a mother no more...how to deal

United States
August 29, 2009 8:52am CST
I recently had my tubes tied and I am having a hard time dealing with it. I have 3 great sons, 18, 17, and 6. But if you noticed I said sons, I always wanted a daughter so I guess when I finally decided at 42 to get my tubes tied it was like I was closing that chapter in my life, the chapter that would never have a daughter. It also closed that chapter on never having another child. Don't get me wrong I love the 3 I have and I support them 100%. I am at every ball game, I am there to help with homework, when girlfriends come and go and whatever it may be that they need but I also love babies and always thought I would have 4 kids. To make things worse the week that I had my tubes tied I had it done on Monday and on Friday I moved my oldest into college. His first year and it was like I closed the chapter on having any more kids and then sent my oldest off to college. It almost like losing a big piece of my life. I am so used to having him around that even though I have 2 more left in the house things still felt very quiet to me. I am curious how other women reacted to having their tubes tied and if it bothered them as much as it has been bothering me. I know that you have to say enough is enough at a certain time in your life but I guess as a woman you have that decision on whether you want to have a baby or not and when you have the surgery that is taken away. I am sure that within time things will heal and the pain will go away but as of right now it still feels like a big part of me is gone.
2 responses
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
31 Aug 09
Hi Iowamomof3, I had my tubes tied nearly three years ago. I have two wonderful children, my daughter is almost 7 years old and my son is almost 3 years old. I made the decision to tie my tubes after my son was born because between my two children I miscarried a baby and that nearly devastated me. Since I've had it done, there have been days that it has been very hard on me knowing that I will never have another child, but there are also times that I feel like it was the best decision that I've ever made. Don't get me wrong, I would have loved to have had two or three more kids, but we couldn't have afforded it and then after having the miscarriage I know that everyday throughout a pregnancy I would be on pins and needles (I was when I was pregnant with my son). The one thing that keeps me going about the fact that I'd love to have another child in our family is that one day we may be able to adopt.
• India
31 Aug 09
don't worry. I too done this when my second baby was born. I have a daughter and a son. No need to worry about that. Yes mother hood is a precious thing in life. But think about couples who don't have any children . You have three already. don't worry be happy.