Can't a girl just get married?!?

United States
July 8, 2009 11:39am CST
Hey there everyone, I want to admit up front: this discussion is, in part, a chance for me to rant! So bare with me for a second :-) Here's the deal -- I just recently got married! (This past Monday ... yay!) And things could NOT have gone more beautifully: My now husband and I had a very small ceremony, in a very small town -- all in a quaint little courthouse, with just his parents and my mother in attendance. I wore an off-white sundress. He wore khakis and a polo. And afterwards we took pictures in the park. It was perfect. FOR ME. And that, you see, is where things get interesting. You see ... MY "wedding" was just that -- MINE! Yet anyone and everyone I've talked with about it just seems so darn SHOCKED that we CHOSE not to have a traditional wedding. Can't a girl just GET MARRIED in this day and age? Or does she HAVE to have the big ceremony? Is it a total travesty that I didn't have one? I know I don't think so. But I'm interested in your thoughts. Can't a girl just get married? Or no? Is there an obligation to uphold tradition? To each her own!! -- That's what I say :-) ***I am NOT against the big, beautiful, traditional weddings -- it just wasn't for me! :-) *** Lemme know what you think! (I'm interested to see if you all are as shocked by my small wedding as some of the people in my small town were!) -AshleyGirl
4 people like this
32 responses
@SomeCowgirl (32270)
• United States
8 Jul 09
Well My fiance and I live in a small town, we're going to have a small wedding at a church. We haven't heard any complaints yet, but well, except my mom wants me to wear a dress, or anyone lol actually. I don't think that your wedding was wrong in the least, it's what you wanted, and love is what matters, on the other hand, I believe differently, so for myself My fiance and I want to get married under god. THAT'S MY THOUGHTS, though. Lol, some should leave well enough alone, lol, but I wouldn't worry about it.
1 person likes this
@daeckardt (6245)
• United States
8 Jul 09
Hi, I think it is great that you decided to have a small wedding. I can understand your friend's reaction because they might have wanted to see it, but not everyone wants to have a big shinding. When people spend their whole life paying for one simple ceremony, that is not a life. I think it is better to just do things simple and if you want to include your friends then do so. But it should not be required!!! Have a great day!!!
1 person likes this
@smartie0317 (1612)
• United States
8 Jul 09
I think everyone has a right to do things their own way, but sadly when you don't conform to people's standards they start to talk about you. I think they should more understanding. I mean we're in a recession. Not many people, even those who want a huge wedding, are going to have small weddings. Don't let the nay sayers get you down. Just remember the good memories and block them out.
1 person likes this
@wecindy (22)
• Malaysia
16 Jul 09
I agree with you. Everyone has his right to choose what he wants. Me too wanted to have a "wedding" like yours. My hubby is the youngest and only son to his parents, thus we are not allowed to have that! I wish I were like you, having a small wedding will do for me!
@MsTickle (24980)
• Australia
12 Jul 09
It should be up to the individual but the way I see it is that there is too much focus on the wedding and not enough focus on the sanctity of the marriage and the vows. What is a wedding after all but the coming together of the couple to pledge their love and commitment to each other and exchange their vows in front of family and friends (or whoever). That's the important thing...the celebration is secondary and way too commercial these days. It seems to me to be a chance to show off for a lot of people. Gee I'm cynical aren't I?
@iriscot (1290)
• United States
10 Jul 09
I say "Hurray for you AshleyGirl" I had just returned from an overseas tour of duty when I was in the Air Force. My mother wanted to go visit my sister in California, so we planned a trip. As soon as I got back from overseas, I took my sweetheart to the jewelry store and bought a set of rings that she picked out. She convince her parents that everything would be civil and was able to go along. We already had our marriage license so it was not problem when we stopped in Chandler, Oklahoma and were married by a judge in the courthouse. In August we will have been married 57 years. So you don't have to have a big expensive wedding for things to work. My grandson was married in May of this year and they spent over $20,000 and when I compare that to the $4 that it cost me for a marriage license, and the judge didn't charge us anything, I just shudder! His sister is getting married next spring and they are going to have a very small affair about like the one that you just had. I wish you and your husband the best and hope that you have a wonderful married life just as my wife and I have. By the way she was coronated as the Queen in high school as a freshman and I was a senior and captain of the football team, so we had it all. Those were wonderful years. I congratulate you and your husband for using your head and doing it the way you wanted to, not just trying to keep up with the crowd.
@isawu2 (97)
• Canada
10 Jul 09
If you and your husband agreed thats what you wanted thats great. If your paying for everything and that is what you want even better. My first wedding was small in our apt with a JP and a couple of close friends and immediate family not my dream wedding. The second time around I wanted the big church wedding, reception and the whole enchilada. Well after I got my head out of the clouds and came down to earth I realized that wasn't what I wanted either. I did get my church wedding my husband agreed we compromise and had the wedding with an afternoon tea at the church with my family and our friends. We went home around 4:00pm with our bridal party and had pizza from our favourite pizza place for dinner. Everyone told me that it was one of the nicest Weddings they had ever been too. I think it was my right as a bride to wear a wedding gown of ivory since we have been together for 17 years and our 15 year old daughter was our maid of honour. If you both enjoyed your Wedding day nobody else really matters.
• United States
9 Jul 09
Good for you. At least you did get married. There are lots of people who are just plain scared, that won't step up to the plate, and make a commitment. So a big APPLAUSE to you and your husband.
@cobra1368 (704)
• United States
9 Jul 09
First of all, congratulations on your marriage! Second, I not only agree with you, but if I had to do it over again, I would have eloped and combined the wedding with the honeymoon! It would have saved a lot of money! I think it is your right to tell people to shove it if they don't like the way you got married. It works for you, and that is all that matters. And, no, you don't have an obligation to have a traditional wedding. Ask those who think you should if they would be paying for it, because it is freaking expensive!! I guarantee that will shut most of them up. I think it is ridiculous that there are actually people that try to make you feel guilty for not doing the big wedding. Screw 'em! You enjoyed yourself, you thought it was perfect, BINGO! It WAS perfect because it was the way YOU wanted it! You wouldn't have been as happy doing the big rigamaroll, and you are intelligent enough to know that and to follow through with what you wanted to do. Good for you! And forget about what everyone else thinks! Your wedding is about what YOU and your new husband want!
@pppash (10)
• China
9 Jul 09
Just do what you want to and leave the others to talk.Nowadays,there are only few things can go as your desires.If thats what you want and you are happy to do so,why not?? Hope you have a good married life!
• United States
9 Jul 09
Good for you! Your wedding should be just that YOURS. It shouldn't involve anything extravagant if you don't want it to. I was just talking to my children about that the other day. I have 3 daughters, so in stands to reason that I will have 3 big weddings to pay for, as most girls fall into the trap of having a fantasy wedding. I told them that I would rather they choose to have a simple ceremony and any money I have saved that they don't spend they can use to start their new home, etc., because that is where marriage really begins. I had a traditional wedding in the sense that it was in our church, with a princess wedding gown, bridesmaids, groomsmen, family. However, it was not extravagant or expensive. It was fairly simple in terms of flowers. What I remember most about the wedding is not the decor or the dresses, but my vows and the look on my husband's face. You can't put a price on that and that should be what you cherish most about your day as well. Perhaps people are just shocked that you didn't follow the crowd of young girls who find it necessary to spend 10's and 100's of thousands of dollars on their wedding only to last a few hours and it is gone. The wedding is a minute detail in a marriage commitment, but the marriage you want to last a lifetime. So glad you didn't fall into the trap of following the crowd. Being different from the rest of the world shouldn't be something people punish you for. God calls us to be a peculiar people and stand out from the crowd. Well done and may God bless your marriage!
@jules67 (2790)
• Philippines
9 Jul 09
I think it is best that the details of the wedding should be based on what the couple wants and not what other people think or prefer. This is the sad part. A lot of people just can't help but pry on other people's lives, like how the wedding was conducted. In the first place, they were not the ones who spent for this wonderful event. Better leave your comment to the moon. Let this be a celebration for the couple. It is their day.
@mermaidivy (15416)
• United States
9 Jul 09
It is what you like and prefer, go for it! :-) I don't see there is any problem with that, everyone has their own preference, a big super fancy is not necessary, a small wedding with all the families bring you good memory and they still bless you and your husband. I got married last winter at our house without a wedding ring, no any ceremoney, no dress, no family but only the justice... I think you will be shocked when you see that. I have never thought I was going to get married like that but it is what it is... he is my husband now. Anyway, congratulations to your new marriage, I truely wish you two happy all the time!:-)
@sublime03 (1811)
• Philippines
9 Jul 09
I would like my wedding to be small as well. I would love to have just a few people who are close to me and get married to the person I truly love. It is true that when you get married the non-traditional way people around you tend to talk about you more and sometimes it becomes a negative output. But if I were given a choice I would also do it a little more casual because I do not like it super formal like the traditional way everybody likes.
@subha12 (18453)
• India
9 Jul 09
when its your marriage, it should be your decision how you will hold the marriage. why can't you take it like this? why the people should be bothered?I think people think too much.
• China
9 Jul 09
i'm not shocked at all.Getting married is totally a thing of two people, you're free to choose the way of wedding as long as you two love it, because it's your wedding,not anyone else.And love is the only thing matters, so why does the ceremony bother? Frankly,i expect a wedding like yours-simple but brimming with love. May you two always in love!
@nigarish (70)
• India
9 Jul 09
"hii dear congratulations on your's wedding.....i think u don't did wrong...you just follows your heart and mind and thats beautiful.....in the present scnerio people have forget to live their own life ,they believe in formalities....parties and ceromonies have just became the symbol of social status and welthiness of an indivisual.....anyone says any thing but i am in favour of this disscussion that a girl have also an indivisual life.....have a happy wedding life.....and don't get border for those who says so...."
• China
9 Jul 09
At first ,congratulations! Wish you getting more and more happiness in the future. Then , I'd like to say that your wedding should be decided by yourself. In most of the world, the big wedding is a trandition. However ,anything is changing in current time. One of my friends got married two years ago, he just applied the marriage lines from Gov. In China, after getting the marriage lines, companys always give 10~15 days vacation to the employees. My friend take a tour to Thailand with his wife by the marriage vacation. It is wonderful. The wedding is just a modality. You can choose the form you like best. Someone should see some thing about you... But ,don't care that. It is your wedding.
• United States
9 Jul 09
Every birthday no one has come.At first I was ok but for the last two before I had turn 18 I spent it crying for a lot of girls like me this is there day.The day every one comes for them.Yes a wedding is a bound between to lovers but is it more than that.It is the day that you give your self to some one that some one gives them self to you.The day of the kiss that will be in front of god and every one.Your walking down the aisle,and every one is looking at you.Telling you how beautiful you are.Many girls just want that and are just at wow you don't.
@cbeee3 (2064)
• India
9 Jul 09
I am with you on this one my girl.I think if this is how you guys wanted it, this is how it should be and people should respect that. Well, everyone is entitled to their own opinion right? Just as you, so are your friends. So just bear with them and explain to them. I think its perfect that you decided to do this the way you wanted it. It was your day after all!!! If you now feel that you should have invited your friends too, just have a nice little party to celebrate. God bless you guys and have a happy married life!!