Thought of Those Who Were Given Up for Adoption at Birth

United States
December 29, 2009 2:39pm CST
I was given up for adoption shortly after I was born. I grew up in a two parent household (and they are still married) and have a large, involved extended family. However, growing up as an adopted child made me feel like an outsider. WHen I told other kids I was adopted they told me I was a liar and they thought it was "weird." Hence, I created a stigma for myself and have carried it throughout my life. Even though my family is great, I always felt like an outsider. Each of my cousins got a job right out of high school, got married and still live in the area. I went to college and got "outta Dodge" I know live across the country and live a great life with my husband and five children. My adoptive parents followed me out here and I think there is a resentment towards us now that we are out here. I met my birth mother near my 22nd birthday. She found me and called me out of the blue. I was later to find out that the woman who works at the adoption agency knew it was me she was looking for and told her exactly how to find me...another casualty of small town america :)) I was stunned and taken off guard and totally not prepared for this reunion. It ended very badly with me retreating and not speaking to her again. 12 years have passed and I recently reached out to her via letter and told her how I really felt about being adopted. Ironically, I now have two adopted daughters of my own and this circumstance is definitely the driving force behind my needing to reconcile these feelings of resentment that I have for being given up for adoption. Before anyone says it!!!!!.....I KNOW that adoption is the "ultimate gift of love" that it is self sacrificing to place your child up for adoption when you know that you can't provide for them! However, I have created this horrible issue within my self and am hoping to resolve it with another attempt at a reunion with my birth mother on MY TERMS. My question?? Is there anyone else that has a negative feeling in regards to their adoption. Has anyone had a reunion and it go VERY Badly??? How did you resolve it?
1 person likes this
1 response
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
30 Dec 09
Hi Jennawash, This is a great discussion and I hope you get some responses that can actually help you. I am not adopted so I can't really say how I'd feel but I'm sure that a part of me would always be curious as to just why I was put up for adoption. I might feel a bit resentful....not sure. I am sure that I would have to prepare myself emotionally before meeting up with my birth parents. What that woman at the adoption agency did was wrong....very wrong. You should have been contacted by them first and asked if you even were ready to meet her. That is usually how it is handled. You should have filed a complaint with the agency. Just because they are small town doesn't mean they can break the rules. I do think you will feel better if you reconcile with your mom and have a better meeting. I hope it all goes well for you. Again, great discussion. I really do hope you get some good advice here.