when is it time to finally tell them to GROW UP!?!?

@pudgles (414)
United States
September 24, 2009 9:17am CST
i have 5 children all various ages. my oldest 28 my youngest just hit 18. 2 of my daughters are out on there own married, have there own houses and each have 3 children. Neither of them work, but there husbands do and they make do with what there life becomes.. My middle child just moved back home, she;s married, they have there own business and she works full time outside of her own business, working 80+ hours a week, she is currently pregnant. Also living at home is my 20 year old son and my 18 year old daughter. neither of them have a job or plan on getting one anytime soon. My son however is in his second year of college and he is also on disabilty. times are tough and they all complain when thier is no clean dishes or towels or that there favorite pair of pants are washed andfolded and pout in there room. they get upset when i cook somehing because they dont like it and then expect me to fork over money for subway or mcdonalds.. they expect me to give them gas money and use my car when ever they want. Actually my son has claimed my car i havent even looked at the key to it in almost a month! My 18 year old has the mind of a 14 year old and the mouth and attitude of a 16 year old. They complain when we almost out of hot water and i tell them to take short showers until i get more propane.. But yet NONE of them see to help out. they dont cook, clean, do laundery they just expect me to continue on and do what ii have been doing since there birth... when is it time to grow up? when should enough be enough.. any advice would be greatly appreciated.. thhanks in advance
1 person likes this
11 responses
@cher913 (25890)
• Canada
24 Sep 09
my hubby and i have been watching a tv show from the 1970s and that got us discussing how things sure have changed since then. i find the teens today (and young adults) feel that everyone owes THEM - i have a teenaged daughter (16) and she is so lazy! plus, we know a young couple that have sponged off her parents for a long time, now they want to get divorced. my daughter wants a cell phone and we have told her that when she gets a job, she can get a cell. (she is probably the only one that doesnt have one!) she complains that all the other parents pay for her friends to have one...too bad...tear!
@pudgles (414)
• United States
24 Sep 09
GOOD THINKING!! in the past 2 years i dont know how many cellphones my daughter alone has gone through.. I do know that i have 2 Very LARGE past due cellphone balances. finally i said no more and shut them off but that dosent mean that i dont still have this large cellphone bill, plus the shut off fees, on top of the cost of the many different cellphones she has gone through. finally i tell her know and her friend decided to go out and get her one on there plan, boy are they sorry, she agreed to pay her own bill monthly, she hasnt even done that, she told them that i would pay for her ... BOY IS SHE WRONG!!!
• Canada
24 Sep 09
Exactly. I can't believe how every 10 year old has their own cell phone these days. When I was younger, I got a cell phone when I got a part time job. Plus, it feels better to know that you got something for yourself.
@pudgles (414)
• United States
24 Sep 09
my older two children rag on me all the time that when they were 16 they both had part time jobs and if they wanted something i told them to buy it thereselves... they say that i am more lieant towards the younger ones.. maybe i just give in too easily
@gossipzz (500)
• Canada
24 Sep 09
I do not know what is with the young ones of todays world are doing. They all live at home. They do not want to work. They believe its their parents duty to take care of them forever. I wonder what happens when their parents leave this world today leaving them. They have children and expect their parents to take care of them. I find this funny because when I was growing up kids were in a hurry to get out of the house. I once heard one say why will I leave when I have free rent and food. Happy lotting.
@pudgles (414)
• United States
24 Sep 09
thats funny because i have told my two younger ones find a job and start paying me $25 a week.. THAT was ALL i asked and my son said if you make me pay im just gonna move out.. Good luck to him for finding a home for $100 a month with free food, cleaning, gas money, cable, internet, eletricity and heat.. he just laughed and said well then i guess im not moving out and i cant pay either!
@mrbranan (1012)
• United States
24 Sep 09
I don't know how popular this will be but I say enough is enough. If they are working they need to be helping. If they are not working they need to be out there hunting a job. That house should stay clean because I would be raising so much you know what until it was done. I recently had life threating surgery and I have three children 18,17. and 7. They all have chipped in time as well as money to help me through this to get me better. They are still helping me I just had surgery 2 days ago and all my children even my 7 year old is helping me around the house. They need to be helping you because they are old enough to understand.
@pudgles (414)
• United States
24 Sep 09
thank you for your response.. i hope you recover well.. I am starting to see ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!! thank you and god bless
@dlr297 (5418)
• United States
24 Sep 09
i have 8 children and they are oldest 36 and the youngest is 19. They are all out of the house and on their own. They learned to clean and cook at a young age. if they wanted something to eat other than what i cooked for dinner they made it themselves, and they all did their own laundry by the time they were in high school. They kept their rooms clean, and picked up after themselves. They did not get the privilege to drive until they could afford to pay for insurance and gas on their own. (we helped them all get their first car) I think it is time that you call a family meeting (we had many of these) and put your foot down, and make some rules and make them follow them. Three of my children worked and put themselves through collage, while they were on their own, and one of them had a child to care for also, we babysat and helped where we could with small things.
@pudgles (414)
• United States
24 Sep 09
sounds like a good plan i didnt even think of holding together a meeting.. ive talked to them all individually, but with all of us sitting down together it may work hopefully better to my advantage that way
• Canada
24 Sep 09
Oh, it's more than time to say enough is enough - but to an extent. I don't know how old the middle one is that just moved back home, but if she's working 80 hours a week, pregnant, and hopefully not at home because of other issues, I wouldn't see anything wrong with her being there. There's a difference between falling back on your family in hard times, and taking advantage of them. Speaking as someone who is pregnant, I don't know how she's managing the 80 work week, to be honest, and it's probably not in her/or the baby's best interest to expect her to be coming home and doing a tone of housework on top of what she's already doing. But, that's not to say that she shouldn't be cleaning up after herself, either. And if she can contribute a bit financially, it wouldn't be unreasonable to ask her to help out if times are tough for you. As far as the younger two go, if they're physically capable of doing their laundry, they should be managing that themselves. I was doing my own at 14. It's not exactly a lot of work, either, when it's only your clothes that you're taking care of. If it were me, I would have them contribute to the chores a bit too. Like, the younger two can take on the dishes one night each a week, for example. And if they don't like what you made for dinner, they can cook something for themselves, or get a part time job for some McDonald's money. All I'm saying is, don't feel bad about saying no. I was never allowed to touch my parents car. They gave me a few dollars sometimes when I wasn't getting a lot of hours at work, but not a lot of the time, and it was more coffee money for the night then enough money to waste on something. The bottom line is, they were there when I needed help, but they also taught me to be independent and to work for the things I wanted. I never took things for granted.
@pudgles (414)
• United States
24 Sep 09
i will always be her for my children... i feel bad when i tell them no. an i would much rather do without so that they will have...at times i wish that i can just say no and not feel guilty about it.. thank you for your honest response
• China
25 Sep 09
I have no any child yet.But I hope he/she will know his/her life as early as he/she can.Especially if it is a boy.I hope he can be health and smart.And he can take responsibility when he is young.But that is just my hope.But I think we should tell child take his responsibility when he is young not after he become adult
• Melbourne, Australia
25 Sep 09
Go on 'strike' don't cook for them (they are more than old enough to cook...as my 16yo can cook & he has the mental age of an 8yo) don't clean up after them, just clean your mess, just cook for you, just do your washing/folding ect....do't do it for them...it forces them to grow up or miss out. If they complain...tell them that there is the door.... simple. They are all over 18, that's classed as ADULTHOOD... time to cut those strings & STOP being a slave.
@Debs_place (10525)
• United States
25 Sep 09
You have 3 adult children living at home. The one in college, well that is acceptable. You have to lay down the law. If you are not in school full time, you are working and paying room and board. If you don't like it. THere is the door, don't let it hit you on the way out. You do not have to give these kids money or feed them or do their laundry, in fact you should not be doing those things. My son started working at 12, but 15 he was paying for his clothing and entertainment and to eat out. I bought him a car at 17, he paid the insurance and gas and maintenance. He moved out when he was 19, he is self-sufficient. He will be moving back in this December since he is going back to school full-time. He will be paying his way though. When he does come home to visit, he fixed my car, he cooks for me. He is joy to have around.
• United States
25 Sep 09
Tough love pudgles. I think it is time to tell them to buck up or get out. Of course they don't do anything around the house, they are still living at home doing nothing and getting free rent. It can be difficult but these adults need some serious tough love. I say find a local shelter and drop them all off. If they come back and contribute to the household to your specifications, fine. If not, good luck to them. Good luck to you!
• United States
24 Sep 09
Well. The way that my mother told me to grow up. Was when I was about sixteen. She told me to get job. No. I didn't get one right away. I waited. But than she ha a serious talk with me. She told me that she cannot do it on her own. She than asked me for her help because I was the only one, besides my mother that was able to help out. To see my mother treat me as an adult and ask for my help was a no brain-er. Once I teciever checks and was able to help provide. I felt accomplished in a sense, that I too, am helping my family. Maybe all your kids need is a little talk and a big shove. Lol. I hope that things work out. Take care and god bless!
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
24 Sep 09
Well, my mother's situation is somewhat similar to yours. Up until April all three of her adult children lived with her along with two spouses and four grandchildren. My husband and myself paid her rent and I did all of the cooking for the family while we were there as well as doing my own laundry for our portion of the family. My brother and sister-in-law and their two daughters contribute nothing to the house hold and my little sister paid rent. Now that we've finally moved into our own home, I am constantly telling my mother that she needs to put her foot down with my brother and sister-in-law because they are still freeloading off of her. They expect her to provide them with food and a free babysitter so they can go out in the evening, etc. It is time to grow up and at least take some kind of responsibility when you are through with school.