My son is getting bullied at school, has anyone any advice?

November 23, 2009 9:58am CST
Since the start of this school year my son who is 9yrs old and autistic has started to get severely bullied. It has got so bad that when the class have to chose partners to work with he is always left to work alone, he has told me when someone has been asked to pair with him they have literally begged the teacher not to work with him Today he got thrown up in the air and then onto the ground and has hurt his bottom. There have been times he has told me he has been swung around and thrown down, hit and kicked even while he is on the ground. I picked him up from school the other day and a child shouted out punk at him. I know the name calling is minor, but it is still having a massive effect on his behavior at home. Because he is autistic he struggles with the principal that you shouldn't do back what is done to you. So he often retaliates then he ends up in trouble. I have a feeling the children are doing it to get a reaction as he is easy to upset due to the autism. I have so far been into the school four times. I have spoken to his teacher, the SEN teacher and the head teacher. But they don't seem to be doing anything constructive to stop it happening. I am at the point I want to take him out of the school, but as my husband and I don't yet drive and its the only school within walking distance, plus academically it is one of the best schools for the support in the classroom with his education. We will be driving in the New year, so a move will be possible, but is it really the answer, as he is autistic he is going to have issues socially no matter where he goes. Is there anything else I can do? Can I complain to anyone higher than the head teacher? Has anyone else here had these problems?
2 people like this
6 responses
@syankee525 (6295)
• United States
23 Nov 09
oh no they should be glad its not my child and i had to go there twice for this issue. they would hate to see me coming in there for this reason twice, anymore then twice. my daughter used to get bullied when she was in 4th grade, and i told to tell the teacher four times, so i finally i went and then princpal asked me what was wrong so i told her and asked to go to my daughter class, i ended up telling the teacher and the two girls next time they hit my daughter again and the teach wont do anything then my daughter have my promission to knock the hell out of them then i told the girls they can go home and tell thier daddies and i will beat them up. the teacher didnt like it too much but i would go over them and straight to whoever with this for sure. he dont go to school for this and the school is suppose to protect our kids. i would just raise all hell up in there
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@dawnald (84147)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 Nov 09
Well my heart certainly goes out to you. This is one of my biggest fears with Cary. And because he's there and you can't be, and you can't control how other people act, there's this awful feeling of powerlessness. We have a little concern about one of Cary's friends. The girls say he's been possibly taking advantage, ie getting Cary to trade more valuable Pokemon cards for less valuable ones. But when we talked to Cary, he genuinely wanted those cards and he disn't care about the so-called value. And then the girls saw this guy dragging Cary around by the leg. Cary says it was just guys goofing around thought. It has never gotten bad enough that we've had to go and talk to anybody (yet). So I'm afraid I don't have much in the way of useful advice from my own personal experience. I'd stay on the school though, talk to them, find out what they are doing, demand that they do something. Good luck.
1 person likes this
@charblaize (1030)
• United States
24 Nov 09
I would talk to the school principal, teacher, special teacher, whoever he deals with. Don't any of them see this going on? If that don't get done, then I would go higher up to the superintendent or higher if that don't work. I would definitely take him out of this school if this was my child. This won't hurt him just emotionally, physically, and mentally. If it is affecting life at home, I would try to find some way to him to another school. Some school districts will "have" to take your child to another school. I would just look into whatever is available in your area. See if there is anything specifically for special needs children. I know around my area there is a organization called "ASK" and they will teach specifically special needs children. Just on the internet, call organizations, to see what they have available in your area. I am having issues right now with my son's school not doing what they are supposed to and with some high school students picking on my child. My son is only 6. So, I know what you are going through. I wish you luck and hope you find something soon.
24 Nov 09
If he was another year older, then legally I could get the police involved for assault. But they won't do anything if the child is under 10yrs old. My son likes the school. But just doesn't enjoy playtimes or lunchtimes. I think if he has another bad day today, I am taking him out at lunchtimes. He can come home and eat. At least he will be safe. If it happens after that then I will have to take him out of the school.
• United States
24 Nov 09
Do they not have a teacher or teacher's aide watching over them during these times? It shouldn't be happening if they are watched/supervised, I wouldn't like this to happen and being so young, timid, and with special needs it could harm his emotional wellbeing, I wouldn't want this to continue to happen and he thinks it is ok, he could wind up seriously hurt. I would go and complain to the store and demand something being done. I feel so sorry for your son. good luck.
26 Nov 09
Well I did. I went in there and also wrote it all down, so it will be on record. I had a long talk with the head teacher of the school. She has spoken to both the teacher and the special needs teacher. They phoned me today when I was at work, I missed the phone call, but they left a message. They want me to go into the school to meet with his teacher and the SEN teacher. It feels they are at last taking me seriously and they can see there is a problem. Its been going on for too long and a line has been crossed. To a certain extent my son can cope with name calling that doesn't really bother him, but now its physical aggression, he can't cope with it. Everyday this week he has cried in his bedroom and it is heartbreaking to see him so unhappy. I hope this meeting will go ok. I will let you know.
@jasmeena (850)
• Indonesia
25 Nov 09
I wanna ask you,how many times has this happened so far?so sorry to hear that,but you must teach your kid to defend himself..ask the teacher to be cooperative regarding this problem..make sure that the teacher can monitor it.violence,whatever it is,must be STOPPED at school.
26 Nov 09
Its happened since the start of this school year. So since September. I have been in four times to tell the teachers I am concerned. Also I do tell him to stick up for himself, but this only makes it worse. They do the bullying to get a reaction, so when he gives them one they get what they wanted. Your right the violence must stop. Which is why I am going to this meeting
@adnaanm (41)
• Canada
24 Nov 09
I have heard and seen these problems. One thing that could potentially be done is speak with the school board for their lack of action towards these matters. I would suggest as well to request either for a teacher or counselor to remain with him for a while in order to monitor the situation. Should this not work, one thing that did was going into some form of martial arts as this was a good energy release, and allows a significant boost in confidence. By having this confidence, the pressure of his peers will be less for him to handle along with his ability to stand up and fight for his rights. I had gone through a lot of school troubles as well so I do speak from experience.
26 Nov 09
I have tried to enroll him on several different martial arts clubs, for those exact reasons. But he really hates them, in fact until a month ago he wouldn't take part in anything outside school. Luckily now though he has started to enjoy a sports club, dance club, guitar lessons and an after school club for kids with special needs. I have noticed his confidence is a lot better, but it hasn't stopped the bullying at school. The trouble is my son doesn't realize how serious it is. I am more bothered than him. But when he comes home with a sore lip where he has been hit and a sore bottom from being thrown on the floor I have to do something to help him. I think if the meeting doesn't go well then I will take it further. He needs to feel safe at school, and I am supposed to be able to trust them to look after him. Thanks for your reply
• Philippines
24 Nov 09
Hi Skyeblue25! Whether the bullying is major or minor, hurts physically or not, it doesn't matter. You know, lack of awareness causes ignorance and it may cause severe problems or trauma to the other whom cannot fight back. I think, the school where your child is enrolled failed to explain his condition to the bullies. It is better that the school works hand in hand with you to solve this problem. Taking the bullies into the principal's or guidance counselor office to be reprimanded is your right as a parent and their valuable customer. It happens to anyone not just to your child and the solution is to complain, it is not wrong to complain, don't hesitate for your child will suffer and get traumatized and start hating people, spending time alone and not having friends. Think for the good of your child. Increase the awareness of the bullies of your child's condition to be treated fairly. If the school teachers doesn't do anything, remove your child to that school and transfer to a school that specializes in autism. Hope I was able to help you, exercise your rights, I know you are a good mother. :) -GELo
26 Nov 09
Thanks. I will keep fighting for him as that is my job as his mum. I wish I could send him to a specialist school for autism, but that is another fight I have. My son has to have a statement of educational needs to be entitled to a specialist school. You don't get a statement with a diagnoses. Infact I have to apply for a statement and it is very difficult to get one. I am in the process now of applying and it will probably take a year to finally get one. Thats if they decide he needs a statement. Then I can look at specialist schools for him. Hopefully in time for him starting secondary school. Academically I cannot fault the school he is in. He is recieving so much support. Other schools may not provide so much as he hasn't a statement. But socially and emotionally they are failing him. So I am in a difficult situation and I am trying to find the right thing to do for Daniel, my son. Thanks for the reply.