For those married couples or those in a relationship..

@jazel_juan (15767)
Philippines
November 23, 2009 6:08pm CST
Just wondering about this if this is also happening in your lives, does your in laws or parents interfere with your marital problems or problems between you and your husband? i mean it does to me and it is soooo frustrating! I mean, maybe they thought they could interfere because we live in their house ( the usual scenario here in the Philippines) but then, it is my problem and my husband's...but my mom when she over hears about it she always think she is part of it!! just because we live under her roof. Just like this morning, she was like, so mad because we were fighting..and she thought she is part of what we were fighting about. This happened before and no matter how much i tell her that she is not part of it, she keeps on trying to insist that we should not have marriedi n the first place or we are too young in this relationship to have such problems, she is always assuming stuff... and maybe she means well..but then i could not help but get frustrated and mad about it. This morning it happened again and it is something that gets into me and my husband. Part of the problem this morning was my fault.. i made a mistake and i do admit to that and that is why i did not answer back my husband when he got mad at me..and it was ok for me because i am ready to accept my fault and my mom, who was listening grrr.. got mad at me for not answering back when in fact she does not know what it was all about and i do not have plans on telling her because it is between me and my husband. But i know she wont stop unless she gets what she wants. and it is driving me insane right now. I cannot even think straight here at work. :( i just do not know what to do!!!
1 person likes this
10 responses
@Okebals (110)
24 Nov 09
I'm not married neither am i in relationship, but i think i have on several ocassions seen in-laws intervene. I don't think its too bad because most of these people that intervene are often older thus better experienced.
• China
24 Nov 09
may be friends with me?
• Indonesia
24 Nov 09
you better save up then...buy a new house in new place somewhere far from the parents.. really...it sucks to see the parents interfere your personal or marital life...when you're married its mean you're old enought to to handle and solve your own problem
@Okebals (110)
24 Nov 09
I'm not married neither am i in relationship, but i think i have on several ocassions seen in-laws intervene. I don't think its too bad because most of these people that intervene are often older thus better experienced.
1 person likes this
• Hong Kong
24 Nov 09
Hi jazel_juan, I feel sorry about your case. It is so popular here in Hong Kong,too, if couples are living with parents or in laws. They are facing the same situation as yours. What you can do is to adjust your thinking, try to accept what they are. Or, you have to move to other place to live. If you do not have much money yet, then both of you have to try hard to save and in the mean time, when you and your husband got misunderstandings, please talk about it in your room not in the place that the elderly can hear it. Or, both of you can go out for a walk when discussions on some issues are needed. Don't be so frustrated! Everything got solutions. Best wishes, agonyaunt69 (11:20am 24 Nov 2009 Hong Kong time)
• Philippines
24 Nov 09
Yes, hazel. As you are in the place which is not "too private" for you, maybe you can discuss things inside your room. This way, your mother cannot hear things and cannot "intrude" in your discussions. It is never good to find someone mingling in our own "affairs" especially that it is between you and your husband. It would also be very uncomfortable for your husband to have mother and daughter fight him, lol. Try to find ways to rent an apartment or small house whenever the opportunity comes. Talk it out with your mother, letting her understand that it will be something good for you to start on your own.
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
24 Nov 09
it is hard yes but both of you are right, finding a place on own will make things better and there will be lesser tension... hearing these words lightened my feelings today.
@Hatley (164468)
• Garden Grove, California
24 Nov 09
jazel__juan oh dear no. mom should butt the heck out as you are all grown up and married. I know it is probably hard for' her as she still sees you as her little girl, not right but us moms see our adult kids as our children and worry about them in spite of ourselves. but my own mom never did do that to me and my husband at all. I know now you are in the phillipines but still could not you and your husband rent even a small apartment. you need to be on your own so you can work out your own problems. Good luck,hope you and your husband can work it out with love and kindness again between you two. think about get ting out on your own.
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
25 Nov 09
oh yes, we are already looking for a place that could fit our budget.wish me luck! hope i could find a place:)
@Aylward (199)
• Philippines
24 Nov 09
I'm married but never did i experienced my in-laws intervene with our problems. We are given the opportunity to resolve our problems between us. That gives us the opportunity to grow.
@wandry (72)
• Indonesia
24 Nov 09
I am still single and just right away to a marriage process but i will try to give a solution based on my parent and my brother experience. If we have marriage there are must be any conflict sometime. But in your case the problem should be finish if you solve it just between you and your husband. As you stay with your parent husband, the problem will become more complicated because there are two or more head that will interfere your problem. I know that first they try to help you both to solve the problem but sometime it will turn back become more trouble if they not see the problem objectively. So, it better if you talk to your husband and ask him to move on the new house or rent a house. Just you and your husband, because my parent said if i have marriage then you should move on from this house, start and build your family in a new house without any interference with us. The purpose is to avoid such problem, and it will be more happy if you just live with your husband.
@lindiebiz (1013)
• Canada
24 Nov 09
In your situation, you can't blame your mother, it is because you live in her house, as your mother, she is not happy because she feels you are not happy. Since she is your mother it is a lot easier for you to talk to her. Tell her you apprectiate her concern but it is between you and your huband and yo can sort out your issues. The best bet is to leave her home
• China
24 Nov 09
I believe what she did are all caring about you. there much be problems for young and olds living together. this is your mother, what will be the difference if it is your mother-in-law? the most effective way is to live alone. if there is impossible for you at present, then decrease the chance for her to join in. that is less quarrel. or find something else for her to do : )
• Philippines
24 Nov 09
I very well know the scenario as I am in the Philippines, too. Although I did not have much to deal with in-laws when my late husband was still with us, they came to the city on some weekends (although a sister of my husband and her family lived with us). I really sensed that they had imposed some things on my husband but I stood pat on my own decisions on things that involve my own family. It was my husband's house and he was "too good" to his sisters that they still feel that their opinions matter a lot to my late husband. I was glad that my late husband did not, in any way, side with his sisters' decisions. After all, it was his house and his own family. In the end, we had the whole house to our own, the sister's family was advised to look for a place for themselves. Jazel, maybe it is about time that you start considering to have a place of your own.