Born first? D you think it can shape your personality?

@Sreekala (22957)
India
September 17, 2009 6:20am CST
Hi mylotters, Are you the first child of your parents? Do you think that the birth order can do something with your personality? I think it varies and not depends on the birth order. Some are saying that the second child does not talk as well as or as early as the first child. I think that is true in my case. I know many parents are here and I would like to know what their experience is. The youngsters have their own experiences with their siblings. Please share your opinions.
7 people like this
34 responses
@taztheone (1726)
• India
17 Sep 09
Birth order - Order of birth
I'm the only child in my family. some times I feel I'm lucky because I can get all the love & no need to share anything. Some times I feel sad because I feel that I should have a sibling which would have been nice. There are many studies conducted which proved that birth order can influence your personality. Birth order theory outlines four types of personalities- first born, second born, only’s and youngest. If you were 3rd of six children then circumstances would have meant that you either functioned predominantly like one of the big four above. [b] First born[/b] – They are the leaders, the drivers and the responsible types. These people like to manage others but first they need to manage themselves. They love to feel in control and can feel uncomfortable with surprises or feeling out of their depth. They are conservative in their outlook & their ability to focus on a goal and their propensity to organize others means they can achieve whatever they put their minds to. Approval of authority is important for this group so don’t expect them to rock the boat too much. First born, above all else, want to forge ahead. Second born – They are the ‘peoples’ people, the ones who compromises, and the flexible operators. They are likely to get motivated by a cause and will enjoy working alongside people. They will often choose tasks or even a job that will give them a feeling of belonging. Friendships are important to this group & they often need others to drive them but they are the glue that holds groups together. Relationships are important to this group so make sure they included in all activities. Seconds, above all else, put people first. Youngest – They are the initiators, ideas people and the challengers. This group is the creative, live-for-the moment types who can put some fun and verve into activities. While the message for first born is to lighten up it seems that this group need to take things more seriously sometimes. Great initiators and very impatient doers, they always get something started but often are not the greatest of finishers. This group will often do anything to be noticed so make sure you pay heed to their efforts. Youngest, above all else, will blow your mind.Only’s – They are the quiet achievers, the finishers, they expect nothing less than the best. This group will raise the bar for everyone around them as nothing but the best will do. Their great strength is their ability to work for long periods of time on their own so they make great project finishers and strategic thinkers but they can be secretive and don’t deal well with conflict. Recognition is important to this group. Only’s, above all else, aim to please. Hope you understood something from these Happy Lotting
@lkbooi (16101)
• Malaysia
18 Sep 09
Hi taztheone, the response you given here is really interesting After reading the valuable info here, I become a bit interested to observe people around to see how many of them do match with the said personalities in the rough. I think this info might help a person a lot as well in looking for a perfect partner, business copartner, ..... as well. Happy posting
1 person likes this
@Sreekala (22957)
• India
9 Dec 09
Hi taztheone, I am giving my reply lastly to you, because I wanted to read your reply more than once to understand the same and I read the same many times now. Like lkbooi, I also felt your post is interesting and you have done a wonderful job (doing research on the same). I think I have to observe more on people to examine your findings. I think 'onlys' are tension free kids, may be that is the reason for their high confidence. Thank you so much for the wonderful observations. Have a nice time.
@vandana7 (65096)
• India
9 Dec 09
Hi responsible one! I share the same nature. :) Good response. :) Congratulations. :)
1 person likes this
@emilie2300 (1892)
• United States
17 Sep 09
I am the first child of my parents. I think you may be right because my brother was born second and he has a learning disability. What is weired we are 4yrs apart and the learning disability set him back 4yrs. He had a brain tumor the size of a half a dollar close to his brain.
2 people like this
@Sreekala (22957)
• India
17 Sep 09
Hi emilie, I am sorry to know about your brother. Hope he will be alright soon.
@Sreekala (22957)
• India
19 Sep 09
I can't understand the mentality of those peoples who are taking advantages on your brother. Please take care of him and I think your mother can help him for understanding and share his problems too.
• United States
19 Sep 09
I do my best to take care of him. but sometime he don't want to hear it until it is to late. But He dose not listen to my mother either. He still lives at home. I can only lead the horse I cant force him. I just wish he wake up when I tell him you see the first red flag warning about these girls get out you don't need them that's not what you need to bring you down and tear you apart.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56170)
• Delhi, India
17 Sep 09
Hi Sree! OMG! How deep you think to find out such an interesting topic to start a new post. I am the eldest in my family, I have one younger brother only, who is 9 years younger to me. We used to live in a joint family, when I was born and I would receive lots of love and affection from the elders in the family. I was pampered. My brother, I feel, did less amount of care of attention, as much I got. As far as my own children are concerned, I do not find much difference in them, they both have good communication skills and they are more intelligent their parents (i.e. me and my better half)…………….LOL!
2 people like this
@Sreekala (22957)
• India
19 Sep 09
Hi Deepak, According you, you have only one brother and he got less love than you (Really you are lucky). It is natural to give less attention to the second child but I know parents are not doing it intentionally. I think you can’t judge about you and your brother (because your can’t remember about your activities in childhood) but of course in case of your kids you can do it. I know both are different in gender and boys are less talkative than girls. In my case my elder son talked more clearly and fluently at the age of two but my younger is not so efficient in talking, means he is not clear on his words like his elder brother. But I observed that my younger son is more observant, intelligent, disciplined etc than the elder one. I want to share one more thing, in the last year my elder son’s class teacher told me that when they are taking admission of new kids they are taking into consideration of the elder sibling (if they any) performance. It really made me to think because I know sometimes the elder is weak than younger or smart than younger. How can they judge the younger sibling on the basis of the elder one? Do you think it is justifiable? I know two girls both are sisters, the elder is very intelligent and very good in studies but the younger is not like her and little back ward. So definitely the intelligence and personality varies and not on the basis of birth order. Have a great weekend and greetings of Ramdan too.
@dpk262006 (56170)
• Delhi, India
19 Sep 09
I agree with you that School should not put any condition regarding elder sibling's performance,when admitting the second one. Both could be different in their approach and intelligence. The each child should be judged on his/her merit.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
19 Sep 09
I don’t get the connection. I am the middle child. Inside our family I can speak my mind. My family sometimes listen to my opinion, I give my opinion if I have a certain experience over a certain situation. My sister is the oldest sometimes she directly ask me over a certain things, she need advices over something and she asked me if I am okay with that and when I say yes she do it, when I said no she won’t go with it. In other words she always follow what I said, she have this big faith in me. Sometimes I stand as the older one between us. We have this give and take to be the eldest despite the 5 years old gap. As of my personality, I am sometimes confident but sometimes shy. What I sure is I do my part us a family member and I speak my mind.
@Sreekala (22957)
• India
7 Dec 09
Hi grecy, I think middle child may be more independent and can take wise decisions. Elders may be overprotective as the first child; youngest may be pampered with parents and elder siblings. But middle child gets less attention and it makes them more strong and intelligent. I am also a middle child. It is really great to know that you are helping your elder sister to take decisions. Thanks for sharing. Have a nice day.
@chaitra001 (3278)
• Bangalore, India
19 Sep 09
Hi Sreekala, Yes birth order certainly helps in some extent to build our personality.. I am the first child for my parents.. when compared to my sister I am more bold and independent in my decisions.. but my sister is still depending on either me or my parents to decide on anything.. I used to manage my home works when I was in primary school itself but my sister was completely dependent on me till she finish her high school..
2 people like this
@Sreekala (22957)
• India
6 Dec 09
Hi Chaitra, So your experience is favour to my statement and I know young one is getting more pampering from parents and elder sibling which may lead to them more dependant. Thanks for sharing and joining. Have a nice time.
@arthi_88 (1518)
• India
18 Sep 09
I am the first child out of two and I think being the elder one does shape your personality..I had to become much more responsible then my brother..I have had faster growth during childhood compared to him..And I got to spend more time with my parents..I have the advantage of parents giving more values to what I say but pampering him a hell lot..He will always remain the young cute baby for them! being the first child my parents had to learn many things while I was growing up but for my brother he has ready-made solutions to every problem..Enough of my blabbering..Have a nice day!
@Sreekala (22957)
• India
6 Dec 09
Hi arthi, So nice of you, I think you are proud to become the first child. For girls, they are fast on everything like learning new things, new language etc. They can do their first things fast compared to baby boys. They speak early, they may walk early etc it is the speciality of girl child. So be proud dear. Have a great time. Thanks for joining.
@vandana7 (65096)
• India
18 Sep 09
Hi Sreekala, now that u bring it up, I think it does. :) Well, if we are the first, it is also the first time our parents get to be parents, isn't it? Their inexperience shows. At first, they are tentative, bordering to being overprotectiveand then when somebody remarks, which people do, they go overboard the other side, and then there are genuine situations which they really do not know how to handle - and one parent says one thing, and another says the entirely opposite. So we are truly specimen no.1 in the scientific experiment. LOL. By the time the second one comes along, they have learnt quite a bit, and so we are no longer that precocious to them, which I think is tougher to take from child's perspective. In any event, things start improving when the third one arrives, because we've got even with the second one, whom we perceive as our rival for affection - the second one deserved what was coming so to say. LOL. Kidding. I really dont think it matters.
@Sreekala (22957)
• India
5 Dec 09
Hi vandana, Exactly, I entirely agree with you. As a first time parents, we are confused and changing the actions according to other's advice. But second time we become experienced as a parent. I think it really matter for the development and personality of a child. Thank you very much for the realistic reply. Have a great weekend.
@hotsummer (10436)
• Philippines
18 Sep 09
generally the first born child is the more intelligent and the more talented. the more interested to study and shine in the school. while the next child usually less interested in school or bright. i don't know if it is because the first child was given more attention that the second child. or was it something to do with genetics that first child get the best of their genes.
2 people like this
@Sreekala (22957)
• India
5 Dec 09
Hi hotsummer, According to my observation it varies in boys and girls. Usually the first child is a girl child, she is exactly suitable with your explanation but in case of boys it is not 100 percent sure. In the other case the second child is girl she won’t shine much but in case of boys he can do wonderful. This is my own observation with some known family and friends and it may be entirely different with other families. Thanks for joining. Have a great weekend.
• United States
17 Sep 09
Interesting post ...i think depending on how much each family member contributes to the learning of the child usually determines how smart they will become. Usually first child receives all the attention from the parents and so he is usually the smartest.A second child though,would retain knowledge passed on by his parents and his older sibling, and depending on how old the sibling was would determine how much knowledge the second child would recieve.If the first born was of an older age,the second born would be able to receive much more knowledge,but at the cost of the older sibling leaving the home at an earlier date.there by ending how much knowledge could be passed.After a long line of the children through the intelligence begins to rise again and even increase past the first.This is due tothe fact that the younger children have many old siblings to receive knowledge from. In other words, children who are born late in to very large families benefit from the intellectual contributions of their older siblings .BUT BUT BUT first born child does is abig deal,simply because its a first for his oe her family.Until a second child comes along,family and friends usually shower first born kids ends .upwith lot of natural confidence. YEA YEA ...im the first child of my parents and all i explain above is my opinion. i hope this responce work.
@Sreekala (22957)
• India
3 Dec 09
Hi ims_khan, Your observation must be from your point of view so I am agreeing. It is natural the first child is getting much attention but does it mean that the second child is neglecting. I think each child is important for their parents irrespective of the birth order. May be the attention is diverting to two after the second child born. I am happy to read your opinion too. Thanks for sharing. Have a nice day.
@jaiho2009 (39019)
• Philippines
17 Sep 09
Hello Sree, I am an eldest of 4 siblings,but,as far as i know there is no problem arised with my brothers and sisters.I guess they are even more talented than i do.My two brothers were both singers and has talents with musical instruments and even our youngest sister,she is a music teacher and she plays the piano well. The only thing i like being an eldest is,they respected me and listens to my advices. Have a great weekend my friend
2 people like this
@Sreekala (22957)
• India
3 Dec 09
Hi dear, So you are the ‘big chechi’ (elder sister). It is nice to get the respect from younger siblings all the time and you may feel proud to be the big sister. I am happy to know that your sister is talented in music. Thank you very much for sharing. Have a nice day.
@killersss (639)
• India
17 Sep 09
no,:( i am the second one, and i think that's true that if you are born first it really shapes your personality. and your attitude. i have an elder sister, she's really good in studies well, i am not so good in studies. but i think that's natural because i am the second child. lol
2 people like this
@Sreekala (22957)
• India
3 Dec 09
Hi killersss, No friend, it is not like that, I know many people among elders are not performing well but younger is doing really well. But I observed one thing, if the elders are girls they are doing really well and vice versa. But here also exceptions are there. So please don't disappoint and be happy. You must have some wonderful abilities and find it out those. Thanks a lot for sharing. Have a nice time.
@kiran8 (15360)
• Mangalore, India
17 Sep 09
Hi Sreekal, I agree with your views that it does matter how you are place within your family. I am a first child and even when I was very young a certain amount of responsibility was put on me and I was expected to shoulder it whereas my youngest sister was never done that even when she was a teenager or grown up. In fact even today my mother expects me to shoulder all the burdens saying that being the eldest you have to do it ...I dont know whether to feel honored or angry because sometimes it can land you in a spot...
@Sreekala (22957)
• India
3 Dec 09
Hi Kiran, I think this thing is going on in every family; the elders are shouldering more responsibility and expected to do something for the family and younger siblings. I can understand your views, my mother expected more from my elder sister and she didn't mind if we (me and my younger sister) did some irresponsibility. Thanks for sharing dear. Have a nice day.
@dragon54u (31617)
• United States
17 Sep 09
I think it's mostly the parent. My first son began talking when he was 10 months old. A day before his first birthday, I bore his brother. I was careful to give him almost as much attention as I used to, only his brother was there getting my attention at the same time. My first and my second both began crawling, walking and talking before babies usually do. Of course, I was a stay at home mother that made plenty of time for the children and I think that had something to do with their developmental skills, mental and physical. I also think people are born with a certain temperament that has nothing to do with birth order. My youngest has always been a daredevil, climbing and jumping off things as soon as he could stand and before he was really walking. My oldest is more thoughtful and cautious and would think before he did most things.
2 people like this
@Sreekala (22957)
• India
19 Sep 09
Hi dragon54u, I am glad to know about your kids. How old they are now? I guess they must be grown ups and doing jobs. I agree if the mothers spend time with their kids there is much difference and I think it will boost the confidence level too. My elder son was under the care of my mother-in-law she stayed with us for looking after him and she over protected him and I can see the negative impact on the same. (I am not blaming here, she did a great job for me, the problem was she first time went out from the native place and in such a big city she too scared to stay alone at home in day time). But the younger is not like that he likes to do the adventurous things. Have a great weekend.
@lkbooi (16101)
• Malaysia
18 Sep 09
Hi Sree, this topic is really interesting. I find it’s much funny after reading taztheone’s comment in #5. Yeah, I have acquired more information about the theory outlines personality related to the birth order now. I have two brothers and a younger sister. My brother is the first child in my family. He is very good in speech and is sociable. My younger brother is a person of few words. He was rather shy and always felt reluctant to work alone till his teens. He has changed a lot after beginning the world for several years. He could handle all the everyday concerns so well. He even helps the other siblings a lot to cope with some of our routine business after that. if I’m not wrong, we have the same birth order, right? Concerning my birth order, I think it’s better for my friends to air their opinions respectively how my personality is. It’s a great fun as well to learn how others see me from the birth order. Sometimes we might learn a little by a little the personality from our loved ones, good friends, colleagues and … from the daily chitchat. It’s nice to weed out the ill ones Have a nice day and happy posting
1 person likes this
@Sreekala (22957)
• India
3 Dec 09
Hi dear First of all thank you very much for liking my post. I think we are in the same position according to birth order (I am the third one). I felt some similarities in our character but I know you are a nice person than me (lol). I have read many of your posts and have an opinion that you are always great and sweet to your friends. Till now I can’t find out anything to weed out if anything I can find it out in future definitely I won’t hesitate to tell you. Be happy and take care. Have an excellent day.
1 person likes this
@lkbooi (16101)
• Malaysia
5 Dec 09
You are very much welcome Sree. Really, you have created many good and attractive topics which engage me to participate in.... I will share my views and feeling in the ones which interest me for sure my dear. Oh I see! You are the third kid but not the second one according to the birth order. I have misread the last sentence in the second paragraph of your discussion. Therefore I have such thought that we are in the same birth order position Oh gosh, it didn’t occur to me that my poor description had caused you to misconstrue my birth order position. Actually I’m in the second position. sounds that people who are not in the same birth order position, like you and me do have common interests as well. Thanks for those sweet words. I smile with delightful when reading sweet words from sweet and kind person like you. I’m really fortunate to have such a straightforward, sincere and lovely friend here. I’m glad if you are willing to point out my weak spot in every respect. So that I could become more..... Have a wonderful Sunday!
1 person likes this
@lkbooi (16101)
• Malaysia
5 Dec 09
And enjoy your beautiful Saturday!
1 person likes this
@vathsala30 (3723)
• India
6 Dec 09
Hi sree I am the youngest of five siblings who is pampered by the other siblilngs and the parents as I am the youngest. They always treat me as their apple of the eyes and pet me always. So I do not know whether the birth order can do something with our personality. If I were born the eldest of all, may be I would have experienced enough to respond properly.
1 person likes this
@Sreekala (22957)
• India
9 Dec 09
Hi vathsala, You have kids and can't you remember anything from their childhood attitude. I know you must be forgotten about your childhood but what about the kids. Ok dear, don’t worry if you can't remember. My kids are small so I can easily tell about them how they behave in the same age. My elder son talked early and clearly but younger started to talk little late, now also his speech is not clear. But many are opined that born first never correlate with personality. Thanks for joining. Have a nice day.
• India
9 Dec 09
Hey sri Not that I have forgotten but I did not find that much difference between the two. But one thing I can say. Elder one used to drag his knees and move around while he was 4 months baby but 2nd one used to crawl with his knees as other children. And both had started walking during their 8th month and climbed down stairs and ran on the roads, during their 1st birthday. We were living in the 1st floor then.
1 person likes this
@Sreekala (22957)
• India
9 Dec 09
Ok dear, thanks for coming again and narrating.So sweet of you.
• India
18 Dec 09
Ofcourse being born first will fetch you some respect from rest of the siblings at the same time it casts some reponsibility to set an example for others to follow. In that sense it shapes our personality. In order to demand respect from the younger ones one needs to be well groommed and sacrifice certain things to a certain extent. Regarding the not talking by the second child I have to completely disagree with you as the case is just opposite in my case. I am the elder one here and I consider myself a taciturn,outside the court, whereas the younger one is garrulous and sometimes have to be scolded to keep the mouth shut.So I think it depends on the persons.Now a days younger ones are given more freedom than the elder ones and they grow up with that sense of freedom which makes them talk wildly without any decorum, most often.
1 person likes this
@Sreekala (22957)
• India
19 Dec 09
Hi Cosmo, Nice, the elder is sacrificing something to gather the respect from younger… I am the third child so I can’t give my opinion, so I am agreeing with you (as you are talking from own experience). Regarding the talking, I am not talking about the ‘talkative’ nature, my second child started to talk late than comparing to my elder one. If I compare both, elder is introvert. Younger one’s talk is yet to clear, means the pronunciation is not clear, but he is very talkative and naughty too. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
• India
19 Dec 09
Oh! I see lol,how old is your younger son.
1 person likes this
@Sreekala (22957)
• India
22 Dec 09
Younger one is two and half years old.
@allknowing (65297)
• India
7 Dec 09
Born first is a welcome gift for the parents and therefore gets all the pampering from all the relatives around too. But not when you are born 8th in the family which I was. My grandfather did not even come to visit me just because I was the fifth girl child! But destiny has its role in turning the tables. I was a sick child and that was the trump card in my case in that I was all attention which gave them time to also appreciate how charming and sweet I was (lol). My father particularly always gave me more attention as I was almost saved from dying of some ailment. And so there you are. Nothing to do with whether you are born first or last but destiny guides ones status and then one thing leads to another and the apple cart topples many a time in ones favour even if one is born in between!!
1 person likes this
@Sreekala (22957)
• India
9 Dec 09
Hi allknowing, That means you got attention by your sickness, not sounds great. I can understand the feelings of old people. The attitude towards the girl child may be different and by adding the numbers the importance also comes down. On first child, nobody bothers much about the gender of the child but it really becomes matter when the number of kids increases. Hope you are perfectly alright now. Thanks for sharing. Have a nice day.
@allknowing (65297)
• India
9 Dec 09
But it continued in later life too and I got all the pampering!!
1 person likes this
@Sreekala (22957)
• India
9 Dec 09
Ok, nice to know, and you must be treating your illness as a fortune.
• China
20 Dec 09
hi, I am the third child,i think it is very important that lives in variable conditions!
1 person likes this
@Sreekala (22957)
• India
22 Dec 09
Hi sunny, I am also the third child. I think we can adjust with any situations, do you agree? Nice to see you and thanks for the participation. Have a nice day.
@ckyera (17261)
• Philippines
13 Dec 09
hello sreekala! i am a first born in our family... well e are just 2 actually. i think its true that somehow, our position in our family do something in building our personality... like me, i as an only child for 10 years...and during those days, i am like a baby to my parents, and just play and do nothing much in the house...but when my brother as born, i learn to become more responsible, i help my mom in taking care of my baby brother, in doing some household chores... and also, i think due to this responsibility that's why i also learn to be independent and stronger...coz i always believe that i should be the one to protect my brother, the one to help my parents, something like that... i guess most of the time, its the first born who have the stronger personality in the family... and as i observed with some middle child (specially if they are 3 siblings) usually they are the quite type and a little inferior? i don't really kno but that's what i saw with some of my neighbors and cousins... have a good day sreekala!
1 person likes this
@Sreekala (22957)
• India
19 Dec 09
Hi ckyera, I think you observation is right. Elder sibling are supposed to take part some responsibilities at home especially the girls. You got your brother at the age of 10, you were happy to get a small baby at home, at that age, isn’t it? Definitely it increases your responsibility as a big sister and as an elder daughter. Hope you must be enjoyed the double role. Have a nice time. Take care.
@mymelodake (1339)
• Philippines
7 Dec 09
Hi Sreekala, this is an interesting discussion. I think the order of one's birth, although it's not the single most influential factor in shaping a person's personality, I think it does have an effect especially based on how your parents treat you based on the order of your birth. There are 3 of us siblings, I am the middle child, and I have an older sister who is a year older than me and a younger brother who is 5 years younger than me. Being the oldest, my sister is very responsible, and always assumes responsibility when our parents are away. Not only that, even when we are with friends, like when we traveled as a group, although my sister isn't the oldest, I really felt that she was the one to take charge and is like the older sister of the group. As the middle child, although we are just a year apart, my personality varies a lot from hers. I am very laid back and carefree, and I think it's because I don't often have to the responsible one because my sister always takes charge. Our younger brother on the other hand, well, he's like our parents' favorite, and we feel that out of the three of us he has had or was given the best attention, best opportunities, and etc. He isn't spoiled but he has that confident kind of attitude. He's a go-getter, same as my sister, but it varies in a way that my sister is more like "I WILL DO IT!", while he is "I CAN DO IT!" I don't really know how to explain it well, but I hope in a way I was able to express myself.
1 person likes this
@Sreekala (22957)
• India
9 Dec 09
Hi mymelodake, Well, I understand what you meant. I agree with the point, the parents treated the kids on their birth order' I felt it is really meaningful and have much importance. After all, the personality depends on the atmosphere we grow and definitely the parents have their own role. Like your sister, elders are supposed to shoulder the responsibility and it increases the self-confidence too. Thank you very much for the wonderful response. Have a nice day.