17-year-old mother and loving it!

Philippines
July 17, 2009 8:48pm CST
I'm only sixteen years old. My best friend, on the other hand, is seventeen. A month ago, she delivered her baby and announced to the world her blessing. Although she and her boy friend get stares, she overcomes it all with the joy of being a mother. When she sent a text message to me that she was pregnant months ago, I was taken aback. I understand that she and her boy friend have been dating for four years now. I also understand that she doesn't want to have her baby aborted. Me and my friends share her sentiments and we wouldn't want her to kill a baby. I am not angry with her boy friend. However, I am very worried because he boy friend is a cheater. He tried to hook up with our classmates in High School while he is in a relationship with my best friend. They broke up once because the guy fell in love with another girl. My best friend cried endlessly. Me and my friends are also pained with what she experienced. However, the guy wanted to be together again with my best friend after a month because he realized that he loves my best friend more than the other girl. He also tried to hook up with me back then I refused, obviously. I told him that I won't tell my best friend about him hooking up with other girls if he stopped doing it. I don't want my best friend to cry because of him but I guess what I did was wrong. I should have told her before so that she would not be into him so much. I am still anxious about her pregnancy and now her being a mother. She's kind of weak when it comes to emotions and I don't want her to be pained again because of her guy. What can I do? Shall I support her all the way, like what I am doing now?
1 person likes this
20 responses
@zearah (5289)
• Philippines
18 Jul 09
I am so sad for your friend but girl let me share my stories about early age pregnancy. My mother got pregnant when she was 15 years of age. Yes she was so young that time when I live in her womb. She's so young that she doesn't even knew that time that I was there in her inside. Only when her tummy come bigger and increase in size from her legs and other parts of her body. At first she cried every minutes as she told me 'coz they're not married with my father. Thanks God my father was a responsible young man. He did everything to settle his obligation. Now we are happily living as a big and harmonious family.In here I could say that age is not a factor to be worried of even at younger age every one could act as a mature individual especially that they will soon have a baby. But since the boyfriend of your best friend is not responsible then let your best friend know this fact. Help her as much as you can. And never conceal the truth about the wrongdoings of her best friend. Make her aware how important is her baby. The baby might be her sole source of strength and will to survive and fight for to struggle. Let her baby her inspiration and everything will be fine even without her boy friend. Hope you could find the right way to let her stay stronger for her baby.
• Philippines
18 Jul 09
It's good that your mother and father have been mature even though they were young. I think the guy will propose to her sometime and they'll get married. My best friend is looking forward to their marriage too. However, if the guy will eventually leave my best friend and go for another girl even though they have a baby, I'm sure it would be hard for her. I think I should really spend time on thinking if I will tell her about it... or rather, when will I tell her about it. I hope the she and her guy be more matured for them to handle the situation wisely.
1 person likes this
@zearah (5289)
• Philippines
18 Jul 09
Let your friend know the real situation with her boyfriend and the other girl he's playing with. It's important that your friend know the things about her boyfriend at least she could decide at early time. Thanks for the comment.
@kmaram (2535)
• Philippines
18 Jul 09
Hi there, I am sorry for your bestfriend she find a man who were irresponsible for me. Anyway, if he is not that type of person he should prove it. Anyway, i dont think what happened to your bestfriend (being pregnant) was a mistake, every baby was a good blessing we received from God. Your bestfriend needed someone to support her especially now she have her own baby at young age. Its good to know that you are there, your really a good friend to her. So dont stop helping her i know she was her family also to support her but a friend is something also. Well goodluck to your bestfriend, and i am wishing that the baby will grow cute, adorable and good health. Goodluck to you guys, keep some update about your friends condition, keep on mylotting.
• Philippines
18 Jul 09
He also prefers computers over his studies. That's why I'm pretty worried about my best friend's future. I agree that my best friend really needs someone who could support her. There are many I know who talk bad about her behind her back. I'm glad that she didn't hide the truth because hiding it will just add to her hardships.
@zearah (5289)
• Philippines
18 Jul 09
My mother had passed to those criticism you've mentioned. I'm so thankful that she survived and here I am now. I'm almost older in face than my mother's younger face.
@cbeee3 (2064)
• India
18 Jul 09
I think its best you just continue being there for her and support her as a good friend would. Being a mother would be the most wonderful feeling. But then she is too young and the responsibilities will hit her slowly. It will be a tough ride and she needs all the love and support she can get.I can only hope that BF of hers stays faithful to her now, with the child in the picture. I am sorry to say I have my doubts too, but then we can always hope and pray for the best. God bless her and her baby. You seem to be a wonderful person yourself.Just continue doing what you are doing now. God bless!
• Philippines
19 Jul 09
Well, I think it's best too that I continue being supportive. Not only do I want to help her with her kid but I also wanted to share the best memories with her. I think I should have a talk with her boy friend one day.
• Australia
18 Jul 09
This is a tricky situation being a young mother myself i can understand how much joy it brings her, the feelings are hard to explain. Every time the little guy look at me and smiles its just the best feeling in the world but if she's very emotional she will need all the support she can get especially on the nights when her little one wont sleep, has bad wind, starts teething things like that. Not only will she need you to help when she need some one to talk to or help with the baby but also just so she knows that her old life, friends doesn't have to change that dramaticly. Obviously going out, drinking, smoking, and not putting the child first changes but just because she has a baby doesn't mean she can't still have time with the girls! If she got her family around her then once so often ask some one else to mind the baby for a few hour and just take her out so she still feels human, trust me you need it! Your being a good friend and she's lucky just if you see or hear that her boyfriend is still cheating on her then you have to say someting about it straight out comfront him and tell her, cheating is bad enough but when there is a child involved its just NOT ON!! If he is willing to cheat on his girlfriend and child then he doesn't deserve them! I'm sorry but its better for her to be told be hurt but she will heal and move on in time then put all her time and energy into a relationship that is only going to fail in a few years, its better while the baby is young so that he is not surronded by fighting or in a bad enviroment and so that he is used to daddy only visiting rather then leaving, this is so the child doesn't blame themselves. If they do break up she needs to know its not the end of the world and she can do it her self, she had to be a strong indepenend woman for the sake of her child, it has to come first no matter what or how hard it is.. Remember sometime you need to be cruel to be kind just keep telling her you love her and she can do it. I hope this helps, your a ture friend and she is very lucky to have someone like you!!
• Philippines
19 Jul 09
Thank you for your response. I believe I need to fulfill my role to her as her friend. I really need to remind her that she's still young and, although she have big responsibilities, she also needs to enjoy. And yes, I totally agree with what you said: sometimes, we need to be cruel just to be kind. It helped! Thank you.
@meapas (2434)
• India
18 Jul 09
You need not take anybodys permission for supporting somebody who is in distress. Go with your conscience. Take her experience as a safety guard for you and better be safe than be sorry at a later stage. Support her in what ever way you can. God bless you all. meapas.
• Philippines
18 Jul 09
Thank you for such a response. I'll make it to the point that I won't regret anything. My support for her won't feign.
• Philippines
18 Jul 09
Good day.. Just be her best friend. Sad to say she is into a different level now and way above you in terms of responsibility. She has a kid now and that must come first no matter what., you can just be there for her, give her the advices that you think she needs and that's it, the decision is for her to make and for her to make only. Besides you have your own life to look for, I mean college and career. Focusing on it doesn't mean your abandoning her but you also have a responsibility for yourself. I think you also need to understand that. Good luck.
• Philippines
18 Jul 09
Yes, I know that I have my own life to take responsibility of. My best friend is facing things now that I know she can't handle well if she is alone. I'm really guilty that I can't help her 'physically' because I can't be by her side. You're right that its her final decision about it that would matter.
@jenlooi (60)
• Malaysia
18 Jul 09
I think you should have told your best friend about her boyfriend when he tried to hook up with you so that she is aware of his true identity. Since you didn't tell her then and she is a mother now, I think it is best that you remain silent now and pray that both of them will be able to sustain the relationship. Be prepared to give her the moral support in case anything happen to her relationship with the guy.
• Philippines
18 Jul 09
I guess I should really be prepared to give her support when indeed something happens in their relationship. I am really desperate that the guy won't give in to his irresponsible attitude and leave my best friend taking of their kid alone. I was glad their parents are not that angry when they learned about the pregnancy so it wasn't that heavy with my best friend. With their parents' approval, I'm really hoping that the guy won't betray my best friend again.
• Philippines
18 Jul 09
Just continue supporting her. Listen to her sentiments, Help her as much as you could, Make her smile. I think it's just normal if she behaves or acts that way because she's too young to be a mother and she really needs a constant support from someone who really cares and she can lean on to. Maturity is the matter here. Maturity comes at the perfect time and from certain situations that happen in each one's life. I'm sure the new role of your best friend will bring her reasons to really mature and finally be a woman.
• Philippines
18 Jul 09
You're right. Maturity really is what matters in this situation. However, I'm can't really help her physically. I'm studying in a university far away from home. Although I really can't go back because of my studies, she understands and I guess she knows that I understand and support her. I don't want to let her down do so I sent a gift for her baby.
@Capsicum (1444)
• United States
18 Jul 09
Stay out of it ,it could very well ruin your friendship. Until she see's for herself what type of guy she has ,No one can tell her any different. If she would ever ask your opinion tell it like you see it ,honestly at this time she may be ready to hear the truth. The baby seems to make her happy and many of moms are single .Remember your children always come first,its a instinct that we develop after having a baby.I was 17 when I had my daughter also thank my lucky stars ,I had found the right guy at such a tender age.
• Philippines
18 Jul 09
I think you're right. Telling her that I might really ruin our friendship. I'll try to warn the guy and make him change. I think he matured now when he shouldered the responsibility of being a father. He's the one who told her not to keep the truth and I admired him for that. Its good that you found the right man at such a young age. I hope she did too. *sigh*
• United States
18 Jul 09
I think you need to make her look at all the possibilities she has and to learn as much as possible before making her final decision on what to do about the baby because guess what having a child at the age of 17 isn't only going to affect the child its going to affect your friend and her boyfriend's lives forever and there are going to be a ton of things that they won't fully be able to experience. I know she doesn't have to know an abortion and that is fine but has she considered adoption at all? For most young mothers statistics are going to show you that young mothers either drop out of high school or can't go to college which is needed in today's economy to get a decent job that will keep you afloat in the troubled times we are currently facing. Also is she going to be able to afford a child and then everything she is going to need as well. Having a child means both parents need full time jobs. Diapers cost about $30 a week and then formula is another $60+ a month. That is just basic upkeep, not to mention the initial costs for things like cribs, clothes, toys, books, etc. Most young mothers will say that no matter what they'll be able to make it work but until they have a budget set and have studied it and looked and costs then I don't think they are fit to be mothers. So as a friend you need to tell her about her boyfriend. And you also need to tell her she needs to look into adoption for her child. Because guess what it might hurt her right now but does she want to hurt her life and the child's life in the end if she can't make ends meet? Nobody wants to have a child grow up on welfare and in a low income family.
• Philippines
18 Jul 09
She was told by a friend to have her baby up for adoption but she doesn't want to. She thinks she haven't made a mistake and she's firm about it. But I think her family and the guy's family can afford having the baby. They're a bit rich. However, like what you have said, my best friend stopped studying. She said she'll continue by next year but I think she can't continue or if she will, she would have a pretty hard time.
@yugasini (12816)
• Anantapur, India
19 Jul 09
hi friend, that is commen in western countries and now it is common to modern world,some one year back i have seen a news with photo in our local news paper some girl with age less than 20 given birth to 7 children in them 2 are twins,but all babies are very cute according to that photo...have a good day
• United States
19 Jul 09
I think you should support your friend. She is your friend, and that's what friends are for. As far as the guy, well everyone makes mistakes. However, if he is still a dog and chasing the skirts, then he'll probably never change. Only time will tell. If he is a real man, then he will do his duty to his lady and newborn. You may need to be there for your friend when she needs a shoulder to lean on or needs advice. Also, if the guy just won't change then, "KICK HIM TO THE CURB!!"
@kdmlrys (399)
• United States
18 Jul 09
Is the guy rich or something? Does he have a job and a decent income to support his family? Is he 100% ready to face this kind of responsibility? Is he even willing to change for the better? If not, then both you and your best friend should kick his cheating a$$ if ever he cheats again. Turn to me for a step-by-step guide on how to kick a cheating husband's butt LMAO. Anyway, the baby is there! I do believe that this kind of happiness may pass away due to some obvious reasons (although I hope it won't happen). But since both of you are bestfriends, you can always show your support by being there for her whenever she encounters some family problems. She needs moral support in times like this. I can sense that you're really good at it. Anything can happen along the way. And since they're still minors, they can really expect the unexpected. Let's just hope the child will stand strong despite the challenges that this family would face in the future.
@ronaldinu (12445)
• Malta
18 Jul 09
Being a friend means being supportive to her even emotionally when she feels weak. I do admire what you are doing for your own friend. I think that honesty is the best policy. I would try to talk with my friend about what he has done in the past and to keep a good eye on him. You are a true friend.
@Rodlkm (123)
• Malaysia
18 Jul 09
With the arrival of the baby now, I believe that the best thing you could do as her best friend is to continue to support her the best you could. It is not going to be easy to bring up a baby, especially when she is only 17. There will lots of pressure and frustration, and she would need a lot of support from loved ones. I am sure she will make a good mother and be able to give love to her angel. But she need to be loved too.
• India
18 Jul 09
ur definitely doin wrong my dear unknown friend...Never ever hide these kind of things.i knw dis the wrong time 2 say 2 her but important things like dis shld be said.she is just 17 she can come out of it within a matter of time!!!!!!!!
@alindahaw (1219)
• Philippines
18 Jul 09
Having a baby is a big responsibility. Your friend is very brave to have her baby despite her age. However, her troubles are far from over. Giving birth to the baby is the easy part. After the baby is born, a lot of things could happen. I hope that your fiend and her baby will be alright.
@zhuhuifen46 (3486)
• China
18 Jul 09
It is understood that the teenager parents have the same love for their children, but they are facing much more challenges as compared with the adult parents. Where possible, and if early enough, they can make decision to the benefit of both, but once selecting to take the responsibility, they should do their best to obtain the understanding and support from their relatives. To be prepared for an easier life, they should continue their study. As to your friend, she has chosen to be the mother, she will have to stand up, instead of crying all along. Life does not believe crying.
• India
18 Jul 09
what an idea sirji
• India
18 Jul 09
wow....... i am loving it.