I need your help MYLOTTERS. My Daughter is in danger!!!. I need U!

@dloveli (4369)
United States
October 12, 2009 6:26am CST
As everyone knows I have two beautiful children, ages 14 and 21. Well my 21 year old has moved back home about 6 months ago. She drives me CRAZY! Its the little things that get me. One of which is she is forever acting as if she had to come home because we couldnt function without her. She was living at my moms helping take care of my grandmother, her greatgrandmother, who has alzheimer's disease. She did do everything at my mom's. My mom is a control freak. She was taking all the money while my daughter took literal care of her. I can understand why she acts the way she does. However enough is enough! I am the one who has to pick up the peices. She thinks she is the woman of the house. She talks to me sometimes as if she doesnt care Im her mom. I know its not true she has been through alot. But by her choice. I just want to have patients but I am wearing thin. My hubby is at his wits end. She literally hit him. I regret to say he smacked her back. I am not into violence. I will admit however he was an innocent bystander in an argument that we were having regarding her not working, not going to school, she is a ghetto child. She doesnt mind not working or having to ask people for things. I dont know where I went wrong. Education is a big deal with me. I dont think she wants to be a loser. I think that she's depressed. I think she is upset because of the way my mom treated her even after she was helping her when no one else would. She dogged my daughter. My mom's the type of person who will bleed you dry and not give to fuc*s about it. I think I must step in and save my daughter. Its either she goes to counseling, gets a job or she's got to go. Please tell me what you would do MyLotters? I dont want to be know as a person who didnt save her daughter. I love my kids. I would die for them. What did I do letting her move with my mom?
1 person likes this
6 responses
@Hatley (164451)
• Garden Grove, California
13 Oct 09
dloveli she is stepping all overyou, at 21 I was wo rking and taking care of myself. she has just got to get out and get a job which will take care of her depression, and also help with the cost of living for all of you. You have to use some tough love. she needs to work and to pay you rent.Either that or get a job and an apartment of her own. She could also go to night school and take some classes to advance her education. she should not be just lying around sponging off everyone. it is not healthy at all.Taking care of her great grandmother might have been really daunting for her. she has experience in nursing maybe she would like to become a nurse? she has to do something, she cannot keep on like she is.
1 person likes this
@dloveli (4369)
• United States
13 Oct 09
I know. I am so annoyed. I feel that she has no idea how miserable she makes me. I am at my wits end. My hubby is going out of his mind. He thinks she is the reason I am not feeling well. I think he may be right! dl
@Debs_place (10525)
• United States
13 Oct 09
your daughter needs some tough love. SHe sounds like she is able to stand up for herself, yet she let your Mom boss her around. Your daughter had the option to leave at anytime but opted not to do so. No matter what your Mom did to her, it is no way a justification for her to treat you so badly. Give her an ultimatum. She has to get a job now. Any job. If she is not happy with it, she has to start school in January so that she can get a better job. She most also contribute to the household and treat everyone in it with respect. If not she is out on her butt.
1 person likes this
13 Oct 09
thats so rude of your daughter. give her a lesson that would remind her you are her mother. remind her of the things you been through when you gave birth to her and the sleepless you had when she was a baby.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
12 Oct 09
I read this post and dont get many things...who thinks that your daughter is a loser? based on what is said about her taking care of super old granny under harsh conditions, I think its pretty noble of her. And why she allowed to be sent to very very bad grandmommy in the first place anyway knowing what is known about the latter? and do you really live in a ghetto? how come she's allowed to be labeled a ghetto child? and how come hubby got to smack her and got away with it? save her from what? who wants to control who? If i were in daughter's place i'd probably be also depressed, And, pretty much, angry too! with myself because of the "has been through a lot" experience, and with with everyone else too because im just a very angry person right now because of where i am in my life right now and am being CONDEMNED by it...thats how id feel. but thats just me. Angry human beings really say the nastiest things and really are hard to understand. you are human too and subject to the same parameters. Its probably a good thing she returned home. IF you are religious , then pray for strength and the patience to deal with the situation, if not then, i wish you all the best anyway. I believe you really love your kids. Now, love your daughter more as a mother.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Oct 09
Take a lesson from the animal kingdom and gently push her out of the nest, but tell her that because she took such good care of her grandmother and great grandmother, you know she's perfectly capable of taking care of herself. Encourage her to be independent. If you can't bring yourself to kick her out, tell her that if she stays at home she will have to be under the authority of both you and your husband. That means she must follow your rules, even if she pays room and board.
@Craicha (801)
13 Oct 09
i think your daughter needs you more this time, shes in confused and she doesnt know what shes doing she needs guidance..and you as her mom will can help her much, just be patient with her dnt hit her she might get worse...both of you need 2 have time privacy this time act as her friend that she can trust you, when u get her trust ask her about her feelings and what she wants and her problems ... go out with here bring her to the place that you think good for you and her to talk...dnt make it long with the probs coz it might get worse and you might not get your daughetr trust back....be her friend these time nah just her mom and explain to your hubby..that she needs attention thats why she acts that way..do it before she meets friends outside that can give bad influence to her....