Do you allow your husband /wife to shout at you in public?

Philippines
October 1, 2009 11:27pm CST
When I was out at the yard this morning I saw my neighbors shouting at each other. they’re husband and wife.i let my kid to get inside our house so that he can’t see and hear them. They’re throwing foul words at each other. I hate seeing that. Arguments should be kept in the privacy of your home, preferably without the yelling. I think shouting at anyone in public is rude. Shouting at your wife and/or husband is also disrespectful.
3 people like this
31 responses
• India
20 Aug 10
both of us are educated . i hate shouts. i have seen and heard them at home and hated it when my father did so. as i child we used to sit like mice in a corner when he did the yelling and pray it stopped soon. now i have a husband who shouts when there is a real matter which has to be sorted out. and not wanting his voice to be heard outside, i stop. now i seldom talk. what point is there in keeping everything within you when u r shouted at, and talked about to his friends and family? so one day i also shouted because all our windows were closed and children not at home. at least once in my lifetime, i wanted to get that disgusting feelings, pressurised inside come out.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
21 Aug 10
that was a spirit! yeah,it's good that you have to have the nerve to yell back too and not just like a puppy at the corner.
@Fulltank (2896)
• Philippines
2 Oct 09
Definitely not would be the best answers for most of us. But sometimes, if the heat is too hot and the thread of calmness and patience is broken, yelling is inevitable.
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
well in some other cases yelling has become a need.
@crazydaisy (3899)
• Canada
2 Oct 09
I agree with you it they shouldn't yell at each other they should wait till there at home.and not and not use foul words for the kids to hear then they think it's ok to talk like that. cd
1 person likes this
• Philippines
2 Oct 09
yes that's right. that's why i don't like it when my kid saw them yelling at each other. yelling scares most children—the younger the child, often the more fear they feel. In a state of fear it is next to impossible for a child to think about their mistake or misbehavior. If a child cannot think about their mistake, a child cannot learn from their mistake.
@daliaj (5688)
• India
2 Oct 09
I hate it when my husband shouts in public. I can't never take it. Once I went for a prayer meeting with my grand father and after the metting they told women to take a way and men to take anotehr way out. Once we came out of the building he couldn't find me for sometime. He got very tensed and once he find me out, he shouted at me in public using bad words. I felt very embarassed.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
2 Oct 09
im sorry for your experience.that was really bad. why don't you agree with each other that no one is aloud to yell in public since it will be the two of you who will be embarrassed. Fight mode is sometimes referred to as “reactive.” In fight or reactive mode we tend to say things we regret or wish we could take back, which, of course calls for repair. Part of this pattern often includes your partner reacting defensively and/or critically when yelled at. That defensiveness triggers more frustration, anger and lashing out. Without knowing what to do, or how to respond differently, the cycle is repeated, and both partners suffer and struggle with a broken or unsatisfactory conflict management process. The next time an issue surfaces it will be anticipated with dread.
• Malaysia
2 Oct 09
No one likes to be yelled at. Its embarrassing and disrespectful. You are right arguments should be kept in privacy. I think this always happen to those who can control their hot temper and just went crazy, yelling their heart out. Yelling at your partner in public is worst. It instantly shows the partner have no respect.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
2 Oct 09
This is a topic that has meaning for everyone. All of us have raised our voices, probably more than once. Yelling at your spouse/partner induces fear, just as it does in a child. Brain research has shown that it is very difficult to think while in a state of fear. If you want your partner to think about what you say, the odds for that increase when you speak in a way that does not produce fear. When your partner hears yelling, the brain reads it as DANGER, and your partner experiences fear. It (the brain) immediately goes in to some degree of fight or flight mode—how much depends on the amount of perceived threat. The behavior from your partner at that point will probably range from yelling back/defensiveness (fight mode) to silence/withdrawal (flight mode). Neither will produce a satisfactory outcome.
@shimanaja (495)
• Indonesia
2 Oct 09
Ow God what a worst view in the morning. Yeah, they didnt realize that anyone see them shouting to each other. That was a shameful event that does not deserve to be a model, especially for our kids. You may angry to your partner but in the private area or your home and not heard by others is more polite and wise way. Thanks and hv a nice day :)
1 person likes this
@ckyera (17261)
• Philippines
2 Oct 09
yes that was rude! and so disrespectful to each other... if a couple have some problems or arguments they should talk about it inside their house and try to solve it without throwing bad words to each other...huh! on my part, i will hate my husband if he do that to me...that's one thing i really hate...people shouting/yelling at me! specially in public! i don't know but i just don't like the feeling of being yelled at... whether in public or in private...and that's also why i hate arguments... and of course, i will not do that to my husband...i have my high respect for him...and i must respect him so that other people will respect him too...
1 person likes this
@manong05 (5029)
• Philippines
2 Oct 09
It is sad when people shout and even display their dirty laundry in public. I think this is utter disrespect for the person. They should go to an anger management seminar. This greatly affects their reputation in the immediate neighborhood and eventually lose people's respect.
@indybaty (373)
• Panama
2 Oct 09
First off, to have a spouse shout to another in public is quite embarrasing. It says a lot about that person's character and the total disregard he or she has not only to the spouse but to the people around him or her that are not interested in such display of inmaturity and rudeness. My husband and I know better. If we have a problem, we take indoors and TALK and listen. Not shout at one another hoping that the other understands by yelling. Its just unethical. Now we are human, outburst may happen but even then you have to learn how to manage yourself with that. I have a nextdoor neighbor that her and her husband are so rude. They shout, scream argue almost everytime and us neighbors are tired of it. We dont do anything about it because we cant meddle in. So aside as public, because your in your home doesnt mean that you can shout and yell either. And that you have a right to as well, as humans we have to better.
• Singapore
2 Oct 09
I totally agree with you. Me and my husband is avoiding any argument when in public. It will goes on respect with each other also. We are not an attention seeker thus, we avoid being noticed in public having some bad discussions. We do that at home. But even so, when we have an argument, there is no foul words being thrown to each other as we believe that it is not necessary to iron things out. We let our emotions to simmer down before discussing the issues. That way, we can easily accept both sides' explanation. Those that cannot control their temper may have problem in dealing with their emotions.
1 person likes this
@feodda (579)
• Philippines
3 Oct 09
It is shameful to look at. I have seen some couples that fighting in the streets. It is really awful to see. i don't want to yell because i don't want to be yelled. I just want things to be talked and settle it in a nice way.
2 Oct 09
Strongly agree with you! I really hate seeing a couple shouting at each other, especially in the public place where everybody can watch you just like they watch fight scene on television. =) It is not about 'allow' or 'not allow', but it is about 'shame' or 'shameless'. If a person has ability to keep his/her dignity at high level, I believe they will keep his/her privacy and shout at his/her partner, as loud as possible, at home. Not at public place, never.
@Bluepatch (2480)
• Trinidad And Tobago
2 Oct 09
I guess sometimes people have to learn to shut each other up. If they are going to get obscene that makes it even more imperative. Of course, depending on the type of person that might not be possible at all.
@pudgles (414)
• United States
2 Oct 09
i do try to keep our arguments in privacy, if i have something to discuss with my husband i wait until the kids are in bed and we discuss it.. im a women and i have to say that sometimes i get louder then i shouild an i tend to shout, but we all do right? i wouldnt start an argument in a public place or where anyone would be able to hear the discussion , but if he's givning it to me in a parking lot or on my front yard and he wont stop then hell ya ill give it right back!
• Mexico
2 Oct 09
You can't stand that your husband or wife shout to you in public. When I saw these scenes i feel bad for the sake of this relationship. Couple's issues must kept in privacy, if you shout at your husband or wife in public you humiliate him/her and that's not right.
@jugsjugs (13044)
2 Oct 09
My husband would never dare shout at me out in public as he knows that if he was to do that i would then return the favor and make sure i showed him up in front of everyone.I do not know anyone who shouts at their partners not even if they are having an arguement.
• United States
2 Oct 09
I don’t like to shout to anyone especially in public but there has been times that I have done it and it is inversing so now I will try to be calm about something that might bother me and I will wait until I am in private. Normally my daughter will do something that she is not supposed to do and she wont understand until she sees that it get me mad I think that she those things just to make me mad. With my husband I have never done something like that but I do try to ignore him and just stop talking to him until we are alone and calm. When I was a child I had to see and hear worst things and in my first two relationship that I had I also had similar experiences and they are so bad for adults but they are even worst for kids.
@malamar (784)
• Canada
2 Oct 09
It is awkward, embarrasing,and uncomfortable to witness one partner (or loved one) yelling at the other. When it is directly at you it is hurtful, hateful and demeaning. I have not raised my voice in many decades, nor will I. It makes you look foolish, shallow and stupid, plus it accomplishes abolutely nothing. I get very upset when I see parents screeching in front of children, their own or other people's. It is frightening to see that kind of out of control rage in another person, it is terrifying when that person is your mom or dad. Everyone argues or has disagreements, but no-one needs to shout at another human being. Words are like swords, and they can cut deep. No apology can completely heal the wounds.
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
2 Oct 09
I have a problem with him yelling at me like that in private, never mind in public. I would just walk into the house if he did that. Fortunately, he's very into keeping things private anyway.
@kara18 (135)
2 Oct 09
It really is disrespectful and rude. Not only to your partner, but also to the people around.