When is the right tme to say "I DO"?

Philippines
August 24, 2009 7:13am CST
Nowadays there's an increasing average of broken marriages compared to successful one. Behind this failure relationship lives so many questions on why it went wrong,doubts of your abilities to love and somehow felt regrets. Most of us want to have a relationship that's to last for a lifetime. But oftentimes we didn't dare to look the obvious possibilities of failure. Because of our emotions. We often thought that we're on the right tract because we're in love and that's enough for a relationship to work. So for you when and what is the exact time that you can say to yourself that you're ready to say (with all your heart and soul) "I DO" Thanks a lot!
3 people like this
11 responses
• Philippines
24 Aug 09
Honestly, I fear broken marriages because I have a happy family since I am a child. I think I am ready to say I do when I am fully happy with my guy. I am contented with our relationships. I found into him the love and affection that I was searching in my life.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
25 Aug 09
Yeah, you must be very careful to say the word "I DO" 'cause once you've said it would be for a lifetime. You must not fully based your decision on jumping into a relationship though your feeling and emotions, because feelings can be tricky and it would also changed quickly you can even barely noticed. That's why many women end up with a wrong guy because they often rely their emotions in making decisions, instead of giving their heads some consideration. Other thing that you should also give important is your partner's maturity and readiness to start a family, it's also a good thing that you'd already know his family background. Because his past would affect on the present and the kind family he would have in the future. Thanks for sharing with us. Have a great day!
1 person likes this
@dramaqn (1990)
• United States
25 Aug 09
I gave everything I had to try and make my marriages work, and they gave also. Unforutnately, not at the same time. We were on the same page, but in two different books. Marriage is work, and people don't realize that. And yet I'm still in good spirits that I may still get remarried before I'm 60.
@cutepenguin (6457)
• Canada
25 Aug 09
I think that two people are ready when they are each comfortable in their life but can still compromise with the other person. People do change over time, but they have to be ready to change together.
1 person likes this
• Indonesia
25 Aug 09
well in my opinion what causing divorce grow rapidly is because there is no honesty in pra wedding time. When people going on date, they always show their "brightside" not considering that marriage ask for a two couple to live as they are and not as the good in magazine told so. when one found that her/his couple is doing something wrong (uh oh the darkside emerge:D) they cant stand for it, because they are not ready. Seeing only the brightside is giving you the wonderful but utopia life with your couple so the right moment to say I DO is when you see your couple as the way they are, not a handsome or beautiful mask, nor a great and heroic act. When you love someone with his/her good and bad, that is what people called love. yeah but to accept one's bad habit is such a hard things to do, but trust me, it works with my mom and dad, just say I DO when you know who ask you to answer that ^^
• Philippines
25 Aug 09
Yeah, honesty is very important in every relationship. It's hard to gain trust, so once a relationship was stained by cheating or lies, it would lead to breaking part. Love is about acceptance, If you're not willing to accept your partners imperfection and would rather changed his not so good attitude then you're on the wrong tract. No matter how good or bad your partner maybe there's still the dark and the bright side of his/her personality. So acceptance is really important, and knowing what you really want does matter a lot. Anyways thanks for sharing with us. Have a great day!
@janebeth (2034)
• Philippines
25 Aug 09
hi care, for me i will say i do to my partner if he proposes to me and if i feel that he is sincere and he is also ready.. i will think million times before answering yes, i want to be sure that if my happiness will last and if we will understand each other for those coming years in our married life.. i don't want to be like some couples who ended up that way, so i will make sure that all the facts will be present if i will marry him.. one of the things i will consider is the financial things, if he can attend our needs and wants.. and we know that this is one of the major quarrels made by a couple and ended up to nothing.. janebeth.
• Philippines
25 Aug 09
Yeah, that's good decision janebeth. You need not to be hurry to commit your self in a relationship that's for a lifetime. Yeah, financial matter should be taken into consideration, because that's one of the issue that give conflict to couples interest. He should be financial stable, so he can provide for a family. You should be resourceful enough, as knowing his childhood, his family background and everything about him. Because your knowledge would help to deal with your partner thus making your relationship work. Anyways, thanks for sharing with us Have a great day!
24 Aug 09
I believe the reason why a lot of Marriage's don't work is because people do generally just fall out of love. When you get married it is all "perfect" but how ever long down the line you can just find that you may be drifting apart. I would say the right time to say I Do is the wrong thing to say as it's different for every couple but I would would say that there are a number of things you should look at before getting married. 1. I feel you should be living together before marriage as one of the reasons so many marriages go wrong is that the couple had never lived together until they were married and then found out they could not spend that time together. 2. Make sure that you and your partner have your own individual bank account if you decide to open a joint account as that would cut down one of the most common rows people have (About money). 3. Talk to your partner and see how they see the relationship and just general things. This will give you a better idea of how you two would get along if you were married. 4. Finally spend some time away from your partner, ie a break with friends or just a few day trips as everyone needs space from time to time and it will also give you a perspective on how much you miss them when they are away.
• Philippines
25 Aug 09
Well those things that you've mentioned could truly helped in order to have a harmonious relationship. It's very important to know what you really want. The kind of live that you would like to have. If you're partner could meet your needs, and if not, would you be willing to compensate or vice versa. It's very important to know the degree of your compatibility, as they're would be a lot of challenges and problems that would come the along, and having disagreement even for small things, would only worse the situation, thus guarantee for broken relationship. As for me, it's not necessary to live in together in order to assure a successful marriage. If you truly know what you want, know your partner very well, know the meaning of marriage, and love each other. Then it's a good sign that you're ready to walk on the road of marriage. Thanks for sharing with us Have a great day!
@Margarit (3677)
• Philippines
24 Aug 09
i think the right time to say i do is when they are already ready in all aspect in life, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. emotion cannot stand alone for it may result to broken marriage if they feel bad emotion like anger, jealousy, unhappy etc.
• Philippines
25 Aug 09
Yeah, if you're both matured on psychological, emotional and spiritual aspects in life, then it's a sign that you're ready to walked in the path of marriage life. Marriage life entails a lot of sacrifices. So it's very important to know if you're ready to give up part of your self. If you're willing to make sacrifices for the sake of love and commitment. Thanks for sharing with us Have a great day!
@preema723 (119)
• United States
24 Aug 09
Well, I dont think anyone can say for sure when the right time is. Personally, I dated my now husband for 2 years, we were engaged for 2 years, lived together for a time and were still in love. I think that if you can blend your morals, beliefs, and everyday lives and be able to respect each other and each other's opinions you are in a good position to be married. There is always some give and take and adjustment as people grow and change, and there are never any guarantees, but if you feel there is a good foundation, then I say go for it.
• Philippines
25 Aug 09
Great that still you marriage work, two years you're still on the early stage. There would still a lot of challenges that you have to go through. But what you have mentioned is a good sign that your relationship could possibly last for a lifetime. Yeah, marriage life take two to tango, you need to love each other, and support each other no matter. It would be test through life's surprises. I have a friend who's married for five years. Then all of a sudden she receive a news from a friend telling her that her husband had child from other woman. Indeed it was true. So she taught she already knew her husband well. Anyways, so this kind of surprises would measured the love that the couple have for each other. And so it is really important to know your partner well before saying "I DO" Anyways thanks for sharing with us. Have a great day!
• China
25 Aug 09
Husdand and wife is the main body of the family handle marital relationship, mutual respect and mutual love. In life, we must respect each other, love each other. In ancient China once made the couple "Xiangjingrubin" as a vrtue, and modern times, the love between husband and wife as to maintain anexus. Respect comes from love, love more deeply because of respect. Between husband and wife should be caring and considerate, and continue to create interest in life, pay attention to ideological communication and life anaphora. In the household labor and management, should be democratic consultaion, democratic governance. The husband should not be housework all the blame to his wife, believed that women should be doing housework; his wife, they should not be all they can do things to push her husband. Ih the work, they should learn from each other and help each other. Both husband and wife have their own job-related problems and distress, which would be of mutual covcern, mutual support, mutual comfort and encourage each other to ask and help solve other problems; towarm Kexin's words, a positive attitude so that the other firm confidence, concentric Tongde tide over the difficulties. There are conflicts between two spouses, to mutual tolerance and mutual understanding. If conflicts arise, to exercise patience, do not struggle, can not narrow mind and improper means to expand the state of affairs; should take the initiative to assume their responsibilities and use gentle approach to persuade each other of contradictions for the coordination of the conflict for the good will, and of anguish for the laughter. Husband and wife should be faithful to each other, love, single-minded. . do not without any basis arbitrary speculation, suspicion and interference, but to endorse the attitude of holding to each other's colleagues and friends as their friends, warm courtesy treatment. I hope that everyone's marriage is happy.
@dreamr802 (987)
• United States
25 Aug 09
I think it's very different for each situation. Like right now, my boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 years, living together for about 2 and half years of that. So far things are good but even at this point everything is work. I think people should live together before they get married because then you learn more about one another like annoying habits and whatnot. But people don't just break up in the beginning years of marriage either. My friend's parents were married for 30 years and just separated. I believe you have to work on your marriage until you die, it won't get any easier. For me, I am ready to say I Do for when my boyfriend decides to ask me, I am happy in our relationship and I know him...I know at this point and time he's not ready yet so I'm just waiting for him to catch up so to speak. LOL.
• United States
25 Aug 09
Well, I think the only right time to say I do is when you feel it, and mean it; when you mean it because you love the person. I think most of the time people get married for the wrong reasons and that's why they end up in divorce. Many times people or after money or after that ideal person that is "society" accepted rather than what they want. I've seen people refuse to marry someone they actually love just because they are the "standard" guy. People lie to themselves that they love the person, and they ignore a lot of things that bother them because they think they'll get over them. If something bothers you in your partner, don't think that it will change after you get married, it will bother you even more. Also, many women just wanna see themselves get married that the first guy that pops the question they say "I DO". And it's not only your part here, you also have to recognize the true love from your partner. If you feel they are marrying you for any reason, other than love, then don't accept. So, there is no best time to say I do...it's when you feel it and when you know for sure it's what you both want.
@MissAmie (720)
• United States
24 Aug 09
There is no hard and fast answer to this question. It all depends on how you feel in your heart. When I got married at 19, don't think for a second I didn't have doubts. We worked hard on our marriage and I can't say we're anywhere close to perfect, but one thing is for sure...we simply can't live without each other. Now, thirteen years later we're still hanging in there. One common misconception people have about marriage is they think it's always gonna be great. Well I'll be the first to stand up and tell you it is most certainly not! Even my grandparents, who have been married for over 50 years fight every now and then. Just like my husband and I, they fight, make up, and then laugh about how silly they acted. For me, it's all about growing old and maturing together. Sometimes people just grow apart and divorce is their answer. I am in this marriage for the long haul and if that requires being so angry I could stab him at times or getting my feelings hurt every now and then, then so be it. That's life.