Suspicious Wife

@bhanusb (5709)
India
November 24, 2009 11:41pm CST
If a wife is suspicious and always suspect her husband for no reason can you imagine what will be the mental condition of that poor husband. Husband returns home lately from office then if the wife asks why are you so late,why you did not contact me by phone. Any answer of the husband can't satisfy the wife.Wife says, you must be with your girlfriend. If such comments of the wife is regular occurrence the husband's life must become hell. Suppose such a couple past 15 to 20 years together and they have two teenager children ,the husband has no other alternative other than live together. Thinking the future of the children the husband can't divorce his wife. Than what is the way for the husband to come out from this hell.
6 people like this
24 responses
27 Nov 09
The suspicion of the wife is either due to insecurity and general lack of self esteem,Jealously,Or she genuinely has a reason to be insecure in the relationship. The husband needs to look deeper into how she is feeling. Maybe she ust needs someone to listen. Perhaps it can be understood and dealt with through some type of counseling i would of thought. If there are children involved, then there is more then enough reason to try and work it out so that they can function as a family.
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
3 Dec 09
Then the wife should go to any psychiatrist for counseling . Because she is in problem not the husband.
@rattyzou (39)
• China
26 Nov 09
His wife's suspicious,do not go blame her,because she was only enough to love you so suspicious,try to comunicate with her,let her feel your love for her,the effect will be good more,believe me.
2 people like this
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
3 Dec 09
yes rattyzou, 'believe it or not'. You are a responsible person. I appreciate your comment.Thanks.
@savypat (20248)
• United States
25 Nov 09
first thing is for the husband to tell the wife how this response makes him feel, then he has to offer to call when he is going to be late, that way she won't worry that something has happened to him. Most of these actions and reaction between two people that have know each other a long time are just habits and until someone speaks up the other person may not even realize what has been happening. Of course if the husband has been guilty in the past he must be doubly sensitive and keep his wife informed of his activities.
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
1 Dec 09
Yes pat there must not 'hide and seek' between a husband and a wife. I agree the husband should inform his activities to his wife. At the same the wife should understand his husband. Understanding is the basis of trust between a husband and wife.
@Lucky09 (1771)
• Philippines
25 Nov 09
hi bhanusb^^;; what else can i say here, pretty good advices were said above(s) husband should let her wife hear Elvis Presley's song "Suspicious Mind" or the husband should let her wife work and he stays at home or else he'll be burned before he reaches hell
2 people like this
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
1 Dec 09
Hello lucky,you must be a lucky person. To give advice is a easy task. But how a person will feel the pain of snake's bite who never biten by a snake.
@yaashmin (42)
• India
25 Nov 09
Hi this is a critical situation. Only when love is overflowed in one person these critical sistuation will be started. So the only way sit,see one another and talk from your heart for some time and express your love.. No ego should arise between you... Love each other. Express your love.. thats the way...
2 people like this
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
28 Nov 09
Thanks yaasmin. I shall try to follow your advice.
• Malaysia
25 Nov 09
Hi bhanusb, I don't want to take sides, but what I see from your writing is the problem is just a small misunderstanding in communication, that's all. I personally feel both of you have a problem in delivering your ideas to your partner, and that makes both of you feel like you are living in hell. From what I see here, the problems comes with the husband coming late from work and never phoned the wife and explained he is coming late. You have to understand that a marriage is a two sided life, nobody is superior than the other. If one person feels he is superior than the other, then a problem like this will occur. Always make sure you do your responsibility as a husband. Everytime, everytime when you are coming late from work, you have to phone to your wife telling her about this. Making a phone call to her doesn't lower your grade, it will just make you be superior because she will begin to respect you for your caring thoughts, and the most important thing - you will be loved in return - more and deeply by your wife because she feels your love and she knows you remember her in every appropriate moment. In a marriage every person has to give and take, and that's what we call cooperation, consideration and understanding. Forgive and forget whenever possible, especially for small things like this. You should try and see the results. You would be amazed.
@agv0419 (3033)
• Philippines
25 Nov 09
I think the wife don't trust her husband and she is suspecting without basis. The husband can't do anything to make his wife believe him. I think communication and trust to each other are the key to have a successful marriage. I admire her husband because even if his wife is like that he never give up on her instead he still want to work their marriage.
1 person likes this
@angelajoy (1847)
• Philippines
26 Nov 09
I agree with you ladysurvivor. It seems like a problem with communication. Maybe the wife suspects so much because the husband doesn't do anything to assure his wife, like calling her when he has to go home late to finish his work. Or maybe the wife just doesn't listen to the husband and so doesn't understad him. Whatever it is, they should fix their communication problem.
1 person likes this
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
26 Nov 09
Hi ladysurvivor,thanks a lot for your sympathetic response. You tried to understand both side's sentiment. Marriage bonds a couple and the relationship is based on mutual trust. When this trust shattered from any of the side the relationship becomes risky. If same things happen again and again what will you do? Please don't misunderstand me.
1 person likes this
@happy2512 (1266)
• Philippines
25 Nov 09
Why don't you try to talk it over with your husband? Try to make things clear for her. If it will not work out better to live separate lives already for its useless to hold on to the relationship when the other is not happy anymore. I'm sure your children will understand the situation if you will just talk to them & explain to them the reason why you want to divorce their mother. Just give it a try at least you've tried
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
26 Nov 09
Separation is easy. But the consequence is far reaching. It will hurt the children.
1 person likes this
@happy2512 (1266)
• Philippines
27 Nov 09
I know but isn't it more worst when the children will see you in living in hell... It may be a problem at first but time heals than living in hell...
1 person likes this
@djbtol (5504)
• United States
1 Dec 09
Happy2512, it is true that when the relationship has deterioriated to the point of fighting and yelling, it is hard for the family to live in the midst of this. Very stressful and scary. It must be an individual decision as to how much of this is put up with before ending it. Which is better for the children then? Neither, so it seems man and wife need to fix their relationship.
@cream97 (29180)
• United States
26 Nov 09
Hi, bhanusb. This is a very sticky situation. All I can say is, the woman should stop being like this. She is lucky that he is not going out there actually cheating on her. Some men will do this, you know. If she does not stop being so insecure, then sooner or later he will end up packing his bags. As for the children, they will be hurt and sadden by this whole mix up. He can either choose to put up with it, or he can choose not to. I hope that he puts his foot down.
1 person likes this
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
3 Dec 09
The man is ready to give his final test of patience. If he fails the woman has bare her consequences.
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
3 Dec 09
Correction : in the last sentence of my comment 'to' has been omitted after 'has'.
• Romania
25 Nov 09
don't worry...what happen to you is verry natural...happen in let say 70% of couples in this world...or maybe more. a person which react this way dosen't metter if is woman or man have 2 reasons: 1. the first reason would be that u have heart her in the past in this feel and she lost her trust in you 2. ...or she have too many complex about herself (ex: she feel that is ugly, more stupid, she is affraid of loneliness or she is unsure on herself, or she practic is bored etc) The way to improve situation before to loose your feelings for her...if u still love her and u want to save your relationship take in consideration my ideeas: 1. find her a ocupation which she like and show her when u come home that u are verry interested of what she is doing 2. make her a surprise... i understand that the love now isn't like on the beginig is normal, but u can sicriface apart of u time to do something different for both of u. 3. send her an sms when she never expect that you love her sound teenager but the love dosen't have age no? 4. or if she dosen't undersand u let her doyour job for 1 day... and she will never want again :) 5. show her u also are jealous. U must understand that her goal is ur attention... by complaining she escuze herself and u must negociate with her... also this quarrel is a type of comunication and this take place when the comunication between both of u become poor. Is more easy to accuse somebody of your unsucces then to asume your responsability. And because of this ideea are so many people who prefer to find an accuser then to find a solution of the problem. Try to give her more trust on herself if tis she need by doing simple gestures, or motivate her with sweet words, give her new ideeas to make her time more preciouse show her that u are interesed of her or just show her that u also are jealous :) I`m not merried but i know what mean a relationship :) worked to me :P
• Romania
25 Nov 09
sorry...was a general question and i was thinking that is reffering to you personal...anyway...i have the same opinion even u are refering in general. i`m tierd now...here is 1:00am...good night!
1 person likes this
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
1 Dec 09
Hi simonamaria, you gave response to my discussion at deep night. I'm grateful to you for giving attention to me. You are still unmarried. But you know the psychology of men and women. Have you studied on this subject? Yes it's true that more than 70% of couples experienced this situation. Can you say what makes the couples to live together? Do they forget everything in the bed? Thank you for your interesting response.
• Philippines
25 Nov 09
hello, im confused.. are you the wife or the husband?? either way my advice is that i think the wife should lighten up! i mean you have been together for 15 years and have teenager children.. what more could you ask?? if the husband is unfaithful he would not have sticked with you for the past 15 years... ive heard of suspicious gfs but not wives.. you are already married to each other.. suspicions are just like childs play.. married couples need to trust each other.. thats it
1 person likes this
• India
26 Nov 09
Yeah....me too confused....wife or husband...that too after a long relationship still.....pity.....
1 person likes this
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
26 Nov 09
No confusion .It's the husband's problem. Yes suspicions are like child's play or you can say childish game. Wives are usually suspicious.Women are also envious more than men.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (107138)
• Garden Grove, California
26 Nov 09
bhanusb why does this husband not call his wife and explain that he has to work late. If he is having this much trouble he needs to sit down and have a heart to heart with his wife. Does he ever flirt with women around him, do something to trigger suspicions in her, or to tease her, thats not very kind you know. also if this has gone on this long why has it? did not either think to see a marriage counselor or else opt out of the marriage if there can be no trust? has this husband done anything to make her suspicious? its hell for kids when parents do this, why be together for the kids if being together is hell on earth? divorce and find someone who will love you and trust you.
1 person likes this
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
3 Dec 09
Hi Hatley, why the the wife can't understand her husband! She knows that her husband goes to office not to cut grass.He has to complete his daily routine works. A wife should be considerate.I think divorce is not the solution of this problem. There is a saying: a burned cow fears when it sees the reddish cloud. So the husband will not go in the same path.
@Bebs08 (10691)
• United States
26 Nov 09
In my opinion, the couple lacks communication. the wife has the right to know where her husband was during the time he was late? If he is a loving and responsible husband he would call her wife that he would be late because of such and such... that is the right thing to do. The wife also would not accused her husband of anything she has no proof for it will ruin the trust and destroy the relationship.
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
3 Dec 09
A broken plate can't be patched.A lost trust also can't be regained.
• Philippines
26 Nov 09
well there are several ways to come out, one is to consult his parents over the matter and discuss it with his wife together the wife's parents as well so that everything will come out the truth I mean the husband must exercise his rights as a male as well I am not in favor of divorce as well so the husband must discuss the problem with family members from both sides.
1 person likes this
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
3 Dec 09
Yes this may be a easy solution.But it's absolutely their private matter..They will not like to involve their family members in this respect.
@anniege (203)
• China
26 Nov 09
What is the way for the husband to come out from this hell? A love hell? To settle the problem,we have to clearly know why the wife acts like that. If the husband works hard from the early morning to late evening and really makes life for the whole family. Why the wife shows no appriciation but suspicion. I mean there must be some misunderstanding or barrier. May be the wife just eagers to get involved in her husband life. She loves him so much but has no idear what on earth he has done all day. She feels fall out of favour. If the wife is a housewife, It will be even worse.Because she will feel unconfident she just stays at home for the family chores and really isolates from the sociaty outside. So show more cares to the wife and tell her how much you love her.Actually,care,considerate and love is what she really need but not explain the reason.
1 person likes this
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
3 Dec 09
Yes she is a house wife. I feel her boredom. The husband also works from early morning to late evening.There is a gap of understanding between the husband and the wife.But suspicion makes the gap wider. Both should be considerable. But who will come first?
@vandana7 (36246)
• India
25 Nov 09
Lucky guy. His wife loves him so much. :) Kidding. Well, first and foremost, the husband has no business to think in terms of divorce merely because the wife doesnt trust him. :) May be he is too handsome or very charming. That is why the wife suffers with inferiority complex. :) Get her good clothes, take her out frequently, let her meet your friends and show her that that your eyes are only for her in any crowd. If you are going to be late, call up and say you will be late. Call up every hour or so. Nobody who is out on a date does that!
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
27 Nov 09
You say lucky guy! In one point you are right. Love and envy go side by side. Envy creates suspicion.The husband is fairer than the wife and his eyes are broad.His figure is also good, but not excellent.The woman also looks lovely. The woman may love his husband, but suspicion is painful.
1 person likes this
@ybong007 (6660)
• Philippines
25 Nov 09
My wife has the same attitude, but i just laugh it off because her suspicion is not true. I just think that she loves me so much that she doesn't want to share me with anyone else. Sometimes, she gets in my head but I try to understand her since she's just a stay at home mom and does all the job and taking care of the kids. So its pretty stressful for her also. When she is in that nagging attitude, i would just reassure her that she's just the one and no one else. Try to be more sensitive, maybe what your wife needs is just a little hug and some kisses to put her mind at ease. Another reason is your indifference, try to out some effort and try to comfort her maybe that's all she needs. Cheers!
1 person likes this
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
27 Nov 09
Hi ybong, Your consolation heals my pain. I shall try to follow your advice. Thanks.
1 person likes this
@rimarima (80)
• Philippines
25 Nov 09
A woman suspects if she feels that her husband is doing something wrong. If he goes home late, does not tell her why he is late or refuses to answer, does not advise nor call that he will be late or there is not prior talk between them that he will always go home late from work, does not sleep with her anymore and does not show passion and love anymore, then there is a reason to suspect. Either he is philandering or has lost love for her. If he really wants to save the family and the relationship, they should have heart to heart talk so he can tell her how he feels and she can explain to him what made her feel that way. It would probably help them both than just not speak and just be in the relationship "for the children".
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
27 Nov 09
Without knowing anything to suspect the husband is definitely wrong. The woman does not try to understand her husband and does not give him any chance to explain his position. His patience deserves appreciation.
1 person likes this
@djbtol (5504)
• United States
25 Nov 09
The suspicion will, in the end, be costly. All the time the wife is being suspicious, she is not thinking of ways to strengthen her marriage and draw closer to her husband. Rather, she is building a wall of protection between her and her husband. It is understandable - she doesn't want to get hurt. Seems like there are only two choices in marriage: either you are moving toward each other or you are moving away from each other. If you think you are coasting in the middle, it is most likely the latter. djbtol
1 person likes this
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
27 Nov 09
The husband is trying to break the wall but he fails. This is his fate.
1 person likes this
@suprad1 (251)
• India
25 Nov 09
Sorry for the poor husband. I can imagine what he is undergoing. One has to give and then take, to make a marriage work. You need to try talking free and iron out whatever petty issues you may. Try to put out the suspicion right away, as it may go beyond managable limits and come to the streets. Both of you have to be reasonable when you are blaming each other. If need be, consult a Psychiatrist and work as per their suggestions. Good luck.
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
27 Nov 09
If suspicion is the character of a person how it can be changed.If you wash a piece of coal again and again it will not turn into bright.So the poor husband will remain poor.
1 person likes this
• India
28 Nov 09
See. There are many few who suspect her husband regularly. In my opinion Wife expects his phone call when he comes late. He should try to contact her if he is coming late or when he comes home he should try to give proper explanation to his wife why he is late and why he couldnt contact her. Husband should be very sincere to his wife. If he wants to go outside with friends for drink. He should convince his wife. Then no Husband can be poor in relation.
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
3 Dec 09
Welcome shastryji in myLot. I don't know your gender. If you are a female then you are talking from the view of a woman. But from the point of view of a male I should say a wife must trust her husband. Mistrust makes hell the married life of a couple.
• India
7 Dec 09
Ya Sir mistrust makes the marriage hell. Both should trust each other. If wife is a house wife. She is expecting something from her husband when he comes in the evening. She is eagerly waiting for his phone call. She dress up well to impress her husband. Husband should respect all these. Without informing her wife when he comes home late she really upset in depression she can say some words to husbasnd. He should neglect all these and try to be good with his wife. In my opinion ego is more in husband than wife. Both should compromise in every matter. Husband should share everything with his wife especially with nonworking .