Pregnancy before marriage

Pregnant - Good Day to all of mylotters.

I had a friend who is very young only 19 years old and she got pregnant.She is having a relationship with her boyfriend both mentally and physically in spite of taking protective measures she had become pregnant now. And she felt very low and depressed wherein she doesn't want to go home to tell her parents about it but her boyfriend said to her to move on. 

What shall I do I need your responses
@vopols (204)
Philippines
October 6, 2009 11:39am CST
Good Day to all of mylotters. I had a friend who is very young only 19 years old and she got pregnant.She is having a relationship with her boyfriend both mentally and physically in spite of taking protective measures she had become pregnant now. And she felt very low and depressed wherein she doesn't want to go home to tell her parents about it but her boyfriend said to her to move on. What shall I do I need your responses
1 person likes this
21 responses
• United States
6 Oct 09
First off you need to be there for her and make sure she gets all the quality information she needs. This means the facts about how much a child costs, the facts about how much time her work will give her off before and after the pregnancy, whether she should choose abortion, whether she should choose adoption, etc. At this point there is a ton of choices she has - especially if she just recently got pregnant and isn't too far along. Make sure she goes to a women's clinic and talks to them about it and also she needs to tell her parents. Yeah its a sticky situation to be in but she needs to realize if she was grown up enough to open her legs for a guy then she needs to grow up and tell her parents she messed up.
1 person likes this
@vopols (204)
• Philippines
7 Oct 09
Yes you are absolutely right my friend anotherxidentity she will then realize the fact and seh cannot hide the truth. Thank you for your response.
@shadow41 (2356)
• Philippines
7 Oct 09
I wonder what protective measures your friend had been used. Do you know it? I think you should share it too to prevent others from becoming pregnant too. Anyway you should convince your friend to tell the truth to her parents. She can't keep that forever.
@vopols (204)
• Philippines
7 Oct 09
Yes I am doing whatever I can ti help my friend and also helping her the right words to tell to her parents.Ah talking about contraceptives I don't have any idea what they are using.
@shadow41 (2356)
• Philippines
8 Oct 09
Oh that's great. I know you're a good friend who cares about your friend so much. Just don't support her wrong decisions :) I know it's hard but it's a responsibility of a friend. To drag a fellow friend on the right track. And about the contraceptives she used, oh well, guess I'll say learn from her mistakes. Have a great day :)
@irefed (200)
• Philippines
7 Oct 09
I had the same experience with your friend. I get pregnant at 21 years old, after I graduated to college and I try my luck to other place. Unfortunately, my parents doesn't know my situation because they though that I am looking for work. I am nothing that time and my boyfriend is an engineer which I'm very glad. But my parents doesn't know totally but things get rough between me and my boyfriend which happened I get very depressed and I lost my baby which I regret so much. Advice your friend to tell her parents about her situation now. I know her parents will be mad at her but that mad will only be ease when the parents saw the baby. Take my advice and it's very effective. That's the good decision that you must take.Tell her parents the truth.
@vopols (204)
• Philippines
7 Oct 09
Thank you irefed Yes I will do that advice from you. I am doing whatever I can in helping my friend with this situation.
• United States
7 Oct 09
Pregnancy before marriage is not as big of a deal today as it once was. I actually became pregnant and am unmarried. The difference is, society is more accepting of the situation where before it was unacceptable. We live with our boyfriends before marriage, making it seem like a marriage, without having to take the leap. I completely adore my boyfriend and we were engaged for close to 2 years before becoming pregnant, and I would not change how things have turned out at all. Your friend's parents will understand, trust me, I've been in her shoes (although I am not quite as young). The most terrifying thing was for me to tell my mom that I was pregnant, but she was very understanding. She said as long as I was happy then she was, your friend's parents may be just as understanding. Even if they are not understanding in the beginning, they will get used to the idea of a grandbaby and will become excited. In the end it will all work out exactly as it should.
@vopols (204)
• Philippines
7 Oct 09
Thank you Crittle I am also hoping for that to happened right now I am helping my friend finding a way and at the same time right timing in informing her parents.
• United States
6 Oct 09
Moving on? Breaking up right? That's messed up. She needs him there to help her. At least she has a caring friend like you. But, I do understand how afraid she is to tell them. I mean, Why wouldn't she be. Parents don't want thier kids getting pregnant that young but they'll be there for her. She needs support more than anything right now through this.
@tixepower (1196)
• Sweden
6 Oct 09
Or just do abort now before she bring a new life to this god forgotten earth and will destroy not only her life but a child's life...
• United States
6 Oct 09
Well, 19 is very young to be starting a family. And it's hard under the best of circumstances. But unless she's going to have a "medical procedure", the baby is on the way. I don't know how long she can hide it from her parents. My guess, and if it were my daughter, I would tell her the same. I might be disappointed, but we will just have to deal with the issue. I would love the baby if I were the grand parent. Hopefully your friend's parent will do the same. So if I were in her shoes now, I would probably just swallow my pride and tell my parents what has happened. Hopefully she will have a positive outcome. But if not, she is old enough to work and do for her child even though it would be very hard. There is always adoption. I don't know if your friend has thought about that. There are so many parents looking for healthy children to adopt. That might be an option if the parents totally freak out and offer no assistance for her. I wish your friend the best of luck. But I think she should just go ahead and face the music with her parents. They will find out in a few months anyway. Better to hear it from her than to discover it later.
@vopols (204)
• Philippines
7 Oct 09
Thank you stacysmomstl for your response I will tell that to her.
@jemaries (322)
• Saudi Arabia
21 Oct 09
Well she's already 19 years old,i remeber we have patients 12 years old and she's pregnant. For your friend i think its better to tell her parents,no need to be depressed and do something bad about her pregnancy,im not saying that its very easy to advice these kind of decision.For me her parents will understand about that one, whatever her mistakes did,why dont she try to tell her parents first of coarse her parents will get angry in the first place but she need to accept that one.She should be responsible of the action she make,or she think hundred times before she make that one.Remember that nobody will accept us, whatever our mistakes we make its our parents only. I have also one cousin she get pregnant while studying,they give everything,she also the only child,she also 19,when she get pregnant first she never tell her parents, she runaway to her home,but when her parents known that she get pregnant,you know what my auntie did she talk to her why she's not telling that her pregnant,her parents told her that whatever happened to your babies its your mistakes, they let my cousin stay in there parents.Her parents is the one taking care of her, and they also happy because they will have granddaughter, its there first granddaughter.Some teenagers they misunderstood there parents,why dont you talked first to her parents, they know better whats good for you.
• Philippines
8 Oct 09
their parents should know this, because they are the only one who can help them both physical and mental. Just tell them to accept all the bad comments from there parents cos they don't want that to happen. but they soon they will accept that child.
@emarie (5455)
• United States
7 Oct 09
when he says 'move on' what exactly does that mean? Does me mean to just get over being scared and tell them or 'move on' as 'I'm leaving you'? Just asking. Well, I have personal experience with that. I was 17 (not married) and I became pregnant. On my 18th birthday I decided to introduce my boyfriend to my parents and break the news that I'm pregnant. I had just moved to another state and I was coming back home for a visit. I was scared as well. But again, she's an adult and hopefully her family should be able to accept that fact that she's willing to take responsibility. I think the boyfriend should actually go with her to tell the parents (and she should go with him to tell his) that she's pregnant because it's his child as well. When I told my parent, not only did I tell them that I had been dating, but the guy father of the baby is 13 years older then me and that we were getting married as well. A good tip would be to take them to a public open area to reduce the yelling factor if she's worried about that. My boyfriend took my parent out to dinner and took it upon himself to tell my parents for me because he knew how scared I was and he was just that kind of guy, so in the end it all turned out okay. We've been married for 7 years and have 2 kids...although my father had since past my mother is accepting him just fine.
@maximax8 (27048)
7 Oct 09
Hello Vopols. I think that your friend might not have realized that birth control is not 100% effective. She has been having a serious relationship with her boyfriend and that sort of activity is normal before marriage in my home country. So she is shocked to be pregnant and I hope that she will get used to the idea. It would be wonderful if she gets used to the idea that she will have a baby. I think that sooner or later she must have the courage to tell her parents. Good luck to your friend and her baby.
@aabuda (1729)
• Philippines
7 Oct 09
Such cases is rampant nowadays. Pregnancy is the majority reason why couples tend to be married in no time. The reason? It is because that they have never controlled their emotions of practicing such acts which is contrary to the norms of the society especially if they were both raised in a Catholic way. Your friend is definitely depressed nowadays. What you can help is by raising her self esteem in order to face this trials that she is facing. Try to convince her that such trials really happen to most of the teenager nowadays. And that she has to face it and try to move on but she has to put into her mind that such experiences of her will have to be a great lessons for her future...
• China
7 Oct 09
just do yourself , let alone other's discussion. i am form china, an comparatively conservative asia country ,but i think in today's society, this happens commonly, now that your friend had made this happen, it is no use to discuss the norms or mores, what she should do is to face it and shoulder the responsibility. Talk this to her parents , and sit down together with his boyfriend, and make a decision . Committing is not a big thing, as long as she can face it couragely and never make the same one.
• Philippines
7 Oct 09
It is always the right choice to tell the parents and keep the child. It is easier said than done I guess because parents will definitely have a hard time accepting it. But they will definitely find it in their hearts to forgive. They are the best people who could help your friend now especially if the guy does not have plans of helping her through this pregnancy. Being young and pregnant is difficult. So it is important for her to have support groups, which mainly are her family and of course her friends. I've known girls who went through the same problem but eventually became happy with their decision to keep their baby. Tell her that her parents could help her go through this.
@noity_07 (35)
• Philippines
7 Oct 09
wow... a big problem... for me... the first thing you MUST say is SORRY!!! that's all... do not justify all things because first and foremost that is a sin and it is an accident... we cannot do anything with... but be sincere with whole hearted answer... just pray... goodluck! ^_^
• Philippines
7 Oct 09
First, I commend you for standing by your friend more so in the most intricate moment of her life.Indeed, you have exhibited a quality trait commonly perceived among true and real friends with the dictum, "A friend in need is a friend indeed."Teen-age pregnancy is part of the growing up pains in every adolescent life. It is considered a mark of a normal physical development. Almost every adolescent relationship have searched out and pursued all carnal pleasures in the name of love. Although protective measures have been undertaken to prevent pregnancy the inevitable may happen. Your lady friend will feel low and depressed even to the point of not informing her parents the current state of condition especially if she is still pursuing her studies. It will definitely break her parent's heart and their dreams shattered because of this unwanted pregnancy from their daughter. Your friend's negative reactions are signs of intense worrying but consider it an indication of a normal human nature. The point of view is no longer a matter of a moral issue but more of an emotional outcome. After the deed is done she is bothered as to whether or not she had acted wisely. It is the fear that she made the wrong decision in her relationship with her boyfriend leading to her unwanted pregnancy. And the fear of disappointing her parent's dream of a successful life after college. I dare say it is foolish to succumb to these kind of thought. Now and then is the time to help your friend in discerning her choice of decision with confidence and with mental ease. Don't let emotions take control of intelligence. Exert the ability to think straight and reason with a normal degree of clarity based on the knowledge and internalized ideals imparted through family and social relationships. Eventually, they play an intimate part in the character formation of a child's growth. Likewise with the dictates of women empowerment, your friend's aim should be to do what is right, to do it courageously and consistently without any fuss or furor. Even when, judging by immediate results she may seem to have made a bad guess, it is still the right decision that she has made. She must be prudent and she will be right. Come what may, a decision must be done. Prejudices, eccentricities and defects of personality will affect her choice of decision. But at least a problem has been resolved with a completely clear vision.Without any clouds of doubt. According to a Chinese sage, "Energy may be likened to the bending of a crossbow; decision, to the release of the arrow." And may I say God respects the free will which He has endowed to everyone.In His own time, in His own way, He will take care of the rest.
@Rainegurl (2158)
• Philippines
7 Oct 09
Hi, vopols I think you have to be there for your friend to support her and assure her that everything would be alright in the end. That she became pregnant at a young age is unfortunate but it she can move on from her depression and, yes, face the music. She has to tell her parents. They may feel disappointed but she can promise them that she would make everything alright. The matter must also be discussed by both her parents and her boyfriend's parents and it is important that the couple would not be forced into marriage.
@tixepower (1196)
• Sweden
6 Oct 09
Wow, I feel bad about the kid. CHild's mother got the baby by misstake when she was 19... this can't be good for anyone. She just ruined not only her life but her sons or daughters. Young mothers is never good, she will get super stressed and won't sleep at night. Her nerv system will be destroyed and when the kid is like 6, there won't be any good childhood for that kid.
• India
6 Oct 09
Pregnancy before marriage is not at all good. Always we have to think twice before doing anything and always we need to remember our parents
@vijayanths (7878)
• India
6 Oct 09
This has to be discussed in detail and with good and smart matured people. this is a very sensitive and critical issue. if you play it wrong it might cost you heavily. First you should be sure that the boy wants to marry the girl. Next the concurrence from the boy's parents should be got. It will affect the girl's life a lot as she is too young for all these. It is mainly on the boy's character. In my opinion she is too young for this.
• Philippines
6 Oct 09
Well, in your friends case, I think her parents have the right to know about her condition. Whatever she had done, you cannot do otherwise but to seek help from her parents since she's still young and I assume she haven't finished her studies yet. Taking contraceptives is not really a hundred percent assurance that you won't get pregnant. Marriage on the other hand is still not another option. If your friend cannot tell her parents about her condition and so do with the boyfriend, why not be a true friend to her and break the news to her parents. Trust me, you'll be saving the baby as well as thier future.