What will you do if someone borrow your money but forget to pay back?

China
September 28, 2009 3:39am CST
It's the second time that one of my colleague borrow my money but forget to pay back. It's not that big amount, but it's almost equal to what I make in a day. Well, mylotters, did you ever encounter the similar case like me? What did you do with it? Just let it go? I am not sure if I should ask it back as I feel a little awkard to do so.
7 people like this
88 responses
@indybaty (373)
• Panama
29 Sep 09
Hi karen! Actually, Ive been both sides of the coin. I´ve been the person that lends money and person borrowing money, and both sides I have done right and done wrong. In the end I learned that is always best never to lend any money unless it is truly necessary to lend it. At work, I have this friend that would lend me change any time I would ask for it so I could eat at work, at home my husband before kept checking on my money to see where I would be spending it (dieting gets the worse out of me if Im not satisfied) and would cheat like that. My friend never asked for the borrowed money back, and trust me adding up it was a lot that I borrowed from him. In the end, the person that U lent "forgets" to pay, doesnt really forget, I sure didnt forget!, I just never repayed him cause I thought that he was cool with it for not telling me that he wanted the money back. So, its always best to ask for the money back, after all it was money borrowed and not money given. He never told me return the change that I gave you, one day I asked him for money and told me sorry dont have any change... and I realized that I reached the limit. I left him with a 20 dollar bill. Adding up that is what I owed him, then he smiled and said dont worry about it. In a nutshell, people who "forget" they have to pay you, make sure if they have truly forgotten or not, cause otherwise your coworker will keep doing this to you and if you dont like it, you have to say it.
• China
2 Oct 09
Hello, Indybaty, thanks for telling me this. Yeah, we had better payback the money sooner after we borrow it. It is really not right to borrow money again and again but without returning. Have a nice day and happy mylotting to you.
@indybaty (373)
• Panama
2 Oct 09
Oh you welcome. I learned the hard way. Besides, it doesnt look good when you arent true to your word. We are still friends but now he has a bad impresion of me. So its always important to pay back the money and before person asks, that way you remain in good standing.
• China
3 Oct 09
Hello, Indybaty, yeah, that is right. Maybe you can try to talk to him to clear the misunderstanding. Good luck to you, my friend.
@jdyrj777 (6558)
• United States
29 Sep 09
I do not barrow or loan. Mainly because i diont have the extra money to do that. I have found that when items are barrowed i never see them again either. So i dont do that anymore either. In the past i have had to replace things that were never returned. Just as bad as amoney loan that is not repaid. Its just bad policy to loan or barrow. When people oue you they simply avoid you. You loose friends. If they need help there are organizations they can go to get what they need.
• China
30 Sep 09
Hello, Jdyrj, I find it is hard to do so. As we need to keep the relationship, friends, colleagues, relatives... and sometimes we do need helps from others also. Although we may loss finally, but this is not avoidable. All we can do is be careful, and be wise enough to judge the borrower, never lend out big amount unless you know her/him very well.
@jdyrj777 (6558)
• United States
30 Sep 09
Anyways like i said i dont really afford to loan. The only freinds i ever lost are the ones in the past i did loan to at the rare times i could. So in essence i guess they figured the friendship was worthless. i mean if they can forfit the friendship for $20. or so.
• China
1 Oct 09
Hello, Jdyrj, I am sorry to hear that, and wish you good luck. Still I believe there is true friendship that will not be affected by money. I have ever lent somehow big amount to three of my friends, and they all pay me back. Thanks them that I still believe there are true friendship on the earth and not all ends due to money. Thank you and have a nice day.
@RawBill1 (8542)
• Gold Coast, Australia
29 Sep 09
This used to happen to me when I was younger and friends with people who were not as good at saving money as I was. They kept promising the money next week, it was always next week, but that never came! I soon learned that these people were using me and so I stopped having anything to do with them! It was a big lesson for me at a time when I was young and vulnerable! Stand up to them and ask for it back. It is your money and your right to ask for it to be returned to you!
• China
2 Oct 09
Hello, Rawbill, thanks for your sharing. My young brother lend out lots of money and hardly get it back neither. When he need money and ask it back, his "friends" just avoid to see him and hear from him... Have a nice day and happy mylotting.
@RawBill1 (8542)
• Gold Coast, Australia
2 Oct 09
Just a couple of days ago someone overseas who I am in contact with online asked me for money via Skype! I refused to give him the money due to the bad experiences that I went through from being over generous earlier in life. If people need money, there are plenty of ways that they can earn it without having to ask others for it!
• China
3 Oct 09
Hello, Rawbill, it is absolutely right that not to lend money to friends in foreign country, except you know him/her very well. I do not think he/she can not borrow money from his/her friend in domastic friend unless he/she has a bad reputation. In my opinion, they will eat your money without paying back, and it is more difficult for you to ask it back.
@andy77e (5165)
• United States
29 Sep 09
Do not lend money to friends. That is a good way to end friendships. Here in the US, we have a saying that goes like this: "If you lent your brother-in-law $100, and he never bothers you again, was it worth it?" The saying is an understanding that lending money to people tends to have the effect that they avoid you, because they do not pay it back, and don't want you asking for it. Since you have already lent the money, I would assume the money is gone. That person may never pay you back, and asking him for it, may make your work place stressful. Lesson learned. Never lend money to someone again would be my advice.
• China
30 Sep 09
Hello, Andy, I am so sorry that many people advised me to do it this way. As not all people borrow money but do not giving back, what if some people really need the money and he/she are surely to pay back? This world is becoming cold because of those people....
@andy77e (5165)
• United States
30 Sep 09
Well it's up to you, but normally when you let people borrow money, they don't pay you back. No one assumes they will not pay back when they lend the money. Did you think your co-worker would not pay you back? But... have they? Nope. We always want to believe the best in others. That isn't how it always goes. Money is a difficult thing. So if someone really needs the money very badly, do not lend it to them, give it to them. Or another way to put it, never give out money unless you are willing to never get it back. If you really can't afford to give out money, then do not. It would be better to keep the friendship or co-worker, than to lend money, and have bitterness over a loan they didn't repay.
• China
1 Oct 09
Hello, Andy, maybe you are right. I will be more careful. Thanks for your patient advice. Have a nice day and happy mylotting to you.
@34momma (13896)
• United States
29 Sep 09
i don't ever have this problem because i don't lend out money to people. i will give you $20, but i don't like to lend people money because of they tend to "forget" to give it back. If i do lend someone money, and that's a big if. I will only do so with a promisory not to return my money on a certain date. money ends friendships and tears family apart. that's why i don't like to do it. but if i do lend out money, you better know i will take someone a$$ to court to get my money back
• China
30 Sep 09
Hello, Momma, that is very sad, money ends friendships and tears family apart are not only happened in our area, but it seems global.... People are all greedy... Good luck and have a nice day.
1 person likes this
@34momma (13896)
• United States
30 Sep 09
i don't know if all people are greedy. i just think that when it comes to money, friends and family, it's better to be smart then to get hurt because someone didn't keep their word about paying you back.
• China
1 Oct 09
Hello, Momma, thanks for your comment again. Yeah, let us be smarter, in that way we can be less hurted. Have a nice day and happy mylotting to you.
@offlimits (601)
• Philippines
30 Sep 09
I also encountered the same thing with my high school friend. It's not that big amount too, so I decided to let it go. And besides, we don't really meet that much now so maybe she forgot about it already. In your case, why not try to ask him/her? It's already the second time so maybe it's time for you to ask that person. Maybe he/she have some problems with money so try to talk with him/her to clarify things.
• China
3 Oct 09
Hello, Offlimits, thank you for your suggestion. Yeah, I will talk to her several days later if she still shows no intenstion to pay me back. I do not think she has any problem with money as she borrowed it just because she did not bring enough money that day, and she said she would return it to me the next day. I am not sure if she forgot it or not. I will talk to her to get things straight. Have a nice day and happy mylotting to you.
• Philippines
4 Oct 09
Oh, is that so? Maybe she really forgot it. Sometimes people tend to forgot things, including me. Haha. Well good luck my friend, and take care! :)
@hagirl (1296)
• United States
30 Sep 09
I have people that owe me money right now! I have learned the hard way to always get a promissory note wrote up and signed especially with family and friends. I know that the date the promissory note says to be paid off usually you have to give them 30 days from that day, which I already have. They have told me that in october I will start getting some money if I don't I have no choice then to take them to small claims court. I do not know want to do that, but I feel I was nice enough to loan it to them when they needed it so they should try to pay me back. The only reason I have not went to court already because it is a very good friend and they have had a hard time. They are on their feet now. So I will wait until October some time to ask for my money again. I do not know why but sometimes I feel bad about even asking for my money back. It is a huge chunk of money for me, though and I need it just as much as they do.
• China
3 Oct 09
Hello, Hagirl, I can understand you... Wish you good luck. The one borrow your money is your good friend and they are in hard time now. Do you think she/he will pay you back in latter time? If so, I think you can less worry on it if you are not in need of that money. Sometimes, people take advantage of our kind help. It's really annoying.
@tinam13 (840)
• United States
30 Sep 09
money - a pile of money with a piggy bank
I would give them ENOUGH time to pay me pack on their own. After a while of waiting I would kindly remind them that they borrowed money from me and that I would like it back. Maybe by dropping hints like, "oh I'm so broke right now...etc" and if they still didn't pay me back I would give them some more time. Eventually I'd become a little p*ssed off and bluntly ask for my money back, at this point I'm not to nice to talk down, and I would probably end up hurting this person's feelings. This is the one reason why I do not borrow nor do I borrow out money to people, especially my friends. You should definitely ask for your money back. This person more than likely "conveniently" forgot to pay you back. He or she thinks that you will not ask for your money back because you might be scared to do so. No matter how much a person borrows from you, it's not about the money it's the fact that he or she did or didn't pay you back. Don't let this person get away with your money and learn from this mistake by not letting he or she borrow anything from you again. You might feel mean doing this, but this person broke trust with you when they didn't pay you back. Money is not the most important thing in the world but, it's something that you own and worked hard for. Don't let people take advantage of your kindness and be careful when you lend your belongings to people. GOOD LUCK=)
• China
3 Oct 09
Hello, Tinam, thanks for your suggestion. Now I am giveing her some more days, if she still shows no intension to pay me back, or ask for extention of pay date, I will talk to her directly. Good luck to you too. Have a nice day and happy mylotting to you.
@tinam13 (840)
• United States
3 Oct 09
thank you and I hope you get all your money back. =)
@aerous (13474)
• Philippines
29 Sep 09
Well! I just forget about it because I can't force the person borrow some money from me. Until today I never got payback from those person owe me some thousands. They are always hiding if I will go to their place to ask their payment...Now I gave up and say luck to them...have a nice day!
• China
1 Oct 09
Hello, Aerous, I am sorry to hear that. I wish god will repay you for your generosity. I just can not understand why such kind of people are all over the world. If someone lend me money at the time I need, I would be too grateful, and I really can not figure out how the people can refuse to pay them back. Good luck and have a nice day.
@aerous (13474)
• Philippines
1 Oct 09
I really don't understand too, that there are like them. Since we are not force them to pay back. just leave them to eat their sin someday...have a nice day!
• Philippines
29 Sep 09
Hello karenkarenkk, I think its not just one time wherein a friend or colleague forgot to pay what they borrowed to me. It is not just in terms of money. some times magazine, books, dvd tapes, wherein they will borrow it and yet they will forget to return it. In terms of money, if a colleague or a friend would forget to pay me, I won't lend money to him / her again. If it just a minimal amount, I will just let it go, I will not bug him just because of that. My trust for that particular person would not be whole again, because of that instance. But if the person will give me reasons why he can't pay the money back immediately I would understand it. I believe this should be a personal initiative to pay back the money one owe. Good luck!
• China
30 Sep 09
Hello, Red_Amethyst, thanks for your response. Talking about things people borrow, I have a neighbor before, who always bring some small things from others, such as scissors, iron, knife... but never return back until we ask for it... We just can not understand why they bother to do so, just to save some penny? Good luck to you too.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
2 Oct 09
I think, they are just insensitive. I know a few people who can afford to buy but still borrow things.
@irefed (200)
• Philippines
29 Sep 09
I have encountered that kind of situation already with a friend. She pay me back when I try to make a joke about what she had borrowed. It happens 2 times already, afterwards, I never let her borrow a money from. If ever she borrow again then I just try to say I don't have an extra money for her to borrow.
• China
30 Sep 09
Hello, Irefed, thanks for your advice. Yeah, it might be better that not lend them any money if they are easy to foget what they owe. Have a nice day and happy mylotting.
@irefed (200)
• Philippines
30 Sep 09
THanks and welcome also...I'm sure you have learned from some posted response about borrowing money and don't know how to pay back.
@mano5chi (207)
• Spain
30 Sep 09
Yeah, I found a person like this a few years ago. At present he is one of my best friends. He is witty, nice and loyal...but a little mean too. Money seems to be the blind spot of his common sense. He always forgets to pay back the money I lent him. Despite the fact he is very forgetful (hahaha), I am really grateful to him for teaching me the right attitude towards this issue. Money hasn´t nothing to do with good manners or kindness. There are many people willing to take advantage of those who don´t dare to request a pay back. And I wouldn´t like that someone thinks that I am stupid because I didn´t demand what is mine. You don´t need to be unpleasant but firm. In the end, you are not stealing anything, right?
• China
3 Oct 09
Hello, Mano: Yeah, you are right. Thanks for your advice. Now I also think I was quit silly that feel shy to ask for the money back. Like other mylotters say, it should be she the one that feel embarrassed. After all, it is her mistake but not mine. And I earn the money by my hard working, it is my right to do so. Have a nice day and happy mylotting to you.
@alottodo (3061)
• Australia
30 Sep 09
I alway say if you lend money to a friend you lose both [ your money ] and your friend. I have quite a lot of people that owes me money [ mostly family ]and I never espect that money back because I know they can't pay it back so I gave it as a present! what I could afford at the time, no more no less, and today we can all sit together and be comfortable with each other and no hard feeling. To me is if you lend money be prepared to lose it!
• China
3 Oct 09
Hello, Alottodo, it is sad that your saying is true in some extent. I just do not understand that why people take advantage from others' kind help. Don't they feel shame and guilty? How about they really need money urgently next time? Don't they know their reputation is running out? Good luck to you and wish you have a nice day.
@jenzai (390)
• Philippines
30 Sep 09
Sometimes we have to stand up in order not be abused by people around us. Letting the person know his/her mistakes will caution for future abuses. On my part I will ask for the payment and if he/she will not pay me once i would not give him/her another chance to barrow money. It a simple rules of respect.
• China
3 Oct 09
Hello, Jenzai: Yeah, you are right. I will ask it back several days later. I think she will pay me back, after all we are colleague, I do not think she is dare not to pay me back. Thanks for your response and have a nice day.
• United States
30 Sep 09
"Lending" money is like gambling. You hope that you get back the same amount or more than you spend (lend). If you can manage it, "Neither a borrower or lender be." All of us have been on both ends of that famous quotation. I used to let situations like this bother me until I decided that when I lend or give money to someone, it is gone and I don't expect to get it back. If I do, it's just a happy little bonus. Also, everyone around me knows my philosophy about things that I own (money or whatever). If someone has to steal from me then they can have whatever it is. They obviously need it more than I do. You might consider asking for your money back as long as it won't make things weird between you. For me, no amount of money is worth a relationship. You have to decide what hold the greatest value for you.
• China
3 Oct 09
Hello, Txddawn, it is true that we should consider the value of money and relationship first, that is why I feel hesitate to ask for the money back. Anyway, I will try to be polite when asking, like other mylotters say here, it is my money and I work hard to get it, I have the right to ask it back. Thanks for your response and have a nice day.
@happy6162 (3011)
• United States
29 Sep 09
Maybe he really did forget about the money. You need to just remind him that he owes you money. If he can not pay maybe you could have him help you out with something around your house to pay you back by working for you.
• China
2 Oct 09
Hello, Happy, thanks for your comment. Yeah, she may really forgot it. If she has difficulty to pay me back and she tell me the truth, I do not think I will ask her to help with my housework to pay it back. I will just let it go then. Have a nice day and happy mylotting to you.
• United States
29 Sep 09
Well for me if someone wants to borrow money from me I have a limit. My limit is no more than $40. It's the amount that I can care less if it comes back to me in my mind I gave it to them. If they choose to pay it back cool if not I don't miss it. Also I only loan money once which I let them know in advance that I do that because I don't want money coming between family or friends. That's what I live by and I stand by my conviction.
• China
2 Oct 09
Hello, Jurseygurl, thanks for your advice. To set a limit for your loan is a good way, it do reduce the conflict between your feeling and friendship. Have a nice day and happy mylotting to you.
@harmonee (1236)
• United States
29 Sep 09
That is such a hard thing! It's so ackward to bring up debt in a conversation. Sometimes though it just needs to be done. Maybe you can do something like "hey, I don't have any cash. Do you think you can get lunch for us and we'll just take it off the money I lent you?" That way it is a reminder, but not as harsh as "You owe me money and I want it." I don't think that I would lend that person money anymore. Good luck!
• China
2 Oct 09
Hello, Harmonee, thanks for your understanding and suggestion. I will have a try. If she refuse to pay me back, I will of course not to lend her money again. Anyway, if she really forget that and willing to pay me back. I will consider to lend her money if she need in future. Yes, I will be more careful. Have a nice day and happy mylotting to you.
@mlh8087 (370)
• United States
29 Sep 09
What I've learned about loaning money to my friends is this: Don't expect to see your money come back, consider it a gift, and if they do pay you back: Well, what a pleasant surprise. With that outlook, I don't loan it unless I can afford too and if I do loan money I don't expect to see it back. Then there's no disagreements, hurt feelings or any of those other negative feelings that come when you expect an action from someone and you don't get it.
• China
1 Oct 09
Hello, Mlh: maybe you are right... That is really bad... Good luck to you and happy posting.
@unclestan (152)
• Canada
29 Sep 09
It's your money. Keep asking ...as often as necessary until you are repaid in full. Also,never make the same mistake twice ... if a person has neglected to repay you once .... they will take advantage of your generosity over and over again. Probably the best time to ask for repayment is on payday ...so there are no excuses. Why not just make it a personal policy .... never loan an amount of money you can't afford to give away? And of course, only to a person you would gladly "donate" your money to. Just say "I've had some bad experiences, in the past loaning money, so I would rather not harm our relationship".
• China
1 Oct 09
Hello, Unclestan, thank you for your response. Acutally the money I lent out is not that big, and I think I can afford it even if she would not pay me back. I am hesitate if I should get it back or not at the begining, and so I have the post here and receive lots of suggestions... Thank you very much for all of your time. Have a nice day and happy mylotting.