You never knew

@winterose (39918)
Canada
December 12, 2009 9:24pm CST
okay this is a hypothetical question which means it probably would never happen, but just for the sake of a decision let's assume you find the man or woman of your dreams and you get married. If you are a woman you get pregnant, if you are a man well your wive gets pregnant. You are doing some family research and you find some shocking news that nobody knew before the person you married is your second cousin, and nobody knew now here are the questions 1 - would get get divorced and you are happily married remember? why or why not, 2- would you stay married but have an abortion, why or why not? 3 - would you stay married and have the baby and wish for the best. Only answer 4 if you answered yes to number 3 4- assuming you are staying married and having the baby would you have any more children why or why not?
5 people like this
23 responses
@ElicBxn (60895)
• United States
13 Dec 09
second cousins are not that closely related - I would stay married, have the baby and maybe more (as IF I wanted babies) but unless there was some SERIOUS birth defects in the family I just wouldn't worry about it. consider it: GGF + GGM | YGF + YGM SGF + SGM | | YF + YM SF + SM | | You Spouse So, you look at that, your baby will only share an eighth of your genetic material the same - that's barely related. The chances of there being a problem are very low - I don't see a problem. (sorry for the genetic lesson there)
3 people like this
@winterose (39918)
• Canada
13 Dec 09
it was a typo I meant to say first cousin don't know what got me to type second cousin oh well
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (60895)
• United States
13 Dec 09
I had that all pretty - darn - but unless you are genetically related and then placed for adoption, your chances of not knowing a first cousin is rather slimmer than not knowing a second... None the less, unless there are some serious genetic defects, I would have the child, but maybe not more. Unless the law of the state said I couldn't be married to a first cousin, I would also remain married - if I loved him of course, and if I really loved him, we'd move to a state that allows first cousins to be married.
3 people like this
@winterose (39918)
• Canada
14 Dec 09
good answer Elicbxn
1 person likes this
@terrile (97)
• United States
13 Dec 09
1. I would not get a divorce. It is a legal marriage and we are happily married. 2. I would not get an abortion. Bennett et al,Journal of Genetic Counseling, 2002 is a review that says in first cousins the increased risk of birth defects is 2 to 3 persent. But this is if genetic factors are present in the family already. I come from a good genetic background with no birth defects. And I would have more children. Most developed nations do not prohibit first cousin marriage. The US is one of very few that do. None of the european nations do. The laws against it here were written based on bad science of the 19th century that has since been discredited but we will probably never change the law.
3 people like this
• United States
13 Dec 09
Not all states ban first-cousin marriage here either. 31 ban it all together, some allow for it if there will be no offspring. New York and California allow it.
3 people like this
@winterose (39918)
• Canada
13 Dec 09
thank you for your wonderful answer my friend
• Australia
13 Dec 09
I do not see problems in relation to child bearing in a marriage between second cousins - at least no more than in any marriage. However, I see a much bigger problem arising in our current Western society. Because of the growing number of single parent families, and in many cases mothers who have no idea who the father/fathers of their children may be, there is an increasing likelihood of marriages between half-brothers and half-sisters. Indeed there are already several known cases of this happening. One very happily married couple in USA had two children with mental health problems. It became necessary to check family history and it was found the couple each had the same father. They continued to live as husband and wife but ensured they would not have any more children. There are several known cases and it is expected there would be even more unknown cases. The number is expected to rise dramatically.
@winterose (39918)
• Canada
14 Dec 09
yes it is a very sad state of society and you are correct many people do not know who there fathers really are.
1 person likes this
@kaylachan (4776)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
13 Dec 09
This actually happened to a couple i knew back in high school. They got married two years before I graduated high school, and he had a year to go. When I lastsaw them she was pregnant and both were happly married. In some cultures its perfectally acceptable, and I belive they will still go on to have a wonderful life togeeather.
3 people like this
@winterose (39918)
• Canada
13 Dec 09
great story about the couple but what about you if it happened to you, or if it was a first cousin because that was what I meant to write but for some reason I got distracted and wrote second cousin.
1 person likes this
@danitykane (3192)
• Philippines
13 Dec 09
hi winterose, I think I will choose number 3, I would stay married with him because I love him and I don't know in the first place that we are second cousins. To your follow-up question, maybe the idea of having another child isn't bad. And I don't see anything wrong about it.
@winterose (39918)
• Canada
13 Dec 09
thanks hon
1 person likes this
• Canada
13 Dec 09
If we were happily married, we'd have the child. if the child was healthy, we'd consider having more. A funny thing, though. My husband's ex-wife, and my grandmother on my Dad's side, look SO MUCH ALIKE, even her and Hubby's 18 year old son couldn't tell the difference when I showed him a picture of my grandmother. He just said it looked like "Mother, aged a bit, and where did you get that aging software?" When we told him it was a picture of my grandmother, he nearly fell off of his chair. I have an Aunt who was born three days either before or after (I can't remember) my husband's ex-wife, and the ex-wife, and my grandmother, who look so much alike, have the same first name, which happens to be my middle name. If, in fact, my grandmother is the ex-wife's long lost mother, then my step-son would be my first cousin, and my husband would be my uncle. So here's hoping it's just a coinsedence. But knowing what you already know about my relationship with my husband, we are very happy together, and nothing is going to change that.
2 people like this
• United States
13 Dec 09
That is a confusing but interesting situation....I wonder if you will ever find out?
3 people like this
@winterose (39918)
• Canada
13 Dec 09
what a coincidence Leah, wow that is absolutely amazing, you guys should get your family tree done and just see if by any chance you are related.
1 person likes this
• Canada
13 Dec 09
Yeah, might have to look into that. He's a Mormon, and Mormons and genealogy go hand in hand. LOL Also, I met him when I was at Dad's place (well sort of) We met on line, when I was hiding out in Dad's office, not wanting to deal with the music that Dad was playing upstairs, as it was giving me some really annoying flashbacks. LOL If this bizarre situation IS true, it'll be a great lesson for families not to keep secrets. hahahahahahahahahahahahaha
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
13 Dec 09
I am not to sure I really am not I think I would get a divorce as I do not believe that I could live with that, I think it would change everything for me and the thought would always be in the back of my mind that we are related no matter how far related As for the Pregnancy, no I would not abort it I would take my chances on that one and hope for the best, but I could not kill unless they discover the Baby will not be well enough to have a decent Life even then I don't know if I could do it
2 people like this
@winterose (39918)
• Canada
14 Dec 09
good honest answer hon thanks so much
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
14 Dec 09
Thank you Sweet for the BR
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
13 Dec 09
I have know people like this and yes they stayed together had more kids and divorsed after the kids grew up and that didnt make sine to me at all after all those years
2 people like this
@winterose (39918)
• Canada
14 Dec 09
thank you for adding your story hon.
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
14 Dec 09
your welcome!
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (119107)
• Boise, Idaho
13 Dec 09
Again, this is hypothetical and very obscure. I would stay married. A soul mate doesn't come along all that often. I would be curious to see what would happen. No abortions! Just doesn't happen in my family. Yes, I would stay married and wish for the best. If there were any problems with the first baby I would give some serious thought to having another child. Only then.
@winterose (39918)
• Canada
13 Dec 09
good points
2 people like this
@celticeagle (119107)
• Boise, Idaho
14 Dec 09
Just my opinion.
• United States
13 Dec 09
There's a statistic out there that says that 1/4 of all married couples, in the world, are cousins in some form. I personally would stay married and keep the baby. Personally I don't know any of my second cousins and in some parts of the US it's not really frowned upon. I see no reason to kill a child because you find out you're barely related to someone. Also I would have more children because one isn't enough.
2 people like this
@winterose (39918)
• Canada
14 Dec 09
thanks so much for your answer hon.
• Croatia (Hrvatska)
13 Dec 09
3 - yes! (Love is love , no matter what) 4 - I dont know for sure,but time will show, just do as your heart tells you and hope that it all works out fine. If u want to look more phylosophicaly to the question, we are all related,far,far,far.. but still related :) cheers!
@winterose (39918)
• Canada
14 Dec 09
thanks for your answer hon,
1 person likes this
@checapricorn (16066)
• United States
13 Dec 09
I would choose 3,I will never abort and I have known also people who are relatives and their kids are perfectly normal..I will just wish and pray for the best!
2 people like this
@winterose (39918)
• Canada
14 Dec 09
thanks hon
1 person likes this
@balanica (86)
• Romania
13 Dec 09
If I live a situation like this I will lissen my hurt. It's very important to live with your soul mate. Life is nothing without love.
2 people like this
@winterose (39918)
• Canada
14 Dec 09
great answer thanks hon
1 person likes this
@Debs_place (10525)
• United States
13 Dec 09
There should be no genetic problems of 2nd cousins marrying. Provided the family does not keep on intermarrying cousins (let's look at royalty and hemophilia). I don't think it is a problem.
2 people like this
@winterose (39918)
• Canada
14 Dec 09
thanks hon,
1 person likes this
@ruchimom (280)
• Australia
13 Dec 09
Hi Winterose If this happens with me I think without a doubt, I will get divorced and abort the baby as there are a lot of chances of blood disorders.Instead of having a family with so many complications I would rather move on.As this won't be a easy thing for me to handle
@winterose (39918)
• Canada
14 Dec 09
yes it really would not be an easy thing to handle that is for sure
@kanebase (12)
• China
13 Dec 09
I will answer you four questions as below: First: Yes ,of course seconed:NO...becuase i have a wonderful wife...but most important is i have a god ,he will help me by his power...Do you have ??? Third:most of chinese will do it .. four:no ..becease we have not more money...but we are so happy in my life.. that is the most important ...bless you...
2 people like this
@winterose (39918)
• Canada
13 Dec 09
thank you so much for your answer my friend
1 person likes this
@CharRay7 (1549)
• United States
13 Dec 09
I have thought of this before... for some reason. If this would have happened to me, I would stay married and have the baby. The reason being is that if I met the person of my dreams and made a baby and since I don't believe abortion is right, I would keep the baby and hopefully it would be healthy. I would be sure to tell my doctor so that he would be aware of the genetic problem and see what he thinks. I am also sure that test would be run before the baby is born and if I found out that it would be horribly deformed or maybe it would not live, I might consider abortion then. There is no way that I would jump to conclusions and divorce my husband and kill the baby. As far as having any more children, I probably would plan not to have any more children. Happy MyLotting! Char
@winterose (39918)
• Canada
13 Dec 09
excellent answer
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Dec 09
This is soo hypothetical. I never wanted children Or to get married especially to a man I love. But for this post I'll play by the rules. If I Wanted kids and he was the man I wanted them with, I'll would keep the baby. If I just wanted him and the pregnacy was a huge surprise, I would abort and stay with him. If we found out that we Shouldn't have kids together I would get sterilized and if we still wanted to raise kids together we would adopt.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39918)
• Canada
15 Dec 09
thanks for playing along hon, good answer
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Dec 09
Thanks.
• Italy
11 Jan 10
Well i think that according to my religious, cultural and social system we dont need to breakup that marriage and if some terms it will be good to know that she belongs to my family. In our religion and social system we are allowed and prefer to marry our own family related girls. Only our own sisters and aunties are not allowed to marry with but all cousins can marry with mutual understanding. So this is going to be happy marriage more then before. One thing i want to know that why mostly in west peoples dont marry in own relatives. Is it forbidden by religion or social system or just an option that most peoples follows.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39918)
• Canada
11 Jan 10
social taboo, to prevent children with birth defects because the blood line is too close.
@ladym33 (11008)
• United States
16 Dec 09
Hmmm good question. Well I am assuming I really love this person since I married him, and it is a second cousin and not a first cousin so the family tree is a bit removed and while I probably would not have gotten involved with him had I known we were related after marriage and pregnancy it would be pretty difficult to end it. I probably would stay married to him and have the baby since the genetic line is very thin. I may not have have any more children with him however, because that does come with some risk. I have been with my husband for 24 yeas and if I found out he was my second cousin it really would not and could not make a difference at this point.
@winterose (39918)
• Canada
16 Dec 09
yes I agree with you, I think I would do the same