Can I still earn her trust back?

United States
October 19, 2009 11:59pm CST
I've been in a relationship with this girl for almost a year now. But in between I've made several mistakes. I've broken up with her a few times out of confusion. A few months ago i broke up with her again and started flirting with this other girl. That lasted two weeks before I realized that she was the one i wanted. After making things right with her again we started going out. Bit she doesn't trust me anymore she says she does to an extent but that isn't enough for me. Is there a way i can still earn her trust back. I feel stuck and I'm paranoid that she might not forgive me like she says she does. Shes never done anything wrong in our relationship and i feel extremely guilty for what Ive done. I know that one day she will put it behind her but for the time being its killing me inside.
1 person likes this
13 responses
• United States
20 Oct 09
First off it takes a big man to admit that he wronged a person, so hats off to you in that respect. However if she totally ever trusts you again, it will be a very long and hard road for you. You have not only done this too her once, but many times. The fact that she forgave you shows that she genuinely cares for you, and that she is put herself out there again. Please take that account if you ever want to break up with her again. I really am not trying to be mean but believe from the tone of your entry that you wanted an honest point of view. If I were you I would try to spend every day showing her that you can be what she needs and that you really do want to be there with her and for her. She has probably forgiven you but does not feel comfortable letting her guard down and letting you completely into her heart again. Be gentle with her and be very considerate of her feelings. It wwill be hard for her to completely let you back in again but give her credit, because ( again no offense intended) she probably has had other guys want to be with her and that have told her they could treat her better. Goodluck, hope things work out for the best between the two of you.
@jimeny (640)
• Israel
20 Oct 09
Well, doing those mistakes comes with a price and that price is waiting till she forgive you. If you are not willing to wait... then maybe you don't really love her the way that you think. It seems like you betrayed her trust a couple of times, and that my friend, takes time to recover... Good luck anyways.
@Louc74 (620)
20 Oct 09
Hi, Nicapol. I agree with most of what's been said so far in your post. Particularly what Sallyanna said. Your girl isn't withholding her trust deliberately to test you - she's protecting herself in case you repeat your past behaviour. When you went off with another woman, it would have been deeply wounding, humiliating, and would have made her feel that she didn't matter at all. She has taken a huge risk in allowing you back into her life, and you must understand that she has made sacrifices in order to do this. I imagine her friends will be telling her to move on, in case you hurt her again, so of course her guard will be up, and it should remain so until SHE is ready to let it down again. If you really want to make amends, you have to show you're in it for the long haul. Don't pressure her to forgive you, but do reassure her that you love her. It might take a lot of time, but that's the sacrifice that you have to make if you want to get back her trust. And bear in mind that, from the sounds of it, if you're ever tempted again, you won't be given another chance. Good luck!
• Malaysia
20 Oct 09
Well, I think she has every right not to trust you to some extent because you have hurt her before, again and again, and taken advantage of her trust in you. So, if you really want to gain back her trust, prove to her that you will not break her heart again. Show her that you are truly realized your mistakes and regret of what you have done in the past. I think it is enough to know that she has accepted you back in her life after you have broken her heart for so many times. Can't you see that, Nicapol?? Even if it is not 100 percent, at least she is trying to forgive you or might have forgiven you. Give her some time to be fully recovered of the past and don't force her to forgive you over and over again. Just make her happy and don't go and fool around again otherwise I am sure she will be the one who will leave you in the end. Best wishes!!!
@SallyAnna (143)
• United States
20 Oct 09
Hi Nicapol, She will probably forgive you but I doubt she will ever forget. If you really love her give it time. You say she did nothing wrong in the relationship, so I imagine the break up was very painful for her and it's understandable that she is on guard with her feelings. Maybe you could just be happy she is giving you another chance at this point.
@ronnyb (6125)
• Jamaica
20 Oct 09
Wow it is human to err and you have erred many times consequently you have to willing to wait this one out give her time to trust you again .You cant blame her for not trusting you and if you were in her position ,you would feel the same way too. I think that if you love this girl you will have to be willing to show by your actions that you do and be willing to go above and below what is normal to build back her trust .You will just have to endure the way you feel inside for now and slowly build back her trust . The good thing is I really believe she loves otherwise she wouldnt have taken you back and if you continue to be on your best behavior,will win her over agian and please I beg you dont let her down again becasue they say there is nothing worse than a womans scorn . I am rooting for you my friend ..go get your woman and this time dont let goHave a good day .
@Philbo (579)
• Canada
20 Oct 09
Count your blessings. See accepted you back. She wants to trust you but you have to earn it. The only way you are going to do that is stay true to her consistently. She must really like you to put up with your garbage this far. If you can't give it time because it's killing you inside, you aren't good enough for her.
@asweetie (1188)
• India
20 Oct 09
hi Nicapol, They say you can gain anything back but not trust. There is a famous couplet in Hindi, roughly translated it means, Rahim ( the writer of couplet) never break the thread of love, because if once broken it wont become one again and if you try to unite it then it would have knot. But be your best, give her confidence in you that you have changed and time is a big healer and if you are good and up to her expectations for a long time then she might truely forgive you.
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
20 Oct 09
If you truly love this girl, show her that you are committed to the relationship. Prove to her that you are worth the effort of another chance. Let her see that you are still worthy of the trust that has been broken. Giving and receiving love is something to be treasured. Give her a reason to rebuild her trust in you.
• Philippines
20 Oct 09
Hi Nicapol! Why have you done that to your girl in the first place? Well I hope you have learned your lesson already. Are you really sure about your feelings with her now? What if she forgives you, would you be strong enough to prove that you are worthy of her forgiveness? I think you should study yourself deeply... Her reaction is very normal... in fact she is really kind, imagine she has given you a second chance then you destroyed that trust again... if you did that to other ladies, even if they love you that big, they will not talk to you anymore. You are lucky because your girl is not closing her doors to you... Yes she is indeed telling you that you have reached your limit... but why do you think she is talking and entertaining you still? She loves you still so don't let that love turn into anger and hatred. She will forgive but very hesitant right now... She is weighing things for she doesn't want to get hurt again? Nicapol it takes a lot hard work and honesty to prove that you are really sorry. You will gain that forgiveness that your asking if you behave. Be with her and make her feel that you are a change person now. Exert effort but never try to be somebody that you are not. Be patience. Wait for her to completely see that changes in you. Forgiveness will come at its right time.
• Philippines
20 Oct 09
It is so hard to gain trust back. But in your case, she is giving you a chance. It's undeniable that she has somehow lost her trust in you but she's not giving up on you, on your relationship. You are very lucky to have her. Take care of her. Give what's due to her. Do not play with her anymore. She doesn't deserve that from anyone. She's so amazing that despite all the pain you've caused her she still accepted your forgiveness and took you back. Prove that you are willing to change and be better for her, for the relationship she cares so much. Make necessary adjustments. It would take time to gain the trust but you should face that challenge because you chose to break it.
• Philippines
20 Oct 09
I don't know about you but you are one lucky guy, and she is one extraordinary girl. Most women won't do what your girl just did. But I think her pain is still there, waiting for that chance to get it out from her chest. Don't be surprised if one day she will just leave you behind, even if you say you're trying to make it up for her. But then again, give it time. Time changes everything. Just hope and pray you'd be luckier then..
@ayenacsi (911)
• Philippines
20 Oct 09
With time I guess, she will to trust you again. Just prove and show her that you deserve her trust and prove that she didn't make a mistake taking you back in. She loves you that much to give you another chance and it is now up to you to prove yourself, that you deserve her love and trust. Don't give her any reason to doubt you again. What's killing you inside should make you a stronger person.