Have you done anything lately that you're kicking yourself for?
August 18, 2009 4:23pm CST
I had made a promise to myself that I wasn't going to "loan" my friend anymore money. I would loan her up to $100 a month and would have to wait for eons to get paid back. I am on disability, as is this person's husband. I get $20 a month less then them, yet I am constantly loaning them money for food. I will say even though it's just me, I am not in as good a position as they are. I live 40 miles from the nearest town, have extra expenses because of where I live. They live in town and have bus service and can go to the store and home in about 5 minutes. Also he works under the table for a couple of ladies so he can make up to about another 130 dollars a month. I am kicking myself again and again as I went against what I promised myself last night and loaned her MORE money!!! I had already loaned her $25 three days after payday as she stated that they didn't have any food and had spent their money on registering the car he worked to buy. I also paid for her stuff that she bid and won on Ebay. That was another $30. Then he tried to borrow from the people in their apartment complex and everyone disappeared or said NO. (There isn't a month that goes by without their having to borrow money) So, I gave her some of my jewelry to take to the jewelry and loan to pawn (I informed her that she HAD to give me the pawn tickets so I could bail the stuff out on the first of the month.) so that they "could eat". I tried to get through to her last night that I was cutting myself way short so that they could eat and get the other goodies that they treat themselves to. I got a good buy on burritos (5 for a dollar) and stocked up for the rest of the month...one burrito per day... It went right past her!!! Needless to say that I am seriously kicking myself for doing this, as I have to come up with the money to redeem my jewelry and still have enough money to pay my bills for the month. What have you done lately that you are kicking yourself for?
2 people like this
18 Aug 09
Two years back I lend 2000,00 euro to a family across the street. They were close to getting the electricity cut off and have two small children. I still had a job at that time, but was not planning on using my credit card. For them I took the money from my card. Now I cannot pay it back to the bank. They still have not paid me back and cannot pay me back. They have no money. So I gave them money, lost my job due to back problems, get half the money I used to get. Had a house to pay in Holland and my house here in Berlin. I am happy if I still have food in the fridge, like you. Don't make the mistake I made, think about yourself first. Really, I am in big trouble now because I lend them the money and never got it back. You are not responsible for them, it is there live, there problem. Think about you, if you don't who will? By the way, do you think these people will help you, if you were in there situation? If so, go ahead help, if not stop it!
• United States
19 Aug 09
Loverbear, I do not quite have anything that I can recall kicking myself for recently, but I have a few words in response to your personal story. There was something in your discussion that really concerned me- when you told her that you could only afford one burrito per day for the rest of the month due to your loaning her money and it went over her head. If she is wanting money out of your pocket without considering your well-being, then she isn't the type of friend that you should associate with- at least if it's concerning your money. It sounds like she could be doing better things with the money that she earns. How is eBay benefiting them? I do not understand why you are paying for extra, as you called it, "goodies." I think that you should withhold funds until they pay you back, and perhaps offer them good budgeting advice, so that they can put what they do make, as you do, to good use. I can see that you are good at prioritizing with your money by how you described what you were going to do with the rest of it, and that is something that they could do well to learn themselves. Best of luck with your friend.
• United States
19 Aug 09
Thank you for your response. The Ebay part of the discussion is my friend asked the end of last month if she could bid on a few plastic canvas booklets that were on ebay. I said yes as long as she didn't go over $12 to $15. She hit that amount and then found more to bid on. The account is in my name so I HAVE to pay for the stuff she won on the auctions...if I didn't I would receive bad marks on the account. (No offense to people who do plastic canvas crafts, but I hate the stuff. She makes the stuff as gifts...and I have a ton of it in storage.) I learned years ago to decide if an item was a want or a need. If it was a "want" I would put it back and save towards the item. I soon found the amount of money I was able to keep available for an extra once in a while. I currently have a coin jar that is slowly filling up for emergencies. There is only a couple of dollars in it because I had emptied it several times to help this friend out. I've even returned things that I bought myself as a treat to help this person out. It seems to go past her at a super sonic speed. I keep records of my spending as I really need to redo the kitchen that my dad put in. (There is a serious problem with mold under the sink where there was a leak, and the shelves that he put in the lower cupboards are out of particle board and they are warped and about to give way.) I also need to repair the porch (I don't allow anyone on it past the cement part), and also replace the carport roof. All these have had to wait because my money is tied up with this person. As I am listing this I am getting angry all over again. You're right about the friendship. She hasn't had it sink in that I had surgery recently and need to observe proper nutrition to mend well. (I had a total knee replacement...which is a win/oops situation. The win is it is much more comfortable to walk on the knee joint, but the oops is that I didn't know that the bones would hurt so badly for months after the surgery!) I am just going to have to stop being the nice person and put my foot down and say "NO, I DON'T HAVE THE MONEY TO LOAN YOU". I have been nice about telling her about the fact that I get less money than her and her husband, I have been relaxed about the repayment, and I have given her food and money when I really needed it. She has totally ignored the fact that I need to take care of me right now...so it is really past time for me to simply say no and keep on going. Thank you again for your response and wise advice and concern. You reinforced my feelings about loaning her any more money.