How do you cope with a relative who is always angry?

@wenjule (107)
Jamaica
November 29, 2009 9:52am CST
Im living with a relative who is always angry. The moments when this person is actually happy are very rare. He is always criticizing everything; he has to have the last say in everything and his word is LAW. Lately we have been having a few fights with each other and I notice its when Im feeling low and depressed. Usually I ignore him and go about my business. The question is, do you think he deliberately waits for these duldrum periods to attack? Do you think Im the magnet for these bouts? How do you cope with someone like that?
14 responses
@ronnyb (6120)
• Jamaica
29 Nov 09
Wow that sounds exactly like my father and frankly there were only two ways to deal with such people sad to say .One way is to leave them and hope that they will look in themselves and change their ways or totally avoid them .At least that is how my mother dealt with my father and he would always come around when he was lonely enough in his big house. The other way is out of our control,old age.My father mellowed out from the tyrant he was in his younger years.If I didnt know any better I might even call him sweet .Granted this method is not immediate but quit effective for people like that. Oh and I just thought about something by maintaining a positive attitude around such persons may actually help them to mello out too.It rather taxing to have a sur attitude around people with a good vibes and as you see him you try to project that positive vibes.
@wenjule (107)
• Jamaica
29 Nov 09
Thanks I like your response. In my situation however it would seem that the older this person gets the worse he becomes. He is even thinking we all are conspiring against him some how. Could this be the onset of disorder and we are not realising the signs. He had a minor heart attack about ten months ago and has gotten angrier since.
@ronnyb (6120)
• Jamaica
29 Nov 09
Thans for the Br and after I posted it dawned on me that this person may be older and getting senile and in that case they would really get worse with age ,now I think its almost futile to find a solution .In that case all you have to do is continue being kind to them .Kepp the faith and pray for this one
@wenjule (107)
• Jamaica
30 Nov 09
Thanks Ronny
@carla_roa (128)
• Philippines
29 Nov 09
Well, the best solution to your problem is to stay out from his way and never respond to his anger because that will only cause to a bigger fight.
@wenjule (107)
• Jamaica
29 Nov 09
Thanks for your response I will try and stay out of his way and bite my tongue if I see where a confrontation may occur.
@anniege (203)
• China
29 Nov 09
Yes the best way is just stay out away from him. The only thing he wants is complain and if you talk with him,he gets the chance to argue with you. Then a battle begin. Enjoy yourself and happy myloting!
@bulastika (5967)
• Philippines
30 Nov 09
Actually if your living in one roof theirs no escape to that.. Yes you can avoid him..For how long? Also he's just filling his bucket..Once you have a fight again it will be a big fight and you don't even know what his talking about at first. Only to realize that what happen 4 months ago or the things that happen before that you think don't matter now is still an issue to him.
@jerzgirl (8030)
• Gloucester City, New Jersey
30 Nov 09
WOW!!! Sounds like my father came back to life!!! How do I cope? I moved 2300 miles away to get away from him!! There wasn't anything anyone could do that was good enough or right enough or done well enough for him. Everyone else was wrong and he was right. It's funny because I was just telling my daughter about how he'd criticize his sister for having to do any work at home - she's a teacher -- because "if she knew how to do her job, she'd have all the work done before she got home." Right - like he did anything beyond high school to know. Unfortunately, because I grew up in that environment, I find myself doing similar things...although not as much now as I did when I first moved away from home. To paraphrase a verse in Psalms, stay away from an angry man lest you become more like him.
@wenjule (107)
• Jamaica
1 Dec 09
Thanks for the advice for it seems I was beginning to adopt his attitude.
@sunnycool (12736)
• India
30 Nov 09
Even i had experienced this with my friends uncle.whenever my friend used to do any noise or for any other reason he used to come harsh at him and on us too. one day he has decided to leave him coz he was fed up with him and his words and he is happily leaving in a Apartment as an paying guest. May be you got to get out of that place rather than fighting with him every day coz it also effects your work too.so take a decision before it too late. gud day.
@wenjule (107)
• Jamaica
1 Dec 09
Thanks because this was beginning to affect how I relate to other people.
• India
30 Nov 09
Well your situation is so similar to mine...I mean, In my home too, there are not one but two to three of them who are always angry....It is so difficult to live in such an atmosphere....I know the feeling LOL...Usually I just stay away from that person.... like eat food after he completes eating his food.....Just ignore the person
@wenjule (107)
• Jamaica
1 Dec 09
Thanks for your response and I will try to avoid the confrontations.
@l33tgirl (289)
• New Zealand
30 Nov 09
Unfortunately I have family members like this. One in particular is grumpy, critical, racist and sexist. All the other members of our family have had confrontations with him at some point in their lives simply because he is so disagreeable and sadly even his own children dislike him. The best way for me is to be to stay away. I know it's not ideal but in my case I don't want to get involved so his behaviour affects me and I don't want to get into conflict so that it affects other members of the family. After years of trying I've given up and instead chosen not to have such a negative person in my life. I don't think your relative waits for your depressed moment, I think it's more likely that he tries to antagonise you and it depend son your moood when you respond. Nobody is a magnet for these bouts, if he is a critical person it is him not you.
@wenjule (107)
• Jamaica
1 Dec 09
Thanks for your response. I like your comments. When I look back at the life we had I realise now that this seems to be a cycle. Similar things happen to both my older brother and younger sister and they moved out. From what I am looking at it seems like its my turn now. I guess this phase will fade away or maybe Im kidding myself. I will ride out the 'storm' for a while before I decide on my next move.
@xenybb (168)
• Philippines
30 Nov 09
That is a very bad thing right? Everytime you talk to him like he has the whole world burden. Hmmp , well yah I knew someone like that , she is a woman , my office mate , she used to be always criticizing everything , like how our boss treats us for her is negative thing , she always gave a pity for herself like she is the only poor person in the world. At first we always take the right timing to talk to her but now we became good friends. I find way for her to talk things she love to talk. It's a matter of right timing and an intelligent talk . Knowing her weakness could probably help. Hope this will help. Don't worry time will tell he will then look someone to confer to. :)
@wenjule (107)
• Jamaica
1 Dec 09
Thanks for your response. I will try the 'soft answer' approach.
@happy2512 (1266)
• Philippines
30 Nov 09
My Uncle is like that but I will just ignore him because I don't want to be affected with his negativity. Its very irritating whatever he says but I don't pay attention to it I will have my self busy with other things. Don't mind your relative if i were you, don't get affected whatever he says just make yourself busy & ignore him while you can.
@wenjule (107)
• Jamaica
1 Dec 09
Thanks I have been using that approach or I find a book to read.
@Wizzywig (7859)
29 Nov 09
Its hard work living with someone like that. Maybe he has his own issues with depression. you probably notice it more & are more vulnerable to the anger when you are feeling down yourself. I'd say its important for you to have other people you can spend time with so that you are not having to cope alone.
@wenjule (107)
• Jamaica
30 Nov 09
Thanks I like that response.
@happy6162 (3011)
• United States
29 Nov 09
If I had to live like this I would try to fine me someone else I could live with who does not get angry all the time. If that is not possible then you need to avoid being around him as much as possible. I myself would ask him why he is angry all the time and why does he wait until I am feeling bad to attack me.
@wenjule (107)
• Jamaica
30 Nov 09
Thanks for your response but at the moment I cannot move out due to financial restraints.
• Southend-On-Sea, England
29 Nov 09
Sounds like he has problems with you being depressed. I wonder if it reminds him of something bad from his past, particularly his childhood, watching someone who's in a depression? All the same though I'd recommend avoiding him if he gets violent. Are there times when he's in an OK mood and is easier to talk to? I'm wondering if those better times (if he has them) might be the time to gently question as to whether there's anything bothering him?
@wenjule (107)
• Jamaica
30 Nov 09
Thanks for your response Soul Sister. I will take your advice and talk to him in his OK mood.
• Philippines
29 Nov 09
Oh my, we have the same problem. My husband and I are living in the same building with his sisters' families. One of his sisters has the habit of shouting and nagging at everyone. Everything's a big deal for her and her husband. Good thing we're living at different floors. So most of the time, we just ignore them. Personally, I think that people like these are really hopeless. They would always find faults at anyone and be angry at anything without any valid reasons. So if you have good personal reasons for staying in that same place with him/her, you can just hold your nose and ignore that person as best as you can. Or, you can also move out of that house. Life is too short to be spent with useless and hopeless people. In our case, we are just staying in this building because we have just recently married and could not really afford to buy our own house yet. So for now, we are determined to just ignore them as best as we could.
@wenjule (107)
• Jamaica
29 Nov 09
Hey thanks for your response and congrats on your recent marriage. I cant wait to move out on my own but not just yet. I will try and ignore him as best I can for now.
• China
30 Nov 09
Such a person ,I will generally try to avoid them is to discuss sensitive topics,so that I can avoid a lot of trouble.
• Malaysia
30 Nov 09
i think he like to debate. just ignore him. if you not fight him, he will know that you don't like him.