Is it wrong for me to be frustrated with my boyfriend?
By dbabcook
@dbabcook (388)
United States
September 12, 2009 9:29pm CST
My boyfriend does pay most of the bills in our home but doesn't take much more responsibility. Let me explain....I lost my job 1-1/2 years ago and we had begun living together as it was cheaper for us both. We each have 1 child living with us that we have custody of. He has another child that he doesn't have custody of. There have been many problems with his ex-girlfriend but now she has either started to come around or is playing yet another game as she has over the last few months become my best friend after all of the trouble she had caused me. I take care of all of my boyfriends financial & legal oligations, deal with his attorneys, take care of his son (even through all of the problems his son is causing us right now with Child Protective Services) and now I am providing daycare for him and his ex at no cost to either party as he is already paying child support for this child and not receiving child support for the other. I figured this would be best as then he wouldn't have to pay out any additional money for daycare. The only income I have is my child support and then my grocery money (about $650-$700 per month). What I am really frustrated about is that today for example, he had been given an opportunity to work some overtime, so he did. It was his weekend with his other child and he worked until 7pm Friday night and then from 8:30am-2:30pm today. He came home from work and helped me with dinner prep (about 30 minutes worth) then sat down to play his playstation. He ended up playing his games until 9:00pm, over 4 hours, leaving me to tend to his children. I have been trying to do my work online but due to the fact that I have been dealing with cleanng house, doing laundry, cooking dinner and dealing with his children as mine is with her father for visitation, I haven't been able to do much on here. Well, after 4+ hours of playing his games he decided to start playing with and giving his child here for the visit some attention and being a father. He gets upset when I say something so I just let it brew inside me. Am I just being petty or is my frustration validated?
2 people like this
2 responses
@Azaerus (820)
• Philippines
13 Sep 09
The way I analize your situation, it seems that you are right in having these kinds of thoughts. The way I see it, your live-i boyfriend isn't responsible enough to handle your relationship, your kids and his kids with his ex and his responsibilities.
My advice is to straighten up things, I know most men doesn't want to have such conversations but for me I think the only way to clear up your mind is to talk straight with him and tell him these things you've been noticing lately.
It's not fair for your part to almost all the responsibilities in your house and specially wregarding his kids with his ex. Actually, in my opinion you shoudn't even bother of taking care of his kids with his ex if they are already taking you for granted,it's just too much. You are abusing yourself and you are too kind,sometimes it's really better to be stronger and harsh. I understand the fact that you are taking care of his kids to save money but hey if it's being done evryday then that's a different story. You don't have responsibilities of taking care of those kids as they still have their mother,she can take care of them or if she's not availabl then let her get a nanny or someone to look over them.
Your boyfriend is still immature when it comes to responsibilities. Jusst think of this, if nothing changes after you talk with him then I think it's time you think of what your future will be living with a responsible and senseless guy like him.
I know you are strong ,you can talk to him up straight and clear things up.:)
@dbabcook (388)
• United States
13 Sep 09
Thank you for your response and I will have to sit down and think about how to word it all as I am not setting out to hurt him or anyone else but know that I have to be straightforward. He tends to take the things I say in the wrong perspective or shall I say, in his own way so I have to be cautious. Thanks for your response again and have a great day.
@purplealabaster (22094)
• United States
30 Sep 09
I don't think it is wrong for you to feel frustrated with the situation. I do think that you need to sit down with him and talk things out. Perhaps he doesn't even realize how you feel. In his mind, he might be working all day and then coming home and "blowing off a little steam" by playing video games before he has to assume his parental responsibilities. He might think that you are home all day, so you don't need any time for a "break", because you have one all day. I'm not saying that is correct or even how he thinks and feels, but it is a possibility.
I had to have a similar talk with my husband at one point. I'm a stay-at-home mom, because we both decided that would be best for our family. He didn't realize all the work and responsibility that I had, because I didn't work outside the house. He would get on me if he didn't think that things were "up to standard" or I said that I needed a little time to myself. I had a long talk with him, and he did get better. Then, I got really sick and couldn't do anything for a about three days. Fortunately, he was home during this time, so he got to see what one of my days was like. By the end of the three days, he was happy to go back to work so that he could relax. He has never gotten on me again and makes sure to help out whenever he can.
