you, my mom is a house wife, I asked her to help me for full time, that;s why I want to pay her for her assist. I think it should not be any big issue right?
@shia88 (4582)
• Malaysia
8 Jul 09
Paying ur mum some pocket money is not really a big issue...juz a small token for her hard work.She has to travel to ur place everyday to takecare ur boys,so giving her some pocket moneys is right way to do it. For me, Of course, I prefer my kid to be taking care by my own mum...no matter what, we sure will be closer to our own mum than our MIL.
@vingyan06 (2489)
• Malaysia
9 Jul 09
Shia, I think we have the same idea, there is not a big deal to give our mom money, right? If she does not take care our kids, still we have to give them some pocket money to them. LOL, just like what she did to us when we were young .
@cwong77 (2011)
• Malaysia
8 Jul 09
I pays my mum on a monthly basis for her help to take care of my baby even I stay at home too. I don't think it's fair for our mother to take care of our own child for free since they have already done that to us. As a token of appreciation, it will be good to give her some $$ as this would at least make the olders happy. I think our parents help us with their full heart, and never ask for the $$, is our initiative to show some appreciation.
@vingyan06 (2489)
• Malaysia
9 Jul 09
Yeah, as a token of appreciation, we can tell the whole world that we are not doing anything wrong for giving our mother money! we make money outside, so we pay her or give her some money for her help, we both get the benefits.
@jessi0887 (2794)
• United States
8 Jul 09
I think if its an occasional thing then its okay but if its excessive then some compensation is necessary. I think your mother would be hurt if you even considered not giving her some compensation unless she turns it down. I rarely get a sitter and when I do its family or friends and they dont ask for money due to short period of sitting and rarely needing one.
@vingyan06 (2489)
• Malaysia
9 Jul 09
Yes, I agree with you, if it is excessive, then we need to give compensation. I just want to give her money because I love her and I just want to say THANK YOU to her kindness and contribution to my kids.
• United States
8 Jul 09
I don't believe it's a grandparents' "duty" to take care of their grandchild. Grandparents gave up their duties of taking care of a child when the child became old enough to have children of their own. I feel if the grandparent wants to take the time to help out with their grandchildrens' care then yes they should be shown appreciation. It doesn't always have to be shown with money. Some grandparents don't want to be paid. They probably just like being a part of their grandchild's life. I don't have any children yet. But I would offer to pay mom for watching my children and if she wouldn't accept the money, I would find some other way to show her my appreciation. This is just something I would do for my mom, but if she didn't want to accept my money, I would send her to a beauty spa once a month so that she could be pampered. You know, something like that.
@vingyan06 (2489)
• Malaysia
9 Jul 09
Thank you for your comments. I indeed agree with you, if my mom does not accept the money from me, I always offer her to accept my other way of appreciation to her, says about having a good feast, or buy her something that she likes.
@MNRFOLEY (223)
• Australia
8 Jul 09
I dont think it is a big deal to give your Mom money for taking care of your kids, actually it shouldnt even be called a payment it is just a way of showing your appreciation for her help. She doesnt really have an obligation do that because at her age she should be taking it easy and just enjoying her free time something that maybe she didnt enjoy while she was taking care of you or your siblings when all of you were growing up.
@vingyan06 (2489)
• Malaysia
8 Jul 09
I think I have use the wrong word in my tittle, the word PAY should replace by GIVE, then it sounds better? Yeah, what I give for my mom is a kind of appreciation, not so called the payment. I am totally agree with you, my mom might not enjoying taking care of my kids everyday. But I am not saying that she does not adore my kids. She will feel better If for her to come only once or twice in a week.
@zhuhuifen46 (3486)
• China
8 Jul 09
In our culture, we never pay mom or in laws for babysitting their grandchildren. Even among other relatives, say aunts, it is ackward to pay by cash, nevertheless, the granting is acknowledged, appreciated, and rewarded in one way or another, sooner or later. Giving gifts at festivals might be a choice.
@vingyan06 (2489)
• Malaysia
8 Jul 09
You point out a good idea. Different culture might have different way of life living. In my living society, it is very common for a daughter or a son to pay their parents for helping take care of the kids, provided that it is a full time duty for the parents. But of course If only take care once in a while, we might not need to give them money.
• Australia
8 Jul 09
Unfortunately for me, my parents are too far away, and the in-laws are too, though that might be a blessing in disguise! LOL. If my parents were closer, and I needed them to watch our girls for a couple of hours, I don't think they would accept money from me. My mum would have way too much fun spoiling our girls rotten and playing 'nana', which would be her payment. Obviously, if I was working, and asking my mum to look after them for a few hours a day, then I would pay her, but I don't see me going back to work until all 5 are in school, which is about another 5 years away yet.
@vingyan06 (2489)
• Malaysia
8 Jul 09
Thanks for dropping by your ideas. If they are staying far away, it will be not convenient for them to come over and look after our kids. My mom needs to come over a few hours a day, so it is a way for me to give her some money as a way to say thank you for her help. So you have a total of 5 kids? That's amazing.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Jul 09
Touchy subject. I have a friend whose mom adores her granddaughter and is always willing to look after her for a few hours while my friend goes out. But if it came down to the my friend needing her mom to take care of the baby full time, her mom wants to be paid more than the day care my friend has the baby in now. And I'm sure you know how expensive good day care can be. That's a little out of hand, in my opinion. I think that grandma's want to watch their grandkids for free once in a while... once a week or every two weeks, but if it becomes a full-time, every day job, then paying her a little, even if just enough to take care of the baby's needs or gas if grandma has to take her somewhere, is courteous. After all, no one paid her to take care of her own kids, she deserves a little compensation now. So I kind of agree with you both.
@vingyan06 (2489)
• Malaysia
8 Jul 09
Thanks for sharing your friend situation here. It is true, we need to give or pay our parents as a compensation. When it comes to full time, everyday job, we should pay them. Thanks and appreciate your comments here.
@DrPain (31)
• United States
8 Jul 09
Well, kids now in age are very hard to look after. I don't agree fully on paying relitives to watch your children. I have two little girls and my mom never watches them. Now my inlaw on the other hand she calls and begs for then to come over. But if you going to pay a few hundred dollars, why not send them to daycare. Think about it. you would have more free time and your kids learn more. My 3 year old is learning spanish due to day care and my 2 year old can say and spell her name well.