Confused.

@jimeny (640)
Israel
January 13, 2010 11:35am CST
My bf broke up with me about a year ago, he's the one that initiated the relationship, and he was the one to end it. We were still friends, and kept in touch through SMS (text messages), msn and whatever. As for now, he invited me to play WoW with him and his friends, and I do that and have fun, but now he's confusing me. Sometimes he 'flirt' with me, sometimes he's being a total a$$ to me. We had a conversation, and I learned from it that he don't really remember much about me, and I remember like 99% of the stuff he told me about him. Also, when I told him I got a web cam he got... a bit... TOO excited. So I really don't know how to react now. What do you think?
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12 responses
• United States
13 Jan 10
I would take this one real slow....sounds like he did not take your relationship too seriously before and now would like to hook up now and then...or play but still is not serious. So unless 'just playing' is what you are looking for, I would not be quick to walk down that road again. Best wishes!
@jimeny (640)
• Israel
13 Jan 10
You may be right... never thought of it that way before. Thanks for pointing that out.
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@andy77e (5170)
• United States
13 Jan 10
Well, I don't know you that well, but it seems like you are trying to read into his actions, things that may not be there. I can't answer this except to think, what would I do if I were you? Well, I would consider him gone. As in gone. I would assume his flirts mean nothing. After all, if he meant something by them, he wouldn't have ended the relationship. See, I think that sometimes girl try and read into things, stuff that isn't there. Guys are generally more direct and straight forward than many suggest. Back when I was going to my parents church, oh so many years ago, there was this girl there that I had been nice to. I'm nice to people because it's the right way to be, not because I have some hidden agenda. But this girl thought that there was some super secret message being sent, that I was attracted and interested in her. Then one time we went to an amusment part as a group, and she arranged for 'us' to be left alone. Six of us together riding rides, then suddenly 4 of them left and told us to have fun. Instantly it was just me and this girl alone. Being the amazingly quick guy that I am, still didn't catch on to what happened until the ride home that night. Sadly she figured out real quick that there was nothing between us, and never was. I hadn't intended to trick her into some grand scheme to break her heart. I had just been friendly to her, like anyone else. The same thing happened just two years ago, when I was working at a company and they hired on a girl. Nice girl, very pretty, but still no attraction, no interest, nothing like that. One day she asked to listen to my Ipod. My first thought was that she might steal it. Tells you where my mind was. But I let her borrow it anyway, and since I have a very peculiar taste in music, I asked if there was any songs she liked. She mentioned one song, and a few days later I saw the CD with the song, at the store. I bought it, and gave it to her as a little gift. Suddenly she thought I was 'Mr. Right', and was hounding me a date and all this stuff. I won't go into how that turned out, but the point is, she read into the action something that wasn't there. So what I would do, is simply accept what he has said and done to this point. He broke up with you. I would accept that, and assume everything else he does is just a guy being flirty. It doesn't mean anything else. When he matures enough to say specifically what he wants, or doesn't want, then I'll listen to him. Otherwise you are likely just creating your own heart break, like the two girls that read into my actions.
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@jimeny (640)
• Israel
14 Jan 10
I don't know. After all, we were together for about half a year... Maybe he doesn't mean anything, maybe he does... that's not the point. The point is that he DOES give conflicting signals, and I just don't know how to react to that. By the way, when buying a CD as a gift to a girl after she mention one song that she likes... If it wasnt her birthday... WHAT were you thinking? of course she's gonna think you're signaling something. Just my two cents.
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@andy77e (5170)
• United States
14 Jan 10
I guess in my mind, even if he does mean something, he's way violated any trust I would have had for him. Clearly he's not up to my level of dedication to make me bother with "well maybe he means something by that". I'm guessing he likely gave you signals before that you had some sort of special relationship, and now he can barely remember anything. Clearly he didn't mean it then. So if I was in your shoes, to me, regardless of what he thinks, I'd ignore it and assume it means nothing. Honestly you might be right. I just find that very sad. I can't do something nice for someone (unless it's a guy) without having them think it's a long term commit, or an attempt to get them in bed. Maybe you are right, and that's the way it is, but I think that's horrible. I don't want to screw them over. Nor confuse them. Nor try and get something in return. I just want to do something nice for a fellow human, and not have awful assumptions made about my motives. I kinda wish people could just handle someone being nice to them. Typically, these days I try and do things completely anonymously. Which that's fine, and I do not want "my arn't you a good boy!" type responses anyway. It's just sad that I *HAVE TO* do it that way because people can't handle knowing who did it without assuming I'm trying to 'score' or something. Unless of course it's a guy.
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@jimeny (640)
• Israel
14 Jan 10
Okay, I know what you mean... I too, been friendly toward some guys and they thougth there was something in it. After reading all the comments here, I think he really doesnt mean anything and only acts in aplayful way. So I'll just play along and have fun. Thanks for your replies.
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@ElsaElsa (327)
• United States
13 Jan 10
Well I think you need to ask yourself first and foremost whether you want to get back together with him? Do you like him still? Do you want to spend more time with him and be intimate with him? The important thing in all these questions is what YOU want. He maybe giving you mixed signals but it depends whether you are willing to get back with him or not. If you are, then respond similarly like flirt back etc. If you are not then treat him as you would a girlfriend. :)
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@jimeny (640)
• Israel
14 Jan 10
Well, I really don't know what I want. I like talking with him and playing with him, and sure, I feel comfortable to be intimate with him to some point... but that's because we were together once. I think that because it didn't work once, I'll just reject it if he does mean something. Don't wanna repeat the same mistake... Thanks for your advice!!! x3
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@ElsaElsa (327)
• United States
14 Jan 10
I think you do know what you want. It is not to make the same mistake twice. That train of thought will lead you to the right direction and decision. Just remembering it at the right time will be the true test. I think we as women like the attention we recieve from guys even ones that were past bfs. But to avoid another heart break we should learn from previous experiences. good luck.
@alikash (37)
• India
14 Jan 10
when you had broke up with him then whose fault in this . If his fault so dont move another time for him ..if urs so i would like to tell you go and live with him....
1 person likes this
• India
14 Jan 10
it seems that he is not at serious, getting in relationship with you.. he just wants you as his time pass.. dont mind my words but this can be the truth.. you might be nothing but a time paas for him.. dont be with him again and forget him.. he is not at all serious about you.. hope you will understand me and will try to maintain distance from him.. good luck..!!
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• India
14 Jan 10
I don't know what to say to u............ coz ur bf and my ex gf are acting more or less similar.............. though i initiated our relation and it went on smoothly for over a year until she wanted to end it........... and i didn't force anything and ended our relation............. that was 8 month ago............. suddenly she started contacting with me............... she is calling atleast twice a day ........... talking over 30min everytime........ she is giving me hints to restart our relations again............ yesterday she even asked me to meet her............ so we r in more or less similar region of life.... :) :)
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@iharidh (309)
• Indonesia
14 Jan 10
According to me, that is, from my point of view, you may sustain your communication way like that. I can say nothing wrong or problematic in that. But on top of that, you have to show him that you are living a different life now, apart from him as your ex lover. I didn't say that you have make a distance on him, but the thing is, if he loved you, even if you broke up (i must admit that this might happen sometime), he would never treat you like that. I also take the possibility that he still in a way to be connected with you, but i think that is not the way, especially when you say that he didn't remember much about you. I know that he was part of your life, but i think that there maybe some other better way to behave. Well, that's just my opinion though, i hope you can solve it.
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• Philippines
14 Jan 10
For me, i would say he is not serious with you anymore. Maybe all he wants is friendship.He flirts with you,well u know guys , they love to make fun of girls.Don't let him make fun of you. Im sure you are a pretty lady and theres lots of guys who will appreciate your beauty. Play by the ear (^_^) ...
• India
14 Jan 10
Hello, Sounds very simple, where is the scope of confusion here? It sounds like he never actually had a REAL relationship with you. Its you who was always serious and sincere about it. One mistake most of us make is that continue having relationships even after break up. That makes you more vulnerable day by day. A break up is not that easy. Its a slow and long process. A total detachment is possible only if you start to physically detach from him. I think, there should have been a sufficient time gap after the break up. We fail in relationships because we don't give a ruined relationship sufficient consideration. I think, as humans we have every right to make mistakes. But Learning from mistakes is always a much elevated achievement. God bless you
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@ykkkuan (59)
• China
14 Jan 10
Dear jimeny: I sank into familiar this kind of vague feeling to be honest. What you said that he did not really remember much about you, but you still remembered all about his stuff, at this point, you should not have tortured yourself unnecessarily. Love is a feeling of moments, it will definitely alter and decrease over time and moods. Have you seen a book about how to deal with love and coordinate with your better half named "Men are from Mars, Wonmen are form Venus"? If you are eager to discover the replies between yours problems, please make a reference to the book. Here is the most important thing comes from my own experience, which keep your attention on your family(After this lifetime, you will not see each other anymore)and your own career(It is completely your own responsibilities and decions, whether to eat shark fin or rice noodle ). We are not able to change others' thought, and we are not going to bare them mistakes either! Just enjoy what you want to live and wait the man who really make you understand that he love you~~ Good Lucy and Take Care!
@jilshi (271)
• Malaysia
14 Jan 10
I am sad to hear that your boyfriend forgots about the words he told you. Seems like he is not serious with you when dating. If i were you, i will not agree to be his girlfriend again. I am too scared to be hurt once more. Maybe both of you can keep a distance as a normal friend.
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@skysuccess (8882)
• Singapore
13 Jan 10
Dear jimeny, I just like to say that you got to play your cards the way it suits your life. It doesn't matter even if the whole world is turning left and you choose to turn right - seriously, it doesn't. As long as your final destination is clear and the clarity also extends towards how you want to maneuver your life - that will do. But the bottom line is that you must be extremely clear about your route you are going to undertake and be focus in your path. If you have already 'wasted' years, I think the least you could help yourself is to avoid adding more years to the 'wastage'. I don't think you want to end up realizing that the path you opt to take is but some short-lived passion and drop out of it halfway through your journey. This is your life my dear - only you know yourself best. Live your dreams and in turn, your dreams will inspire you to live. Take care and have a nice day.
@jimeny (640)
• Israel
13 Jan 10
Thanks for your response, i'll make sure to follow my dreams ^_^
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