"I dont have any plans"....what will be your reactions?

Philippines
October 29, 2009 9:00pm CST
Hi everyone! I'll be giving you a scenario and kindly give your opinions. The situation is, you and your boyfriend is going steady with your relationship for four years now. You are living together and you are a bit confused because he speaks nothing about his plans in the future. He never even open up about having a family soon until one night you asked him about his plans, how many children he wants to have, when will he marry you,to sum it all up, you asked him about having a family and it all ended up with one vague answer, "I dont have plans yet".. What will be you initial reaction? Is it normal to cry over this matter??
1 person likes this
15 responses
@vandana7 (57182)
• India
30 Oct 09
Obviously I would be upset. But then since I knew what I was what was the score from the beginning, I would know I cant be coercing the other person into a commitment he was not prepared as yet. If he does enter into any commitment because I am feeling bad, and he is feeling sorry he is hurting me, it may turn out to be a disaster! I wouldnt want a relationship where both are not committed.
@vandana7 (57182)
• India
30 Oct 09
And in any event, why bo so negative? Plans imply he has some specific things to achieve before settling down. At least, I would interpret it like that. :)
@ybong007 (6659)
• Philippines
30 Oct 09
Well you should. Not for his sake but yours, his response only tells so much about the kind of person you are in a relationship with. The sooner you can get out of the relationship the better it is for you. Don't waste your time waiting for something that will not come, don't you think 4 years is long enough? Besides chances are this guy is already through with and he's just too afraid to tell you the truth. Decide now or regret it later. Good luck!
• Philippines
30 Oct 09
Thank you so much for your response.
@edujccz (929)
• Philippines
30 Oct 09
It was like a situation of my daughter, they are four yearr living in and the guy seems do not have a plan for her, one time they had a quarrel, i ask the guy if he knows the meaning of responsibility, at that time he cried and promise that he will prepare for it, last week my daughter was home and i sensed right away that they had a fight, she confided to me that she caught the guy with new girl relationship, so i said better stop this nonsense relationship, for four years and with another girl is hard to accept. Now this guy is pleading that my daughter comes back to him and promised a lot of his plans for her. I dont know, but it seems that my daughter had enough. Now my daughter is back at home, all I could tell her was, I wish she learned the lesson. in your story, laydee gave you a nice answer, boys this time are irresponsible. Why buy a cow if you can get the milk free. with the response of having no plans, better pack your things and leave fast.
• Philippines
30 Oct 09
I feel sorry for your daughter but i was quite happy that she's with you now! I KNOW SHE CAN MAKE IT!!
@sammy14 (835)
• Philippines
30 Oct 09
As a male and having been in the same situation before.. I would suggest that you give him some time or some sort of a deadline that until he makes up his mind about plans of having a family.. He will lose you... unless you are willing to wait for him until eternity! Maybe its also high time to consider other suitors to give you a fall back in case you two will not succeed with your relationship! Good luck..
• Philippines
30 Oct 09
Thank you so much for responding.!
@athomice (396)
• Philippines
30 Oct 09
Hello there. I thinks its ok to cry if you're hurt. Maybe the guy is not yet ready to have a family even though the realationship with his gf is in good state. There are a lot of guys are like that including me, but when the time comes and he's emotionally ready he will just let you know about it (I think and I hope so). And I hope he's financially stable when that time comes.lol! If you're the one in this situation, keep praying to God. Pray to God to prapare your bf's heart, mind soul in becoming a family man. I hope I can be a help to you. Keep praying and God Bless!
• Philippines
30 Oct 09
I am quite sure that this will be a big help. Thank you so much!!
• United States
30 Oct 09
I would just relax and look at my happiness in the relationship. If it is worth staying in the relationship take a deep breath and see where things go. If you are not totally happy I would make a change. Time goes by quickly and I would prefer to spend mine happy. I have watched a couple of friends stay in unhappy relationships just for the sake of being in a relationship. They are always disappointed in their boyfriends and constantly fighting, yet they choose to stay for many years hoping the situation will improve. I also have friends who were just happy together and are choosing to do things later when they are both ready. Anyway, I hope that helps a little... good luck with that one
• Philippines
30 Oct 09
Thank you so much.., My friend would love to hear this..,
@laydee (12815)
• Philippines
30 Oct 09
Oh yeah, I have cried over that matter for several nights after confronting my long-time boyfriend about it. It was just so blunt and so hurtful, and there I was thinking that perhaps he has a secret plan to get married with me. I just felt devastated. I couldn't care anymore. Until he told me that my timing that time was off. He was really busy with things and was stressed out. I didn't believe him. Until we had a heart-to-heart talk again that week. He really did have a plan but was just too pre-occupied when I asked him. His plans were actually great and I truly realized he loved me more than I did imagine. Anyhow, for your scenario, try to check. You will feel it in your heart if he really doesn't have a plan. He will feel you're hurt and would make amends, if he clearly doesn't have a plan, better get out. Why buy the cow if he could get free milk? Get what I mean? That's the problem with living together. Men won't make efforts anymore because they know you're theirs and why change if everything is comfortable? It's actually a woman's fault in this generation, it's the women who pursue men and we demand that they treat us better. Get it? Anyhow, "I don't have plans yet" is something to worry about indeed, but perhaps he's cooking up with something or perhaps not. It's your decision now whether or not you'd still wait or get out of that life. I'd say make him work for your love. Don't give everything for free. Try to show him that you're hurt with his not having plans. It's up to you if you would reason for him or demand for a reason. It's up to you to just let him have his way but you won't have the right to complain later because it was your choice. Good luck!
• Philippines
30 Oct 09
Your response really made sense, thank you so much. You are such a big help. And i am happy for you and your boyfriend. God Bless!!
@lealuvy2j (1998)
• Philippines
31 Oct 09
Of course, it is normal to be sad about this situation. This story really made me more appreciative of my boyfriend because he always tells me his plans for the future and it really makes me smile that I am always part of it. Anyway, I suggest that you talk to your boyfriend about it. Four Years is definitely no walk in the park so the future should already be talked about by that time.
@lindiebiz (1014)
• Canada
31 Oct 09
I will go crazy because it seems as if I am wasting my time with him where is the relationship heading to. I will tell him if his future plans does not include me, it is about time we quit the relationship. I believe that if a guy wants to marry you it would not take him years to know even if he is not ready yet
@Shar19 (8236)
• United States
30 Oct 09
Fours years is a long time to be with someone and not know where you are heading. He obviously does not want to get married and is happy with the way things are. If you definitely want to get married then I would find someone else because he sounds like he has no plans to. I think a couple should know by two years whether or not they want to get married to each other. Anything more is a waste of time. Also don't move in with someone until you get a ring on your finger and the wedding date is set!
@bing28 (3800)
• Philippines
30 Oct 09
If you really love him and happy living with him then still give him the chance. Try to talk to him about the matter, that by this time, he should have plans. After all you'd been together that long. Explain to him what you're expecting or wanting to happen, try to know if he cares to have a much better relationship. Let him know you're quite hurt for his response of no plans. Pray to God and seek his guidance to find if the relationship is worth keeping.
• China
30 Oct 09
I do not think it is a problem, no matter how he answered, as a man should first think about the future career development, rather than their love, and only cause of success, it is responsible for the family.
• Philippines
30 Oct 09
It is quite a normal reaction specially when you expects to much for that guy. I think he has other plan than marrying. Maybe he don't like talking about that and just got pissed off or irritated that time. We sometimes don't like an issue to be forced on us.
• China
30 Oct 09
Hearing your story, i am very sad.After all,with him for four years,even without any intention of marriage or a family. My first reaction was:He does not love you deeply. My suggestion:If you think that is the time to start a family,then clearly raise it with him.If he doesn't have the intention,leave off him!
@donsky14 (5964)
• Philippines
30 Oct 09
Yes its just normal to be sad about this, I mean you guys have been together for a long time and you know, you would expect that the guy already has plans on settling down and stuff. It really hurts specially when your already expecting that he already has plans and stuff.